01/04/06

I got back to Calgary today. When I stepped off the plane, it felt as if I was a stranger in a foreign place. As I waited for my luggage, my eyes lost focus for a moment, and I felt a wave of uneasiness. I was out of sorts. The pope could have come up to me and shook my hand and I likely wouldn’t have noticed.

Perhaps it was just the flight. It’s a draining trip at the best of times, and Air Canada seems to strive at making it that way. God forbid they could concoct some wild scheme that might create a direct non-stop flight to Calgary from St. John’s. (Mind you, they excel at making things more difficult than really need be, and they do it with such brilliant arrogance…) It was much too long a flight for my liking, especially since I didn’t get any sleep the night before. I tried, but my eyes would not close.

After weeks of decent sleep, my brain decided to betray it’s newly found rhythm. It snapped like a dry twig. It didn’t take long for insomnia to arrive at the party like a vulgar unwanted guest. If only there was some sort of exorcism that could be done to wrangle it. “The power of Christ compels you to take a nap…”

But I Digress… I reluctantly got on the plane at about 6 this morning. It felt really wrong leaving Newfoundland this time. It took every ounce of will power I could muster to get through security and onto that plane. I welled up a little, but managed to choke it back. It was rough saying goodbye to my parents. It’s hard on me that they live so far away.

Each time I leave, it gets just a little more difficult. It tweaks on the heartstrings harder and harder. The problem is that principally I feel I belong there. It’s the one place on earth where I feel truly like I’m on the right page. It’s my heaven on earth. While I like Calgary, It doesn’t evoke the same kinds of feelings in me.

For some reason, over the last few days, I couldn’t seem to stop mulling over my impending departure. It became a preoccupation for me. While it didn’t prevent me from enjoying my time there, it was always in the back of my mind. Even during the New Year’s festivities, with fire works going off around me, it occupied much of my thoughts.

I feel as if I have missed much since I left that strange rock in the Atlantic. I’m not sure I’m willing to miss much more. I sometimes feel a little estranged from my extended family, but I guess that makes sense since I’ve been away from them for the better part of 13 years.

Anyway, More to come… But first sleep…