Cranky Shit

My ire has returned, it came back nearly as fast as I could profess its dissipation. All it took was a by-line in the newspaper. The next few sentences that proceeded the by-line dumped gallons of kerosene on the fire.

Why is it that every time the Prime Minister opens his fool mouth, I get a headache?

That right wing “Baby Bush” wannabe in a cheaper suit, (That’s right Bitches… it’s your Daddy’s Boulevard club! You know… From Sears!) Stephen Harper has arrogantly intimated that we should prepare for a general election. His platform would be based on the erroneous belief that we should stay the course in Afghanistan. (God Damn, I really wish someone would smack the grin off of that man’s cocksure face. And while they’re at it, how about a whack or two at Rona Ambrose… Someone’s got to tell her that she’s nothing more than the new “less interesting” Belinda Stronach. It would be an act of compassion. A kindness I wouldn’t normally offer a conservative, but one I think she deserves.)

But I digress, I’m floored by the sheer audacity of Harper to try and make political hay over the war. It’s a cheap, grubby attempt to gather a majority in the House of Commons. More importantly, it further proves that he devaluates the lives of Canadian soldiers. All this says is “You are all dispensable, and the only importance you have is to fulfill my agenda.” This is shabby sir. You’ve become the fat cat you rallied against. Instead of abusing public funds, you differ only in that you abuse the public.

To Mr. Harper I say this, “prove me wrong!” How many of our soldiers have perished on your watch? How many more will die? What gives you the right to use them for your agenda? (Especially since you are a minority PM. Kinda ballsy, but kinda stupid too.)

Mr. Harper, you remind me of a stern and shrewish old nurse, holding out a spoon laden with cod liver oil, demanding that we take it for our own good. (Except the medicine is tainted in this case.)

What happened to the mission to help reconstruct Afghanistan’s infrastructure? Wasn’t that what we were supposed to be doing? Weren’t we supposed to be helping the Afghanis to learn to defend themselves from the Taliban? How did we wind up being an occupation force?

Didn’t we used to be peacekeepers? On behalf of this glorious nation, I would like to thank you for following America’s path. Thanks for chewing up the goodwill we had, and for replacing it with frustration and contempt. I agree that the Taliban needs to be excised from the face of the earth, but just plain ole killing them doesn’t seem to be working. Wouldn’t it reflect better on everyone involved if we were to say “HELP THESE FUCKING PEOPLE DIG OUT OF ABJECT POVERTY,”

Remember the parable about giving a man a fish vs. teaching a man to fish? Oddly it seems to work.

Stuff...

All has been pretty quiet lately. Gearing up for Xmas has pretty much put the brakes on the stuff that I like to rant about. Perhaps I’ve managed to imbibe myself on the highly commercialized, yet still enjoyable Xmas spirit. It’s likely that that is tempering my usual distemper. I want to rage, riot, and snarl, but I feel a lot like a junkyard dog who’s just been given a meaty hambone. My attention has been essentially diverted by a pleasant distraction. (For now…)

I know a lot of people who are down on Xmas. For the record, I don’t really like most of them. (Well about half of them…) I’m a sucker for this time of year. I love it. I love buying things for others. It’s fun, plain and simple. I wish everyday could be Xmas.

Other stuff…

I did a show in Bassano with Kevin McGrath and Paul Myerhaug on Saturday night. It was a content restricted show. (No swearing, or ahem… grotesque sexual content. Not my usual cup of tea by any stretch.) I was surprised at how well it went. The organizers were more than very accommodating. (An understatement for sure. They really bent over backwards for us. It would be a pleasant fiction to believe that all gigs should be this way.)

Our dressing room had been loaded down with snacks of all sorts, and they really worked hard at trying to make sure we were comfortable. They even had a proper stage with a decent spotlight. (Which is mighty rare at a corporate gig… usually it’s a karaoke machine and couple of pallets with a sheet of plywood on it.)

The crowd turned out in droves. There must have been close to 300 people. I tried to mill around a bit, but I find it hard to glad hand. I hate it soooo much. I always feel awkward. (Partially because people insist on telling you all the sordid minutia of their lives, or worse, a horrifically racist joke.)

It was nice to hook up with both Paul and Kevin. These two guys are some of my favourites in stand up land. Kevin and I wound up having a great conversation. I forgot how good a dude he really is.

More stuff…

I took the Golf in for some minor servicing this morning. (The annoying little yellow airbag light seems to be stuck on. I hate little yellow lights! For that matter, I pretty much hate yellow… Nothing good is yellow, with the notable exception of Lemon Meringue Pie. Which if made well can be quite lovely.) I have to say, the good people at Volkswagen were mighty nice, especially since I had to be there at 8 this morning.

Their car service took me to work this morning. (Actually it was an enormous passenger van…) The driver was a German. (Not too big a stretch that a German would work for VW I guess.) He was a hoot. At one point the car in front of us was speeding up and slowing down for no apparent reason. He screamed “I AM COMING FOR YOU NOW LADY.”

I roared with what can only be described as glee. The tone and pitch of his voice was brilliantly psychotic. This driver truly had an awesome sense of humour. (Or he was brilliantly psychotic for real… either way I was happy…)

Politics Abound...

Saturday was a weird day. It almost seemed like a day of renewal for Canadian politics. The Liberals picked a new leader, and most likely the wrong one. (Again! Damn it’s getting harder and harder to be a Liberal in this country. If it wasn’t for the fact that I find both the New Democrats and the Conservatives so smarmy and vacant, I’d head for different political waters…)

Stephan Dion, while certainly very nice, and clearly a man willing to put his money where his mouth is, seems too soft to get into the muck with Harpo and his cronies. Much like the Democrats in America, the grits here need a fighter, a fire brand if you will. Soft gets you nothing but second place.

Truth be told, the man to take down Harper is Ignatief. This is a man who understands the Conservatives, and has the gears of war in tow. More to the point, Ignatief is smarter than Harper, and they both know it. The fight between these two parties is likely going to be a full on fist fight. Regardless of who wins, both sides are going to get bloodied. (For some reason, I imagine Jack Layton weeping uncontrollably, and begging hysterically for the fight to stop… “Stop the punching… I’m going to pee myself, and Olivia is out of wet wipes…”)

Dion appears to be more of a Xmas present to the ruling Conservatives. Harper must be rubbing his hands with glee. (Like a fat kid peering in the window of the candy store…) He (quite correctly I suspect…) sees a Conservative majority on the horizon, and with that, the right time to unfurl his real agenda on the Canadian populace.

I could be wrong. Perhaps Dion is like a sleeping lion. Maybe the party is playing possum. “Look at us… all dishevelled and bent out of shape, we sure are easy pickings.” Perhaps the strategy is to use the entire spate of former leadership hopefuls as a sort of super team. (Much like the Super friends… but with dramatically fewer super powers…) Collectively they could blindside Harper. (Mind you, just about anything could… Like a flock of vegan lesbians hell bent on marriage… And that’s just for starters…)

Truthfully I want my Liberals to come out swinging. Beating the war drum, and ready to call Harper on everything. There is no time for niceties, not anymore, now is the time to meet every foul word in kind, and every sneer with the proper distain it deserves.

Other stuff…

I went and voted in the Alberta PC leadership race. In order to vote against the very sleazy Ted Morton, I had to join the party. (I felt more than queasy about this…) Normally it would be a very cold day in hell, but because this had an impact on who would be the Premier here, it had to be done. So… Till the end of this month, I am officially a PC.

I can hardly wait until the membership lapses. I suspect I’ll want to take a very long shower. Hmmm… I wonder if bleach can remove emotional dirt.

On the second of Jan, I will happily not be associated with any party again. (Well not in terms of membership…

More to come later…