I have finally made my way out of the woods. I can finally see the world as it was meant to be seen, pain free. The tooth has settled down, and the egg sized swollen gland now more resembles a peach slice. The meeting of evil despots in my tooth appears to have concluded… Although you never can trust that Hitler, he's a pesky fucker.
Damn it all… I hate being sick. It's got to be one of the most insidious things there are. (Apart from 4 more years of little Bushie… but if I can get through this, I can get through anything.) I think it's because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You just have to persevere. Sadly, I'm not a patient man.
I'm watching Kid Rock on television. I'm amazed that this cracker had built a career on being… well quite frankly, a cracker. He's not nearly as entertaining now, at least not like the good old days, when he had a midget. Let's face it Kid, or Mr. Rock, or whatever your name is, the midget was the real brains behind this barnyard brouhaha. I'm amazed at the staying power of his career. I would have expected he'd be on some reality show with a bunch of other b rated, burned out stars by now, or perhaps, (and as near as I can tell, more likely…) draining the grease vats at the nearest Denny's. (Even Pamela Anderson kicked his sorry ass to the curb, which I find a little surprising, cause she's better at sniffing out tawdry relations with rock stars, than a truffle hog hunting fungi.)
The man has all the cultural importance of a Ketchup sandwich. His existance has done nothing more than lend credence to every shitty hair bad that has ever hit the shelves of the HMV. Happily, there will come a day when he is just a foot note in music history. American Bad Ass... Not really. Just another schmuck who wound up in the meat grinder known as pop music. History is repleat with them. He is no different. It will be fun to watch him and say... Vince Neil sit and get fat, and talk about how they had it all. At least Vince can offer him some advice.
I'm curious to know how he actually got signed. How did that recording industry nightmare take place? I suspect that the 7th seal of music hell was opened, and sadly with a whimper, this is the twit that popped out.
Record exec: So Kid… Can I call you kid? How would you describe your music?
Kid Rock: Hilly Billy Hip Hop, with a little country throw in for good measure… and some Blues... a little metal.
Record exec: Well that's quite eclectic. I can already see endless possibilities… The black stuff just doesn't fly so well in the south… with the white folk I mean…
Kid Rock: What does eclectic mean? Did I mention I got me a midget? He's real cool… I love having a little person. He's got little sausage fingers… and he's all pimped out n' shit…
Record exec: I smell an American Music Award…
Kid Rock: I got this song… It's about getting all messed up on cough syrup, and going to the titty bar… Oh man, I'm keeping it real…
Record exec: That's tight…
Kid Rock: I got this other one… It's about getting all messed up on Gravol and Jack Daniels, and experimenting with the love we dare not speak…
Record exec: Homosexuality?
Kid Rock: Shit no Mutha fucka… I'm talking about sex with cousins… I ain't no homo sapien… bitch…
Record exec: Sign here please…
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