I'm an Asshole...

Friday was a bit of a trying day. Due to some annoyingly unforeseen circumstances, I wound up a little short for cash. (Well a lot short of cash…) I won’t get into the gory details, but it put me in a couple of rather embarrassing situations. While temporary, I had forgotten how shitty having no money can be. Hopefully the situation can be resolved shortly.

Normally that sort of thing just slides off me like water off a duck’s back, but this time it grinded out my last nerve. (I’ve never been one to stress about money… This whole thing was totally out of character for me…) I blew my top at an unsuspecting, but rather useless HMV employee. (Again avoiding the really gory, stupid, details…) It was like a fucked up cartoon. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. At one point I barked out “Get Your Fucking Manager…”

My eyes got wide and insane. The poor clerk actually flinched a little. I had reached that moment where I was so angry that I got silent for what seemed like an eternity… Then KABOOM… From that point a trail of expletives that would make a sailor blush streamed out of my mouth at warp speed. Now I have a reasonable vocabulary, and I’m a comic, so I managed to come up with some really new and immeasurable cusses. No cheap shots about parentage here. Nope not a one… Normally I would be proud of my abilities. This however was not one of those moments. Truthfully not one of my finer moments by any stretch…

I went over the edge. During the awkward silence that followed, I felt free. How odd is that? I felt like I had just liberated myself. Then as quick as the feeling came, it left… It was replaced by the feeling of a gnawing evil.

It was at that moment I realized two things. 1) I’m an asshole. 2) I’m the kind of asshole I hate. I was so fuelled by my own frustrations in that moment, that I totally ignored rationality, and lashed out at the finest help 7 bucks an hour can afford. I’ve never felt like that much of a dick before. (And I’ve done some pretty amazingly dickish things over the years…)

I went back and apologized to the clerk. For as hapless a schmo as he was, he didn’t deserve my ire. The only silver lining here is that I’ve discovered that at least I’m an asshole that can see the error of his ways.

Mind you I have no doubt that on some MSN spaces blog out there the clerk has recounted this story too… I doubt that I’ll look any better in that one either.

Other stuff…

The weekend in general however was pretty good. I managed to reign in my frustration, and actually take it easy. I have even managed to get a fair amount of rest. I guess I needed it too. Somehow I got really wound up, and these past couple of days seem to have helped to alleviate some of the tension I’ve been feeling.

Last week was full of meetings and very early mornings. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not an early riser. Generally I’m pretty cranky in the early morning. (At least until I get the day underway… then I do okay…)

This coming week has some really early days too, but at least there are no heavy duty, uber important meetings that come with it. Those can get a little long in the tooth fast. Hopefully this week will go more smoothly.

Anyway… Time to sleep.