04/09/05

It's late, and as per usual, I'm sitting in front of the computer, trying to exorcise enough demons so I can close my eyes and rest. I've run myself down to a point where I actually saw stars and got a little dizzy. I'm pretty sure that's not a good sign. I had an orange and some coffee, which helped me out tremendously.

There is something tormenting me. I can't put my finger on it, but I can feel it chewing at the back of my brain. Maybe if I can figure it out, I'll begin to sleep like a little lamb.

It's 2:45, and I'm flipping channels. There isn't much on. Just a few re-runs of ancient “Just For Laughs” galas, and truly awful French soft-core porn. Either way there's a host of bad mustaches and people who generally have more hair than perhaps they should. God bless Bravo for giving the public the magical gift of ugly people fucking. (What a treat!!!) I guess any love is good love, even if it's hard to look at.

My day was shit. I was stressed to the max. A project I have been shepherding is giving me some grief. It's been a total gong show. There has been some outside interference that is making it more difficult than it really needs to be. My coworkers all noticed that I was out of sorts about it. Life would be great if we could live without external pressures. I think I need to live in a giant plastic bubble, or better yet, on an island that has not even the slightest shred of petty politics. I think I'm beginning to get a good understanding of the Amish. I'm willing to bet that besides the odd barn raising, life isn't really all that hectic around their parts. I bet they sleep better than I do too.

I think I need some time for me. I haven't really had much of it since I got back from Toronto. Any time I do get seems to be taken up by much needed sleep. I think I need a day or two of wandering around, and It's likely that I need to see some friends. For the first time in my life, all my close friends are scattered across the universe, and I am here away from them all. I'm just feeling a little lonely.

Maybe a trip to the museum would help. Feeding my brain usually helps. The physical manifestations of other people's thought, ideas, and feelings tend to ground me a little. It really doesn't matter if it's a sculpture, or a painting, or some dusty artifact, there's something about them that connects me to myself. I'm at a loss to explain why, it just does.

Maybe I look to the past for inspiration. Seeing the ingenuity of people from ancient cultures might very well be what entices me. Perhaps that requires further investigation.

I'd like to get good and stinking drunk too, but that is less likely to occur due to the new dietary restrictions.

Anyway I think I'm tired enough to crash.

End of Transmission