11/18/05 Stop Me if You Think You've Heard This One Before...

When I was in college I had a classmate that refused to believe that man descended from apes. Now, he was a quite religious fellow, (Actually he was selectively religious… As I find most are…) and believed in the biblical creation story, including the whole Adam and Eve thing.

I was shocked. I had never met a creationist before. I nearly had to scrape my bottom lip off of the floor. I had always assumed that humans had figured that those stories were more about subtext and less about the literal plot line.

Shortly after that conversation with him, I traveled to the United States. I was in North Dakota, and low and behold I met another creationist, and then another, and another. I felt like I had been teleported to the middle ages. I wondered if I should bring up the “concept” of a globe shaped planet or discuss how the earth travels on an elliptical path around the sun.

Lately there has been a lot of debate about how life started on earth. There are three main camps, Evolutionists, Creationists, and those who believe in Intelligent Design. I would fall into the first camp. I’m a firm believer in science. Perhaps it comes from discoveries that lean very heavily towards Darwin’s theories. One needs only to gaze upon the Australopithecus and Neanderthal to see a distant relative of Homo sapiens.

In addition, given the racial diversity on this planet, I find it difficult to believe that someone (i.e. God) waved a magic wand and POOF… Suddenly there were whites and blacks, Asians and Aboriginals. It just seems too neat and tidy. Humans have struggled since the dawn of our existence, and it only makes sense that Mother Nature might have made some changes along the way to move us forward. (Some could argue that she did too much…)

That being said, I am always willing to entertain a debate. I figure in the grand scheme of things I know squat, zip, zero, nada. Challenge me… It will likely be good for both of us.

Creationists on the other hand reject science completely. (Well… At least in terms of how we got here… Cancer treatments on the other hand…). They believe that humans owe their existence to God. I take no issue with that belief… I figure if that’s what gets you through the day then good on you.

I do however have a problem with absolutes. Most creationists seem to totally unwilling to even entertain other ideas. I find that brings out the Doubting Thomas in me. Show me the holes… Convince me, or at least try to. (But please leave out the whole bible thing. It may be the word of God… But man wrote it down, and was bound to fuck it up regardless of how it was inspired…)

Using the same logic, serious diseases are God’s responsibility too.

God: I think I need a disease that liquefies internal organs. OOOH… and one that literally eats flesh… and hell why not something that causes cell replication go completely berserk… Oh I know… something that totally destroys immune systems…

As if someone who created and loves us could ever be that cruel…

The most interesting of the three camps seems to be those who embrace Intelligent Design. This in a nutshell is the compromise between creationists and evolutionists.
Basically it comes down to this. The world and all it’s creatures have evolved, but that evolution was planned by a higher power. (God… Little Grey aliens, Bootsy Collins…)
To my way of thinking this is nothing more than fence sitting. It’s like a shitty compromise forced on you by your parents on a family camping trip.

The biggest loophole in this theory is this. Intelligent Design implies ultimately that Paris Hilton, the entire cast of “Friends’, George Bush, and the manatee are all part of someone’s grand scheme.

If that is that is the case, there’s a higher power out there with some serious explaining to do. I could understand a hybrid of Paris and a manatee… I mean, who wouldn’t want to see that. (Although it could be argued that Nicole Ritche might actually be that hybrid…)

Perhaps it’s less of an actual plan, and more of the embodiment of a celestial sense of humour.

Grey #1: Hey Grink… Check this shit out… I call them humans…

Grey #2: No Fuckin’ way… That’s some crazy assed shit… You da bomb Sniglor… Humans… that’s too funny.

On behalf of the manatees (and myself…) I’d just like to say pick one… Then we can move along and evolve.