02/28/06

I think that where you live defines who you are. I’m not necessarily referring to geographic location, (Although geopolitical lines certainly come into play when reflecting attitudes…) but more so the type of place in which you live.

For instance, it strikes me that if you refer to your home as a “compound” then for all practical purposes you are probably nuts. Allow me to illustrate further…

David Koresh and his Branch Davidians lived in a compound. Those whackos in Waco were snug as a bug in a rug. At one point they had 85 people packed into their humble adobe.

The Kennedy’s with all their mellow drama, live in a compound too, not to mention the Aryan Nations, (Well actually they got they got it taken away from them… but they used to have one.) Phelps and his cronies have one, and there are scads and scads of militias that call them home sweet home too.

Generally people who live in compounds usually have something to hide. They’re also people who tend to exhibit extreme anti social behaviour. (See “Stockpile automatic weapons” and “polygamy”)

Next on the list of homes for the less than emotionally stable are ranches. Now here I don’t mean actually cattle ranches. My thinking here is more geared to those who refer to their home as a ranch. (Although I guess some of them would actually have cows and the like…)

Michael Jackson lives on a ranch. Charles Manson used to live on one too. Charlton Heston lives on a ranch, as do the Bushs, the Regans, and a veritable litany of other kooks.

Lastly anyone who lives in a shack is likely to be off kilter. The Unabomber lived in a shack, and that guy was fucked.

Anyway enough of this silliness…

02/26/06 More on Phelps...

Here is some more stuff to reinforce the last post.



This is an actual quote from the website...

"Diane Whipple, a filthy dyke, died in her sins on Jan. 26, 2001, as a result of being mauled by two dogs. God used literal dogs to kill a figurative dog - sodomites being likened unto dogs for beast-filthiness (Deut. 23:17, Mat. 7:6, Phil. 3:2, 2 Pet. 2:7,8,12,22; Rev. 22:15). Fags & dykes = dogs & sows. She lived like a beast, died like a beast, at the hands of beasts, and is mourned by a family of beasts! The wrath and fury that smote Diane Whipple - suddenly and violently ripping her throat out and casting her forthwith into the everlasting flames of Hell - is poised to similarly visit this evil sodomite-dominated nation in final overwhelming vengeance. Jer. 9:9. Sharon Smith (the dead dyke's lover) and Penny Whipple-Kelly (the dead dyke's guilty, dyke-pimp, mother-from-Hell) need a reality check. Diane is in Hell, and you will join her there - where you three will bitterly curse each other forever, as you gnaw your tongues in pain and blaspheme God. Flames of God's wrath will engulf you and fill your heads, bowels, and limbs. The same is happening to Diane now."



Another stellar quote...


"When Matthew Shepard died on October 12, 1998, every pervert in this country (from Bill Clinton on down) used his death as a soap box to promote so-called "gay rights." The reality is that Matthew Shepard died because he was trolling for strange flesh and meth. See The Big Laramie Project Lie. These same perverts ignored the vicious murder of 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising by two fags. In religious protest of this, WBC picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. And WBC held a memorial service for Jesse Dirkhising at his lonely grave. WBC does not support the murder of Matthew Shepard: "thou shalt not kill." Unless his killers repent, they will receive the same sentence that Matthew Shepard received - eternal fire. However, the truth about Matthew Shepard needs to be known. He lived a Satanic lifestyle. He got himself killed trolling for anonymous homosexual sex in a bar at midnight. Unless he repented in the final hours of his life (not likely since God had given him up! - Romans 1), He is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity, "where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched." Mark 9:44. For each day that passes, he has only eternity to look forward to. All the candlelight vigils, all the tributes, all the acts of Congress, all the rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States, will not shorten his sentence by so much as one day. And all the riches of the world will not buy him one drop of water to cool his tongue."

02/26/06 It's Time For Another Installment of

I am becoming more disappointed with the human condition. Instead of trying to live as civilized creatures in a functioning society, it appears more like we’re a bunch of wild animals drunk with stupidity, ready to gnaw the flesh off each other’s bones. (A little mellow dramatic I suppose, but not untrue…)

Sanity and rationality have been replaced with hatred and intolerance. How did we get to here? More importantly, is there a path back? Perhaps it’s time for Mother Nature to press the reset button. Maybe there’s some looming pandemic that might separate the wheat from the chaff, and enable us to carry on in more suitable manner. (So our species can survive…)

For people that are supposed to live in a “Christian” society, (mind you, the definition of the word Christian has become muddy and vague.) it sure seems like we’ve thrown away most of it’s more important directives. The notions of “live and let live”, and “do on to others” have evaporated from the moral lexicon that we’re supposed to share. Here’s a case in point.

There’s this crazy Baptist preacher in Topeka Kansas named Fred Phelps. Now old Fred who was originally from Mississippi is your fairly typical fire and brimstone kinda guy. He definitely fits more into that Southern “old time religion” sort. The problem is, when he gets imbibed on the Holy Spirit and decides to become a champion of values, bad things happen to good people.

Fred has a very nasty hobby… He likes to show up at the funerals of openly gay people and picket them. He and his merry band of retarded bigots protest funerals with no regard for those in mourning. Armed with megaphones and signs they insist on causing further pain and grief to those already dealing with loss.

Imagine this scene. People dressed in black suits, sombre music playing in the background, and the sobs of a mother being drown out by the likes of “Yer gonna burn in hell fag”, and “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Or my favorite “AIDS is God’s punishment for fags…” Not a pretty picture is it?

The ironic part is that this kind of nonsense transgresses a fairly hefty amount of Christian teaching. Keep in mind; it’s the same Christian teaching that Phelps is trying to espouse. This is blatant hypocrisy.

Now I’m not a violent man, but if someone did that to my friends or family, I would be beat their ass. I would enjoy it too. No one has the right to interfere in something as solemn and personal as a funeral.

Recently Phelps and company have started in with a new tactic… This time he’s protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers. His rationale is this (And it’s really fucked…) the soldiers dying in Iraq are part of God’s punishment for tolerating homosexuals in America society. He also claims events such as the September 11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina are caused by God because of this hatred.

Fred Phelps is to nature what consuming one's feces might be to a really bad hazing. Gross, anti social, and down right stupid.

If you wanna see for yourself just how evil this prick really is, just take a look at his website.

www.godhatesfags.com

Maybe send him an email and tell him what you think.

Go Finland Go...

So Canada’s out… Russia got their revenge. That really sucks. Mind you they looked less than inspired. Canada came into the tournament as the team to beat. It was ours to lose. (At least on paper.) It’s funny how “on paper” rarely seems to pan out.

My friend Daniel quite correctly pointed out back in December that they really weren’t a hungry bunch. That struck a nerve. (Daniel is good at that…) I like most Canadians was in a state of denial. Given our dominance in the last two World Competitions, It became an expectation that we’d win.

How could we not win? The talent pool was there. This is a team that was built to win. The level of depth was remarkable. In hindsight the problem is pretty obvious. This team had no heart.

The worst thing is that Hockey is part of our national psyche. It’s one of the few things in this country that revs our patriotism to hysterical levels. These are our warriors, and when they stumble, the entire nation feels it. It may seem trivial to some, but it’s what we’ve got.

This one is going to smart for a while, but there will be another day. 2010 is not that far away. Sidney Crosby and Dion Phaneuf are going to be pretty hungry. We will win again.

Until then… I hope Finland crushes Russia.

Go Canada Go!!!

Today was a bit of a squeeker. The Czechs put up a good fight. I suspect that tomorrow's clash with Russia is going to be a real nail biter. Russia's got heaps of talent, but we're equal to the challenge... As long as the real team Canada shows up.

I just hope the Americans beat Finland.(Although to me that's a lot like rooting for the fucking Oilers... Better the devil you do know I guess.)

Given the dodgey performances over the past couple of games, I'd rather see Team Canada face anyone else.

Go Canada Go!!!

It's fun to see when a punk band grows up. This is an excellent sophmore effort. Just buy it.

I'm an Asshole...

Friday was a bit of a trying day. Due to some annoyingly unforeseen circumstances, I wound up a little short for cash. (Well a lot short of cash…) I won’t get into the gory details, but it put me in a couple of rather embarrassing situations. While temporary, I had forgotten how shitty having no money can be. Hopefully the situation can be resolved shortly.

Normally that sort of thing just slides off me like water off a duck’s back, but this time it grinded out my last nerve. (I’ve never been one to stress about money… This whole thing was totally out of character for me…) I blew my top at an unsuspecting, but rather useless HMV employee. (Again avoiding the really gory, stupid, details…) It was like a fucked up cartoon. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. At one point I barked out “Get Your Fucking Manager…”

My eyes got wide and insane. The poor clerk actually flinched a little. I had reached that moment where I was so angry that I got silent for what seemed like an eternity… Then KABOOM… From that point a trail of expletives that would make a sailor blush streamed out of my mouth at warp speed. Now I have a reasonable vocabulary, and I’m a comic, so I managed to come up with some really new and immeasurable cusses. No cheap shots about parentage here. Nope not a one… Normally I would be proud of my abilities. This however was not one of those moments. Truthfully not one of my finer moments by any stretch…

I went over the edge. During the awkward silence that followed, I felt free. How odd is that? I felt like I had just liberated myself. Then as quick as the feeling came, it left… It was replaced by the feeling of a gnawing evil.

It was at that moment I realized two things. 1) I’m an asshole. 2) I’m the kind of asshole I hate. I was so fuelled by my own frustrations in that moment, that I totally ignored rationality, and lashed out at the finest help 7 bucks an hour can afford. I’ve never felt like that much of a dick before. (And I’ve done some pretty amazingly dickish things over the years…)

I went back and apologized to the clerk. For as hapless a schmo as he was, he didn’t deserve my ire. The only silver lining here is that I’ve discovered that at least I’m an asshole that can see the error of his ways.

Mind you I have no doubt that on some MSN spaces blog out there the clerk has recounted this story too… I doubt that I’ll look any better in that one either.

Other stuff…

The weekend in general however was pretty good. I managed to reign in my frustration, and actually take it easy. I have even managed to get a fair amount of rest. I guess I needed it too. Somehow I got really wound up, and these past couple of days seem to have helped to alleviate some of the tension I’ve been feeling.

Last week was full of meetings and very early mornings. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not an early riser. Generally I’m pretty cranky in the early morning. (At least until I get the day underway… then I do okay…)

This coming week has some really early days too, but at least there are no heavy duty, uber important meetings that come with it. Those can get a little long in the tooth fast. Hopefully this week will go more smoothly.

Anyway… Time to sleep.

Show Dates

Here’s something I have never done with this blog. Post show dates…

Feb 28, March 1,2,4 @ The Calgary Yuk Yuks. (I’m the emcee for these shows…)
Feb 11 @ The Red Deer Legion with Daniel Rock.

More to come…

02/12/06 More about those Fucking Cartoons...

Here is a little more to ponder about those blasted cartoons. Just a little something to root some context to the last post.

The consternation for many in the West is that of freedom of expression is being challenged. Many have said… “It’s not about the content of the cartoon… just the right to print it…” Which is a cop out. It’s nice to take a stand once in a while, but little, if nothing, has been said about responsibility. What would be truly heroic is to find something more than a pat response to use as a defense. Show some legitimate substance to the argument.

Yes it’s a right, but does that make it worth it to print them? Perhaps we could find something more useful for us to focus our attentions on. Like not treating the 3rd world like a piece of shit, or spending it fucking with people that have never fucked with us. It strikes me the world needs a new hobby.

The problem isn’t with the right to freedom of speech. The problem is the guy who made the cartoons in the first place is a total fucktard.

We offer Muslim countries a shining example of democracy, and yet we conveniently throw away one of it’s most basic tenets in an attempt to defend another. “The right to swing my arm ends when it hits your nose.”
That seems reasonable right? Apparently it doesn’t apply outside of the lands in western society’s political dominion.

Kinda makes the whole thing sound a little hypocritical if you ask me. We might as well say to the Middle East “Hey… we break the rules as we see fit. Ain’t democracy great?”

For a great many Muslims these stupid cartoons, (I suspect…) boil down to this, how much humiliation do they have to endure at the hands of the West. Apparently we’ve forgotten that they are human beings too.

The real and overwhelming issue here is the failure of both sides to reckon that their worlds are split between two seemingly irreconcilable views.

The west is looking down its nose, and Islam is unforgiving of transgression. It’s like watching two punch-drunk boxers wail on one another. Someone’s got to ring the bell. Both fighters need to go back to their corners and take a breather. Perhaps they can come back with something new to swing with. Those punches are getting old.

02/11/06 Everything You Know is Wrong...

I have decided to try something new. Every week,(until i get bored with it...) I'm going to post something called "Everything you know is wrong..." I'm going to take something from the news and bash the shit out of it. let's see how this goes... Hopefully it won't come off as arrogant. (But fuck it if it does...)

There are very few things that we as humans believe in that don’t have another side. We forget that our freedoms usually come with some sort of reciprocity. There is kinetic reaction that can sometimes be more damning that we first thought.

My favorite of these little mistruths is freedom of speech. We as westerners live in a world where free speech is a theoretical right. (Unless your words breach the Patriot act… Then Hello Camp Delta…) yet when this right is tested, the ramifications can be wholly chaotic.

Case in point. A Danish newspaper prints a series of racist cartoons, and with that manages to incite hysterical rage in the Middle East. People have been killed because of it. Imagine that… Killed because of a cartoon. Lives have ended because someone drew a picture that challenged a belief system. What kind of a world do we live in?

Could it just be me, or has this been totally blown out of proportion?

I understand that people could be insulted by the content of these cartoons. I’m an atheist and they insult me, but at not point would that motivate me to murder someone. Killing someone over this really seems a lot like overkill. Whatever happened to the concept of a strongly worded letter? Perhaps a phone call or two might have done the trick. I’ve pissed off a lot of people over the years with some of the things I’ve had to say, but at no point did I ever think I might get whacked for it. (Maybe the odd punch in the stomach…)

Perhaps though, the rational escapes me because I don’t live in that world. I don’t have that strong a belief in faith. My world is not restrictive. I don’t understand the way of life that comes from living elsewhere. My taxes don’t go to a government that insists I believe what they do. But does that excuse barbarism? Likely not.

I have other things that fill my life other than God. That alone makes these violent actions horrific to me. I am unable to wrap my head around that kind of rage. I would be hard pressed to get that angry about anything. Perhaps that’s a flaw in my own character.

But the people that printed the cartoons are equally responsible for those unfortunate deaths. There can ironically be a hefty price for freedom of speech. That may sound ludicrous, but in reality it’s true. It is important to realize that these cartoons were pointed at a faith that wholly rejects any kind of scrutiny. This is a faith that has inspired people in all too recent memory to strap on bombs and walk into crowded places. More specifically it’s a faith where some of its more extreme fundamentalist practitioners are inspired by martyrdom.

The newspaper responsible might as well have pointed fireworks at a giant can of gasoline. They just should have known better. I agree with their right to freedom of speech, (and will defend it…) but you would have had to know that this would be a grim Wile E. Coyote moment. They should have known there would be little rationality in the reaction to their printing. Why would you pick at those people? What did it serve to do?

People died, businesses that took years to build were destroyed, and a just about billion people want your heads. Speech isn’t all that free after all, is it?

02/06/06 Different Colour Tie... Same Bullshit lies...

“Have you ever gotten the feeling you’ve been cheated?”
-Johnny Rotten (From the Sex Pistols last American gig.)

That’s how we Canadians should feel. The Conservatives said they were going to bring change to government. (More specifically a positive change...) But it seems the best they could muster was a case of the “Same Old Shit…” After day one, a remarkably poor example of that change has already been made.

Given the fuss about Belinda Stronach crossing the floor to join the Liberals, and Stephen Harper declaring that would never be tolerated in The Conservative ranks, you’d figure that he’d mean it.

But apparently not, Harper’s first day in office started by announcing his cabinet, and in that cabinet was a former Liberal that his party enticed over with the promise of a ministry. Keep in mind that this is a man that was elected as a Liberal only two weeks earlier. Question: What’s the difference between Belinda Stronach and David Emerson?

Answer: NOTHING.

But that wasn’t enough. Then he announced that a current sitting senator with no House of Commons privileges would become a minister as well, a man who has no accountability in the House. Zero, Ziltch, Nada, None…

Well-played Mr. Harper… You sure suckered a lot of people. Nice change. I can’t wait to see your anti corruption legislation. That should be a hoot.

02/05/06 Football

This next statement will be considered by many to be sacrilege. I hate NFL football. It holds absolutely no appeal for me. I find it boring. I would rather watch flies fuck, or paint dry or even take a long haul off an ether bottle than spend the afternoon watching football. I don’t care who’s a good team, or who’s bad. I just don’t give a shit.

I realize I’m not making friends here, and frankly I’m okay with that. I think football should be replaced with something else. Something so super fantastic that really captures the imagination of the fans. I think it’s time we brought back the gladiators. Now there’s something I can get behind. Imagine the roar of the crowd with every clank of a sword. The ooh’s and ah’s when some poor bastard gets mauled would be like music to my years.

I would be in total glee, sitting there with my beer and popcorn watching the goriest of human blood sports. What’s more sporty than fighting for your very survival? I think it’s little coincidence that most football stadiums look a lot like the coliseum in Rome.

If you want to impress me don’t throw some stupid old hunk of pigskin, fight off a tiger instead. I’d pay big money to see athletes try and kill one another while avoiding the gnashing teeth of a carnivorous beast. That just makes the Super Bowl sound pretty lame to me.

Besides the skill involved in fighting with a net and trident is pretty impressive. Those are some pretty clumsy weapons.

Imagine the marketing opportunities too. There are billions to be made with this. Look at what Vince McMahon has managed with wrestling. Hell even UFC is doing well. I just think it’s about time to take it one step further.

02/04/06 Blog Problems...

After some really frustrating problems with this blog over the past few days, It has become even more apparent to me that Microsoft sucks ass. (Although I have espoused this for some time...)

Anyway... if you use Internet explorer to read this blog... well, it's gonna look like shit.(For the last build of i.e. for OS X. Although It seems to work okay in i.e. 6 for Windows...)

I suggest using the following.

Firefox, Netscape, Mozilla, Camino, or Opera. They all work correctly.

02/04/06 New on The ipod This Week...

So this album is what I'd call a fantastic surprise. I had never heard of Cat Power before. I just saw it at the play station at my favorite record store. After spinning it for a few minutes, I realized I had just struck gold.

It's a really moody record. It has a Portishead kind of feel to it. Chan Marshall's vocals drip with raw emotion, and the songs have a real personal feel to them.

This one's worth buying for sure.

02/01/06 Just some catching up...

So far it's been an interesting week. It started with me going into work on Monday in a suit. My only suit, which can best described as your typical conservative navy blue suit. It's nothing you'd call flashy or trendy. It's about as plain as it gets. It's the kind of suit that can get you lost in a crowd during the lunch throng of your average business district. I felt uncomfortable in it. I don't like suits, mostly because I don't like other people in suits. (Specifically strangers in suits… I always get the feeling they're up to something I wouldn't like too much.)

My coworkers and I got to meet the new owners of our little research company. We all got tarted up for the affair. (Or in my case, as best as I could muster.) I think the day went well enough. The folks from Montreal seem like really good people. I suspect they will be good to work for. It was really nice to see the gang all gussied up. Usually were a bit of a scrubby bunch. (Well not really, but not usually suit and tie type folks…)

Anyway, after a day of meetings, we held a cocktail party for people in our industry. In most ways it was your fairly typical meet and greet. It was a little strange for me at first; I'm really not much of a schmoozer, (Not in that circle so much…) but I managed to get into the swing of things after a bit. (Mind you, I think I was more concerned about how badly my feet hurt. God it felt like I had smacked them with a hammer repeatedly. My dress shoes look pretty good, but comfort was apparently not a major concern for their designer. I have never been happier to stomp around in bare feet than I was when I got home.)

Our counter parts from Edmonton came down to join in our festivities. I am finally able to put faces to the people I have been working with for the better part of a year.

Once things wrapped up, I popped into the Monday night open mike at Dicken's. All of my friends independent of each other asked me if I had been to a funeral. Apparently it' s bit of an anomaly to see me dressed up. But then again, I guess it doesn't happen that often. Given a choice, I'd rather wear an old work shirt, a pair of Vans and comfy jeans.

Anyway, on to other stuff…

Last night I had a show in Lethbridge. It was my first time on the road since December. It felt good to be out there, if only for the night. I have only done three shows since I got back from Newfoundland. This was the first one where the rust seemed to have been completely shaken off. It was nice to hear boisterous laughter again.

But truthfully I really needed that time away from the stage. Between the day job, and the increasingly busy schedule of October through December, I had managed to burn myself out. The last show I did before I left for Newfoundland was emotionally one of the hardest I've ever had to do. I was wasted. Totally flat, and I knew it too. There was barely anything left in the tank.

I didn't let loose with too much new stuff last night. I've got a few little nuggets to tinker with, but I don't want to let them out into the light of day just yet. I have a feeling that this year will bring some interesting stuff.

Today, I found out that I sold some stuff to XM satellite radio. I had no idea they had bought anything until someone handed me a cheque. It was a pleasant surprise for sure.

I have been slow to commit to gigs so far, but I feel like I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I have a gig in Red Deer next week with Johnny Guardhouse, and I'm looking forward to it. My hope for March is that I will hit the road a lot harder, and get some shit done. I'm hoping that I can hit Calgary, Edmonton, and Saskatchewan pretty soon. Hell I'm even willing to give my Nemesis Kelowna another go.

Anyway… I need to crash.

More to come.