05/01/05

I’m tired today. I’m feeling a little run down. I woke up later than I wanted to. Erin came in and tried to rouse me at noon, but I was still in a mostly zombie like state at that point. Not even the first coffee of the day had any effect. If I had been anymore out of it I would have bolts in my neck, and a curious surgical scar running the length of my forehead.

I didn’t work out today, but rather opted for a walk to The Planet cafe. I figured since it was a good 30-minute walk from where I live, that I would get my daily-required exercise without having to lift weights. My arms already feel like they weight about a million pounds, and I would probably wind up pulling them out of their sockets in the process. (That scenario is a little too Looney Toons for me today…)

The Planet seems more sterile than the last time I was here. I used to take comfort in coming here. It was a bastion (one of the last…) for those who cherish the arts, and beacon for those of similar interests. Now it seems more like a place for the “Try Hards” and not the “Die Hards” of yore. It just doesn’t have the same kinda soul that it once did.

Perhaps I’ve just been away from it for too long. Maybe I’m just misty eyed for the “Good old days.” I hope that’s not it. That would suck. That would mean I’ve been infected by the curse of getting older, and suffering from the worst of its symptoms, being “outta touch.”

I’m not sure why that seems important to me, I should know better. It’s probably denial about getting older. I’m beginning to equate this whole aging thing with the death of the Peter Pan character living inside me. My best guess is that it’s a juvenile evasion of the adult priorities that life has handed me.

Damn it, I hate that. I hate that we get programmed to give up on all the fun things in life, so we can be secure. I hate that survival means no more shopping cart races down a giant hill, or getting really high and trying to climb craggy rocks. (I realize the stupidity of this… and yet it still makes me sad…)

This is starting to sound like I think that I’m a old man. I do not. I’m just starting to understand that I have some limitations. Some of them imposed by mother nature, and some self imposed, but limitations nonetheless.

Gone are the days of feeling totally indestructible. I feel only sort of indestructible these days. I’ve become Indestructible within what I call a given set of parameters. (Fuck that’s sad.) I think that’s why I like “Jackass” so much. It’s all the stupid things I’d love to do, (And in some cases have already done…but would willingly do again…) if I still had the bone density and the mettle.

Last night I watched the remake of the classic “Dawn of the Dead.” I must admit I loved it. It wasn’t really all that close to the original, but it sure was goofy fun. Then again, I’m a little biased I guess. I have always been a sucker for Zombie movies.

I remember when I was in my early teens, every Friday night Steve Guy and I would go to the video store and rent as many cheesy horror movies as we could watch, load up on gummy bears and other rotten treats and just vegetate.

I used to love it. Every chainsaw slash, every suspicious pool of blood, and every psychopathic mutant hell bent on revenge, all of it… It made me howl with laughter. It’s funny how that can seem innocent, (Being just about as graphic as violence can get…) but it was.