Ever feel like there's something missing? There are parts of my life that seem to fit together really well, and then there are others that seem to be designed with only one intent, to tourment me.
My personal relationships seem to have gelled really well over the years ( especially Erin). I have good friends, and family, and they are the backbone of the life I choose to ground myself in. I have never needed to question that.
Lately, I've been urning to unfurl this chaotic mass swirling inside of me. I need to bust loose, but I'm not sure I know how. I keep thinking about that line from that Jack Nicholson movie... "What if this is as good as it gets?" If so, how do I reconcile that?
I want to be louder than anyone ever has. I want my voice to boom like thunder claps. I want to explode. I need to explode.
Perhaps it's time to switch gears for a while. I have been so focused on the things that surround me, I have spent far too little time giving my self a little "Soul Food." So far my 30's are more confusing than my 20's ever were. I'm not sure what that means. More to the point, I'm not sure if it even matters.
I find myself chomping at the bit. I feel a little like I'm waiting for something to start. I know I'm the one who has to do the starting, I just don't know where. I feel like I'm cleaning up after a party. How do you know where to start. It's all a little overwhelming.
It's time for a mental makeover. I think I'm gonna let myself spend some time re inventing me. Not with affectations, or deceptive ruses, just with the guy inside my skin.
This new year is filled with promise. I don't want to write another one of these "I need to change" blogs for quite some time.
End of Transmission
No comments:
Post a Comment