I pride myself on taking the time to listen when someone has something to say. I try to engage in acts of kindness once in a while (To prevent my soul from blackening further...) and I like to think that I have a sense of compassion. Lately it seems I'm being tested.
Against the better judgement of most of my friends, I give beggers a few coins, when I'm asked. I don't care too much if they buy booze or cigarettes with it. I figure life can be shitty, and I'm not about to judge people for how they cope with things. I may be an enabler, but I know there have been times in my own life, where some sort of anesthetic made things tolerable. I hope they buy things like food with the money, but I will not pass judgement if they don't. It's not my place. I have no understanding of their situtation. I could hazard a guess with a large degree of accuracy, but I don't.
Twice in the last couple of weeks I've had altercations with people I have given money to. The first took place outside of my favorite pub. I was getting into a cab, and a guy asked for some change. I gave him about 3 bucks.
Beggar #1: "It's not enough... I need more."
Me: "That's all the change I have..."
Beggar #1: "I bet there's more in that wallet..."
Me: " How about you give me back the 3 bucks I just gave you... Are you fuckin' kidding me... you're giving me a hard time after I gave you all my change..."
Beggar #1: "Just 2 bucks more... come on man"
Me: "Have you always been a miserable ingrate? How's about you Fuck Off !!!"
Then I drove away in the cab. I couldn't believe the gaul of this fucking guy.
Flash forward a week. I'm walking home, and I pass by a KFC. In the parking lot, there's a guy in coveralls, with a gash on his forehead. A well dressed woman exits the KFC with a box of chicken and hands it to him. He thanks her, and she slips him 5 bucks and gets into her car.
He asks me for some money. I indicate that i saw the woman give him 5 bucks. He says he's been beaten up, and from the looks of it he had been.
Beggar #2: "I'm trying to get home to Edmonton... I got jumped and my pack was stolen...I don't have anything besides this chicken and 12 dollars... can you help me out? I need 20 bucks to pay for the ticket..."
Me: "I guess so... WOW... So some guy jumped you and took your stuff... That's crazy shit... So Edmonton huh? where in Edmonton do you live?"
Beggar #2: "In London Derry..."
I have heard of the place, mostly because the Yuks club is in the London Derry mall. Feeling bad for this guy, I reach into my pocket and pull out a ten and 2 fives.
Beggar #2: "Thanks man... You've really helped me out of a jam... God bless you..."
and we parted company. I felt like I had done something decent. I had a sense that he was on the level. I couldn't have been more wrong. Apparently I have the word "Sucker" tatooed on my forehead. Four days later, I run to the Mac's to get some smokes. As I'm heading into the store, The same guy, starts in on the story. He doesn't recognize me, but I remember him.
Me: "Weren't you supposed to go to Edmonton? That's why I gave you 20 bucks the other day... "
Beggar #2: "Errrr... um... I got mugged..."
Me: "You mean like last time? When they took you pack? Mugged like that?"
Beggar #2: "Um... Yeah..."
Me: "You conned me... I gave you 20 bucks... "
Beggar #2: "So..."
Me: "Do you know what 20 bucks means to me? 90 minutes of my time... Do you know what that means?"
Beggar #2: "No Buddy I don't know what that means..."
Me: "That means you owe me 90 minutes of my life. What are you gonna do for me for 90 minutes? You con artist fuck!!!"
He ran away. I hope he felt like a bag of shit. I doubt it though. Now I remember why I give to charities, and not to schmucks on the street.
It breaks my heart when people try to reach out to help, and greed winds up being the only real motivation. I guess I just expect people to be honest and sincere. My bad. My naive ways are no more. I've become a little more temepered by bitterness. That's a sad comment to make.
Mind you, this won't stop me from be charitible when I can, but now, I'll volunteer my time for the cause, and make donations to agencies that help people with real problems.
Lesson learned.
End of Transmission
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