The 44th President of The United States of America... Marcus C. Beaubier

Yesterday I wrote about President Bush. Lisa left a comment asking what I’d do if I were President of the United States. I thought about it, and this is what I came up with.

Now I realize that a lot of this is a little foolhardy. (Some might argue it as folly even.) However what’s wrong with having some principles? Imagine if elected officials did even just half of this stuff. Things would get a whole lot better.

Some of my American friends will likely say that it’s easy as a Canadian to be judgmental and self-righteous, and truthfully their right. I’m smug about it, and I don’t care.

Others may argue that America’s internal politics are not a Canadian’s business. I take exception with that. America has an enormous impact on my country. From Trade to entertainment, we are sewn together. (Not to mention many other countries get us confused when we travel… Why do you think Americans sew Canadian flags on their luggage?)

Anyway, if I were President of the United States, I would:

1) Act like a human being. I would not let my own greed or prejudices stand in the way of common decency. (Mind you this one is probably harder than it looks.)

2) I would admit to my failures rather than trying to affix blame or point fingers. (At least this way is more honest, and truly transparent…)

3) I would choose a cabinet that had no association to the big oil companies. (Or oil companies pretending to have expertise in infrastructure reconstruction…)

4) I would respect the judgment of my peers. (Especially those who have been long time allies. Sober second thought is never a bad idea.)

5) I would not act unilaterally. (Passing off “the Coalition of the willing” as legit was really sad…)

6) I would not permit the people of my armed services to torture, or humiliate foreign nationals, regardless of any legitimate charges placed upon them. (Camp X-Ray and Abu Gurab should be an enormous embarrassment to America. For a nation trying to sell western democracy, you’re sure doing a shit job of it. Let’s just throw away due process…)

7) I would pass a law forcing former Enron and Adelphia executives (or the next ones to fuck people like that...) to wear sandwich boards saying “I am a thief and a liar!!!” or “I’m a really, really, really greedy bastard and I stole your money!!!” and force them to work in soup kitchens. (I would make punishments fit the crime. I’m a big fan of creative sentencing... You should see what I have in mind for Trent Lott...)

8) I would listen to reason. (A little common sense never hurt anyone.)

9) I would not use revenge as a justification for anything. (Or as a bogus deflection so I could rob another country blind!)

10) Instead of paying lip service to the statement “No child left behind…” I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren't.

11) I would stop pretending that everything was Okay.

12) I would make a credible attempt at finding alternatives to oil. (I suspect the best way to render those “Terrorist” nations inert is to make their oil useless… or at the very least, buy from friendly nations.)

13) I would listen to the needs of my people. (After all, they’re the boss!)

14) I would try to remember that Government is for the people, by the people and of the people. (People should never be afraid of their government. Government should be afraid of it’s people…)