The Soundtrack of my life Vol. 1

My friend Angela (shyangela.blogspot.com) on occasion posts what she calls the soundtrack of her life. I really like that. Music has always had an enormous impact on my life. I got to thinking about what albums have had the biggest affect on me. The result brought back a flood of memories from different times in my life. Whether the albums were inspirational, or comforting they represent a character sketch of me.

So I decided to share them with you. I present them in no particular order.



1) R.E.M – Life’s Rich Pageant. This vaults me back to high school. This record was playing at the first house party I ever went to in High School. From the second I walked in the door, I was stunned by Begin The Begin. I had heard R.E.M before, but this was the first time I had ever paid them any attention. The record had a sense of urgency to it. It was like punk played by The Byrds. I think the next day I went to the mall and bought the lp.

It was also at this party that I met Jennifer Parsons. Soon after we started to date, and did so until our second year in university. She was my first real girl friend, and the only one to stay in my heart. (Despite the constant heartache we inflicted on one another…) To this day we have retained a healthy friendship.



2) The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead. I got this one for Christmas one year. I wasn’t expecting it. I had in fact at the time never heard of them. A family friend got the cassette for me figuring that I’d like it. He was right. It had a brilliant sense of humour to it. The lyrics were brazen and full of fantastic imagery. The song Bigmouth Strikes Again still makes me laugh.

I had gone through a bit of a depressing spell in High School (Not terribly surprising I guess…) and The Smiths helped get me through it. I was as misfit. I hated the system, and the microcosm of social groups didn’t really help all that much either. Somehow, Morrissey’s lyrics seemed to nail my frustration right on the head. It was the reinforcement that I needed. It was okay to be different., and I wasn’t crazy for feeling that way.



3) Husker Du – Zen Arcade. From the start of the rumbling bass of “Something I learned today” I knew I had found something special. By the time I heard Bob Mould’s guitar for the first time it became apparent it was more than special. It ignited a life long love of music.

I saw a t-shirt for this band at the first all ages show that I ever went to. It was 5 bucks to see 5 bands. I still remember the bands that played. Tough Justice, Section 17, Schizoid, WAFUT, and Dog Meat BBQ. It was cool. It was at that show where I began to start figuring some things out. I did fit somewhere. I fit with the others that didn’t fit. (Kinda funny really…)

I was a kid from the burbs who wanted something different. So I went out and found it. It was the start of what has so far been an interesting life. I took Robert Frost’s other path.



4) Public Image LTD. – Compact Disc. The Sex Pistols were pretty awful, but Pil on the other hand was brilliantly inspired. Johnny Rotten had managed to create Art Punk, and it worked. Compact Disc (or Cassette, Album, Poster etc…) was a loud ruckus. I loved it.

This was another house party album. I went to some rich kid’s summer home (Not very Punk I realize…) and had a killer time. It was the first time I got high. It was a splendid time. I met a girl named Jessica there and fell hard for her. It didn’t really go anywhere… well not more than a few clumsy make out sessions, but it was brilliant nonetheless. I still smile when I think of that night. I can’t believe that was almost 20 years ago.



5) Sugar – Copper Blue. This was Bob Mould’s second band. It was loud and heavy, but had a pop sensibility. This in my humble estimation was the best record of the 90’s. The songs “Helpless” and “Changes” seemed to resonate rather well with were my life was going.

I had just moved to Calgary to go to school and knew no one. I got a part time job at a record store to try and keep afloat, and got this as a promo disc. (Only after I professed my undying love of Bob Mould to my boss…)

Anyway, I went for beers with classmates one night, and I got a lift home from one of them. I played this disc in the car on the way, and wound up with a roommate. Chris Hoy was the only good roommate I ever had. We lived together on and off for nearly a decade.

He became a partner in crime. There were so many hair brained schemes (Too many to count.) and drunken nights of total debauchery. He was a brother too me and was almost instantly adopted by my family. Nothing was sacred when we hung around… I miss him a lot.

I’ll never forget the time he came home with a case of beer and a garden gnome. His eyes were wild and insane. (But that’s a story for another time…)

Every time I listen to this disc I think about those days. Every happy, stupid moment comes rushing back like it was yesterday. I usually have to turn the volume up on this one.



6) The Cars – Heartbeat City. This is the only rock and roll record my dad and I can agree on. Generally he hates most everything I listen to, but he actually bought this one for me… Because he liked it…

It was a birthday present from him. I remember sitting in the breakfast nook of our old house, and he handed it to me. He looked pleased with himself, as if he had scored some points or something. (Not that he ever needed to worry about that. My Dad rocks…)

I used to catch him every now and then with my Walkman on, humming away to “Magic.” To this day, the song reminds me of him.



7) The The – Dusk. The first time I heard this Cd was in a little café that I used to hang out at called the Koop. This was the kind of place that stayed open to spite itself. It was a great little refuge in tucked away in a seedy shit hole of a building that should have likely been condemned. Chris and I discovered it by accident, and became part of its faithful clientele. It became the central meeting place for all my friends and me in the 90’s. I formed some very important relationships in that café.

I met my ex-wife there, but more importantly I met lee and Grant. These are two people that to this day I hold in the highest esteem. I think everyone should have a pair of well-matched vegan activists in their lives. They have managed to keep me grounded over the years, and saw me though some pretty rough times. I own them more than you can possibly imagine.

Anyway, as with all things, The Koop eventually went the way of the Dodo. The Cd however remained in the collection and is still in constant rotation in my ipod.



8) Doughboys – Happy Accidents. This record is the near perfect document of my time at CHMR in Newfoundland. I spent just about every waking minute of my time at that radio station. (Much to my parents chagrin…) This disc managed to get played about 5 times a day for nearly 4 years.

It was at CHMR that I met Russell. Over the years, he has been more than key player in my life. Russ is a brother to me. He couldn’t be any closer. Not even by birth. Over the years he seems to have adopted my family as his own, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If it weren’t for Russ, I wouldn’t be a comedian today. Out of boredom one night we started a sketch comedy troupe. Somehow we managed to write 8 half hour episodes for radio, and then managed to get ourselves on the CBC repeatedly. I have always suspected that he’s both a genius and a natural grifter. He is a super hero to me. (But he sucks ass at air hockey…)



9) The Clash – London Calling. I have had about 6 copies of this album since 1986. It is as perfect an album as I can possibly think of. This disc has traveled with me literally everywhere I’ve been. From San Francisco to Florida and Vancouver to St. John’s, it has kept me company. It is my open road record. I take it when I tour. It reminds me of me. I have a near unexplainable connection to it. I have debated its merits with just about everyone I know. I have given it as a gift to countless others. For some reason I insist on sharing it.
I remember sitting in a Chock Full of Nuts diner in San Francisco, having a cup of coffee and humming along to “Spanish Bombs” and thinking to myself that life couldn’t be much better than this.



10) Bob Marley – Legend. The only compilation to make it on the list. This reminds me of working at Bar None in St. John’s. It was a punk bar, and one of those near perfect venues to see a band. There was many a sweaty night spent in the pit slamming into one another at high velocity.

During the day, we used to pump this record out into the street. We smoked a lot of dope and talked about taking over the world. Bob was a prophet and we were his priests.



11) James – Pleased To Meet You. This one is quite special. It reminds me of the people that are closest to me now. Denise, Russ, Brett Martin (thebrettmartin.blogspot.com), Peter Anthony, Dan Rock (danielrock.blogspot.com), and Erin. It fits with how I think about all of them. I love them all. They are the ones that have supported all the decisions that have gotten me to this point in my life. These are the people that reminded me why I do what I do, and pick me up when I fall down.

Of course there are others… but those are for another time.

Now it’s time to sleep.

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
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03/05/06 35 and Feeling Freakish...

Today was my 35th birthday. It’s been an interesting year. Another year older, and yet for some reason I really don’t feel any wiser. Quite the opposite in fact, I think I might actually be regressing. Maybe I’ve learned more than I think, but I doubt it. Most days I feel like my knuckles are dragging in the dirt.

“Me getting old… Me like smashing stuff…”

I spent the majority of the week as the MC at the Calgary club. The week started out kinda slow but progressively got better. I took Friday night off so I could go and see Bob Mould at Macewan Hall. It was a good show. That was my real Birthday celebration. (For more details about the show, check out danielrock.blogspot.com)

I had a few drinks after the late show last night. A few friends came down to wish me a happy birthday, but I really wasn’t too much into it. I was actually feeling a little glum. This year has progressed fairly well on all fronts in my life, and yet I can’t help but look at it like it’s a bit of a gift horse with crappy teeth. I find myself thinking, “There’s got to be more than this…” Is that normal I wonder?

Perhaps I just need to choke down the daily grind. Hell most people do it. Is it wrong to want more? (Actually I’m feeling pretty insistent about wanting more.) Lately there seems to be a sense of urgency that I cannot shake. It’s like a grumpy overcoat. It’s been keeping me awake at night. (As if that would make my sleeping patterns any more fucked up…)

I guess I just need to ponder why I’m feeling dissatisfied. Hopefully I’ll find the answer soon. This feeling really needs to go away. Maybe I just need more vitamin B in my diet. Perhaps I need to fill my head with some new and more challenging information. A new task or two might do the trick as well. Heck… Throw in a few goals and I could be away at the races.

It’s been a bit of a fuzzy day. Perhaps it was a little hair of the dog, but I really wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I’ve never been a big party kinda guy. Things like parties tend to make me feel a little awkward. Perhaps it’s too much attention. (Very ironic considering I’m a comic…)

Anyway… More to come.

02/28/06

I think that where you live defines who you are. I’m not necessarily referring to geographic location, (Although geopolitical lines certainly come into play when reflecting attitudes…) but more so the type of place in which you live.

For instance, it strikes me that if you refer to your home as a “compound” then for all practical purposes you are probably nuts. Allow me to illustrate further…

David Koresh and his Branch Davidians lived in a compound. Those whackos in Waco were snug as a bug in a rug. At one point they had 85 people packed into their humble adobe.

The Kennedy’s with all their mellow drama, live in a compound too, not to mention the Aryan Nations, (Well actually they got they got it taken away from them… but they used to have one.) Phelps and his cronies have one, and there are scads and scads of militias that call them home sweet home too.

Generally people who live in compounds usually have something to hide. They’re also people who tend to exhibit extreme anti social behaviour. (See “Stockpile automatic weapons” and “polygamy”)

Next on the list of homes for the less than emotionally stable are ranches. Now here I don’t mean actually cattle ranches. My thinking here is more geared to those who refer to their home as a ranch. (Although I guess some of them would actually have cows and the like…)

Michael Jackson lives on a ranch. Charles Manson used to live on one too. Charlton Heston lives on a ranch, as do the Bushs, the Regans, and a veritable litany of other kooks.

Lastly anyone who lives in a shack is likely to be off kilter. The Unabomber lived in a shack, and that guy was fucked.

Anyway enough of this silliness…

02/26/06 More on Phelps...

Here is some more stuff to reinforce the last post.



This is an actual quote from the website...

"Diane Whipple, a filthy dyke, died in her sins on Jan. 26, 2001, as a result of being mauled by two dogs. God used literal dogs to kill a figurative dog - sodomites being likened unto dogs for beast-filthiness (Deut. 23:17, Mat. 7:6, Phil. 3:2, 2 Pet. 2:7,8,12,22; Rev. 22:15). Fags & dykes = dogs & sows. She lived like a beast, died like a beast, at the hands of beasts, and is mourned by a family of beasts! The wrath and fury that smote Diane Whipple - suddenly and violently ripping her throat out and casting her forthwith into the everlasting flames of Hell - is poised to similarly visit this evil sodomite-dominated nation in final overwhelming vengeance. Jer. 9:9. Sharon Smith (the dead dyke's lover) and Penny Whipple-Kelly (the dead dyke's guilty, dyke-pimp, mother-from-Hell) need a reality check. Diane is in Hell, and you will join her there - where you three will bitterly curse each other forever, as you gnaw your tongues in pain and blaspheme God. Flames of God's wrath will engulf you and fill your heads, bowels, and limbs. The same is happening to Diane now."



Another stellar quote...


"When Matthew Shepard died on October 12, 1998, every pervert in this country (from Bill Clinton on down) used his death as a soap box to promote so-called "gay rights." The reality is that Matthew Shepard died because he was trolling for strange flesh and meth. See The Big Laramie Project Lie. These same perverts ignored the vicious murder of 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising by two fags. In religious protest of this, WBC picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. And WBC held a memorial service for Jesse Dirkhising at his lonely grave. WBC does not support the murder of Matthew Shepard: "thou shalt not kill." Unless his killers repent, they will receive the same sentence that Matthew Shepard received - eternal fire. However, the truth about Matthew Shepard needs to be known. He lived a Satanic lifestyle. He got himself killed trolling for anonymous homosexual sex in a bar at midnight. Unless he repented in the final hours of his life (not likely since God had given him up! - Romans 1), He is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity, "where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched." Mark 9:44. For each day that passes, he has only eternity to look forward to. All the candlelight vigils, all the tributes, all the acts of Congress, all the rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States, will not shorten his sentence by so much as one day. And all the riches of the world will not buy him one drop of water to cool his tongue."

02/26/06 It's Time For Another Installment of

I am becoming more disappointed with the human condition. Instead of trying to live as civilized creatures in a functioning society, it appears more like we’re a bunch of wild animals drunk with stupidity, ready to gnaw the flesh off each other’s bones. (A little mellow dramatic I suppose, but not untrue…)

Sanity and rationality have been replaced with hatred and intolerance. How did we get to here? More importantly, is there a path back? Perhaps it’s time for Mother Nature to press the reset button. Maybe there’s some looming pandemic that might separate the wheat from the chaff, and enable us to carry on in more suitable manner. (So our species can survive…)

For people that are supposed to live in a “Christian” society, (mind you, the definition of the word Christian has become muddy and vague.) it sure seems like we’ve thrown away most of it’s more important directives. The notions of “live and let live”, and “do on to others” have evaporated from the moral lexicon that we’re supposed to share. Here’s a case in point.

There’s this crazy Baptist preacher in Topeka Kansas named Fred Phelps. Now old Fred who was originally from Mississippi is your fairly typical fire and brimstone kinda guy. He definitely fits more into that Southern “old time religion” sort. The problem is, when he gets imbibed on the Holy Spirit and decides to become a champion of values, bad things happen to good people.

Fred has a very nasty hobby… He likes to show up at the funerals of openly gay people and picket them. He and his merry band of retarded bigots protest funerals with no regard for those in mourning. Armed with megaphones and signs they insist on causing further pain and grief to those already dealing with loss.

Imagine this scene. People dressed in black suits, sombre music playing in the background, and the sobs of a mother being drown out by the likes of “Yer gonna burn in hell fag”, and “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Or my favorite “AIDS is God’s punishment for fags…” Not a pretty picture is it?

The ironic part is that this kind of nonsense transgresses a fairly hefty amount of Christian teaching. Keep in mind; it’s the same Christian teaching that Phelps is trying to espouse. This is blatant hypocrisy.

Now I’m not a violent man, but if someone did that to my friends or family, I would be beat their ass. I would enjoy it too. No one has the right to interfere in something as solemn and personal as a funeral.

Recently Phelps and company have started in with a new tactic… This time he’s protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers. His rationale is this (And it’s really fucked…) the soldiers dying in Iraq are part of God’s punishment for tolerating homosexuals in America society. He also claims events such as the September 11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina are caused by God because of this hatred.

Fred Phelps is to nature what consuming one's feces might be to a really bad hazing. Gross, anti social, and down right stupid.

If you wanna see for yourself just how evil this prick really is, just take a look at his website.

www.godhatesfags.com

Maybe send him an email and tell him what you think.

Go Finland Go...

So Canada’s out… Russia got their revenge. That really sucks. Mind you they looked less than inspired. Canada came into the tournament as the team to beat. It was ours to lose. (At least on paper.) It’s funny how “on paper” rarely seems to pan out.

My friend Daniel quite correctly pointed out back in December that they really weren’t a hungry bunch. That struck a nerve. (Daniel is good at that…) I like most Canadians was in a state of denial. Given our dominance in the last two World Competitions, It became an expectation that we’d win.

How could we not win? The talent pool was there. This is a team that was built to win. The level of depth was remarkable. In hindsight the problem is pretty obvious. This team had no heart.

The worst thing is that Hockey is part of our national psyche. It’s one of the few things in this country that revs our patriotism to hysterical levels. These are our warriors, and when they stumble, the entire nation feels it. It may seem trivial to some, but it’s what we’ve got.

This one is going to smart for a while, but there will be another day. 2010 is not that far away. Sidney Crosby and Dion Phaneuf are going to be pretty hungry. We will win again.

Until then… I hope Finland crushes Russia.

Go Canada Go!!!

Today was a bit of a squeeker. The Czechs put up a good fight. I suspect that tomorrow's clash with Russia is going to be a real nail biter. Russia's got heaps of talent, but we're equal to the challenge... As long as the real team Canada shows up.

I just hope the Americans beat Finland.(Although to me that's a lot like rooting for the fucking Oilers... Better the devil you do know I guess.)

Given the dodgey performances over the past couple of games, I'd rather see Team Canada face anyone else.

Go Canada Go!!!

It's fun to see when a punk band grows up. This is an excellent sophmore effort. Just buy it.

I'm an Asshole...

Friday was a bit of a trying day. Due to some annoyingly unforeseen circumstances, I wound up a little short for cash. (Well a lot short of cash…) I won’t get into the gory details, but it put me in a couple of rather embarrassing situations. While temporary, I had forgotten how shitty having no money can be. Hopefully the situation can be resolved shortly.

Normally that sort of thing just slides off me like water off a duck’s back, but this time it grinded out my last nerve. (I’ve never been one to stress about money… This whole thing was totally out of character for me…) I blew my top at an unsuspecting, but rather useless HMV employee. (Again avoiding the really gory, stupid, details…) It was like a fucked up cartoon. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. At one point I barked out “Get Your Fucking Manager…”

My eyes got wide and insane. The poor clerk actually flinched a little. I had reached that moment where I was so angry that I got silent for what seemed like an eternity… Then KABOOM… From that point a trail of expletives that would make a sailor blush streamed out of my mouth at warp speed. Now I have a reasonable vocabulary, and I’m a comic, so I managed to come up with some really new and immeasurable cusses. No cheap shots about parentage here. Nope not a one… Normally I would be proud of my abilities. This however was not one of those moments. Truthfully not one of my finer moments by any stretch…

I went over the edge. During the awkward silence that followed, I felt free. How odd is that? I felt like I had just liberated myself. Then as quick as the feeling came, it left… It was replaced by the feeling of a gnawing evil.

It was at that moment I realized two things. 1) I’m an asshole. 2) I’m the kind of asshole I hate. I was so fuelled by my own frustrations in that moment, that I totally ignored rationality, and lashed out at the finest help 7 bucks an hour can afford. I’ve never felt like that much of a dick before. (And I’ve done some pretty amazingly dickish things over the years…)

I went back and apologized to the clerk. For as hapless a schmo as he was, he didn’t deserve my ire. The only silver lining here is that I’ve discovered that at least I’m an asshole that can see the error of his ways.

Mind you I have no doubt that on some MSN spaces blog out there the clerk has recounted this story too… I doubt that I’ll look any better in that one either.

Other stuff…

The weekend in general however was pretty good. I managed to reign in my frustration, and actually take it easy. I have even managed to get a fair amount of rest. I guess I needed it too. Somehow I got really wound up, and these past couple of days seem to have helped to alleviate some of the tension I’ve been feeling.

Last week was full of meetings and very early mornings. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not an early riser. Generally I’m pretty cranky in the early morning. (At least until I get the day underway… then I do okay…)

This coming week has some really early days too, but at least there are no heavy duty, uber important meetings that come with it. Those can get a little long in the tooth fast. Hopefully this week will go more smoothly.

Anyway… Time to sleep.

Show Dates

Here’s something I have never done with this blog. Post show dates…

Feb 28, March 1,2,4 @ The Calgary Yuk Yuks. (I’m the emcee for these shows…)
Feb 11 @ The Red Deer Legion with Daniel Rock.

More to come…

02/12/06 More about those Fucking Cartoons...

Here is a little more to ponder about those blasted cartoons. Just a little something to root some context to the last post.

The consternation for many in the West is that of freedom of expression is being challenged. Many have said… “It’s not about the content of the cartoon… just the right to print it…” Which is a cop out. It’s nice to take a stand once in a while, but little, if nothing, has been said about responsibility. What would be truly heroic is to find something more than a pat response to use as a defense. Show some legitimate substance to the argument.

Yes it’s a right, but does that make it worth it to print them? Perhaps we could find something more useful for us to focus our attentions on. Like not treating the 3rd world like a piece of shit, or spending it fucking with people that have never fucked with us. It strikes me the world needs a new hobby.

The problem isn’t with the right to freedom of speech. The problem is the guy who made the cartoons in the first place is a total fucktard.

We offer Muslim countries a shining example of democracy, and yet we conveniently throw away one of it’s most basic tenets in an attempt to defend another. “The right to swing my arm ends when it hits your nose.”
That seems reasonable right? Apparently it doesn’t apply outside of the lands in western society’s political dominion.

Kinda makes the whole thing sound a little hypocritical if you ask me. We might as well say to the Middle East “Hey… we break the rules as we see fit. Ain’t democracy great?”

For a great many Muslims these stupid cartoons, (I suspect…) boil down to this, how much humiliation do they have to endure at the hands of the West. Apparently we’ve forgotten that they are human beings too.

The real and overwhelming issue here is the failure of both sides to reckon that their worlds are split between two seemingly irreconcilable views.

The west is looking down its nose, and Islam is unforgiving of transgression. It’s like watching two punch-drunk boxers wail on one another. Someone’s got to ring the bell. Both fighters need to go back to their corners and take a breather. Perhaps they can come back with something new to swing with. Those punches are getting old.

02/11/06 Everything You Know is Wrong...

I have decided to try something new. Every week,(until i get bored with it...) I'm going to post something called "Everything you know is wrong..." I'm going to take something from the news and bash the shit out of it. let's see how this goes... Hopefully it won't come off as arrogant. (But fuck it if it does...)

There are very few things that we as humans believe in that don’t have another side. We forget that our freedoms usually come with some sort of reciprocity. There is kinetic reaction that can sometimes be more damning that we first thought.

My favorite of these little mistruths is freedom of speech. We as westerners live in a world where free speech is a theoretical right. (Unless your words breach the Patriot act… Then Hello Camp Delta…) yet when this right is tested, the ramifications can be wholly chaotic.

Case in point. A Danish newspaper prints a series of racist cartoons, and with that manages to incite hysterical rage in the Middle East. People have been killed because of it. Imagine that… Killed because of a cartoon. Lives have ended because someone drew a picture that challenged a belief system. What kind of a world do we live in?

Could it just be me, or has this been totally blown out of proportion?

I understand that people could be insulted by the content of these cartoons. I’m an atheist and they insult me, but at not point would that motivate me to murder someone. Killing someone over this really seems a lot like overkill. Whatever happened to the concept of a strongly worded letter? Perhaps a phone call or two might have done the trick. I’ve pissed off a lot of people over the years with some of the things I’ve had to say, but at no point did I ever think I might get whacked for it. (Maybe the odd punch in the stomach…)

Perhaps though, the rational escapes me because I don’t live in that world. I don’t have that strong a belief in faith. My world is not restrictive. I don’t understand the way of life that comes from living elsewhere. My taxes don’t go to a government that insists I believe what they do. But does that excuse barbarism? Likely not.

I have other things that fill my life other than God. That alone makes these violent actions horrific to me. I am unable to wrap my head around that kind of rage. I would be hard pressed to get that angry about anything. Perhaps that’s a flaw in my own character.

But the people that printed the cartoons are equally responsible for those unfortunate deaths. There can ironically be a hefty price for freedom of speech. That may sound ludicrous, but in reality it’s true. It is important to realize that these cartoons were pointed at a faith that wholly rejects any kind of scrutiny. This is a faith that has inspired people in all too recent memory to strap on bombs and walk into crowded places. More specifically it’s a faith where some of its more extreme fundamentalist practitioners are inspired by martyrdom.

The newspaper responsible might as well have pointed fireworks at a giant can of gasoline. They just should have known better. I agree with their right to freedom of speech, (and will defend it…) but you would have had to know that this would be a grim Wile E. Coyote moment. They should have known there would be little rationality in the reaction to their printing. Why would you pick at those people? What did it serve to do?

People died, businesses that took years to build were destroyed, and a just about billion people want your heads. Speech isn’t all that free after all, is it?

02/06/06 Different Colour Tie... Same Bullshit lies...

“Have you ever gotten the feeling you’ve been cheated?”
-Johnny Rotten (From the Sex Pistols last American gig.)

That’s how we Canadians should feel. The Conservatives said they were going to bring change to government. (More specifically a positive change...) But it seems the best they could muster was a case of the “Same Old Shit…” After day one, a remarkably poor example of that change has already been made.

Given the fuss about Belinda Stronach crossing the floor to join the Liberals, and Stephen Harper declaring that would never be tolerated in The Conservative ranks, you’d figure that he’d mean it.

But apparently not, Harper’s first day in office started by announcing his cabinet, and in that cabinet was a former Liberal that his party enticed over with the promise of a ministry. Keep in mind that this is a man that was elected as a Liberal only two weeks earlier. Question: What’s the difference between Belinda Stronach and David Emerson?

Answer: NOTHING.

But that wasn’t enough. Then he announced that a current sitting senator with no House of Commons privileges would become a minister as well, a man who has no accountability in the House. Zero, Ziltch, Nada, None…

Well-played Mr. Harper… You sure suckered a lot of people. Nice change. I can’t wait to see your anti corruption legislation. That should be a hoot.

02/05/06 Football

This next statement will be considered by many to be sacrilege. I hate NFL football. It holds absolutely no appeal for me. I find it boring. I would rather watch flies fuck, or paint dry or even take a long haul off an ether bottle than spend the afternoon watching football. I don’t care who’s a good team, or who’s bad. I just don’t give a shit.

I realize I’m not making friends here, and frankly I’m okay with that. I think football should be replaced with something else. Something so super fantastic that really captures the imagination of the fans. I think it’s time we brought back the gladiators. Now there’s something I can get behind. Imagine the roar of the crowd with every clank of a sword. The ooh’s and ah’s when some poor bastard gets mauled would be like music to my years.

I would be in total glee, sitting there with my beer and popcorn watching the goriest of human blood sports. What’s more sporty than fighting for your very survival? I think it’s little coincidence that most football stadiums look a lot like the coliseum in Rome.

If you want to impress me don’t throw some stupid old hunk of pigskin, fight off a tiger instead. I’d pay big money to see athletes try and kill one another while avoiding the gnashing teeth of a carnivorous beast. That just makes the Super Bowl sound pretty lame to me.

Besides the skill involved in fighting with a net and trident is pretty impressive. Those are some pretty clumsy weapons.

Imagine the marketing opportunities too. There are billions to be made with this. Look at what Vince McMahon has managed with wrestling. Hell even UFC is doing well. I just think it’s about time to take it one step further.

02/04/06 Blog Problems...

After some really frustrating problems with this blog over the past few days, It has become even more apparent to me that Microsoft sucks ass. (Although I have espoused this for some time...)

Anyway... if you use Internet explorer to read this blog... well, it's gonna look like shit.(For the last build of i.e. for OS X. Although It seems to work okay in i.e. 6 for Windows...)

I suggest using the following.

Firefox, Netscape, Mozilla, Camino, or Opera. They all work correctly.

02/04/06 New on The ipod This Week...

So this album is what I'd call a fantastic surprise. I had never heard of Cat Power before. I just saw it at the play station at my favorite record store. After spinning it for a few minutes, I realized I had just struck gold.

It's a really moody record. It has a Portishead kind of feel to it. Chan Marshall's vocals drip with raw emotion, and the songs have a real personal feel to them.

This one's worth buying for sure.

02/01/06 Just some catching up...

So far it's been an interesting week. It started with me going into work on Monday in a suit. My only suit, which can best described as your typical conservative navy blue suit. It's nothing you'd call flashy or trendy. It's about as plain as it gets. It's the kind of suit that can get you lost in a crowd during the lunch throng of your average business district. I felt uncomfortable in it. I don't like suits, mostly because I don't like other people in suits. (Specifically strangers in suits… I always get the feeling they're up to something I wouldn't like too much.)

My coworkers and I got to meet the new owners of our little research company. We all got tarted up for the affair. (Or in my case, as best as I could muster.) I think the day went well enough. The folks from Montreal seem like really good people. I suspect they will be good to work for. It was really nice to see the gang all gussied up. Usually were a bit of a scrubby bunch. (Well not really, but not usually suit and tie type folks…)

Anyway, after a day of meetings, we held a cocktail party for people in our industry. In most ways it was your fairly typical meet and greet. It was a little strange for me at first; I'm really not much of a schmoozer, (Not in that circle so much…) but I managed to get into the swing of things after a bit. (Mind you, I think I was more concerned about how badly my feet hurt. God it felt like I had smacked them with a hammer repeatedly. My dress shoes look pretty good, but comfort was apparently not a major concern for their designer. I have never been happier to stomp around in bare feet than I was when I got home.)

Our counter parts from Edmonton came down to join in our festivities. I am finally able to put faces to the people I have been working with for the better part of a year.

Once things wrapped up, I popped into the Monday night open mike at Dicken's. All of my friends independent of each other asked me if I had been to a funeral. Apparently it' s bit of an anomaly to see me dressed up. But then again, I guess it doesn't happen that often. Given a choice, I'd rather wear an old work shirt, a pair of Vans and comfy jeans.

Anyway, on to other stuff…

Last night I had a show in Lethbridge. It was my first time on the road since December. It felt good to be out there, if only for the night. I have only done three shows since I got back from Newfoundland. This was the first one where the rust seemed to have been completely shaken off. It was nice to hear boisterous laughter again.

But truthfully I really needed that time away from the stage. Between the day job, and the increasingly busy schedule of October through December, I had managed to burn myself out. The last show I did before I left for Newfoundland was emotionally one of the hardest I've ever had to do. I was wasted. Totally flat, and I knew it too. There was barely anything left in the tank.

I didn't let loose with too much new stuff last night. I've got a few little nuggets to tinker with, but I don't want to let them out into the light of day just yet. I have a feeling that this year will bring some interesting stuff.

Today, I found out that I sold some stuff to XM satellite radio. I had no idea they had bought anything until someone handed me a cheque. It was a pleasant surprise for sure.

I have been slow to commit to gigs so far, but I feel like I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I have a gig in Red Deer next week with Johnny Guardhouse, and I'm looking forward to it. My hope for March is that I will hit the road a lot harder, and get some shit done. I'm hoping that I can hit Calgary, Edmonton, and Saskatchewan pretty soon. Hell I'm even willing to give my Nemesis Kelowna another go.

Anyway… I need to crash.

More to come.

This was Fantastic...

There was a video post here... but it drove me crazy. I have left the comments for posterity.

11/24/06 The Sun Rose This Morning Just Fine...

It’s really going to be fun to watch Harper try and pull this whole minority government thing off. He didn’t look too smug last night during his speech. I suspect he just realize what he just inherited. Brings to mind the adage “Careful what you wish for.”

He has been granted an extremely short leash. It’s going to be like a fucked up game of Jenga for him. The more appealing parts of his agenda will likely pass without too much gnashing of teeth. It’s the nuttier stuff that is going to cause him some grief.

With the exception of Calgary and Edmonton, Canada’s major centres, including the biggest city in western Canada all turned him away at the door. So in addition to having to play ball with Quebec, he now has to tangle with potentially adversarial relationships in Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. That’s a bit of a sticky jam.

In addition, his conservatives were unable to give the Liberals the kind of “Tit Slapping’ that he and his cohorts were pining for. He has a dangerous opposition sitting across from him, and it won’t take too much for them to snap him like a twig.

To my way of thinking, it’s like having a box of old dynamite, and a group of kids playing with matches. (Except most of the kids have some sort of nervous disorder… like Parkinson’s.)

Regardless of my own political proclivities, I hope that Harper does well. It’s now in the best interest of the country to keep this government together… At least for now, especially given that this election has cost us nearly 250 million dollars. We should have something to show for that kind of expenditure. Shouldn’t we?

Given that my party, as well as the one I voted for (As a protest…) both did less well in this election, you’d think I’d be more bitter about it. But I’m not. I tip my hat to mister Harper, now he has a chance to prove his detractors wrong. In the grand scheme of things, we should all be so lucky.

Prime Minister Harper… I can live with that, (Given that I have to…) but for some reason I really like the sound of Prime Minister McKenna better.

01/23/06 Election Day

Today is Election Day here in Canada. Harper and his Conservatives are poised to win a minority government. That's just what we need, another minority government that will be ripped down in about18 months. Enjoy it while you can Mr. Harper… It won't last long.

Let's see how smug you are when it's your turn to fight for your political career It's not like the Conservatives don't have their share of greedy, shady double dealers. Mulroney taught us that. (Not to mention complete retards like Rob Anders… That guy is fucked…)

But what we need even less than a minority government, are the Conservatives themselves. Apparently watching our poor suffering neighbours to the south struggle with Bush has done little to temper our anger at the Liberals. We have learned nothing from America's example.

Don't get me wrong. We should be angry with the Liberals. We should be furious with them. Harper is right to condemn them for shoving their grubby hands into the public trough. But Harper must realize that his lead in the polls and likely victory are nothing more than a reaction to the Liberal's misdealings. I suspect it has very little to do with policy. In fact I'm convinced that's the case.

It's not the principles of Liberalism that will be on trial tomorrow. The results of this election will be nothing more than an administered punishment. A nation doesn't change its social demeanor because of a scandal. Proclivities just don't change like that, especially in a healthy economy.

This will be a minor blip in Canadian election history because Canadians are far too progressive to tolerate an assault on civil liberties. Here's a tip for you Mr. Harper…Touch a woman's right to choose, or Universal healthcare and you're fucked. We built the social safety net for a reason. It's not even open for negotiation.

Anyway I have to go vote…

I will be voting NDP this time around. I am doing so in good conscious. I want the Liberals to be punished, but I'm not willing to throw my principals away to do so. Vote your heart. Vote for what you believe in.

01/21/06

My Mother sent me this. I thought it was kinda funny.

01/20/06 These are a few of my Favorite things...

A new installment of “Getting to Know Marcus.”

1) I am a member of the Cult of Mac. In fact, every post on this blog was done on a Mac. I like to avoid Windows whenever possible. (Shabby, Shabby, Shabby operation system that it is.) Apple will eventually win the war. You think the ipod was an accident?

2) Other than Star Wars, my all time favorite Sci-Fi movie is “Forbidden Planet”

3) I got to hang out with Bad Brains (I Against I, Banned in D.C.) once. It was very cool. I still have the picture their road manager took.

4) My all time favorite comic book hero is Spider man.

5) I really don’t like Jerry Seinfeld. The show was fun, but I really don’t care for his stand up. I’m not sure why, but I think there are two types of people in the world. Those who like Larry David, and those who like Seinfeld. I am the former.

6) Spaghetti is my most favorite food ever, although I’m a big fan of breakfast too. (A big breakfast… with all the breakfast meats.)

7) I own too much stuff. Our apartment is overflowing with stuff.

8) For some reason I keep pulling All Bran bars out of every bag I own. Suitcases, backpacks, satchels, you name it… bloody All Bran bars.

9) I’m pig headed and stubborn.

10) My indifference can be frigid and unfettering.

11) My parents were the basis for characters from the comic book “Alpha Flight.”

12) In any group, I have always felt like the outsider. I know this isn’t true… But it’s my little neurotic hang up. I get that from my Dad’s side of the family.

13) According to my western family, all of my political beliefs are WRONG. This makes me happy. I feel like a thorn in their side.

14) I have a soft spot for Tom Clancy novels. I know they are fully crap, but I’m a sucker for them anyway.

15) I like cherry lollypops. Esp. Tootsie Pops.

16) My favorite candies are Swedish Berries. Gummy Bears are a very close second. I like to chew the heads off of them and squish them together to create a Frankengummy.

01/19/06

Tonight was a peculiar night. I went for a walk and stumbled into the Ship and Anchor for a pint. It’s one of my favorite haunts and pretty much has been for years. It’s a cool pub, and it has some of the most robust bar flies I have ever seen. Its patrons are lifers. (And it seems I am no exception…)

Anyway, I pretty much figured that the usual cast of idiots would be there, and once again I was not disappointed. The place was full, but happily there wasn’t a line. I hate having to wait to get into a bar. (Especially if I’m a regular, and there is a new doorman…) If anything, I was surprised, because they were all there at once. Normally they seem to come in shifts.

You can trust the Ship to be the same. It’s a little harbour in the storm. When you don’t know where to go, just head to the Ship. The food is good, and the conversation’s not too bad either, especially if you can avoid a hipster dufus from saddling up next to you. Best of all though, they pour a mean pint.

But I digress, as I’m trundling along, heading for a bar stool and a quick Carlsberg, I see something I’ve never seen before. Female public urination.

This pimped out Hummer pulls up along the sidewalk next to me, then this little bar star type gets out, hikes up her skirt, does a squat and starts peeing in the planter on the side walk. I’m shocked. (Although I guess I shouldn’t really be… Hell, I’ve peed in the street before…) It was like a traffic accident, I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help myself.

She was gushing like “Old Faithful,” and she just giggled the whole time. She even looked over at me and smiled. She almost looked proud of herself.

Then She hopped into the back seat of the Hummer, and sped off.

All I could think of was “WOW… I bet she was cold…”

I’m an Idiot.

01/13/06 More thoughts on Designer Manatees and Intelligent Creations...

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post about the 3 way battle over how to explain man's existence. Since then, the topic has been mulling over in my head almost no stop. I've been slipping it into conversations, hoping to get some more perspective on it.

It has only gotten more confusing for me. I have decided to revisit the topic here, and deliver some of the information I've managed to conjure up.

I pride myself on having people in my life from all walks of life. I respect all creeds, colours, genders, and preferences, but I have to say lately I've heard some really fucked up shit.

To sum up, the three main camps (in North American society…) are;
1) Creationists (Tending to be Christian fundamentalists)
2) Evolutionists (Science types)
3) Intelligent designers (Usually pretty flakey…)

I'm going to start with Creationists. I watched a documentary recently where a bunch of uber fundamentalist Christian creationists took school children to a museum to stuff their heads full of truly odd stuff. Here are some actual quotes.

“The Earth is only six thousand years old.”

“Science is full of Satan's lies.”

“Satan invented the dinosaurs as a tool to confuse man.”

Now… I'm no scientist, or a preacher… but to me that just comes off as backward. I would get really nervous if I got stuck in a conversation with someone who espoused that to me.

My favorite of these quotes is the one about the dinosaurs. It makes me imagine an Office meeting in Hell.

Satan: Next on the agenda… How to confuse Humans about their existence… Any thoughts…

Minion: How about Giant Lizards?

Satan: Brilliant… Good work Johnson… Get this down to marketing right away…

On side note, there is an interesting Irony here. President Bush is a fundamentalist Christian, which makes his lust for oil confusing, given that oil is basically liquefied Dinosaur, which essentially makes it a literal bucket full of Satan's lies.

But I digress…

Creationists have some really modern thinkers propping the belief up. Here's a short list;

Jerry Falwell (leader of the 700 club… who once mused on the likelyhood that one of the Teletubbies was gay...), Jimmy Swaggart (An adulterer, who in a politically charged sermon, said that he would kill gay men...), Pat Robertson (a lunatic who claims that Episcopalians, Presbyterians and Methodists embody the spirit of the antichrist...), Tammy Faye Baker (or whatever her last name is now…) Peter Popoff (A man who tries to pawn water from Chernobyl as a miracle cure…) and Mel Gibson.

With a group like that how could you possibly go wrong?


Next on the list are Evolutionists. This is a heftier group. The belief that sciences can explain our existence is something easier for me to swallow. I like the gleam in the eye of a biologist when he / she starts talking about DNA and Amino acids. Throw in a Big Bang or two, and I have to admit, I'm hooked.

Then there is Darwin. His theories are marvelous. All the time spent thinking about adaptation really works me into frenzy. What a clever bastard he is. The notion that we changed to survive inhospitable climates is totally top drawer in my books.

But science has a few wrinkles of it's own…

The bible has a whole lot of begating going on. There is so much begating in fact that you might actually begin to believe that fundamentalists actually like sex. Science has very little of that. Here's a little formula I've devised to elaborate my thinking.

Science = Science Fiction, Science Fiction = Star Trek, Star Trek = Nerd, Nerd = No Begating. (Not quite empirical, but I would argue the foundation is there.)

Here's a list of some famous people that support Evolution:

Dr. Stephen Hawking (The guy who figured out that time isn't necessarily linear), Albert Einstein (Generally thought of a somewhat clever…), Charles Darwin (Duh…), and Jared Diamond (Professor and author of Collapse and Guns, Germs and Steel…)

Next on deck are the intelligent designers. I have to admit, I'm pretty willing to dismiss this lot for a number of reasons. The first of which is this, I think these people are just plain nuts. This group strikes me as indecisive and desperate to find something to believe in. In the post 9/11 era this group's numbers have been rising steadily. I believe it to be reactionary and empty.

It also seems like a backhanded compromise designed to foist creationism into science programs. Both religion and science have their place in our society and I will not begrudge that, but at no point do they belong together.

Putting them together just muddies the waters. Some combinations go well together, like chocolate and peanut butter, this on the other hand is just pain sour.

What it boils down to for me is this. I can look at the data that science provides and understand the linkage between Homo erectus, and me. I can also see the need to find a spiritual belief to explain existence. Both help us find meaning in our lives.

But what if we are just an accident? Why can't that be enough? Why do we have to perceive some master plan?

I think that if there was some master plan, then the intelligent designer involved must take a short bus to work. There are too many things that we surround ourselves with that don't add up. Too many things that show and absence of logic and are far too random and chaotic to show any perceivable design.

Maybe the beauty of that chaotic randomness should be enough. Lord knows there are far more important things to worry about these days. Especially given the times that we live in. Perhaps wars and famine and disease could take precedence instead. I'm pretty sure there are millions of people who would agree with me.

In the previous blog entry about this subject, I made a caustic joke involving a Manatee and Paris Hilton to try illustrate my point.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps there is an intelligent designer out there. If there is… He / She / It has a brilliant sense of humor, but really shitty timing.

But for both My and manatee's sake perhaps we could move onto new and more pressing business.

01/12/06 Some More Thoughts on The Election

“And what makes most people feel happy, leads us head long into harm…”
Paint a Vulgar Picture – The Smiths 1986

It is entirely likely that Stephen Harper will become the next Prime Minister of Canada. I find that unfortunate. Happily it appears (So far…) that it will be a minority government. (Although that depends on which poll you look at…) He can’t get into too much trouble that way… Can he?

Over Christmas, I had a conversation about the politics involved in a minority government situation with a friend of mine. He quite correctly pointed out some very interesting things.

The first of which is this. There is no real history of supporting minority governments in this country. They tend to last between 6 and 18 months and while they have the potential to accomplish a fair amount (due mostly to the compromises needed to stave off it’s inevitable collapse.) they rarely do.

And the second is this. There is no history of a true coalition government in Canada. Instead of looking at a minority as something to be ripped down, there is an enormous opportunity to hammer out something that works for all parties. It works for the Germans and Italians… why the hell couldn’t it work here in Canada?

01/05/06 Grist for The Mill...

So… The federal election is looming in the very near future, and the niceties of the Christmas season are over. Television’s numbing cathode rays are blasting snarky propaganda with an alarming frequency and it’s becoming more difficult to stomach the whole thing.

Martin and Harper are fully at each other’s throats, and the media is reporting a dead heat between the two. It’s a bit of a grisly foot race for sure. I can’t imagine this ending well for anyone. Truth be told, I think both party leaders are full of shit.

Canadians are in for a bit of a pickle with this one. It’s gotten difficult to tell which is the lesser of evils. Martin is the leader of a party that has strayed from it’s principles, and Harper is just plain spooky. (Perhaps he needs to learn to smile once in a while…)

Who do you choose? The Liberals totally reek with a sense of entitlement, and the Conservatives are a smug mish mash of social conservatives, and those who hoped that this bastard union wouldn’t suck that bad. (I wonder if Peter McKay has trouble sleeping at night…)

And then there’s Jack Layton, who seems to be willing to dance with whatever devil lucks out. (Although whenever I seem him stand between Harper and Martin, it reminds me of an Oreo cookie. It’s sort of a “Evil, Less Evil, Evil kind of thing…) It makes it hard to take him more seriously than perhaps we should.

Layton and his New Democrats have tarted themselves up. Gone are the frumpy hippies and Volvo driving granola crunchers. The New NDP is slick. Smart looking suits and glib retorts are the new face of Canada’s last bastion of the left. It’s a little sad to see.

Anyway I need to chew over this for a while…

More to come.

Time for sleep.

01/05/06 More Pictures from Newfoundland...

These are some pictures of St. John's. I took them from the observation gallery of "The Rooms" which is the new Museum, Art Gallery,and Public Archives. It's one of the coolest buildings I have ever seen.

I stood there in awe of the view... It made me wonder just why I left there to begin with. The view of the harbour was overwhelming to me.

01/04/06

I got back to Calgary today. When I stepped off the plane, it felt as if I was a stranger in a foreign place. As I waited for my luggage, my eyes lost focus for a moment, and I felt a wave of uneasiness. I was out of sorts. The pope could have come up to me and shook my hand and I likely wouldn’t have noticed.

Perhaps it was just the flight. It’s a draining trip at the best of times, and Air Canada seems to strive at making it that way. God forbid they could concoct some wild scheme that might create a direct non-stop flight to Calgary from St. John’s. (Mind you, they excel at making things more difficult than really need be, and they do it with such brilliant arrogance…) It was much too long a flight for my liking, especially since I didn’t get any sleep the night before. I tried, but my eyes would not close.

After weeks of decent sleep, my brain decided to betray it’s newly found rhythm. It snapped like a dry twig. It didn’t take long for insomnia to arrive at the party like a vulgar unwanted guest. If only there was some sort of exorcism that could be done to wrangle it. “The power of Christ compels you to take a nap…”

But I Digress… I reluctantly got on the plane at about 6 this morning. It felt really wrong leaving Newfoundland this time. It took every ounce of will power I could muster to get through security and onto that plane. I welled up a little, but managed to choke it back. It was rough saying goodbye to my parents. It’s hard on me that they live so far away.

Each time I leave, it gets just a little more difficult. It tweaks on the heartstrings harder and harder. The problem is that principally I feel I belong there. It’s the one place on earth where I feel truly like I’m on the right page. It’s my heaven on earth. While I like Calgary, It doesn’t evoke the same kinds of feelings in me.

For some reason, over the last few days, I couldn’t seem to stop mulling over my impending departure. It became a preoccupation for me. While it didn’t prevent me from enjoying my time there, it was always in the back of my mind. Even during the New Year’s festivities, with fire works going off around me, it occupied much of my thoughts.

I feel as if I have missed much since I left that strange rock in the Atlantic. I’m not sure I’m willing to miss much more. I sometimes feel a little estranged from my extended family, but I guess that makes sense since I’ve been away from them for the better part of 13 years.

Anyway, More to come… But first sleep…

01/04/06 Some Pictures of Bay Bulls...

These are some pictures of things in Bay Bulls. The statue of St.Peter is from the church across the street from where my parents live. He sits on top of a cannon that was salvaged from the ocean. It belonged to a ship called the HMS Sapphire. It is one of the oldest known ship wrecks in North America. The remains of the ship still sit in the bottom of the harbour. It has been there since her Captain scuttled her in the mid 17th century.

The warf is also very close to where my parents live. There weren't too many boats tied up. Most had already been taken out of the water for the season. Soon the pack ice will come, and anything left in the water will be crushed.

The picture of the whale skull was taken by O'Brien's warf. That family runs a very successful eco tourism business. Apparently my cousin Chris found the skull and thought it would be something tourists might find interesting. There are also some ribs there. From what I can gather it's a Humpback skull.

01/02/06

New Stuff on the ipod...

1)Sean Panting - “Receiver” & “Victrola” These are separate albums, but really they should have been packaged together. One is pretty rockin' and the other is basically acoustic versions of the same songs. It's very good. He's the most interesting of the Rock performers that Newfoundland has to offer.

2)Willie Nelson - “Countryman” I have never been a country fan. I normally would rail against it, but this is an excellent disc. Truthfully it's more of a reggae record. It's also very good. The cover of “The Harder They Come , The Harder They fall” is exceptional.

3)Frank Black – “Black Francis” This is a strange collection of demos that Frank Black recorded just before The Pixies became musical icons. The second disc are new versions of those same songs after the implosion of The Pixies in the mid 90's.

4)Soundtrack - “Lost in Translation” There are some little nuggets on this disc. There is also some stinky shit that would have best been left out. (And never to see the light of day...) Kevin Shields put some goodies on here, and there is also one of my favorite My Bloody Valentine songs on here. Otherwise it's a little average. Ultimately this is like a greatest hits package for the post college hipster dufus.

Just a little holiday update...

So far the Christmas season has been brilliant. The time with my friends and family has been well spent indeed. It has been a good time to recharge my batteries. Before I got here, I was woefully on about half power. (If that...) Gone is the exhaustion of the last few months and I feel healthier than I have for some time. It's almost as if the trip home has been more of a respite in a sanitarium. The black circles under my eyes have started to fade as has the quickness of my temper.

Santa did well to us again this year. It seems his generosity becomes less restrained with each passing year. It's going to be tricky to travel back to Alberta with all this loot in tow. Hopefully Air Canada will be a little more forgiving with the amount of luggage I can bring back with me.

Anyway, more to come later...

12/16/05 Recently Added To The Collection...

Here's some neat stuff that's been added to the collection lately.

1) Face To Face - Shoot The Moon. Normally I'm not much of a "Greatest Hits package" kind of guy, But this one is good. These guys are one of my all time favorites, and I was sad when I heard of their demise. The liner notes are excellent, and the tunes speak for themselves.

2) Uncovered: The Whole Truth About The Iraq War - An excellent documentary by Rob Greenwald. a gem in a world overrun by lazy conservative media. The people at The Disinformation Company rock.

3) walmart - The High Cost of Low Prices - This one will piss you off. Walmart is evil. Go to Zellers. The disinformation company just keeps them coming.

Cheers

12/15/05 Black Steel In The Hour of Chaos

The execution of Stanley Tookie Williams should be regarded as nothing less than a tragedy. America has once again proven that it prefers revenge to redemption. Regardless of his crimes (Which he denied right to the moment of his execution.), the man became a role model of what a citizen should be.

Stanley was an author, an activist, and a man trying to atone for his past. His regret for the part that he played in the formation of the Crips was always at the forefront. This was a changed man. This was a man who wanted to make a difference.

For his efforts, he was nominated on 6 different occasions for a Nobel Prize. How many death row inmates have been nominated once, let alone 6 times?

Schwarzenegger had a golden opportunity to show the world that criminals can be rehabilitated, and that a man can rise above his misdeeds. Instead he dropped it like a hot potato. For a former action movie hero, he sure demonstrated a lack of spine. How very sad.

Hopefully his death was not in vain.

12/08/05

I like to take little breaks with this blog. It helps me from writing for the sake of writing. Generally I like to have something to say before I sit down and spew. Lately I’ve been feeling good, and little is picking at my brain. Perhaps I’m just too excited about Christmas, and feeling intoxicated by it’s impending arrival. Perhaps, I’m just really not miffed about much right now.

I’ve done a lot of roadwork lately. The last 6 weeks have been filled with one weekend adventure after another, and I have been lucky to work with a lot of great people. This weekend is no exception. I get to work with one of my best friends. This makes me happy. The destination on the other hand, is less appealing to me.

I’m headed to Cranbrook. That town and I have a troubled relationship. It boils down to the fact that I’m a level headed, rational, thinking human being, and the citizens of this mountain berg are religious lunatics. (To the point of being obnoxious about it.) We have very little common ground. (Other than we need food and oxygen…) I have begun to understand what a Japanese tourist must feel like while visiting the Arizona memorial.

I have spent the better part of a year learning that you can’t judge a book by its cover, but I’ve read the book on Cranbrook. (Well, really it was more of a leaflet.) The last time I was there, it felt like I had been torn from the bosom of comfort, and thrust out into the harsh light of day. (And the doctor forgot to slap my ass.)

I have learned not to expect much from that town. Hopefully I‘ll be happily surprised this time, but I’m not holding my breath. I suppose it could be worse, I could be going to William’s Lake.

Other stuff…

I listened to an interview with Stephen Colbert on NPR (National Public Radio in the United States…) and I have to say, he is very funny. I like what he had to say. I think I actually find him funnier out of character than in, although the Colbert Report is very funny in it’s own right. I think it’s a great spoof of Sean Hannity, and that other blowhard Bill O'Reilly.

Anyway I have to scoot.

More later…

11/30/05

This post may piss some people off, but I don’t really care. Tonight I saw a piece on the news that infuriated me. There is a move afoot to change the name of the Christmas tree.

Apparently the forces of political correctness would rather it be called a “Holiday tree”. What utter rot. What purpose does this possibly serve? This is nothing more than a foolish waste of time. Has our society completely lost its fucking mind?

Now I’m not much of a Christian. Truthfully a lot of that collection of beliefs makes me equally angry, however, it strikes me that this kind of nonsense just serves to highlight differences rather than embrace them.

Thanks to guilty feeling white folks, we have successfully re branded Christmas. It’s no longer good practice to wish people “Merry Christmas” now it has to be “Happy Holidays.” I for one refuse to say that. I will not utter those words. I will say Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah (Joyous Kwanzaa… etc.)

I am a firm believer that every single person in the world should have the right to practice their own traditions. Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Wiccans, and everyone else big and small should have their rights and freedoms protected. (Celebrations of faith inclusive.) Show me a petition and I’ll sign it, give me a march and I’ll be first in line, but I will not embrace sheltering others from our traditions. Especially the ones we hold the dearest.

I am more than willing to join others in celebrating different traditions, but at no point do I want people to change them. It is not my right to interfere. (Unless it causes harm to others…)

Imagine changing the name of a Menorah to “Holiday Candelabra”. That would never happen. What would happen if we insisted that Ramadan be renamed “Period of Self Denial and Reflection.” Imagine the uproar that would cause. Imagine a Crucifix being called “The Magic T.”

Perhaps we should just do our thing and just not worry about it. Last time I checked Christmas was not a celebration of intolerence, so we should stop treating it that way.

I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't give a hoot. Why would they? At no point is this designed to run over someone else's cultural differences, just to celebrate our own.

Until then... I'm gonna put decorations on the Christmas Tree.

11/29/05 Abuse Your Illusions

This is a fantastic book. If you like a little conspiracy theory then this is the book for you.
It's been condemed by the likes of Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reiley, and Rush Limbaugh... So you know it's gotta be good.

There are some really good articles in here from Howard Zinn, Greg Palast and William Blum.

Check it out.

11/22/05 Sympathy for the Devil...

I am a firm believer that our sins follow us, lurking behind in the shadows. No matter where we go in our lives, they will always be with us. (Spooky huh?) It doesn’t mean that we can’t expose them for what they are, only that they are a constant and usually unwelcome travelling companion… To me they are like a stowaway on the soul, or a bitchy neighbour that refuses to fuck off and move.

My friend Daniel once compared it to dragging mines behind you, with the belief that if you slow down even for an instant, it could have catastrophic results. I think I agree to a certain extent, but from that catastrophe comes resolution, and usually freedom.

I also believe those same sins play a major part in defining our character. (Whether we like it or not.) In some ways, the exposition of our flaws and lapsed judgement are far more telling about us than we would like to believe. Sadly, the good stuff tends to get lost in the shuffle. Only by seeing one’s character undone, do we ever really get to see the mettle that someone’s made of. How’s that for irony?

But that’s the way society wants it anyway. (Which speaks to society’s sins too…) We celebrate the downfall of others with overwhelming zeal. Few things entertain us more than watching someone’s life fully and completely implode. I must admit I love it. Seeing some poor schmuck get done it by his own stupidity is more entertaining to me than a good hockey game. (Hopefully I won’t get struck by lightening for saying that…)

That’s not to say that the good things in our character should be ignored. There must after all be some sense of balance; otherwise the whole thing would go to shit. Hell our world has heroes, who rise to the occasion when needed, and without them we would have no moral compass. (Here in lies that balance.)

But we have villains too. Without them we’d likely be unable to examine our darker selves. Everyone has a seedy underbelly. The Pope’s got one, and so does your mom, it’s the nature of who we are. It’s normal.

That is unless you happen to be Gary Glitter. Then you have stepped outside of normal. Normal is not even on the map. Sadly, Gary is in the middle of his catastrophe. His mines collided the second he decided to pursue Vietnamese children for sex. His resolution and freedom apparently will come guised as a firing squad. That poor dumb bastard. Instead of getting help for his problems, he chose the stupid plan.

Something tells me there will be no “Rock & Roll part 3” in anyone’s future.

His sins come from an inability to deal with a fading identity, and a lifetime of excess. It’s funny how indulgences can seem trivial at the time, but come with their own set of problems. I suspect if you were to ask him before he became a success, or even at the mid point of his career where he’d be in 2005, I doubt highly he would ever say “Um facing the death penalty for screwing little Asian girls.”

I’ve heard a lot of people over the years complain that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. I have never believed it. Not once. I think it’s just our sins coming to collect on a debt.

Perhaps if we took less time to celebrate notorious lifestyles, and spend a little more of it dealing with our shit, we’d all be happier.

11/18/05 Stop Me if You Think You've Heard This One Before...

When I was in college I had a classmate that refused to believe that man descended from apes. Now, he was a quite religious fellow, (Actually he was selectively religious… As I find most are…) and believed in the biblical creation story, including the whole Adam and Eve thing.

I was shocked. I had never met a creationist before. I nearly had to scrape my bottom lip off of the floor. I had always assumed that humans had figured that those stories were more about subtext and less about the literal plot line.

Shortly after that conversation with him, I traveled to the United States. I was in North Dakota, and low and behold I met another creationist, and then another, and another. I felt like I had been teleported to the middle ages. I wondered if I should bring up the “concept” of a globe shaped planet or discuss how the earth travels on an elliptical path around the sun.

Lately there has been a lot of debate about how life started on earth. There are three main camps, Evolutionists, Creationists, and those who believe in Intelligent Design. I would fall into the first camp. I’m a firm believer in science. Perhaps it comes from discoveries that lean very heavily towards Darwin’s theories. One needs only to gaze upon the Australopithecus and Neanderthal to see a distant relative of Homo sapiens.

In addition, given the racial diversity on this planet, I find it difficult to believe that someone (i.e. God) waved a magic wand and POOF… Suddenly there were whites and blacks, Asians and Aboriginals. It just seems too neat and tidy. Humans have struggled since the dawn of our existence, and it only makes sense that Mother Nature might have made some changes along the way to move us forward. (Some could argue that she did too much…)

That being said, I am always willing to entertain a debate. I figure in the grand scheme of things I know squat, zip, zero, nada. Challenge me… It will likely be good for both of us.

Creationists on the other hand reject science completely. (Well… At least in terms of how we got here… Cancer treatments on the other hand…). They believe that humans owe their existence to God. I take no issue with that belief… I figure if that’s what gets you through the day then good on you.

I do however have a problem with absolutes. Most creationists seem to totally unwilling to even entertain other ideas. I find that brings out the Doubting Thomas in me. Show me the holes… Convince me, or at least try to. (But please leave out the whole bible thing. It may be the word of God… But man wrote it down, and was bound to fuck it up regardless of how it was inspired…)

Using the same logic, serious diseases are God’s responsibility too.

God: I think I need a disease that liquefies internal organs. OOOH… and one that literally eats flesh… and hell why not something that causes cell replication go completely berserk… Oh I know… something that totally destroys immune systems…

As if someone who created and loves us could ever be that cruel…

The most interesting of the three camps seems to be those who embrace Intelligent Design. This in a nutshell is the compromise between creationists and evolutionists.
Basically it comes down to this. The world and all it’s creatures have evolved, but that evolution was planned by a higher power. (God… Little Grey aliens, Bootsy Collins…)
To my way of thinking this is nothing more than fence sitting. It’s like a shitty compromise forced on you by your parents on a family camping trip.

The biggest loophole in this theory is this. Intelligent Design implies ultimately that Paris Hilton, the entire cast of “Friends’, George Bush, and the manatee are all part of someone’s grand scheme.

If that is that is the case, there’s a higher power out there with some serious explaining to do. I could understand a hybrid of Paris and a manatee… I mean, who wouldn’t want to see that. (Although it could be argued that Nicole Ritche might actually be that hybrid…)

Perhaps it’s less of an actual plan, and more of the embodiment of a celestial sense of humour.

Grey #1: Hey Grink… Check this shit out… I call them humans…

Grey #2: No Fuckin’ way… That’s some crazy assed shit… You da bomb Sniglor… Humans… that’s too funny.

On behalf of the manatees (and myself…) I’d just like to say pick one… Then we can move along and evolve.

11/16/05

I have spent the last few days trying to take stock of where I am in life. Mind you, I’m not looking for any sort of revelation or epiphany; I’m just going over a checklist in my head. What have I achieved? Where am I going next? Etc…

Sometimes I need a moment to peer over what’s been done, and more importantly what needs to get done. It’s a good exercise. I recommend it. You’ll be amazed how much it helps in sorting priorities. I find that most people I know in the real world rarely take the time (or even seem to have the time…) to press the pause button.

I find this kind of mental sifting usually surfaces into my conscience when I’m at the point of complete exhaustion. This time is no different by any stretch. I don’t know why I insist on grinding myself into near oblivion. Perhaps there’s something I need to learn, but I wish I knew how to stop it once in a while. I guess it’s not too terribly different than zany other pattern people fall into, but I think it might be killing me. (Well not in the literal sense…)

I had not one but two shows last night. Both of them were sold out. (Not cause I was on the show… I wish… One day perhaps…) The club was totally packed to the gills. It was a strange Tuesday at Yuks. Normally it’s their amateur night, and there is very little expectation (See none…) to perform. Last night however was a special event. Jaime Kennedy was in town for a couple of quick concert series shows, and I got the call to be the middle act for him.

I was already wiped before the first show, but I managed to give it a decent go. I fuelled up on shitty bar coffee and popcorn, then leapt into action. (Well… I guess it was more of a “Sorta staggered into action” kinda thing… But I digress…). The changes I’ve made in cadence and delivery style are working well and the exhaustion just seemed to enhance them. They appear to give off a sense of agitated frustration, which lends well to my natural character.

The second show was far more fun for me. I managed to shake off the exhaustion and put the jets on. But even better than that, I got to totally railroad a heckler. She had no idea what had hit her. I’m sure she’s sitting at work today trying to figure out why she smells like smoke. (I suspect that crucifixion would have been less painful route for her.)

I lit her up six times. Each time I whacked her, the crowd roared louder, vaulting me to near godhood. That just made her more livid. If only she had been blessed with brains in addition to a trashy mouth. At one point she was trying to “call me out” it was really quite funny. I snapped her like a twig, and had a shit-eating grin on the whole time. I gotta say… It felt really good.

It’s been a great year of change for me. Stand up has changed for me. The wide-eyed enthusiasm I had when I started has mutated. For me now, it has become more about becoming a skilled practitioner of the craft. I love it more than ever, but I have become more focused. The detail involved is becoming more acute to me, and so then the fine-tuning has truly begun in earnest. I’m now more concerned about the nuances of Stand up, and less so about material. I now realize material is more of an anchor and not the whole damn boat like it used to be for me.

Watching Jaime Kennedy taught me a few things too. The first of which is this; ANYONE can do this job. Few do it well, but any schmo with a movie deal can eek out 40 minutes worth of material. (Which says to me that there might be a Gary Sinise concert special sooner than you might think…Imagine just how brilliantly unfunny that would be…)

Kennedy’s act was an exercise in patience. There were so many clumsy hacky things’ going on that it almost made me cry. (Insert Canadian beer jokes, and Dr, Phil impersonations here.) More importantly there was an almost total absence of finesse. (I wasn’t looking for scripting or even polish… but perhaps substance or at least a conscious train of thought.) It was more like watching someone playing the role of a comic in a movie. But then again he brought a documentary crew, so in a way I guess that hits the nail right on the head.

Once in a while he got off on a decent riff, but at no point did he ever look sure-footed. He just looked uncomfortable like an awkward teenager on a first date. Nothing he did stood out. If you were to ask me to recite a joke from his set, I would sadly be unable to. There was nothing that said to me “This man is a star!” It was mediocre at best.

His handler was a dude named Justin. He had an air of arrogance about him. (Gracious but arrogant at the same time…) He seemed to really enjoy name-dropping and generally being a bit of a dork. He kinda looked like a bobble head with good teeth. (He struck me as the kind of dude that doesn’t realize he’s the hired help…)

Anyway I need some sleep…

Subb - Daylight Saving

Will wonders never cease... This is a pop punk record that doesn't suck. These days that’s getting harder and harder to say. Sadly Its a bit of a tricky disc to find, but it totally rocks. This Montreal band has a really crisp sound and the song writing is far and above any of their slack assed contemporaries. It kicks bands like A Simple Plan and Sum 41 right in the teeth. (But then again… they both suck ass.)

If you can find it, then you should just buy it.

11/09/05 Balcony Oratorio Vol. 2

Sweet Mother of God… I’m on day 3 of having this fucking cold. I have been reduced to smoking menthol cigarettes. They are truly the gross, but smoking my normal Camels just incites vicious coughing fits, and that is about as much fun as smacking myself in the stones with a bal peen hammer.

But enough belly aching about my stupid cold…

The balcony oratorio continues with some zeal this evening. It seems these people just don’t get the concept that most people sleep at 1:42 in the morning. You’d swear it was noon the way these ignorant twits blather on.

The main event tonight is a little more on the banal side. It appears as if someone’s cat has gotten loose, and joyfully I get to hear all the minutia of its impending recapture. I find myself at the window trying to see the commotion. Try to imagine me rubber necking as my idiot neighbours attempt to collect the fugitive feline. I do my best to contact the furry little beast using telepathy…

“Run Kitty… These people are white trash… run for your life… There is a better place for you… Run… Run you furry little bastard…”

Apparently I made a connection. The cat was off like a shot. This caused a furious tirade of cursing. That made me smile. It managed to escape the tyranny of the incredibly stupid. No more kitty concentration camp, just freedom. Eat some birds my little friend… Let their tiny feathers fill you with happiness.

With a little luck some decent person will find the cat before animal services does.

11/08/05 The Death Of Marcus

I have a cold. A big nasty evil stinking cold… I hate colds. I really really really fucking hate them. The word hatred is actually too lightweight of a term for it. (The English language really needs to come up with a new word for that kind of hatred.) It’s truly one of the most unpleasant experiences I can think of. Other than the ability to catch up on what I’ve missed on TV lately, there’s absolutely nothing good that can come from this demon sickness.

Much to my chagrin, I fully and completely transform into a little boy when I’m sick. How Erin puts up with me when I fell like I’m on deaths door, I’ll never understand. I get more whiney and grumpy with sniff and wheeze. Let’s face colds just plain suck. I wish I could eradicate the common cold from the face of the earth. Die you evil microbial bastards die…

I‘ve likely had this satanic beast of a cold of mine for several days now, but the symptoms didn’t decide to arrive at the party until yesterday. At least I wasn’t hacking my guts up on stage. That would have sucked. I would have felt bad for the people in the front row. That’s just what everybody needs… Dinner and a flu… with some dick jokes thrown in for good measure and for only a mere 15 bucks a head. It’s a paltry sum for a gift that keeps on giving for at least a week.

I rose out of bed at 6 am feeling like a giant sack of crap. The wheezing started right away too. The second the alarm clock went off so did my lungs. I got up and immediately started to cough and for a second I thought it wasn’t going to stop. I went and had some breakfast, the free continental kind that comes from hotels looking to attract frugal businessmen. Mike and I talked about politics, but our conversation was punctuated by me coughing loudly and clutching my chest. Each cough felt like someone stabbing me. I now understand what the victim in a slasher flick feels like.

The symptoms got worse in the car. I sucked on cough drop after cough drop, hoping it would help prevent the stabbing pain. It sort of worked, but I still had the odd coughing fit. I felt really bad for Mike having to travel with a human germ factory, but he was really good about it. I hope he didn’t get this nasty sickness, I know I’d feel real shitty about it if he did.

When I got home, I immediately went to the drugstore to get some supplies. By the time I was done, I had racked up nearly 80 bucks worth of medicine. It costs a lot to be sick these days. The quarterback I chose in the offensive against my cold is Nyquil. It’s the equivalent of the atomic bomb to the common cold. (Some people say its Buckley’s that really does the trick… But those people are evil…) I took a hit of it with an apple juice chaser, and passed out rather quickly. I had some really weird dreams. Too weird to describe in any sensible fashion…

Today I feel even worse than I did yesterday. Even though I slept from 11pm last night till 3pm today. I’m still really groggy, and really very tired. I feel weak like a little kitten. I tried talking to my parents on the phone, but I couldn’t keep a train of thought going for more than about 30 seconds. They should add temporary ADD as a side effect on the Nyquil bottle.

But I’d have to say the worst part for me is that feeling like you are standing outside of yourself. Although the achy dizziness in not that pleasant either.

Anyway… I’m off to continue the battle. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel like a smaller bag of crap…

End of Transmission