Tucker Carlson

Tucker Carlson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Snappy bow tie. Perhaps later we can hook up with Wally and The Beaver, and get a malt from the soda jerk at the drugstore. If only dad wasn't so sore at me. Golly, maybe if get my homework done on time, I can stay up til 10 o'clock and watch a little Gunsmoke on TV. That sure would be sweet.

This guy is a walking, talking cliche.

12/14/04 Crappy Smokes and Maple Syrup...

I bought a pack of Dunhill cigarettes today. I must say, they are crap. Fully crap. There's no smooth rich flavor. They have an acidic taste, like what I imagine diesel would taste like. Bleeeech. Tomorrow, It's back to Camels. (The old reliable brand...) It's amazing what a crappy cigarette can do to your day. It's furled my brow dammit! As I might have mentioned, I tend to be a creature of habit, and my bad habits are not withstanding.

On to business...

So, still no reply to my invective email to Ann Coulter. I'm not holding my breath, but a part of me is dying to get a response. Regardless, I'm going to do everything I can to pick at her. She needs someone to hold her accountable for the shit that she barks out of her mouth. I elect me!

Who picks on Canada anyway? We are a nation of mostly happy go lucky people, without a chip on our collective shoulder. We don't stomp through other people's backyards, or leave a thumbprint on all the hot spots of the world. Frankly, It's just not our style. Our foreign policy leads us to peace keeping, and building schools in under developed nations. We don't blow them up, like (AHEM...) some countries do. I can't remember the last time an education budget was slashed to boost the military. I can, however, remember the complete opposite.

It's not that I think we can't get feisty, because I know we can. We just tend to let the situation warrant it first. It's a nice feeling knowing that you come from a country that still has some principles. That business interests haven't completely taken over the national sentiment. Sure we have our problems, like any other country, but I think overall, Canadian Ideology is sound. Thank heaven for that.

I just wish that more Canadians could see that. Regional differences mean shit in the scope of things. It gets a little tiring to hear different provinces bicker and threaten to separate. (This seems to be the Canadian equivalent of a Jihad...) We don't realize how lucky we really are. There are very few countries in the world, that can celebrate the kinds of achievements that we have accomplished. Still fewer that can say they live in as free a society. (Okay, the weather sucks here... and we can be a little wishy washy... )

Maybe we should give Sweden, New Zealand, Norway, and the Netherlands a ring. I bet you we could come up with The Axis of the Rational and Reasonably Grounded. Oh sure it doesn't sound like much, but I bet we wouldn't get into too much trouble. No one has ever been complimented to death. Although, that would be kind of funny.

Tucker Carlson (a host on Crossfire, and a right wing schmuck... who at 35 years of age wears a bow tie... but I digress...) was quoted as saying “Canadians with any ambition leave and come to the United States.” I couldn't disagree more. To me it's more like this, Canadians who sell themselves and their nation short move south.

He also half jokingly said that “Most Canadians are too busy dog sledding to get upset with our relationship with America.”

I hope he drowns in a vat of maple syrup.

End of Transmission.

12/13/04

Ever feel like there's something missing? There are parts of my life that seem to fit together really well, and then there are others that seem to be designed with only one intent, to tourment me.

My personal relationships seem to have gelled really well over the years ( especially Erin). I have good friends, and family, and they are the backbone of the life I choose to ground myself in. I have never needed to question that.

Lately, I've been urning to unfurl this chaotic mass swirling inside of me. I need to bust loose, but I'm not sure I know how. I keep thinking about that line from that Jack Nicholson movie... "What if this is as good as it gets?" If so, how do I reconcile that?

I want to be louder than anyone ever has. I want my voice to boom like thunder claps. I want to explode. I need to explode.

Perhaps it's time to switch gears for a while. I have been so focused on the things that surround me, I have spent far too little time giving my self a little "Soul Food." So far my 30's are more confusing than my 20's ever were. I'm not sure what that means. More to the point, I'm not sure if it even matters.

I find myself chomping at the bit. I feel a little like I'm waiting for something to start. I know I'm the one who has to do the starting, I just don't know where. I feel like I'm cleaning up after a party. How do you know where to start. It's all a little overwhelming.

It's time for a mental makeover. I think I'm gonna let myself spend some time re inventing me. Not with affectations, or deceptive ruses, just with the guy inside my skin.

This new year is filled with promise. I don't want to write another one of these "I need to change" blogs for quite some time.

End of Transmission

Fits Like a Glove...

Fits Like a Glove...
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/10/04 Nothing a heat seeking missile wouldn't fix...

Just a few more clever quips from the new Queen of Mean. Ann Coulter may actually be the Anit Christ!


"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, and the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

On Princess Diana's death: "Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of 'not a good mother.' ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children?"..."[Diana is] an ordinary and pathetic and confessional - I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am."---MSNBC 9/12/97

"If those kids had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one [child] gunman. ... Don't pray. Learn to use guns."---Politically Incorrect, 12/18/97

"The swing voters---I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster. "---Beyond the News, Fox News Channel, 6/4/00

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism."---MSNBC 2/8/97

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

ann coulter

ann coulter
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The picture says it all...

12/09/04 An open Fuck You to Ann Coulter

Click on the link to hear what Ann Coulter said about our country. I decided to write her back.


Ms.Coulter,

As a staunch and proud Canadian, I am appauled at the comments you recently made on Fox news about my country. Canada is trouble lately? Are you kidding me? We are a peaceful nation, and hold proud to the notion of finding solutions to problems without blowing up half of the brown people on planet earth.

It seems we always get called in to clean up your mess. I'm sure that Iraq will be no different. Our Convictions and freedoms are not for sale. It would be irresponsible for us not to object to a foolhardy war, especially when it's objectives have been suspect at best.

Happily, Canada is a free and democratic society, responsible for it's own decisions. We have prided ourselves in the past of being an ally to America. But we will not go blindly into the abyss. While we as a country were truly horrified by the terrorist attacks on your country, Let's be clear, they happend to your country. Your counter measures to fight terrorism are just that, YOURS. This, taken as a lesson would serve your country well. Even with that being said, we did send troops to Afganistan, and remain one of the largest forces there. (Despite the fact that American pilots are incapable of avoiding friendly fire accidents.)

As for protocol after 9/11, we took nearly 40,000 of your people into our homes after they were stranded in our country. I'd say that's pretty fucking good protocol. We supported them, and we supported you. You horrible ingrate. The next time you spill garbage out of your mouth, take the time to review the actual facts. You dishonour the acts of charity that the people of Gander, St.John's, Halifax, Vancouver, and Winnipeg did.(without question I might add.) The care the citizens of those places took in helping Americans deserves better than that.

All the lead, follow, or get out of the way chicanery that you and your country espouse serve to only to destroy America's standing in the world. This sad and blind devotion to American imperialism proves that you have no idea what it means to be a human being.

I really don't care that you cling to a system that rewards the rich, and continually fucks the poor. It matters little to Canadians that you have a president that has some trouble uttering simple language. I do care however when irresponsible people such as yourself shit on my country. Telling the world that my country is lucky to exist on the same continent as America is arrogant, and hateful. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's people like you, who foster the rift between our countries. It's time for you to take that silver spoon out of your ass, and take a look at the real world. Maybe you should step outside of the United States and find out why the rest of the world has become so resentful of your country. Perhaps there are some real, credible reasons for it. If most of your traditional allies aren't at the party, there might just be a problem.

So it comes to this. I am a professional stand up comedian, and I get a chance to speak to hundreds and sometimes thousands of people a week. It is now my mission to discredit everything that you have to say. From this moment on I will do everything I can to shred every piece of hateful nonsense that falls out of your pedantic, bigoted mouth. I will take great pleasure in it. I can't wait til my US tour.

Fuck you very much

Marcus C. Beaubier

Cross roads

Cross roads
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Robert Johnson

Robert Johnson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/08/04

Wow, do I ever feel like crap today. I didn’t sleep well last night. Sometime, over the last few days, I managed to lose a temporary filling. The pain is just enough to be annoying. Sharp, but not excruciating. It reminds me of when you accidentally smack your thumb. Dull at first, then a little sharper, and a little sharper, until it becomes a constant buzz. I feel almost punch drunk. If I were, I would have a concrete reason for feeling miserable. Dental pain is evil. I think I would rather be kicked, punched, and most likely pistol-whipped, than ever suffer dental pain again. I read somewhere that the Nazis used dentistry as a form of torture. I’m not surprised. It strikes me that it would be a brilliant way to extract information. (Sorry for the pun…)

I spent last night hanging out with Brett. I was glad to see him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. He used to claim that I was his voice of sober second thought, or more likely his social conscience. I’m not sure that he realizes that he’s as important to my character as I am to his. The foundations for what I have become as a person and as an entertainer, were built over the years of my friendship with him. Regardless of who we were, our friendship has made us both far more interesting people. He is as much a brother, as I could ever have hoped for.

I think I’m in a transition period in my life. The way I look at things has changed. I’m no longer afraid to contest things that bother me. I need to rage against the dying of the light. I feel as if there is a storm coming, and a big one at that! My head is exploding with new ideas, and I’m struggling to wrangle them into some sort of cohesive concept. My writing style is altering its course again, and it’s full steam ahead. With a bit of luck, maybe I’ll miss the iceberg looming in the inky darkness.

As of late, there are some things I find I need to say. They’re not new topics or concepts, but rather my take on a few things. I think I’m close to throwing away a lot of material. (Not that I mind too much… It’s getting stale anyway.) It’s time for me to get louder. In fact, the louder I get, the better. I now understand the legend of Robert Johnson. He met the devil at the crossroads, and sold his soul so he could play the blues. (At least according to the legend.)

While I have no intention of selling my soul per say, It’s time to rev it up. By the time I’m done, a lot of people will be scratching their heads and saying, “Did anyone get the license plate of the truck that just hit me?”

12/04/04 Waiting Around

So here I am, at work, staring blankly at the yellowish walls. Last night we had to power down our networks. Today, everything came up fine except the phone system. Apparently we slipped off of the PRI Voice link to Bell Canada. So now, I sit and wait until Bell repairs the problem. Not what I had in mind for a Saturday. I think I'd rather drive farming implements into my eye sockets than be here today. Oh well...

There's snow on the ground today, a far cry from yesterday's 9 degrees. I hate winter. Humanity should never have left Africa. Warm weather, monkeys to hang out with, what the hell were we thinking when we moved to more nothern climates. Stupid hominids. What's the worst thing a hairless ape can do? Move to a shitty snow infested rock heap.

Christmas is coming, and fast too. This year seems to have screamed by. I guess if you keep active, and have a busy year, you don't notice how fast the days slip on by. It seems like a lightning flash, but maybe it's just me.

Christmas in Calgary doesn't have the same charm that it did in Newfoundland. People here always seem rushed, and the few days off they do take, don't seem to have the same kind of reverance. St. John's at Christmas always had a feeling of hope to it. Like people were getting ready for a renewal. A time to relax and recharge before the challenges of the new year were set upon us. Perhaps, it's just the little things that make it different.

I used to love the Mount Cashel raffel, the Christian Brothers ringing the bells on Water Street, the turkeys in their pens, and the Crown and Anchor wheels spinning like mad. Christmas shopping was fun then. Mom and I would always hunker down to a plate of Chips, dressing and gravy, and make a plan on which store to hit next. Sooner or later, we'd hit the Arcade (a discount department store...) then off to the Avalon mall, like mad people.