Don't Get VD!

Why do we really celebrate St.Valentine's Day? Every single person I know hates it. There's a level of bitterness towards this yearly event (Not holiday… No day off equals no holiday... Besides St. Patrick and his travelling snake act don't get one so why should good ole Valentine?) that makes even my head spin.

The first thing I noticed about this day, when I say it's name out loud, is that "Saint" has been all but completely truncated from the name, in favour of the less obviously religious Valentine's Day. This is dumb. The original point of the day was to honour a man who was murdered for his beliefs. (A martyr… that's kinda sexy…Right?) I'm not so sure that romantic love was ever intended to be celebrated on this day. "Hey Honey, did you hear? Valentine got torched on a stake, now let's fuck…)

How we got to roses, candies, and tacky cards with even tackier sayings is a real mystery to me. (Very much like, "Hey our Lord and Saviour has been born, let's cut down a tree, bring it in to the house, and cover it with shiny shit.") But you can bet that the chairman of the board and Hallmark gets pretty randy looking at all those sales figures.

Near as I can tell, this day is for the young, and those who are stunted emotionally. (Although I do know some seemingly rational and sane people who do enjoy the day…) "Red roses will best express my love… YEECH!)

Every Valentines Day I've ever had the interesting fortune to be apart of, has in a word Sucked! It's has the same level of expectations that New Year's Eve has, and just as much of the let down. (Baring of course, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre… which must have been a hoot. Nothing says lovin' like gangland reciprocity.)

Before I got married, I used to spend this blockbuster day going to the annual "Elvis Presley" impersonators at the Ship and Anchor. I always thought that was the perfect antithesis to Valentine's Day. Fake fat Elvis and I, getting smashed and both touching ourselves in a wildly inappropriate fashion. "Fools rush in my ass!"

For the record I hate cinnamon hearts for two reasons, 1) to me they taste like the crud that forms on the lip of the cough syrup bottle after it's been in the fridge for a few months. (Don't judge me!) And 2) that's not cinnamon, that's a crime. What retard invented this crap? Apparently taste buds were not factored in as a requirement of the job.