09/28/05 Hockey...

Sports Illustrated is projecting that the Calgary Flames will finish 1st overall in the hockey season. I couldn’t be more happy. My team is back. Hockey is back, and for the moment everything seems perfect.

My only bitch is this. It is now nearly impossible to get tickets. I got an email from the team’s marketing department, letting me know that they are having a lottery to purchase tickets. That sucks… It looks as if I’ll be just watching the games on TV this season. (Or deal with scalpers… Although I may have to resort to that just to get my fix.

Go Flames Go…

09/25/05 Just a quick update...

I just rose from a coma. I left the club right after my second set. Thanks to Carol Ann and Eamon, I made it home before I keeled over from exhaustion. I was feeling a little touch and go for most of the night. Strangely a couple of scotches seemed to keep me on track.

The first show went really, really well. I am using less material to get the job done. My bits are expanding nicely, and the show is getting much more personable than ever before. It’s less about the need to be funny, and more about the fact that I am funny. I’m finally starting to get what my contemporaries have been telling about letting my character loose, and it’s working.

Bill Macintosh, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite comics in the business, says that I’ve got a “Guy who’s come to fix the furnace” feel to my show. He’s says it’s blue collar, but clever. It’s more clever than the audience is expecting, and that’s why it works so well. It’s the first time someone has identified the character by name. I think he’s bang on too. But I think it requires a little more reflection on my part.

More to come later …

Jim White - No Such Place

Jim White - No Such Place
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is one of my favourite discs of all time. Jim White is a kooky alt.country artist from Florida. He has some of the best lyrics I have ever heard.

Check out the songs:
1) Handcuffed to a fence in Mississippi
2) The Wound That Never Heals
3) 10 Miles to Go on a 9 Mile road.

09/24/05 Happy Accidents with the Fireboy...

There are many things that I have wanted to be in my life, but I never was able to stick to just one. (Well until recently…) Society tells us that your average person will have six different career paths in their lifetime. That seems like a lot, but truthfully I have had many more than that… and likely will find more along the way.

Here is a brief list of the jobs I’ve tackled over the years. There are in not particular order. I thought about listing them from worst to best, but I decided it really didn’t matter too much.

1) Stand up comic. (My Favourite, and current vocation. Hopefully the one I will be attached to for the rest of my life.)
2) Photographer (This one was fun too, except when it came to taking pictures or pets or children… or some fucked up combination of the two.)
3) Video Editor / DVD Impressionist (I used to work for a scumbag who got his money from the mob. His name was Bill and he was the biggest liar I have ever met. At least once a day I had to politely explain to our clients that he was a “little off base”, and then give them more realistic answers to their questions. )
4) Key Grip / Best Boy (Right our of film school, I went to work on 5 features… then decided that I’d rather be in front of the camera than behind it.)
5) Merchandiser (I was caught up in some sort of strange Edwardian plot. I got married to the boss’s daughter… it didn’t go well…)
6) Movie store clerk (I loved this job… It was the slowest store on the planet… I watched movies all day…)
7) Record store guy. (I spent everything that I earned. I left with a kick ass music collection.)
8) Call centre manager (This one has been really good to me over the years. Esp. the one I work at now.)
9) Radio DJ (This one was voluntary… but I worked harder at this than most jobs.)
10) Construction worker (I hated this job.)
11) Computer geek (Being a mouse jockey was fun… but it got a little boring at times.)
12) McShitty’s grill guy (The worst job I have ever had. It sucked the life right out of me.)
13) Pizza Guy (This one was pretty shitty too. I hated rolling dough. The people who owned the joint were nice, but the people who worked there were only marginally less painful than what I imagine hauling razor wire across your crotch might be.)

So far I’ve had twice the amount of jobs that most people ever have in their lives. Only two of them have ever been what I would call career jobs. At no point would say McShitty’s is a vocation. In Darwin’s food chain, it’s barely a notch above bag lady. I find it sad when I see older people who work there. To me it’s a sign of resignation. I guess it beats eating Alpo and living on the streets, but there is something to be said for self respect too.

If I could ever give anyone some solid advice, it would be this. Never give up. Never accept defeat. Anyone can rise above that kind of mediocrity. In fact if you work for Mc Shitty’s or any other piece of shit fast food job… I beg of you… Rise up and slay your oppressive slave masters, bring a shit storm down on them. Turn it into a “Lord of the Flies” type thing. And while you’re at it… Burn the joint to the ground. Sure you’ll likely go to jail… But at least you can hold your head up high as you are escorted to your cell. Self-respect is within your grasp. All you have to do is reach for it. (Besides you’ll be doing society a solid in the process… and let’s face it… beheading someone with a spatula is a pretty funny concept.)

But I digress…

It’s odd how even as a child; we start to identify career paths. Usually there is an immediate gender bias (Insert blue for boys & pink for girls logic here.) As a child my ambitions were centred around being a cowboy, or a fireman, or more likely a hybrid of the two… (Fireboy… Fire Cow… Cowman… err… perhaps I’ll just move on here…)

I remember vividly tearing up the sidewalk on my little orange tricycle, dressed in a cowboy vest, cap guns in my holster, and a fireman’s helmet, and for the record, I was brilliant at making a siren noise. (Much to my parents chagrin…) It could be said that I was a weird child. (There are many would argue that not much has changed.)

A couple of years ago, I went back to see one of my old high school teachers. He often used to ask me in class if I thought I was a comedian. I think he thought he was being rather clever in dealing with my all to frequent outbursts. Happily I gave him my business card, and all he did was smirk. Perhaps it was his own inadvertent premonition, or maybe just maybe the joke was on him and he knew it. Either way I was amused.

I never intended to become a comic. It just sort of happened. At no point was it ever a longing desire. It was an pleasant accident, and the best surprise I could have ever imagined.

More to come later.

09/23/05 I Have Nightmares of Photostatic Clones

It was chilly this morning. Not in a terrible, unpleasant way, but in a sort of seemingly premature way. I had to take the bus this morning. I hate the bus. People always look like they’re on their way to some sort of grim business. The way some looked this morning, I half expected to see soldiers with dogs waiting at every stop, barking instructions in mock German at them as they extricated themselves from the vehicle.

It was truly a sombre lot for the most part. No one seemed to be ready to rush the day headlong. At no point was there a fear that the bus would break out into the chorus of “A Rush And Push and This Land is Ours…” Not that I can really say too much here. Mind you, I was in no real shape to give the world a “Fred Astaire” style heal kick either, but at least I had managed to get my motor started.

Before I left the house this morning, I gazed with frank disapproval at the black rings around my eyes. The person in the mirror didn’t look like me. It seemed more like a Xerox copy of me. The features were the same, but the details were fuzzy. (And it look like there was too much toner used…) I feel I have become exhaustion’s bitch. There is just too much to do before Sunday’s rest. I would kill for a nap… Just a little one… 20 minutes would do… and yet it doesn’t seem to appear in the cards.

We have spent the week looking after Erin’s parent’s place. They have a little white dog named Harvey. He’s a total spaz. He’s afraid of everything, and more specifically me. He looks at me like I have wronged him in some fashion. Well he did… Yesterday he and I had a breakthrough. We went for a couple of walks together, and he was playful and excited. It was nice. Later we both had a little nap. I conked out first, and when I woke up, I noticed that he had curled up in my lap.

I have a heap of shows this week. Tuesday I went to Banff with Kevin McGrath. He’s a good guy, but also an odd duck. But then again, who isn’t a little strange in the land of stand up?

Anyway More to come later…

09/16/05 Clash of The Titans

I have had the mixed fortune over the years to work with an odd assortment of people. You’d be hard pressed to come up with an oddity that would surprise me. From Tourettes Syndrome to Multiple personality disorder, I have seen it all. I am constantly amazed what passes for functional in our society. Make no mistake, I believe that everyone can and should offer something to society, but I have often questioned the judgment of the powers that be.

A prime example would be the previously mentioned case of Tourettes Syndrome. At one time I worked at a radio station in Newfoundland. We had struck what we thought would be a clever deal with social services. We would provide training and practical skills for those who would normally fall through the cracks and in return they would help fund our little community radio station. How could this possibly go wrong?

Well, this is how… Someone at social services decided to send a radio station someone who had no control over the words that escaped his lips. Either that caseworker had the best sense of humour in the history of mankind, or was a totally evil bastard. They wanted us to train this poor fellow as a “news reader…”

Now you can imagine how this might go horribly wrong. For the record, the thoughts currently connecting in your head as you read this are dead on. (In a sort of 2+2 = 4 kind of way.)

The end result was like some sort of grisly, fucked up traffic accident. You’d be surprised at just exactly how stupid you feel when trying to explain the situation to the CRTC. (It’s well past the point of having a dumb smirk on your face, and much more like realizing that you’ve just set your groin on fire… only 25 percent more painful…) It’s one of those moments, when it would have been much wiser to have just ripped up your broadcasting license on the spot, than sit there try and justify the scenario.

Anyway. For all the havoc that was cause, the poor fellow that was caught in the middle of it all was just a poor schmuck that was dealt a really shitty hand. For as difficult a situation as it was, it really wasn’t his fault. (Not by any stretch…)

He was (and I suppose still is…) a decent human, and seemingly good spirited fellow. I never heard him gripe once about his syndrome or it’s affects ever. Not once in the two years that I knew him.

Currently in my land of many hats, there is a woman who seems to be afflicted by her own sense of misery. From what I know of her, she is a single woman in her early 60’s. She’s rather plain and about as average as it gets, and judging her by appearance, she reminds me of a little white mouse. (In fact I think I’ll refer to her as The Misery Mouse from now on…)

There’s hardly a day that goes by, where she isn’t regaling me with some sordid tale of woe.

From deaths to strange medical emergencies, she somehow manages to run the whole gamut. There’s always some sort of tragedy on the horizon, and it always fills her with dread and sorrow. (To the point where she is unable to function…)

It’s gotten to the point where I find it difficult to talk to her. I find it soul crushing. I am totally unable to understand how anyone can be that hyper sensitive. It strikes me that you would rot to pieces trying to shoulder that much ugly emotion.

Anyway, I find it sad that an otherwise totally healthy person can ride the misery train, and a man with an affliction that severely hampers his social interactions whistles on his way to work.

Ain’t life fucked sometimes?

Calgary Cont'd - Sitting Eagle

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Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is my favourite statue in Calgary. Sitting Eagle was a native chief...

It just looks so strong and proud...

Calgary's Stephen Ave.

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Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is the lunchtime stroll area. At noon on any given weekday, 50,000 people come out on to the Ave.

There are a lot of buskers, and small little vendors on the Ave. There are a lot of panhandlers too...

The big white in the picture are supposed to be trees. Giant metal trees... Giant gaudy metal trees...

I really think ones made out of real wood and leaves would have been better.

Calgary Cont'd

DSC02726
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This used to be a Western Canadian based television station called A-Channel. IT got purchased by the Chum group in Toronto, and is now one of their affiliates.

I find it a little too slick looking for Calgary.

09/15/05 Calgary Pics

DSC02725
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is a picture of an access point to the plus 15 walkway.

For you non Calgarians, most of the office buildings in our city are connected by a network of skywalks.

It's also a neat, serpentine maze of shops, and services.

Notice the cowboy hat on the little guy? Sure it's a little goofy... but it speaks to our down home charm.

The Blog's first Birthday

Today is the first anniversary of this blog. Imagine… A whole year of stuff that has funneled out of my head, and I’m not sure if it’s really done me or anyone else any good. I know I have some dedicated readers; I’m just not sure how many.

I can only promise that the next year will track the changes in my life, much as the previous has. What adventures do I have in store for me? Who knows?

In the meantime, I think I need a cake and some streamers. Well okay, just the cake… truthfully I need little excuse to get me some cake.

Anyway here are some quotes that I’ve chosen to help celebrate.

“An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.” - Charles de Montesquieu, French lawyer & philosopher (1689 - 1755)

“Everyone has the obligation to ponder well his own specific traits of character. He must also regulate them adequately and not wonder whether someone else's traits might suit him better. The more definitely his own a man's character is, the better it fits him.” –Cicero, Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” - Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)

My Messy Desk

My Messy Desk
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is where this blog usually comes from. Sure it's a mess, but for some reason I find it comfortable.

I actually clean it up once in a while, but it takes exactly 10 seconds for me to turn it all upside down again.

The Stairwell of my Building.

DSC02719
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I thought this picture was neat.

09/12/05

Edmonton was good fun. The Friday shows were only about half full, but still managed to be pretty cool. I was a little uncomfortable in the first show, mostly because the stage is much higher than I am used to, and there is a notably strange echo. By the second show I was back up to speed, and it was all systems go after that.

The Saturday show was like a gift from the heavens. The club was packed to the gills, and the audience was ready to rock. Bill got them fast, and then Howie Miller went up and sealed the deal. This audience was pumped and primed. When I hit the stage, you could feel the electricity in the air, as it snapped and crackled, it was almost as if I had been hooked up to a Vander Graff generator. The audience exploded after the first joke, and I didn't look back after that. They were mine, and they new it.

It's moments like that where you understand why you do what you do. The communication was clear, and the intended receiver got the message. There was no error in the system, no fly in the ointment. For the first time in a while, I truly felt like a rock star. Stand up no longer feels like a hobby I get paid for. It now feels like a career.

Edmonton is a funny place. The people there really are great. (IF you exclude the area that we normally stay in… which can be a little dicey from time to time.) Edmontonians however have some obvious flaws, namely their pesky and insistent love of the Oilers. They cling to what was, and not what is. (But then as a Flames fan I am equally guilty…) But for all practical purposes they are fine people.

The city itself is fairly curious. The main drags are nice enough, but there are a lot of areas that look more like they had just been kinda slapped up. There's barely a lick of paint, or a dash of concrete to lace it all together. It looks a lot less like urban planning, and a lot more like a diorama created by some 6th grade C student (with a bad case of the shakes...) But then again, the river valley is stunning, and the Whyte Ave area is pretty damn funky. You can find what you want in Edmonton, and it seems like a nice place to live, but It's not the prettiest city overall.

The hotel they put us in is okay. In the past, the rooms have been reasonably comfortable, or at least clean (ish). I wish I could say that was the case this time. The carpet was stained, as were the walls. One wall in particular had a bit of a splatter on it. It could have been cola; it could have been blood, either way I'm pretty sure that CSI Edmonton probably should have come to take a peek before they gave me the room.

I did a little bit of shopping while I was there. I avoided the West Edmonton mall in favour of a few much smaller malls with mom and pop type stores in them. There wasn't much around, (Except for some real snazzy knock off hip-hop duds… For only the most frugal of the hard rhyming set…) so I took a jaunt over to a strip mall that had some larger anchor stores. I had the most luck though at Zellers. I found Dickies work shirts there for cheap. In the boutique shops they fetch 60 or 70 bucks. At Zellers, I found the very same shirts for a paltry $15.99. I snapped up a few, so now I'm set for the coming fall.

Saturday night after the show, I went down to Whyte Avenue for a bit. First I hit the Commercial Hotel. There was a blues band playing, but they really weren't all that interesting. (White folks playing the blues rarely is…) I decided to go for a walk down the bar strip. I came across a punk bar. Well really it was a seedy old warehouse that had some bands playing in it. I think the Kids thought I was a narc. I went in to see what was going on. The girl at the door asked me for ID. I gave it too her, and her eyes widened.

Punk Rock Girl: “You're 34…”

Me: Yes…

Punk Rock Girl: Wow… why are you here? Are you looking for your kid?

Me: I don't have any kids… I just like punk rock…

Punk Rock Girl: Cool… It's 3 bucks to get in…

Me: A bargain at twice the price…

Punk Rock Girl: Wah?

Me: Never mind…

And then I walked in. The smell of stale beer and sweat was overwhelming. It reminded me of old cheese. It was more pungent than I normally tend to enjoy. I had forgotten what a punk rock show smelled like. It had been a very long time. (Over a decade for sure.) Someone next to me started to puke, and it was at that moment I remembered why I stopped going. I grew up… It was a happy revelation.

Long gone are the days of hurling myself at high velocity towards the sea of bodies. The memories of poorly tuned guitars and stale punk politics have been replace by a sense of forward motion. The zeal I once had has mutated into something new. Optimism.

I think about the old halcyon days with great nostalgia. But I live in a much cooler place now. I live in a world where I am shaping my own destiny, and following my dreams. Punk rock was the start of beating my own path, and for that I owe something, but now I have out grown it's misguided idealism, in favour of my own newer misguided idealism. But at least it's mine.

I went back to my hotel with a smile on my face. I slept like a baby for once.

Me...

DSC02712
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This was taken for me by a very nice man in a Hell's Angels jacket... Happily he gave me the camera back...

Howie

DSC02713
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is another one of my pals in Edmonton. Howie Miller... He's a like a wind up toy... well... Like a wind up toy with a megaphone...

Winston

DSC02714
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is one of my favourite guys in Edmonton. His name is Winston Herbert... He's a super good dude...

09/10/05 The Edmonton Marquee

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Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

R2D2

09/09/05 More Stuff About me...

More Stuff About Me.

1) I have a deep-rooted love of Cheez Whiz. I know it’s evil and I don’t care. It’s got a sharpness that I like. I think it’s cause the fine people at Kraft put mustard in it.
2) I have a fixation over roller ball pens. The more fluid the ink, the better I like it.
3) My handwriting is terrible. Oddly though, my printing is fantastic.
4) I can recall the dumbest trivia in the world, but I can never remember my postal code.
5) I love potato chips… Just about any kind too… (With the notable exceptions of lamb in mint sauce flavour and ketchup… Which begs the question… Who the fuck came up with Lamb in mint sauce flavour? Those Brits are a bit wacky sometimes…)
6) I’m a pack rat. I can’t help myself. I come by it honestly though. My Grandmother was a pack rat too.
7) I like boxes. All shapes and sizes…
8) I have a terrible habit of reading too many books at once. Sometimes it gets a little confusing.
9) I am fanatically devoted to hockey, and more so to my team. Go Flames Go!
10) Sometimes when I’m thinking hard about something, I start to hum Christmas carols… I have no idea why…
11) I can be a little vindictive sometimes.
12) I miss my Grandparents a lot. They really helped me a lot. I wish I could have had a chance to repay them for everything.
13) I have a really morbid sense of humour.
14) I truly believe the greatest place on earth is my mother’s hometown. It’s a little fishing village in Newfoundland called Bay Bulls.
15) My Mother makes the best roast chicken in the whole world. It is my most favorite meal ever.
16) I love grape juice. Well anything grape really, like Jelly, soda, etc.
17) I love hot wings. The hotter the better, especially if it makes my sinuses clear.
18) I once managed to get my 9th grade teacher right in the forehead with a hot pink bingo dauber. It was worth the week of detentions.
19) R2D2 is my all time favorite Star Wars character.

09/09/05

The last few days have felt like an emotional roller coaster. The week started with me feeling pretty shitty. I have needed a change for some time, and this week that desire seemed to be overwhelming. I really felt like a bus had hit me. I had a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. My bones were aching, and I just couldn’t get the fog out of my head. I wasn’t myself at all.

It’s strange to me that when I’m feeling down that all the colours in the world get a drab like tint to them. I know in my head it’s just a perception thing, but it really doesn’t help my headspace in the slightest.

It was as if there was a terrific weight on my shoulders. The more I tried to fight it, the more it pressed down on me. Tuesday and Wednesday were truly hateful. If I had been able to stay in bed and hide under the covers, I would have. At least that way I would have gotten some rest.

Happily, the feeling began to break, and today I feel like my normal old self.

On to other stuff…

I’m heading off to Edmonton to play the weekend there. I’m pretty happy about it too. It’s been too long since the last time I played there. I really like it there. The crowds are usually enthusiastic, and they get good and rowdy… Just the way I like them.

I’ve been plugged into the weekend with Bill McIntosh and Kevin Stobo. I’ve worked with both of those guys a fair amount over the years, and I like them both. It should be a nice weekend in the club.

Anyway I need to sleep…

09/09/05 Modern Day Atlantis...

I feel badly for the people of New Orleans. Mother Nature kicked up her heals and left nothing but chaos in her wake. Once a city of historical significance is now a modern day Atlantis, all that remains are the flotsam of human tragedy, and the driftwood of its physical constructs.

I have a difficult time trying to imagine what these people must be going through. I’m sure I would be unable to cope, and I am amazed that people have reacted as well as they have. If it were me, I likely would be confined to a nut house by now.

I have been trying to avoid watching news stories about it. I find it too awful to watch. I made the mistake of flicking on CNN for a little while tonight, and my heart was filled with dread. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Boy With Grenade

boywithgrenade
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I find this picture both disturbing and fascinating. There is something about it that I can't put my finger on. Perhaps it's just that it's horrid.