It's cold here. Not Nunavut cold, but cold enough for sure. The people who live that far up north need help. I would argue it to be a very special kind of help. The cold has clearly frozen them on the spot, and is sucking their will to live even as you read this. Hell, not even thoughts can form in that kind of cold. Having them live there is cruel. I wouldn't wish that on an enemy let alone some poor schmuck.
Whoever it was that decided to come settle in North America (I'm looking at you Vikings… and you too Plymouth Rock people…) really should have been shot for even suggesting it. Not just shot, but dragged into the town square and flogged mercilessly first, and then had a nice lemon juice and turpentine bath… and then shot!
Even better yet, strap the bastards naked to a tree in the dead of winter, and spray it down with a fire hose until all of them were encased in ice. That would have changed a mind or two I'm willing to bet.
Sure there are lots of historical arguments about "Religious Freedoms," and "Natural Resources" to consider when thinking about the initial migration to North America, but in the end, were they worth living and trying to function in a cold climate? I think not.
It was as if the early settlers (Lord Baltimore for instance…) came up along side the continent and said "Close enough Fuckers…" and then never bothered to look any further. They just stood there, scratching their frozen balls. "Well, this is a little colder than perhaps I would have liked, Hey… Why is Dave turning blue?"
The Spanish on the other hand, were smart enough to keep looking, and were rewarded for their efforts with Mexico and California. Meanwhile the French and English just kept bickering and shooting at one another. Sort of a "I claim this frozen chunk of crap for France" or "On behalf of Her majesty The Queen, I proclaim this to be our icy Hell Hole" kinda thing.
The older I get, the less and less I'm impressed with the cold. Sure global warming is making the winters here a little easier, but it's just not enough. Any number of degrees below zero is too many degrees below zero as far as I am concerned. There is snow in my car, and it refuses to melt. That's just not right.
No amount of wool or Gortex is ever going to satisfy me. I hate the cold. Plain and simple. The only thing I enjoy outdoors in the winter is a pick up game of hockey, and even then, picking the icicles out of my hair afterwards in not even close to my idea of fun. Humans were not designed for this.
Just once in our evolutionary path, could we skip trying to live outside of our ideal conditions?
Anyhoo enough Bitching for now…
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