Tucker Carlson

Tucker Carlson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Snappy bow tie. Perhaps later we can hook up with Wally and The Beaver, and get a malt from the soda jerk at the drugstore. If only dad wasn't so sore at me. Golly, maybe if get my homework done on time, I can stay up til 10 o'clock and watch a little Gunsmoke on TV. That sure would be sweet.

This guy is a walking, talking cliche.

12/14/04 Crappy Smokes and Maple Syrup...

I bought a pack of Dunhill cigarettes today. I must say, they are crap. Fully crap. There's no smooth rich flavor. They have an acidic taste, like what I imagine diesel would taste like. Bleeeech. Tomorrow, It's back to Camels. (The old reliable brand...) It's amazing what a crappy cigarette can do to your day. It's furled my brow dammit! As I might have mentioned, I tend to be a creature of habit, and my bad habits are not withstanding.

On to business...

So, still no reply to my invective email to Ann Coulter. I'm not holding my breath, but a part of me is dying to get a response. Regardless, I'm going to do everything I can to pick at her. She needs someone to hold her accountable for the shit that she barks out of her mouth. I elect me!

Who picks on Canada anyway? We are a nation of mostly happy go lucky people, without a chip on our collective shoulder. We don't stomp through other people's backyards, or leave a thumbprint on all the hot spots of the world. Frankly, It's just not our style. Our foreign policy leads us to peace keeping, and building schools in under developed nations. We don't blow them up, like (AHEM...) some countries do. I can't remember the last time an education budget was slashed to boost the military. I can, however, remember the complete opposite.

It's not that I think we can't get feisty, because I know we can. We just tend to let the situation warrant it first. It's a nice feeling knowing that you come from a country that still has some principles. That business interests haven't completely taken over the national sentiment. Sure we have our problems, like any other country, but I think overall, Canadian Ideology is sound. Thank heaven for that.

I just wish that more Canadians could see that. Regional differences mean shit in the scope of things. It gets a little tiring to hear different provinces bicker and threaten to separate. (This seems to be the Canadian equivalent of a Jihad...) We don't realize how lucky we really are. There are very few countries in the world, that can celebrate the kinds of achievements that we have accomplished. Still fewer that can say they live in as free a society. (Okay, the weather sucks here... and we can be a little wishy washy... )

Maybe we should give Sweden, New Zealand, Norway, and the Netherlands a ring. I bet you we could come up with The Axis of the Rational and Reasonably Grounded. Oh sure it doesn't sound like much, but I bet we wouldn't get into too much trouble. No one has ever been complimented to death. Although, that would be kind of funny.

Tucker Carlson (a host on Crossfire, and a right wing schmuck... who at 35 years of age wears a bow tie... but I digress...) was quoted as saying “Canadians with any ambition leave and come to the United States.” I couldn't disagree more. To me it's more like this, Canadians who sell themselves and their nation short move south.

He also half jokingly said that “Most Canadians are too busy dog sledding to get upset with our relationship with America.”

I hope he drowns in a vat of maple syrup.

End of Transmission.

12/13/04

Ever feel like there's something missing? There are parts of my life that seem to fit together really well, and then there are others that seem to be designed with only one intent, to tourment me.

My personal relationships seem to have gelled really well over the years ( especially Erin). I have good friends, and family, and they are the backbone of the life I choose to ground myself in. I have never needed to question that.

Lately, I've been urning to unfurl this chaotic mass swirling inside of me. I need to bust loose, but I'm not sure I know how. I keep thinking about that line from that Jack Nicholson movie... "What if this is as good as it gets?" If so, how do I reconcile that?

I want to be louder than anyone ever has. I want my voice to boom like thunder claps. I want to explode. I need to explode.

Perhaps it's time to switch gears for a while. I have been so focused on the things that surround me, I have spent far too little time giving my self a little "Soul Food." So far my 30's are more confusing than my 20's ever were. I'm not sure what that means. More to the point, I'm not sure if it even matters.

I find myself chomping at the bit. I feel a little like I'm waiting for something to start. I know I'm the one who has to do the starting, I just don't know where. I feel like I'm cleaning up after a party. How do you know where to start. It's all a little overwhelming.

It's time for a mental makeover. I think I'm gonna let myself spend some time re inventing me. Not with affectations, or deceptive ruses, just with the guy inside my skin.

This new year is filled with promise. I don't want to write another one of these "I need to change" blogs for quite some time.

End of Transmission

Fits Like a Glove...

Fits Like a Glove...
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/10/04 Nothing a heat seeking missile wouldn't fix...

Just a few more clever quips from the new Queen of Mean. Ann Coulter may actually be the Anit Christ!


"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, and the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

On Princess Diana's death: "Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of 'not a good mother.' ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children?"..."[Diana is] an ordinary and pathetic and confessional - I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am."---MSNBC 9/12/97

"If those kids had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one [child] gunman. ... Don't pray. Learn to use guns."---Politically Incorrect, 12/18/97

"The swing voters---I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster. "---Beyond the News, Fox News Channel, 6/4/00

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism."---MSNBC 2/8/97

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

ann coulter

ann coulter
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The picture says it all...

12/09/04 An open Fuck You to Ann Coulter

Click on the link to hear what Ann Coulter said about our country. I decided to write her back.


Ms.Coulter,

As a staunch and proud Canadian, I am appauled at the comments you recently made on Fox news about my country. Canada is trouble lately? Are you kidding me? We are a peaceful nation, and hold proud to the notion of finding solutions to problems without blowing up half of the brown people on planet earth.

It seems we always get called in to clean up your mess. I'm sure that Iraq will be no different. Our Convictions and freedoms are not for sale. It would be irresponsible for us not to object to a foolhardy war, especially when it's objectives have been suspect at best.

Happily, Canada is a free and democratic society, responsible for it's own decisions. We have prided ourselves in the past of being an ally to America. But we will not go blindly into the abyss. While we as a country were truly horrified by the terrorist attacks on your country, Let's be clear, they happend to your country. Your counter measures to fight terrorism are just that, YOURS. This, taken as a lesson would serve your country well. Even with that being said, we did send troops to Afganistan, and remain one of the largest forces there. (Despite the fact that American pilots are incapable of avoiding friendly fire accidents.)

As for protocol after 9/11, we took nearly 40,000 of your people into our homes after they were stranded in our country. I'd say that's pretty fucking good protocol. We supported them, and we supported you. You horrible ingrate. The next time you spill garbage out of your mouth, take the time to review the actual facts. You dishonour the acts of charity that the people of Gander, St.John's, Halifax, Vancouver, and Winnipeg did.(without question I might add.) The care the citizens of those places took in helping Americans deserves better than that.

All the lead, follow, or get out of the way chicanery that you and your country espouse serve to only to destroy America's standing in the world. This sad and blind devotion to American imperialism proves that you have no idea what it means to be a human being.

I really don't care that you cling to a system that rewards the rich, and continually fucks the poor. It matters little to Canadians that you have a president that has some trouble uttering simple language. I do care however when irresponsible people such as yourself shit on my country. Telling the world that my country is lucky to exist on the same continent as America is arrogant, and hateful. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's people like you, who foster the rift between our countries. It's time for you to take that silver spoon out of your ass, and take a look at the real world. Maybe you should step outside of the United States and find out why the rest of the world has become so resentful of your country. Perhaps there are some real, credible reasons for it. If most of your traditional allies aren't at the party, there might just be a problem.

So it comes to this. I am a professional stand up comedian, and I get a chance to speak to hundreds and sometimes thousands of people a week. It is now my mission to discredit everything that you have to say. From this moment on I will do everything I can to shred every piece of hateful nonsense that falls out of your pedantic, bigoted mouth. I will take great pleasure in it. I can't wait til my US tour.

Fuck you very much

Marcus C. Beaubier

Cross roads

Cross roads
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Robert Johnson

Robert Johnson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/08/04

Wow, do I ever feel like crap today. I didn’t sleep well last night. Sometime, over the last few days, I managed to lose a temporary filling. The pain is just enough to be annoying. Sharp, but not excruciating. It reminds me of when you accidentally smack your thumb. Dull at first, then a little sharper, and a little sharper, until it becomes a constant buzz. I feel almost punch drunk. If I were, I would have a concrete reason for feeling miserable. Dental pain is evil. I think I would rather be kicked, punched, and most likely pistol-whipped, than ever suffer dental pain again. I read somewhere that the Nazis used dentistry as a form of torture. I’m not surprised. It strikes me that it would be a brilliant way to extract information. (Sorry for the pun…)

I spent last night hanging out with Brett. I was glad to see him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. He used to claim that I was his voice of sober second thought, or more likely his social conscience. I’m not sure that he realizes that he’s as important to my character as I am to his. The foundations for what I have become as a person and as an entertainer, were built over the years of my friendship with him. Regardless of who we were, our friendship has made us both far more interesting people. He is as much a brother, as I could ever have hoped for.

I think I’m in a transition period in my life. The way I look at things has changed. I’m no longer afraid to contest things that bother me. I need to rage against the dying of the light. I feel as if there is a storm coming, and a big one at that! My head is exploding with new ideas, and I’m struggling to wrangle them into some sort of cohesive concept. My writing style is altering its course again, and it’s full steam ahead. With a bit of luck, maybe I’ll miss the iceberg looming in the inky darkness.

As of late, there are some things I find I need to say. They’re not new topics or concepts, but rather my take on a few things. I think I’m close to throwing away a lot of material. (Not that I mind too much… It’s getting stale anyway.) It’s time for me to get louder. In fact, the louder I get, the better. I now understand the legend of Robert Johnson. He met the devil at the crossroads, and sold his soul so he could play the blues. (At least according to the legend.)

While I have no intention of selling my soul per say, It’s time to rev it up. By the time I’m done, a lot of people will be scratching their heads and saying, “Did anyone get the license plate of the truck that just hit me?”

12/04/04 Waiting Around

So here I am, at work, staring blankly at the yellowish walls. Last night we had to power down our networks. Today, everything came up fine except the phone system. Apparently we slipped off of the PRI Voice link to Bell Canada. So now, I sit and wait until Bell repairs the problem. Not what I had in mind for a Saturday. I think I'd rather drive farming implements into my eye sockets than be here today. Oh well...

There's snow on the ground today, a far cry from yesterday's 9 degrees. I hate winter. Humanity should never have left Africa. Warm weather, monkeys to hang out with, what the hell were we thinking when we moved to more nothern climates. Stupid hominids. What's the worst thing a hairless ape can do? Move to a shitty snow infested rock heap.

Christmas is coming, and fast too. This year seems to have screamed by. I guess if you keep active, and have a busy year, you don't notice how fast the days slip on by. It seems like a lightning flash, but maybe it's just me.

Christmas in Calgary doesn't have the same charm that it did in Newfoundland. People here always seem rushed, and the few days off they do take, don't seem to have the same kind of reverance. St. John's at Christmas always had a feeling of hope to it. Like people were getting ready for a renewal. A time to relax and recharge before the challenges of the new year were set upon us. Perhaps, it's just the little things that make it different.

I used to love the Mount Cashel raffel, the Christian Brothers ringing the bells on Water Street, the turkeys in their pens, and the Crown and Anchor wheels spinning like mad. Christmas shopping was fun then. Mom and I would always hunker down to a plate of Chips, dressing and gravy, and make a plan on which store to hit next. Sooner or later, we'd hit the Arcade (a discount department store...) then off to the Avalon mall, like mad people.

Camp Xray Coin

camp xray coin2
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

What kind of Nazi crap is this? Who mints a coin to celebrate the incarceration of prisoners? "Yay, we made a concentration camp!!! let's make a coin!!!"
People starve and die in the streets, and someone wasted time and fiscal resources on this shit.

11/30/04 The Right to Flick Poo... And Take a Boo at Janet Jackson's Unmentionables...

I had a maintenance day today. I got a haircut, and went to the dentist. My teeth are finally sparkling and shiny. I decided to have a bit of a mental break too. I went to a movie with my sister Charlotte and bought the new U2 cd. All in all, it was a good day.

The U2 cd is great. I bought the special edition. It came with a book, and inside its pages are pictures, and other odd scribbling. There was also something very curious. This quirky reliquary was hiding a copy of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Oddly, I had been kicking around the idea of writing something about this. In fact, I had copied some of its articles yesterday. Life has a funny way of pushing you in a direction sometimes.

What are the Universal Declaration of Human rights you ask? Well, this is it.

On December 10, 1948 the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Following this historic act the Assembly called upon all Member countries to publicize the text of the Declaration and "to cause it to be disseminated, displayed, read and expounded principally in schools and other educational institutions, without distinction based on the political status of countries or territories."

In a nutshell, it was a document designed to propagate the concept that all human beings share basic, fundamental rights.

Here are just a few for your consideration.

Article 12. No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

(This one is largely ignored in North America these days... Especially if you are brown skinned, or speak out against the clampdown on civil liberties. New laws make it totally legal for you to be spied on. They can read your email, listen to your phone conversations, etc. George Orwell hit the bull's-eye with 1984.)

Article 19. Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

(This one too... It went poof in the wind. For example, we should be able to see Janet Jackson's tit on TV. People are capable of making their own decisions. On Remembrance Day, American Television networks balked at the idea of show "Saving Private Ryan" because of it's strong content. Regardless of the fact that they showed it the year previous, they caved in to the morality police. It falls into the new "Janet's tit" laws for public decency. They hardly equate with each other, and yet legally they do. Some people will argue about community standards. I would argue that remote controls were made for a reason. Okay there's a lot more going on here, but I though I'd keep it simple.)

Article 20. (1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association. (2) No one may be compelled to belong to an association.

(Hmmm... I'm sensing a pattern here! You should take a gander at the homeland security act sometime. There are some pretty sneaky things going on there. The police can now legally break up any gathering they see fit. For any reason they can concoct.)

Article 25. Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.

(We haven't just throw this one away... We set it on fire first. We live with a different set of rules. The first, and most important is this. “It's all about me... me me me me me me...” and second... “Fuck the poor.”)

What's truly sad is this. This declaration has become nothing more than lip service. The United Nations is wholly incapable of enforcing any of this upon its membership. Not that it's likely that they would want it that way. Their failure is humanity's undoing.

Quite frankly I'm surprised sometimes that we haven't regressed to the point where we throw our poo at one another. Then again it might be more effective. Lord knows I've had that compulsion lately.

End of Transmission

U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is a fantastic record. U2 have out done themselves. Hooky, Clever and well crafted. it's stunning. Oh hell, Just go and buy it!!!

11/28/04 Some blogs you should check out...

Here are some blogs written by friends of mine... you should take a peek.

danielrock.blogspot.com

peteranthony.blogspot.com

darylmakk.blogspot.com

misterjaded.blogspot.com

mickey

mickey
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I bet Disney will never make this t-shirt in their sweatshops.

walmart

walmart
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

the right hand of the "Evil Empire"?

11/28/04 Uncle Walt Goes to Walmart...

Last night was great! I had two really strong shows. Big laughs and applause breaks. It was great. I felt good on stage, I felt well prepared. David Crowe was pretty good, but not as good as he was the last time I saw him. He seemed restrained. It was like he was holding back.

Dana Alexander had a great first show, but they were less kind to her in the second. It was a very strong performance, but the crowd was not as excited about her. I'm not sure why. I thought it was great.

Brett and Peter are coming home this week. I'm excited. I really miss my friends. I'm glad that their globetrotting has been a good teacher to them, but life here seems stale without them.
(At least in the comedy world...)

There's been a strange kind of feeling in the air here lately. It's almost electric. It's as if something's about to happen. I'm not sure what it could be, but it feels like something huge. With my luck, it will be an earthquake, but I'll nap through the whole damn thing.

My parents will be here in about two weeks. That's really cool. I haven't spent Christmas with them since 1998. This Christmas will rock for sure.

Speaking of Christmas. Erin and I went to a thing at the Altadore Baptist church. It was a lecture about ethical spending. It was quite good. The guest speaker (who's name escapes me...) was a little nervous, but I thought she did a good job of putting a human face on the topic. Her approach was to offer some information, and let you make up your own mind about it. I liked that. I wish I could do that. Mind you, I have a lot more fun flying off the handle about things. It's as much of a release of frustration as it is social awareness for me.

I think it makes a lot of sense to find out just exactly whom you are giving your money to. Companies like Wal-Mart, Disney, and others do some really rotten things to people in developing countries, and in some cases are just as rotten to people here in North America.

Wal-Mart is the largest retailer on the planet, and they have more lawsuits against them than any other corporation in North America. They employ unfair labour practices, and shamelessly circumvent labour laws. I will no longer give them anymore of my money. The same thing goes for the House of Mouse. I'm willing to bet that Walt Disney is spinning in his grave so fast you could use him as a fan.

Taking advantage of the poor is a hateful crime. People in sweatshops get the shaft. Working for pennies an hour, getting beaten for washroom breaks, and being systematically kept poor, so they can't do anything else ever! The sad part is that these companies do it so we as consumers can keep up with the Jones', not to mention, so they can reap insane profits.

I saw the news footage of Black Friday. (The biggest shopping day in America.) There were People lining up a 5:30 in the morning to shop. TO SHOP. That's fucked up!!! Boxing day here will be the same for sure.

We can have all the things we want, and still make a difference in the lives of these people. We need to tell companies that they need to play fair to get our hard earned bucks. Don't get me wrong, I like stuff. Shiny stuff, gizmo stuff, heck... stuff in general, but I realize that ethics are just as important. I'm willing to take the time to be a little more discerning about where things come from, how they were made and by whom.

If we take the time to pressure companies, we can force them to change. I'm not against profit. Quite to opposite in fact. I like money, it's a useful tool, and having it sure makes life easier, but getting it through exploitation is a whole other matter. There is no need for it. Not now, not ever!!!

End of Transmission

Mario Savio

Mario Savio
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

11/25/04 Vlad the wealthy Dentist, and Greener pastures or Getting Grumpy with The Machine...

Wow, did last night ever suck. A real shitty show for me. I was screwing up jokes, dropping punches and shooting myself in the foot. I really should not have been on that stage. Someone told me once that I should learn something new everytime I step on to that stage. I think I learned that when I'm tired, I tend to get really sloppy on stage.

On to other business...

I'm getting tired of my dentist. I see him once a week. I'm begining to wonder what a life was like without him. I'm going to my sixth appointment in less than a month. Good grief... Here's a piece of advice for you all. Take care of your teeth. Root canals are about as much fun as I imagine prison rape can be. These disciples of Vlad the Impailer charge the most unconceivable prices. They make used car salesmen and Vegas casino hustlers seem like straight shooters. So far the bill has topped 1000 bucks, and there's a pile more to come. It must have been a former dentist that decided to purchase those rusty death trap subs of ours. Only those guys would think a billion dollars for a somewhat dented and flaming sub is a good deal. Dammit, I should have gone to dental school.

NEXT!!!

Some of my friends have questioned my vote for the Green party. (esp. since I tend to be a Liberal supporter...)I know they don't have a hope in hell of getting elected in Alberta, (or the rest of the country for that matter...) But I like a lot of what they stand for, like Social pragmatism. Helping to the best that you are able. What a novel concept!!! I like the idea of reasonable support for those who can't help themselves. I like the idea of looking after the environment. I'm thrilled with the idea of Big Business being told "no" once in a while. Mostly though, I'm sick that the other parties have gotten used to counting on the votes of people like me.

I've gotten tired of voting for the lesser of evils. Tired of voting for people who don't give a crap. The major parties in this country have become complacent and out of touch. We let them misplace priorities with embarassing frequency. Instead of taking care of education, healthcare, and childcare for the working poor, they revel like greedy children in their "surplus". I can almost picture them dancing and rubbing the cash all over themselves.

Here's a Newsflash! A surplus is a sign of poor governance. The government says it doesn't want to be in business, but this whole governing for a profit thing, kinda defys that logic. It's time to put the money back. Let's face it... It's our money, let's put it to good use. (Getting a little back wouldn't hurt most of us either...)

This is an excerpt taken from a speech by Mario Savio, a Free Speech Movement figure, at Berkeley in 1968:

"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part, you can't even tacitly take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you are free, the machine will be prevented from working at all."

end of transmission

11/23/04 And the Winner is...

Well, election night is over in Alberta. The Tories win again. 10th time in a row. Not that anyone is surprised. Ralph Klein wins, and the poor lose, again!

The Liberals made a good stab at it. So did the New Democrats. I voted green this time around. It felt good too. It felt like a giant monkey was lifted off my back. No more will I vote defensively. Nope, not me. From now on, I'm voting with my conscience. Someone has to.

more later.

11/20/04 That Damn Neighbour Kid is in the Yard Again!!!

Bush is coming to Canada. Yipeeeeeee! I could almost shit a kitten with excitment. All the photo opps, and the pagentry, I'm rubbing my hands with glee over the prospects.This is gonna be a doozey, and I can't wait to see the chaos. I love the smell of rethoric in the morning. I can barely contain myself.

Just one thing!

Is it just me, or is our media is making it seem like we should feel privleged? like finally we have been deemed worthy enough to have the chief Banana Republican come and inspect us. Perhaps we can hold out our hands like children, you know... to make sure they're clean and all.

Our media has been trying to convince us of how great this is gonna be. Integrity has all but evaporated where this topic is concerned. It's a gong show waiting to happen. You can almost here a calliope cranking out circus music in the background. Bush is coming, let's all play nice, so America will love us again. We can be America junior again. We just have to kiss a little more ass. What a message! The worst part is the government wants you to buy into it.

Fuck that! This is a cultural crime... an act of near Treason! It's time for Canadians to buy into something else. Namely being Canadian. We have an opportunity to be a leader in the post 911 world. A voice of reason and sanity that the world will listen to.

Why the hell should we tie ourselves to America? Yes, they are our biggest trading partner, but so what? Are they going to stop needing the things we have. I don't think so. Just ask the Chinese, They have a dismal political relationship, and yet billions and billions of dollars worth of goods moves between the two countries uninterrupted.

The real truth is this. America needs us more than we need them. They know it too. Why do you think it became perrmissible for Canadian companies to bid on reconstruction projects in Iraq? Because the Bush administration wanted to kiss and make up? Not likely.

To me, this little vist reminds me more of the time that Elvis Presley wanted to be a drug enforcement officer, only to be caught dead on the shitter with his pants around his knees. It seems we have a horrible tendency these days of picking the loser. Shame really, we were just starting to get interesting as a country.

We shouldn't get too excited over this visit for other reasons too. Let's face it, the man is trouble. Everywhere he goes, he draws an angry mob. That's gotta tell you something! People throwing rocks, burning flags etc.. He's the unwelcome guest at the party, you know... the one that always manages to piss everybody off to the point where a fight breaks out. With friends like this who needs enemies?

Oh well, Perhaps we'll all just hold hands and sing the international equilivant of Cumbaya.

End Of Transmission.

A gift that keeps on giving!

A gift that keeps on giving!
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is a picture from that beating. I hope that MATTHEW GLENN NEWMAN and ANDREW HILDERMAN feel like shit. They should. Perhaps they'll get pissed on in jail. One can only hope...

11/18/04 Bum Fights and Black Eyes...

The cover of the Calgary Herald today, had pictures from a video taken by thugs beating and urinating on a homeless man. White teenagers beating a native man for no reason other than he was an easy target. The video shows them laughing between kicks. What clever little piggys they are.

This whole thing is like The Lord of the Flies on acid. The one mental defective taping this little orgy of hate was fully of suggestions. "Piss on his face... Kick him again..." and his empty minded soldiers obliged. These little shit heads wanted to post the video on the internet so the world could marvel at this violent, vulgar and despicable act. It amazes me how people need to display their hatred and revel in it like a pig in it's own filth.

Today Matthew Glen Newman and Andrew Hilderman, two of the five responsible for this incident, were sentenced to 6 months in jail. The judge called it "a cruel and degrading assault." That stikes me as the understatement of the year. That's like saying Hitler was "pesky" and that America is the bastion of democracy.

These little fuckers got off way too easy. 6 months... 6 years would have been getting off easy as far as I'm concerned. What they did is way beyond barbaric. It was sociopathic, hateful and beyond normal human comprehension. Just when I think we as Canadians have progressed as a society... something like this gets loose. Tada!!! We fucked our own credibilty again.

I can't blame them too much, I mean... hell, he was just lying there, in the alley sleeping. How dare he lie there, minding his own business. Just who the fuck does he think he is anyway? Who wouldn't want to punish this man for just existing.

What kind of fucking monsters are we breeding? The paper said their mothers were crying. I have no doubt. I would too. In fact, I'm near tears as I type this.

The victim is a man named Kelly Littlelight. A man who was already down on his luck. A man living on the streets. A man who was ultimately treated worse than the lowest piece of shit. He deserves better than this. He deserves the right to have a say in their punishment. (Make no mistake... these people need to be punished... This is not about rehabilitation...It's about justice, and sometimes there just needs to be an eye for an eye to make things right. )

I hope these little cowards have a fun time in jail. Maybe we could make videos of them in the joint. I'd love to post that on the internet.

Calgary

calgary
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I thought I'd show you my city.

20 Canadian Dollars

20 Canadian Dollars
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

If I ever see that guy again, I think I shall demand my 20 dollars back.

I may have to stand on his begging turf with a megaphone. I'm not below that. Not at all. I'm willing to embarass this guy.

It's not about the money. It about being a sneaky fucker and taking advantage of someone's good nature.

11/18/04 Churning Butter From The Milk Of Human Kindness...

I pride myself on taking the time to listen when someone has something to say. I try to engage in acts of kindness once in a while (To prevent my soul from blackening further...) and I like to think that I have a sense of compassion. Lately it seems I'm being tested.

Against the better judgement of most of my friends, I give beggers a few coins, when I'm asked. I don't care too much if they buy booze or cigarettes with it. I figure life can be shitty, and I'm not about to judge people for how they cope with things. I may be an enabler, but I know there have been times in my own life, where some sort of anesthetic made things tolerable. I hope they buy things like food with the money, but I will not pass judgement if they don't. It's not my place. I have no understanding of their situtation. I could hazard a guess with a large degree of accuracy, but I don't.

Twice in the last couple of weeks I've had altercations with people I have given money to. The first took place outside of my favorite pub. I was getting into a cab, and a guy asked for some change. I gave him about 3 bucks.

Beggar #1: "It's not enough... I need more."

Me: "That's all the change I have..."

Beggar #1: "I bet there's more in that wallet..."

Me: " How about you give me back the 3 bucks I just gave you... Are you fuckin' kidding me... you're giving me a hard time after I gave you all my change..."

Beggar #1: "Just 2 bucks more... come on man"

Me: "Have you always been a miserable ingrate? How's about you Fuck Off !!!"

Then I drove away in the cab. I couldn't believe the gaul of this fucking guy.

Flash forward a week. I'm walking home, and I pass by a KFC. In the parking lot, there's a guy in coveralls, with a gash on his forehead. A well dressed woman exits the KFC with a box of chicken and hands it to him. He thanks her, and she slips him 5 bucks and gets into her car.

He asks me for some money. I indicate that i saw the woman give him 5 bucks. He says he's been beaten up, and from the looks of it he had been.

Beggar #2: "I'm trying to get home to Edmonton... I got jumped and my pack was stolen...I don't have anything besides this chicken and 12 dollars... can you help me out? I need 20 bucks to pay for the ticket..."

Me: "I guess so... WOW... So some guy jumped you and took your stuff... That's crazy shit... So Edmonton huh? where in Edmonton do you live?"

Beggar #2: "In London Derry..."

I have heard of the place, mostly because the Yuks club is in the London Derry mall. Feeling bad for this guy, I reach into my pocket and pull out a ten and 2 fives.

Beggar #2: "Thanks man... You've really helped me out of a jam... God bless you..."

and we parted company. I felt like I had done something decent. I had a sense that he was on the level. I couldn't have been more wrong. Apparently I have the word "Sucker" tatooed on my forehead. Four days later, I run to the Mac's to get some smokes. As I'm heading into the store, The same guy, starts in on the story. He doesn't recognize me, but I remember him.

Me: "Weren't you supposed to go to Edmonton? That's why I gave you 20 bucks the other day... "

Beggar #2: "Errrr... um... I got mugged..."

Me: "You mean like last time? When they took you pack? Mugged like that?"

Beggar #2: "Um... Yeah..."

Me: "You conned me... I gave you 20 bucks... "

Beggar #2: "So..."

Me: "Do you know what 20 bucks means to me? 90 minutes of my time... Do you know what that means?"

Beggar #2: "No Buddy I don't know what that means..."

Me: "That means you owe me 90 minutes of my life. What are you gonna do for me for 90 minutes? You con artist fuck!!!"

He ran away. I hope he felt like a bag of shit. I doubt it though. Now I remember why I give to charities, and not to schmucks on the street.

It breaks my heart when people try to reach out to help, and greed winds up being the only real motivation. I guess I just expect people to be honest and sincere. My bad. My naive ways are no more. I've become a little more temepered by bitterness. That's a sad comment to make.

Mind you, this won't stop me from be charitible when I can, but now, I'll volunteer my time for the cause, and make donations to agencies that help people with real problems.

Lesson learned.

End of Transmission

11/16/04

Well, It's 14 days after the US election, and the rats are leaving the ship already. Ashcroft is out (and the fans go wild...) and now Powell too. For the record, there is no healing here. There is no reaching out to all those who voted for the Democrats. Nope, It's nothing more than a great big fuck you! The American Left is going to be punished. I'm sure Bush and his usual gang of miscreants are gleefully rubbing their hands together and snickering, all the while trying to weigh out what punitive measures will be used to bone the remaining Democrats. (Smithers, Release the hounds!!!) I'll give Bush this... For a guy who's dumb like stick, he sure managed to save his ass, and frighten the shit out of the electorate. Negative reinforcement works. It's a shitty way to get a job, but it works.

Bush is now moving at warp speed to marshal his buddies into formation.(Almost like evil ducks...) Rice gets a new job, replacing Powell (Poor Bastard, I don't think he realized that they were going to castrate him. ), and Cheney and Rumsfeld get to remain in control. This administration is building a wall around itself, and no one is going to be the better for it.

This term in the White House looks as if it might play out like one of those Jack T. Chick Bible tracts. (You know... Those freaky little bible comics that you find at gas station washrooms...) I suspect there are going to be some nutty legacy projects. Most of them involving religious agencies and organizations. There was a great quote on The Daily Show, the day after the election. "If you like to go to Libraries, or have gay sex, this is your last night to do either."

It's no wonder Iran has decided to play nice for now. I would too... Cause Bush is crazy, and now he has 4 more years to blow the fuck out of every little country he decides might have weapons of mass hysteria. 4 more years to crush Labour unions, Lower wages, drive the debt up, and worst of all give lots and lots of money to the people that put him there.

I wonder how it feels to know that Haliburton, Chevron, and The Royal House of Saud are calling the shots. It's sad to know that the policeman of the world in on the take. it's even sadder to know that there's no one to even call him on it.

I like America. I like Americans. I enjoy spending my time and money in their country. San Francisco, Vegas, Hawaii, Florida, I love them all. I can't say that I've ever been treated poorly, or even rudely. I have always tended to think of America as Canada's big brother. I think this is why I'm so disappointed. There was an opportunity to show the world a different face. They chose not to.

End of Transmission

Shit that makes me cranky...

Here is a list of things that really get my dander up. I have listed them in no particular order.

1) Right wing politicians, (esp. those with a Christian bias. They always let their faith be the moral compass, and I gotta say, it never ever points to magnetic north.)

2) People who snap their fingers at the bartender to get service. (Service doesn’t mean slavery! Nor does it give you premission to be rude.)

3) Anyone who says "I’m not Racist...But..."

4) Anyone who can’t grasp this equation Talk – Action = Zero

5) People who don’t try to better themselves in some fashion.

6) People who get too excited about working out in the gym.

7) Dr. Phil

8) The name Wanda (I’ve always hated the way that sounded. I’ve met Wandas I’ve liked as people... but the name sounds ugly to me. )

9) The colour teal.

10) Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, and Brooks and Dunn

11) The current cast of Saturday Night Live.

12) Anyone (aside from friends and family) who gets on my case about being a smoker.


13) Air Canada (I could go on for hours about them.)

14) Anyone who hassles the homeless. (Shame on you. Until you know their circumstances, you have no right to say a damn word.)

15) People who trash the concept of "same sex marriage." (It’s really not your business, nor should it ever be. Just because the tenents of your faith have issues with it, doesn’t give you the right to impose them on other people’s happiness. Remember, you’re not the one getting married to someone of the same gender. So shut the fuck up.)

16) The use of the terms BLING, Chunk of Change, or Good Coin (age)

17) Jehovah’s witnesses (not because of having faith. Just that faith in particular.)

18) People who don’t swear. (at least occasionally...)

19) The name Wayne (see the Wanda entry.)

20) People who drive SUV’s and don’t need them (esp if they have a little Crucifish on the back.)

21) Ron Popeil From RONCO

22) The Boston Red Socks / The Atlanta Braves

23) Judas Priest

24) Any movie with Hillary Duff in a lead role.

25) People who soup up Honda Civics, and think they drive Ferrari’s

26) Brussel Sprouts

27) CNN

28) FOX NEWS

29) Anyone who takes themselves way, way, way too seriously.

30) NASA

31) People who use Seinfeld dialogue in everyday conversation (DAMN TBS and their constant re-runs...)

32) Anyone who consistantly makes quotation marks with their fingers when they are trying to make a point about something.

33) American Idol, Canadian Idol, (Really, Any fucking Idol from Any fucking where)

More to come....

ME

ME
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Me, and from the looks of it, I'm ready to settle into a long winter's rant.

Hellboy

Hellboy
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

As i'm sure I mentioned before I'm a huge geek. I like comic books. I have always liked comic books. I think it's because there are no shades of grey in terms of theme. There is only Black and White, Right and Wrong.

Lately I have been enjoying Hellboy.

Check it out!

A homeless woman

A homeless woman
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This breaks my heart in two. North America is the wealthiest society on the planet, and it can't muster enough decency to take care of it's own citizens. (at least not with any real conviction...)

Have we really become that morally bankrupt?

11/12/04 I have a few Ideas...

I have recently discovered that I hate something more than "reality" shows. Yup it's true... I hate home makeover shows more. I'm floored by the near ferral veracity of the people who watch this crap. These are the kind of people that refer to the hosts by their first names, and get excited over fabric swatches.(and likely pretend that it's okay that there are black people living next to them...) I could see myself getting into a show about restoring a grand old building, but I would rather watch flies fuck, than say, watch people painting someone's shitter a new shade of seafoam green.

The men who wind up on this show, are the type that perpetuate what I like to call "Ray Romano" syndrome. Pussy whipped and desperate. These poor Immasculated bastards have lost the battle for equality in their relationships.

While we're on the topic (ish) of "reality" T.V.

Could someone (anyone!?!) please tell Donald Trump to fuck off? That show of his is nothing more than a miserable testament to greed. ( and a smoldering piece of shit.) I swear with God as my witness that the next person I hear utter "You're Fired!" is going to get shovel right between the eyes.

However, I have a few concepts in mind, that would be great "Reality" Shows, allow me to Illustrate.

1) "The Let's Take Nick and Jessica Hunting Show" This is more of a (ahem...) one shot deal, but the ratings would be huge. As an added bonus, The planet would have 2 less oxygen theives.

2) "The This Show Sucks Show" This is a little looser. Every week, we get PETA, Chuck D, Greenpeace, and an army of squeegee kids to crash shitty shows. Imagine this as the TV guide description, "Look out Punk'd, and America's funniest Home Videos, We're gonna bust a cap in your ass." (Watching Ashton Kutcher bleed from the ass, well that kinda irony might kill me...)

3) "That Homeless Guy" Each week, producers find a person living on the streets, and then ACTUALLY help him / her. That would be the best show ever. They give them healthcare, a job, and get them the help needed to rejoin society.

4) "I'm With Ashcroft..." seeing the success of "I'm with Busey" This one has winner written all over it. We follow him to job interviews, Klan meetings, and the KFC. Smells like good TV to me...

5) "Good Samaritan" This show is designed to incite change. Imagine a show where all the participants have to do acts of charity once a day. (Hell, I'd be happy with once a week! ) There's nothing like appealing to a WASP's sense of guilt to get things done. Perhaps after of a season or two of this show, we wouldn't even need TV anymore. (I know... That's crazy talk...)

End of Transmission

11/11/04

Last night was a great show, but It started off with a little chaos. Before I had a chance to get into the first joke, I had to deal with two hecklers. One was a complete fuck wit. He was hammered and felt the need to spill out his ignorance. I smacked him down 4 times. Cody had to come and threaten to escort him out. The second heckler only needed one tap, But I had to threaten his manhood first. He wound up buying me a beer, and he apologized.

Once I got into the swing of things, the show rocked. It was everything I love! Loud and angry, and full of fire.

propeller warning

propeller
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This picture made my day. I know too many people that would need to take heed of this warning. For most of them it would be more of a prophecy.

Mushroom Cloud

bomb
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

11/08/04 Museum of Idiots

I had a truly awful sleep last night. I tossed and turned, and really didn't get any real rest of any sort. Sometimes my subconscience likes to torment me. Last night it had a field day.

I had a dream that I was in some sort of alien museum. There was a point where I was wandering around these great halls. The walls were coverend with strange asssortment of pictures. There were pictures of the Pope, George Bush, Mr Dressup, Martha Stewart, the Queen of England, as well as a litany of others.

There were display cases that had human artifacts in them. One of the larger displays had a collection of mass produced plastic objects. included were an Easy Bake Oven, a Magic 8 Ball and a Flowbee. The case across from it had soft drink bottles, fast food wrappers and Newspapers. On one of the papers there was a picture of a mushroom cloud centered on the page. The headline on the paper said "Oops.."

Projected on the wall, there were movies of Hitler, Bush, Bin Laden, Ronald Mc Donald and various T.V. commercials . The images slurred all together. It was a strange montage, each image super imposing itself over the other. It was so jarring. The more I watched, the more disconnected I felt. The strangest part was the sound track. Each of the "Star's" Voices was there, but there were also cartoon noises and sound effects. It was truly fucked.

I stopped watching and ran down the hall and headed for the exit. I looked up. There was a sign. It read "Museum of Idiots."

This dream scared the shit out of me. Even now, as I relate this nightmare, I'm feeling a little uneasy.

11/08/04 Feelin' Hale and Hearty...

Wow, What a long day. The Sunday shift always beats the shit out of me. I am the Sunday shift's bitch. It always seems to drag on for forever. I like to equate it with watching Golf on television. It just plain hurts me. The project we were working on, smacked us around like a rented mule. Dammit it should have been finished much earlier, but we were plauged by it. Just once, I'd like to see a longer project not give me grief.

It's 2 in the morning, and I really should sleep, but I can't seem to shut off. I hate not being able to sleep. Why have I been cursed this way. Fuck. I'd kill for a decent sleep. I get so wound up, and my brain refused to stop spinning about. The worst part, is that it just churns a Tilt a Whirl of crap. Nothing useful, just crap...

We have these two guys at work, that constantly argue about socialist rethoric. It really become grating after about 10 minutes. I know that their hearts are in the right place, but I really want them to fuck off sometimes. There is so much more to life than "Marx this...blah blah blah... Lenin that blah blah fuckin' blah..." They really and very desperately need to meet girls. I'm not sure how people can be that intense all the time.

I'm also getting tired of uninformed opinions about immigration, politics, and terrorism. I'm one "brown people are bad" conversation away from going totally ballistic. For all those twits, I have one thing to say. READ A FUCKING BOOK!!! (Yes, I realize the Irony of this statement given the content of the paragraph before last... so sue me!!!)

I heard once that if you're not Liberal as a young person, you have no heart, and If you are not a conservative person when you are older than you're a fool. I must be the most foolish person I know. I just getting more and more left, the older I get.

Well, I think I might be able to conk out now.

End of transmission

11/07/04 Stuff that's been in the ipod lately

Once in a while , I like to recommend new tunes, (and old ones too...)

Here's a list of some of the stuff that I've been jetting around town to.

1) Doughboys - Whatever (Classic Canadian power pop... If you can get your hands on this record, pick it up. It's become quite hard to find. I had to comb the used record stores for eons...)

2) Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (This is one of the best albums I have ever heard. Some of the smartest song writing I have have ever had the good fortune to hear. This one is a masterpiece!!!)

3) The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site (Currently the best band in Canada. Stunning lyrics and clever hooks...)

4) The Dropkick Murphys - Blackout (Celtic Punk, this band just keeps getting better!)

5) Grandaddy - Sumday (I'm On Standby gets stuck in my head a lot...)

6) Joe Strummer - Streetcore (Joe's best since The Clash's Sandinista... Sadly his last too... R.I.P.)

7) Pearl Jam - Riot Act (I will always have a soft spot for Pearl Jam... and this album rocks.)

8) Elvis Presley - A Boy From Tupelo (He was called the King of Rock and Roll for a reason.)

9) The Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense (The best live album I have ever heard.)

10) They Might Be Giants - The Spine (Museum of Idiots has to be my favorite title for a song ever...)

The Weakerthans

The Weakerthans
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Fuck The Guess Who... The best band from Winnipeg is The Weakerthans. Check out the song "A Plea From A Cat Named Virtue" You'll see exactly what I mean...

11/07/04 Tim's Benefit

Wow, last night was great!!! Stu from Funny Fest manged to sell out the show. The place was packed. Tim's parents gave a little talk before the show officially started, just to let people know about what happened to him. It's weird, I still half expected to see him coming around the corner. I think it's gonna be a little while before his passing really sinks in.

There was some pretty raw emotion in the room, but the show went great. The highlight for me was seeing my mentor Marc Dorman on stage. I haven't seen him perform in a long time. He was fantastic. He got the second half of the show back on track, after a few of the less experienced comics did some time. He was in fine form. I have always been amazed at how he can whip a crowd into shape. When he's on his game, he's one of the best I've ever seen.

I'm glad Sara now has a college fund. I hope what we did helps her. (not that I did much... in fact Stu really deserves kudos for putting the whole thing together. )

Cheers Tim!!! I hope yer knockin' em dead...

End of Transmission

11/06/04 I, Robot

Robot
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I'm not sure why, but I have always had a borderline unhealthy fascination with Robots.

When I was a kid, I used to pretend that I was one. it provided countless hours of entertainment. Gawd I'm a geek...

Joey "Shithead" Keithly

Joey "Shithead" Keithly
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This man has been in the Canadian Punk scene since the 1970's. He is the frontman for Canada's seminal Punk band D.O.A.

Talk - Action = 0

11/06/04 Welcome to the fall 2004 edition of getting to know ME.

1. What time do you get up? Depends, usually 7:30am (unless I don't have to work... Then it's like noon)

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? (Joey Shithead from D.O.A. perhaps Michael Moore, Morgan Spurlock, Gawd… Do I really have to pick just one?)

3. Gold or silver? A little from column A, A little from column B

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Fahrenheit 9/11

5. What is/are your favorite TV show(s)? The Family Guy, The Musters, King of the Hill,

6. What did you have for breakfast? Black Coffee and a painful dose of daylight. (Not to forget the vitamin enriched Camel lights... Breakfast of champions.)

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? There are so many. I couldn't pick just one... (Carrot Top, The cast of Family Matters, sports mascots, children, etc...)

8. What/who inspires you? George W. Bush (It's not what you think... or maybe it is...), Scotch, Newspapers (Usually in that order too!!!)

9. What is your middle name? Charles, Francis, David

10. Beach, City or Country? All of them, just at different times of the year.

11. Favorite ice cream? Rum Raisin (You'd swear I was 50 or something…)

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? Again, butter and salt

13. Favorite colour? Fire engine red

14. What kind of car do you drive? I don't have one

15. Favorite sandwich? It's a tie. Ham and Swiss on brown / Montreal smoked meat on rye

16. What characteristic(s) do you despise? Mostly stuff about myself. Like my Invective tongue, Unforgiving grudges, my unreasonable fear of midgets, my low patience threshold, etc.

17. Favorite Band (s)? The Clash, The Dead Kennedys, James, All, Bob Marley, Husker Du, The Rolling Stones, Sebadoah,

18. Where in the world would you go on vacation? Ireland, Egypt, France, Germany

19. What color is your bathroom? Mostly white, with a fish theme

20. Favorite brand of clothing? Whatever fits, and looks good. These days it's getting harder to find stuff I like. I'm a fan of old work shirts, old school Air Walks, and DIY punk label t-shirts…

21. Where would you retire? Bay Bulls, Newfoundland

22. Favorite day of the week? - Wednesday, because I usually sleep in.

23. What did you do for your last birthday? Went shopping with my wife, and played video games. (whoopeeeeeeee!!!)

24. Where were you born? In Calgary, Alberta, Canada, at the Holy Cross Hospital.

25. Favorite sport(s) to watch? Hockey.

11/06/04 Welcome to Canada

Welcome to Canada
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Apparently since the US election, Canadian Immigration has seen a huge number of Americans apply to become Landed Immigrants.( I can't say I blame you for wanting to leave. I'd get the fuck outta Dodge too.)

On behalf of Canada, I'd like to welcome you to our fair land. For your comfort (as well as ours...) There are a few things you'll need to understand.

1) Most of us don't like guns. At least not hand guns, So don't bring them. (We have managed to talk our way outta trouble for a long, long time now. it's time you folks learned that too.)

2) It's not called Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. You must now refer to it by it's real moniker. "Kraft Dinner"

3) We really don't need any more folk singers, hippies, or Coffee Houses. Please pick other occupations.

4) You will be forced to hear "We Told you so!!!" everytime Dubya's name is mentioned in casual conversation.

5) We all think that Anne Murray sucks.

6) Manners are a must. It's nice to hear Please and Thank you once in a while.

7) It's most likely colder here than you are used to. Suck it up.

8) The last letter of the Alphabet is pronounced "ZED" not "ZEE"

9) We are aware that you have been sewing our flag on your luggage when you travel. Tsk Tsk... That kind of shameful dishonesty will not be tolerated. We have our eye on you.

10) The expression "the mounties always get their man" is true. (alright, that one's a lie...)

11) We're not that wild about Celine Dion either.(this one is the Gospel truth...)

11/04/04

Bush... with all 3 branches of Government... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? What kind of evil practical joke is this? It amazes me that a country that prides itself on being a "democracy" is pissing the whole thing down the drain. I can't believe that people actually voted for this Yahoo's big bag o' restricted freedoms, and shoddy tax cuts that will fuck their domestic economy. It's like the entire nation took a few too many tabs of acid. This election will prove to be the Jonestown massacre of American society.

The worst part is they did it to themselves. There was a chance to be the good guy, to stand up and be counted with the rest of the world. A chance to find the moral high ground, and once again the lowest common denominator won. Bush got what he wanted, and unfortunately the rest of the world is gonna wind up paying for it,

In some ways Little Bush's group of political miscreants reminds me of the cast of Gilligan's Island. If you think about it, they all fit. Bush, Cheney, Poppa Bush, Babs, Ann coulter, etc... They even come complete with their own canned laughter.

Dammit, I miss the Dead Kennedys.

End for now...

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Find 10 things about these 2 that are different...

Find 10 things about these 2 that are different...
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

WOW! It's like looking at twins. Rumsfeld is clearly an undead Nazi ghoul...

No wonder Washington is full of stiffs.

John Kerry

John Kerry
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The lesser of evils. At least he's a member of the cult of mac...

2/3 of the real Axis of Evil

2/3 of an Axis of Evil
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Worst presidents ever!!! They look like something from out of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum...

Time

Time
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I think this is the cover of that issue. I seem to remember it.

11/01/04 Rotten Ronnie, The peanut farmer, Islamic conspiracies... Let's do the time warp again...

I remember reading a Time magazine once when I was a kid. In this issue, there was a picture of President Jimmy Carter, with his hand massaging his forehead. He had a wrinkled, confused look on his face. In the picture, he was peering over an overstuffed binder that said Iran on the side.

Being all of 9 years of age at the time, and having no idea where Iran was, I went to the World Book encyclopedia to find out. It was an old book from the mid seventies, all it had was a little map. I remember it being pink and blue. There was nothing about political alliances, or terrorists, or really much of anything for that matter. All I really learned from it was that it was originally called Persia, and that Persian rugs were of unsurpassable quality. Other than that, the entry was pretty vague.

Shortly after that, (like days later...) I remember watching the news footage of the Islamic revolution in Iran. The streets of Tehran were jam packed with people. There was a frenetic pace to it. These people seemed excited, angry, confused, and happy. There was a news film of American flags burning in the streets, while crowds cheered. They were dancing and singing, but it just seemed to mask their collective rage. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. For some reason, this footage made me feel nervous. Somehow, even as a child, I knew this would have lasting effects on North America. How could it not. Seeing a swirling mass of hatred that was fixated on America. Ayatollah Khomeini called America "The Great Satan" This society was so incensed with US interference, that it totally boiled over.

I remember asking my parents what all this meant. They said it was difficult to explain, and I would understand better as an adult. They seemed rather concerned. My Dad had that same look on his face whenever he looked at my report cards. Clearly, no good could come from this.

President Reagan and George Bush Sr.(the other white meat...) arranged a way to prevent efforts made by Carter to free the hostages that got caught in the maelstrom. That poor old peanut farmer never knew what hit him. He never could have expected that the great communicator would use treason as a weapon. Carter's biggest problem was that he played by the rules. His opponet didn't, Infact he just made up his own.

Reagan’s envoy managed to “free” the hostages only after they took office. In addition to castrating Carter’s political career, this event would set the stage for Conservative chicanery in Washington,(Well, the chicanery of the last 30 years...) and was the catalyst for a lot of current day events in the middle east. I remember when Saddam was an ally, I seem to recall seeing pictures of Donald Rumsfeld with his arm around Saddam, like they were old college buddies. They seemed to genuinely like each other. Then again, I get the impression they are a lot a like.

Flash forward to today. Most of the same players are involved in Bush JR’s world. None of these old bloodhounds have learned any new tricks, they just got better at the old ones. They managed to kick the shit outta their old buddy Saddam and raze most of Iraq. (with friends like this...)There are still burning effigies in the streets of Muslim countries and America still hasn’t learned that it sucks at playing this game.

How hard can it be to figure out that it’s impossible to win the hearts and minds of these people, because dammit, they just know better. If you keep on getting fucked, over and over again, by the same people, chances are good that even the stupidest person knows to be mistrustful. Kick a dog once too many times, and you’ll get an ass full of canine teeth. Imagine what a human could do. Wait, we've seen that! (First time, shame on you...50th time, a Jihad on your ass...)

On the eve of the American election, I find myself asking "Is this really the best they could come up with?" There are nearly 300 million people in the United States. Surely, they could scrape together a couple of candidates with a lick of common sense between them.

This election has had much had the same affect on me as the Iranian Islamic revolution. It has made me sick to my stomach. I'm feeling nervous and I think that no matter what happens tomorrow, the world book entry will be vague.

For the record mom and dad, I still don't understand.

end of transmission

George W. The Curious Little Monkey

George W. The Curious Little Monkey
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I'm sorry, I really couldn't help myself with this picture.

Herman Munster

Herman Munster
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

10/28/04 Kill your Idols or I finally understand why some species eat their young...

I didn't manage to post anything yesterday, as I have discovered the joy of ESPN's NHL 2K5 for xbox. It kicks serious ass. It's the closest thing to real hockey I'll see for quite some time. (This breaks my heart... )

It took me forever to pry myself away from the damn game. In fact as I type this, I feel like a junkie looking for a fix. I think I have the shakes. DETOX...ACK...

But I digress...

The American election is looming in the background. I wonder if this one is going to finish in the courts like the last one? Will these mediorce trail horses coast to the finish? Or will it be wild Kentucky Derby style, with the need for forensic photographic specialists? It's funny how domestic issues have taken a total and complete backseat in this gory fuckfest. No one seems to be mentioning the price of fuel, the loss of jobs or the fragility of the economy. (Not with any zeal at least...) This whole campaign reminds me of Ancient Rome. It's as if they are have a contest to see who gets to play the part of Nero. I can almost hear someone tuning a fiddle in the background. (plunk,plunk,plunk)

This is a battle between Herman Munster and a Monkey. Neither of them have any real substance to offer the electorate.The only loser, either way, is the American public. The biggest issue flung about with any frequency is the security of the Homeland. (That kind of vocabulary spooks me... "Homeland" It sounds a little too Naziesque for my comfort...Mind you, if Schwartzenegger gets his wish, there may be lots of Nazi terminology bandied about.)

Both of these yahoos think that the war on terrorism can be won. More to the point, they both think that they can convice the average Joe, that it can actually be won. This is much akin to the war on drugs... a total loser of a war. (At least judging from conventional methods currently being used...) Invading countries? Especially ones that had nothing to do with 9/11 won't get the job done. Blowing up half the world can really only do one thing... Incite more insurrection, more destruction, and more bloodlust. Oddly, this concept seems to have been totally missed. It seems like common sense right? Sadly, it's remarkable how uncommon common sense has become.

Generally people don't lash out unless there is a problem. (I'm taking it to the microcosm level here...) No one has taken the time to examine the root causes of the American terror attacks. I realize that It can be hard to turn the microscope on ourselves what with the cold harsh light of truth and all, But this should really have been done in this case. In every conflict, there are three sides. What they said, What we said, and the truth. (Absurdly, The last one usually takes the longest to get to the heart of... Let's see what the history books say in about 50 years...)

I have this dream. First, a giant snake eats Bush and Kerry. No one is really shocked. In fact, people generally seem quite contented by this. When the giant basilysk come for dessert, Rumsfeld and Cheney disappear. Then for some reason, the dream cuts to John Ashcroft dancing and masturbating in front of an enormous bonfire. The first part seems obvious, as some species when pushed to the brink, will eat their young. The second part seems to relate to the fact that Ashcroft is nuts. But then again, It's my dream... perhaps I'm the fucked up one, but I doubt it.

For some reason I can hear Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth" in my head. No good can come from this.

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Tim Stuart's Promo Pic

Tim Stuart's Promo Pic
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Stu Hughes, the Producer of FunnyFest, is having a benefit fot Tim's daughter on November 6th @ 8pm
It's being held at Barclays in The Sheraton Hotel in Eau Claire. Tickets are 15 bucks. Bring as many people as you can...

10/26/04 Tim

Today has been a weird day. I just found out that a friend of mine passed away. His name was Tim. He was a comic, Hypnotist, scam artist, single father, and a guy who was just trying to squeak out a living like the rest of us. I liked him.

Tim was the kinda guy that was way funnier as a human being, he was a quirky sort. I think that's what I liked best about him. He had a gentle voice, and boisterous laugh. He always had some get rich quick scheme, and it always seemed to blow up in his face. I never saw him get down about things. He'd just seem to smile, and start thinking about another way to try and cash in.

Tim always worked the roughst rooms on the planet. Biker bars, shitty pubs, and fleabag hotels were usually the highlights on his tours. As much as he claimed to hate them, I think he actually prefered it that way.

I remember doing a gig for him at the TOWN and Country Hotel in Forrest Lawn in Calgary. It was the scummiest place I had ever set foot into. On one side of the bar, there were Indians, and on the other, cowboys. Traditionally not a good mix, and this was no exception. The place went up like old dynamite. He just shrugged, and kept on with his act. Once the chaos petered out, he got control of the room again. I was amazed. He had got the crowd good and hot, When I hit the stage, it felt like being on stage at YUK YUKS. I don't know how he did it, but he did.

He always had a spot on stage for the new guy, and somehow always managed to tuck a little money into your pocket. It was never much, but he tried. That's more than I can say for a lot of other promoter / performers on the indy circut.

He liked raunchy jokes, the darker and nastier the better. I loved trying new material out on Tim. If he liked it, he howled like a crazed banshee. The first time I met him, he came up to me with praise for a joke I had done about the special olympics. I'd have to say, I liked him right from the start.

Tim was never a popular guy on the club circut. Most comics I 've met, had little good to say about him.(then again, most comics rarely have nice things to say about anyone...) He didn't seem to care. Neither did I.

Rest in Peace Tim Stuart. You will be missed.

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hand_xray

hand_xray
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I have always thought that x-rays look neat.

10/25/04 Sprained Tumb

I managed to sprain my thumb last night. I fell out of a Pathfinder (The two door model, which can be tricky for a man just over 6ft...) while trying to get out of it, It was very icy last night. I put one foot down, and it slipped right out from under me. I smacked my hand so hard on the door, I thought i had broken it. Happily, I could still move everything just fine, but the muscle swelled up, and is still quite tender.

There I was sitting on the ground, in a sailor's costume, staring blankly. It's amazing how fast that shit happens. One micro second, I'm reaching out for the ground, the next SLAM!!! I became at one with the ground. The girls all came to my rescue, and Erin did a great job of patching me up.

Funny thing is, I remember thinking, "Gee, I hope I don't fall..."

Irony see... Your life is filled with irony.

Last night's shin dig for Colleen (Erin's aunt...) went well. it was a surprise costume party. (Hence the sailor suit...) It had an under the sea theme.

Other than a broken light lens, and having to order KFC at the last minute, things went as well as could be expected. 80 Baptists doing their darndest to have as little fun as possible. Minus the liquor and dancing. (here may lie the problem) I think we didn't realize how very repressed these people are. Nice enough folks, just not very enthused, and not too much fun at parties.

The girls all did an excellent job of setting things up. I think they are to be commended. From murals to balloon and streamers, and all the serving, it was truly great. They all kick ass. (Especially my wife, But I'm biased...)

Tearing everything down was easy enough. It took way less time than I thought it would.

anyhoo I'm kinda sleepy so...

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Jolly Roger

Jolly Roger
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

In keeping with Halloween, and because of my less than hidden desire to be a pirate, I've decided to post this,

Kinnie Starr

Kinnie Starr
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Check out her website...

http://www.kinniestarr.com/

A Cherry Popsicle

A Cherry Popsicle
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

i'm having the most insane craving for a popsicle. I'm not sure why, especially given that it's minus 8 right now. Perverse yes... but what are ya gonna do?

10/22/04

I'm feeling most unispired these days. i can't seem to write jokes. I'm not sure why. It seems like the well is dry. I try, and that just does me no good. You can' t force a joke. I've tried... it gets you nowhere. I guess I'm content for the moment. I find it's always better to write when I'm stressed out. The venom seems to come out then.

The blog helps a little. At least I'm managing to get some thoughts out there. I just can't seem to find the funny. Not from a stand up perspective in any way, shape or form. It's like some cruel jinx. I'm sure the mental log jam will break soon, but it's really frustrating in the mean time.

I think I'm spending too much time tinkering with the political stuff too. It's hard not to concentrate on it, because it makes me so angry. I thought I had long since forgotten politics. But much like the Godfather, it keeps pulling me back in. (I think I'm a sucker for lost causes. I should investigate St. Anthony... he's the patron saint of all things hopeless.)

I'm supposed to have a costume for a party this weekend. I have no freaking idea what to dress up as. I hate costume parties. FUCK... I'm trying to be a sport about it. Hopefully I can figure something out. I don't want to disappoint my wife. I know she's really excited about it, and I want her to have a good time. I think sometimes she thinks I'm a wet blanket.

anyhoo time for sleep.

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The Other T-REX

The Other T-REX
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

a different kind of Dinosaur, for a different kind of age...

T-REX

T-REX
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

10/21/04 New specs, and a good haircut...

Well, I had today off. I like having days off during the week. Especially Wednesday. I got a lot done today. I went and got a haircut and I feel confident in saying that I no longer look like I have an albino bush baby growing out of my head.

I went to the eye specialist and got a new perscription. Now I can see better. Turns out, that the headaches I have been getting are related to my older glasses no longer being good for me. I went to one of those places where you can get glasses in about an hour. Turns out that the one hour thing is mostly bullshit, it took nearly 3 hours to get mine. They did a nice job though, and they were cheap.

I also managed to pic up a few little odds and ends. I got a copy of The Clash's "London Calling" in the new legacy pack. It has a DVD of footage of the band recording the album, and a disc of them jamming some of the tunes for the record. While the sound quality is awful, it's neat to hear some of the songs being hammered out. I got Erin a David Bowie dvd. It's from the tour we saw last winter. Last but not least, I got a copy of Ed Wood. I love that movie.

Last night I dreamt that I was a dinosaur. A big snarly T-Rex. I was stomping around, roaring, and from what I remember, giggling and generally enjoying every minute of it. I'm not sure what it means, but I bet it would be fun to be a big ole' Carnosaur.

Now, I'm picturing a giant lizard like creature with new glasses, listening to The Clash.

God, I have got to sleep.

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10/20/04

I spent the whole working day in a shopping mall. I got to be the sheppard for 10 of my employees in a mall. From 6:30 am till 5:30 pm. It was long and boring. I'm glad yvonne was there. (althought I'm sure she was bored shitless...)

We spent the day counting foot traffic for a host of different entrances for this mall. Watching literally thousands of people spill out of office towers, and into two main shopping concourses. (While not rocket science, it lacked even the most basic creative challenges.)

It's amazing how you can totally shut your mind down. Countless hours of people walking by, with next to no human interaction. Now I know how mimes must feel.

While I was sitting on my bench, I saw a couple of people I used to work with, Both of whom have shiney new jobs that pay tons more money. I'm not jealous per say, but it was a bit of an impetus to look for a few more bucks. Who knows where that will lead...

I'm tired... I need to sleep.

I have a big day tomorrow. I'm going to try and get an eye appointment and a haircut. I might even make spaghetti tomorrow. One of my wife's favorites. if she's nice to me...

end of transmission

Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)

Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Much like Cheney, This man (Lionel Barrymore) looks like he might want to chew on a pig's ear, or a soup bone.

It's remarkable how similar they are in appearence, and demeanor.

Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

All this man is missing is a bowler hat, and a wheel chair.

10/18/04

Sunday nite television sucks. With the exception of The Simpsons, it's all crap. Sunday has officially become infomercial night. Everything from learning pilates, to hooking up with Dr. Ho, to calling actual ho's makes it on to television on Sunday night. I have never been much of a religious man, but Any sense of Sunday being a day of rest has been completely destroyed.

I spent most of the night cleaning the kitchen and doing some ironing. I am a domestic God. (well not really, but the likelyhood of an E. coli outbreak has been greatly diminished...) I even managed to head out to the grocery store. I only went to get a handfull of things, but as usual, I wound up leaving with 50 bucks worth of stuff. It was a chilly walk. The temperature hit a blamy minus 5 today. Burr... There is snow on the ground, and it seems to want to stay. it's only October. This is Crap.

I saw on the news that Bill O'reilly managed to get himself into a hill of shit. I love it!!! Everytime one of those right wing jack asses get themselves in trouble, I'm willing to bet an angel get it's wings. The conservative notion of "Family Values" really only seems to apply to the "other" guy.

Which reminds me...

Ever notice that Dick Cheney looks an awful lot like that evil old crotchity banker from It's a wonderful life?
Just a thought.

Anyway I need to sleep.

end of transmission.

gadzooks

Gadzooks
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

portrait of the sleep deprived...

Boris, Natasha, & Fearless Leader

Boris, Natasha, & Fearless Leader
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

What can I say? It's a classic.

10/16/04 If I had a rocket launcher...

I spent the day in the mall today. Erin went to get her hair cut, and I got to hook up with my little sister for a while. That was cool. I really like her. She's really quite funny.

We strolled around the mall, and window shopped mostly. I bought a few things, like a new mouse, a game for the xbox, and an identical pair of sneakers to the ones I was wearing, They were shit beaten, I had worn through the tread. Airwalks, circa 1986. My favorite sneakers ever. I'm so glad that they decided to make them again. I guess "Old School" is cool again. I just never really felt that I left it.

I did a couple of shows on Friday night. The first one went swimmingly, I must say. Big laughs, nice applause breaks, and some of the new jokes really started to take some shape. They were a great audience, attentive, and seemed to really enjoy themselves.

The second one started well, but became a train wreck later on. There was some good laughter, but they were young, and drunk. Some jokes, (esp one that normally destroys...) fell really flat. I got kinda cranky, and discovered I have a new way to deal with hecklers. I told them to suck my cock. Not exactly what you'd call genius on my part. Fuck them, I hate rowdy crowds. I hate hecklers even more, especially the drunk and mentally vacant ones. I mentioned that I was originally from Newfoundland, and this idiot started yelling out "UIC... UIC... UIC..." That just pushed my mood over the edge. I wanted to punch that ignorant motherfucker in the throat.

Thursday night was cool. My friend Emmo was in town, so we went for a few pints at the Ship and Anchor. It was kinda like old times. Hoisting a few jars of Alexander Keiths, and generally being up to no good. That used to be one of our main haunts. I've been going to that pub on and off for 12 years. How many things can you say you've done for that long? How many can I?

I used to know tons of people that hung out there. Happily, now I know no one that hangs out there. I like that. I have become more inwardly focused over the past few years. I discovered that I generally prefer my own company. Of course There are a handful of exceptions, my wife and family, and the small circle of friends that I have managed to keep over the course of the last decade or so.

It's hard to explain, but generally I find the noise, and the drama that people make, drives me crazy. it's like mental clutter. I have never really cared for personal politics, and I make haste in avoiding them. People get caught up into too many little "traps." I think that life is complicated enough without the need to walk into some sort of social bear trap, or to be handed some sort of public "Boris and Natasha" black bomb thingy. I like the quiet of my own head space.

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