There are many things that I have wanted to be in my life, but I never was able to stick to just one. (Well until recently…) Society tells us that your average person will have six different career paths in their lifetime. That seems like a lot, but truthfully I have had many more than that… and likely will find more along the way.
Here is a brief list of the jobs I’ve tackled over the years. There are in not particular order. I thought about listing them from worst to best, but I decided it really didn’t matter too much.
1) Stand up comic. (My Favourite, and current vocation. Hopefully the one I will be attached to for the rest of my life.)
2) Photographer (This one was fun too, except when it came to taking pictures or pets or children… or some fucked up combination of the two.)
3) Video Editor / DVD Impressionist (I used to work for a scumbag who got his money from the mob. His name was Bill and he was the biggest liar I have ever met. At least once a day I had to politely explain to our clients that he was a “little off base”, and then give them more realistic answers to their questions. )
4) Key Grip / Best Boy (Right our of film school, I went to work on 5 features… then decided that I’d rather be in front of the camera than behind it.)
5) Merchandiser (I was caught up in some sort of strange Edwardian plot. I got married to the boss’s daughter… it didn’t go well…)
6) Movie store clerk (I loved this job… It was the slowest store on the planet… I watched movies all day…)
7) Record store guy. (I spent everything that I earned. I left with a kick ass music collection.)
8) Call centre manager (This one has been really good to me over the years. Esp. the one I work at now.)
9) Radio DJ (This one was voluntary… but I worked harder at this than most jobs.)
10) Construction worker (I hated this job.)
11) Computer geek (Being a mouse jockey was fun… but it got a little boring at times.)
12) McShitty’s grill guy (The worst job I have ever had. It sucked the life right out of me.)
13) Pizza Guy (This one was pretty shitty too. I hated rolling dough. The people who owned the joint were nice, but the people who worked there were only marginally less painful than what I imagine hauling razor wire across your crotch might be.)
So far I’ve had twice the amount of jobs that most people ever have in their lives. Only two of them have ever been what I would call career jobs. At no point would say McShitty’s is a vocation. In Darwin’s food chain, it’s barely a notch above bag lady. I find it sad when I see older people who work there. To me it’s a sign of resignation. I guess it beats eating Alpo and living on the streets, but there is something to be said for self respect too.
If I could ever give anyone some solid advice, it would be this. Never give up. Never accept defeat. Anyone can rise above that kind of mediocrity. In fact if you work for Mc Shitty’s or any other piece of shit fast food job… I beg of you… Rise up and slay your oppressive slave masters, bring a shit storm down on them. Turn it into a “Lord of the Flies” type thing. And while you’re at it… Burn the joint to the ground. Sure you’ll likely go to jail… But at least you can hold your head up high as you are escorted to your cell. Self-respect is within your grasp. All you have to do is reach for it. (Besides you’ll be doing society a solid in the process… and let’s face it… beheading someone with a spatula is a pretty funny concept.)
But I digress…
It’s odd how even as a child; we start to identify career paths. Usually there is an immediate gender bias (Insert blue for boys & pink for girls logic here.) As a child my ambitions were centred around being a cowboy, or a fireman, or more likely a hybrid of the two… (Fireboy… Fire Cow… Cowman… err… perhaps I’ll just move on here…)
I remember vividly tearing up the sidewalk on my little orange tricycle, dressed in a cowboy vest, cap guns in my holster, and a fireman’s helmet, and for the record, I was brilliant at making a siren noise. (Much to my parents chagrin…) It could be said that I was a weird child. (There are many would argue that not much has changed.)
A couple of years ago, I went back to see one of my old high school teachers. He often used to ask me in class if I thought I was a comedian. I think he thought he was being rather clever in dealing with my all to frequent outbursts. Happily I gave him my business card, and all he did was smirk. Perhaps it was his own inadvertent premonition, or maybe just maybe the joke was on him and he knew it. Either way I was amused.
I never intended to become a comic. It just sort of happened. At no point was it ever a longing desire. It was an pleasant accident, and the best surprise I could have ever imagined.
More to come later.
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