So… Condi Rice came here yesterday with a message from Washington, “Stop the apocalyptic language about the softwood lumber dispute…” which I have to say, came off more like “Shut you mouth bitches…” There’s nothing quite as humiliating as a dismissive and patronizing pat on the ass, the only thing missing from her remarks was “Why don’t you go into the kitchen and fix me a sammich…” The absolute gall required to pull this kind of crap off would be the stuff of legends, if it weren’t so indefensible.
Mind you, her attitude was not too terribly surprising, especially given that America always tries to make us feel bad whenever we call them out for breaking the rules. How dare we as a nation demand that they respect the law? A law they agreed on in good faith. Imagine a child trying to spank a parent, and you’ll get the picture.
If the shoe was on the other foot, how would the conversation go? Condi would be here with the Sheriff, ready to seize whatever wasn’t nailed down. Make no mistake about it.
The rift between our countries is growing. There are no more band-aid solutions. We are each other’s biggest trading partners and we need to sit down and have a realistic dialogue about where we are going, and how we can solve these problems… The marriage can be saved, but it’s time for counselling.
In the mean time, we should ignore her message, and be as loud as humanly possible. Let America know that we are fed up with this bullshit. If we are not equals in this partnership called NAFTA, then it’s time we left it. We are being treated like a hound dog forced to sleep in the yard, while the master gets the goose down. It’s time to say enough is enough.
It’s sad that we have to resort to shaming America into paying her debts, but apparently we have no choice.
I have an idea… and it just might work. I say we hire a collection agency to get the money back for us, all 5 billion of it. Imagine calling the White House 15 times a day, and sending those snarky pay up now letters. Eventually Bush and Co. is sure to crack. I’ve seen many a friend’s will be crushed by the relentless actions of a collections agent.
Agent: Hello… Is this Mr. George Bush of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?
Bush: Ahhh… Yes… Who is this?
Agent: Mr. Bush… I work for a collections company. It seems you haven’t been paying your debt to Canada… We need to square this up immediately…
Bush: Yes… ah… Canada. right… how much was that again?
Agent: 5 Billion dollars sir.
Bush: Well… I don’t seem to have that much cash on hand right now… I’ve spent a little more than I thought I would dealing with a little spat on terrorism…
Agent: Well do you have any friends or family that might be willing to lend you the money?
Bush: Well… Let’s see, there’s France… Oh wait… I got drunk, and was kind of a dick to them… Britain… Tony’s broke too… Shit… maybe daddy might have the cash… Can I send you some post-dated cheques?
Agent: Um… no, you burned us on that one last time… Payment is required in full…
Bush: You guys sure have me by the short and curlies… I feel like an armadillo in a foxhole… Tell you what… I’ll go to the post office right now and get a money order…
Blah blah blah…
Or perhaps a repo man… that would be awesome…
Peon: Sir, there is a man here, and he says he’s here to take your desk, and keys to the “football”
Anyway…
5 comments:
I'd be willing to help pay for those repo guys, just to teach that Bush administration a lesson, especially given that our "leaders" are not doing a whole heck of a lot.
Good post.
~Angela
I'm really surprised that more people aren't all over this...
1. Angela I think you're wrong. Mr. Martin has done more than any other head of state we've had in recent memory to try and fix this. And while I do think more could be done at least he's speaking out in public and getting some attention for us. Amazingly enough we even have some American senators starting to stand up for us because of his actions.
2. Marcus your analogy sucks. "We are being treated like a hound dog forced to sleep in the yard, while the master gets the goose down." I think it's more like we're the hound dog confined to the yard while the cats watch us from the big cushy chair in the front room while eating fresh Salmon. The US is no better than us and calling them "the master" allows them to think they are.
Calling America the master in this post, is much a like calling someone you don't like "Sir".
The analogy stands because it's a perception of how they treat Canada. Self perception is a seperate matter entirely.
In addition, it will take more than Mr. Martin's actions to get the ball rolling.
Hello Lisa,
I mean no disrespect, but I am afraid that I must agree with our host, Marcus, with regards to needing more than a few words spoken. I hear what you are saying, but this time I am sorry to say that we do not seem to share the same point of view. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it did make me think.
Marcus, once again i agree with you.
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