10/31/05 The Death Of Halloween

It kind of sucked that Halloween fell on a Monday this year. For me, it kind of wrecks the festivities a little. A lot of people did stuff on the weekend, but for me it's the day of or no dice. To me Halloween is not just a reason to get dressed up in a costume and get hammered. (Although that part is fun too…)

For me Halloween is a celebration of our more basic fears. It's a wonderful time to drag out all the things that go bump in the night. What better way to face your fears than to dress like the very thing that puts a lump in your throat? It's the celebration of that suspicious shadow, or creaking noise. It's a time to embrace and embody the things that scare the shit out of you the most. Bring on the Zombies, Vampires, Witches and fucked up Clowns.

Halloween gets a bit of a raw deal these days. People have gotten so worked up over urban legends about razor blades and syringes that fun has been completely beaten out of it. (According to Cecil Adams from The Straight Dope, there has never been an actual recorded case of harmful devices in Halloween candy… Not a single one… But once again paranoia prevails…)

But there is something lurking in the shadows that is even more destructive to Halloween. Those nutty Fundamentalist Christians have branded Halloween as a satanic ritual, and vehemently suggest that celebrating it should be seen as a sinful and immoral act. (Never mind that a lot of Christian ritual came from pagan belief systems… or that the very next day in the calendar is called “All Saints Day” Geesh… You'd figure they get enough celebrations that they much just want to fuck off on this one.)

Worse still they have taken the concept of Horror (and or Haunted…) Houses and turned them into something truly hateful. The Christian Horror House, or more correctly Hell House, uses prejudice and mistruths to create fear. This list shows the common elements of Hell Houses.

This is the most common component by far, an over the top reenactment of the murder of Cassie Bernall, a teenage victim from Columbine High School. As the urban legend goes, she was asked whether she believed in God, answered yes, and was murdered for it. (For the record, this is completely fabricated. Cassie was killed there, but according to eyewitnesses, she didn't say anything nor was asked anything. Nope… Not a peep in fact. Not only does it dishonor the people who died and suffered at Columbine, but it's also really tasteless…)

Another biggie in the Hell House is satanic human sacrifice. (Hmmm that happens all the time. I can't go anywhere without the fear of being kidnapped and offered up to old Scratch and his minions… Bloody Satanists… Seriously… It must be like once a week at least… Gotta beat them back with a stick… I mean really…)

Next in the tour… The abortion clinic. This one comes complete with screaming, and lots and lots of blood. (Again with the tacky…) I'm not going to get into detail with this one. Let's just say it's barely a step above having a guy in a back alley with a coat hanger. (Propping up ones beliefs is one thing… Turning into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is quite another…)

But lets not forget Gays and Lesbians. They usually get roasted in hell. Or there's a coffin that has AIDS written on it while demons dance around it… or some other such nonsense. (It's like theatre for literal thinkers… How sad…) they make sure to use lots and lots of taunting demons add that little extra so as to really drive the point home. (Ever read one of those Jack Chick bible tract comic thingies? Same shit… only live action… Fuck you Spidey.)

But straight people get a good whacking too. Enter the personal tragedies of pre marital sex; add some clumsy adulterous seduction scene… oh and add the evils of other religions too… oooh and the occult... (like worshipping someone who rose from the dead, and stis at the right hand of his invisible father... I'm not trying to be hateful here, nor am I dismissing faith...I just wanna point out some similarities...)

Oh the humanity… I just love the irony of condemning a sinful practice by using another. Bigotry. How sad we've become. Instead of turning the other cheek, or just plain letting go of our hatred, we focus it like a laser on others. If we can't understand, we destroy it. We always fear the things we don't understand.

Hence the destruction of Halloween, and for what it's worth, I think that fundamentalists need Halloween more than the rest of us do. I reccomend that next year, you crazy fundies dress up for Halloween like a Satanic Lesbian on her way to an abortion clinic. Maybe you'll finally get it.

Trick or Treat…


p.s. Just for fun, if you click on the title of this post, it will take to you to a great spoof page about Hell Houses.

10/30/05 Kelowna

This past weekend’s trip to Kelowna will go down in the history books as one of the strangest experiences of my life.

The flight in was very quick; a paltry 38 minutes from take off to touchdown. Not what I’d normally call a heavy-duty investment in time. I spend more time daydreaming in the run of a day. Walking to and from work takes more time, and I do that nearly everyday.

Normally 38 minutes means very little to me. Unless that 38 minutes is taken up by sitting in a very cramped row of seats, with some fat Shithead in a Snap on Tools jacket, who insists on rocking back and forth, (while gawking at the latest issue of Maxim… and drooling like a monkey…)

My knee collided repeatedly with his chair. I now know what a pinball bumper must feel like. As if that wasn’t enough, there was an old woman behind me trying to shove her hockey bag of a purse under the seat. I became wedged in. She just kept kicking at it. So in addition to have my knees pulverized, my feet were now at an awkward angle. Every smack from him seemed to work in time with every shove from her. The result was the feeling of lightning ripping through my legs. I’m pretty sure the Nazis used this technique to extract information from the most unwilling of POWS.

When I got off the plane, and once my knees regained feeling and normal function, I found a cab and sped off to the hotel.

Once I got there, I discovered that they weren’t expecting me. Nope… They were looking for Mike Craigdallie. It took twenty minutes to the whole thing straightened out. Once I got a room, I decided to go and get some chow. I headed off to the venue, only to discover that the show posters were wrong as well. They never bothered to fix it either.

Then I discovered that they no longer provide a discount for comics. Not a huge issue, just a little hiccup.

So, fast-forward to show time. The venue is sold out, and the show goes pretty well. The feature, who I hadn’t met until mere minutes before the show, turns out to be a really good guy. So Thursday turns out to be a good night.

Friday morning I wake up with a ripper of a migraine. I was eating Tylenol like Smarties, trying to nuke that fucker in its tracks. It finally started to clear at about 6 pm. I was still feeling its after effects as I walked onto the stage.

The show started off okay, but it just really didn’t get going. The front row wasn’t very cooperative, and I just didn’t seem to get the room motivated. I tried, but it just didn’t catch. It was like trying to light wet matches.

The Saturday show was worse. Before I had even said a word, two drunk, and very trashy women in the front row decided they wanted to take the show over. I smoked them 5 or 6 times, and it didn’t matter. They just kept going. After 20 minutes of having to deal with them the management of the club finally decided to do something about them. By that time I was so angry, it was difficult to stay focused. At least I took the bullet, and alleviated any static they would have given Pete.

After the show, we decided to get some Pizza. Around the corner from our hotel was a pizza place called “Pizzaway.” They have excellent food. Pete and I ordered, and waited in the shop till it was ready.

We were chatting away, and had both looked out the window at the same time. It was at that moment that a red sports car came tearing through the parking lot. It ripped down, and tried to head out onto the street. A police crusier came up the same street to cut it off, and the red car crashed into a tree. Suddenly there were 5 more police cars, and officers running to the newly wrecked car, guns drawn, and screaming very loudly.

They were like piranhas on a carcass. The door of the car was ripped open, and the cops dragged the driver out and pinned him to the ground. Then I heard the words “Canada wide,” and “warrant” too, and then a lot of screaming from the perp.

After that we got to eat our pizza and get interviewed by an RCMP constable for a while. She was quite pleasant, but still very efficient.

It was almost impossible to get to sleep after that. Pete offered to take me to the bus station for 7 this morning, but I just let him sleep. I figured at least one of us should get a decent sleep. After a mere 10 hours on the bus I made it home.

I’m not sure how I feel about the weekend. I’m exhausted and a little shell shocked.

Broken Social Scene

Broken Social Scene
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Some Groovy tunes... Another sweet record from the Arts & Crafts label. If you like alternative pop... this is the record for you.

10/26/05 Scott free in the Double wide...

So… Condi Rice came here yesterday with a message from Washington, “Stop the apocalyptic language about the softwood lumber dispute…” which I have to say, came off more like “Shut you mouth bitches…” There’s nothing quite as humiliating as a dismissive and patronizing pat on the ass, the only thing missing from her remarks was “Why don’t you go into the kitchen and fix me a sammich…” The absolute gall required to pull this kind of crap off would be the stuff of legends, if it weren’t so indefensible.

Mind you, her attitude was not too terribly surprising, especially given that America always tries to make us feel bad whenever we call them out for breaking the rules. How dare we as a nation demand that they respect the law? A law they agreed on in good faith. Imagine a child trying to spank a parent, and you’ll get the picture.

If the shoe was on the other foot, how would the conversation go? Condi would be here with the Sheriff, ready to seize whatever wasn’t nailed down. Make no mistake about it.

The rift between our countries is growing. There are no more band-aid solutions. We are each other’s biggest trading partners and we need to sit down and have a realistic dialogue about where we are going, and how we can solve these problems… The marriage can be saved, but it’s time for counselling.

In the mean time, we should ignore her message, and be as loud as humanly possible. Let America know that we are fed up with this bullshit. If we are not equals in this partnership called NAFTA, then it’s time we left it. We are being treated like a hound dog forced to sleep in the yard, while the master gets the goose down. It’s time to say enough is enough.

It’s sad that we have to resort to shaming America into paying her debts, but apparently we have no choice.

I have an idea… and it just might work. I say we hire a collection agency to get the money back for us, all 5 billion of it. Imagine calling the White House 15 times a day, and sending those snarky pay up now letters. Eventually Bush and Co. is sure to crack. I’ve seen many a friend’s will be crushed by the relentless actions of a collections agent.

Agent: Hello… Is this Mr. George Bush of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

Bush: Ahhh… Yes… Who is this?

Agent: Mr. Bush… I work for a collections company. It seems you haven’t been paying your debt to Canada… We need to square this up immediately…

Bush: Yes… ah… Canada. right… how much was that again?

Agent: 5 Billion dollars sir.

Bush: Well… I don’t seem to have that much cash on hand right now… I’ve spent a little more than I thought I would dealing with a little spat on terrorism…

Agent: Well do you have any friends or family that might be willing to lend you the money?

Bush: Well… Let’s see, there’s France… Oh wait… I got drunk, and was kind of a dick to them… Britain… Tony’s broke too… Shit… maybe daddy might have the cash… Can I send you some post-dated cheques?

Agent: Um… no, you burned us on that one last time… Payment is required in full…

Bush: You guys sure have me by the short and curlies… I feel like an armadillo in a foxhole… Tell you what… I’ll go to the post office right now and get a money order…

Blah blah blah…

Or perhaps a repo man… that would be awesome…

Peon: Sir, there is a man here, and he says he’s here to take your desk, and keys to the “football”

Anyway…

10/23/05 Maple Cream Donuts

The fall is in full swing, and my world is getting busy again. The day job has its ups and downs, but clearly there is more activity going on, and more to come for sure.

The night job is getting much busier too. This week I’m off to the beautiful city of Kelowna, I quite like it there. The people are nice enough, and the hotel is comfortable. To me going there is sort of like a mini vacation, it’s a great place to get a few days much needed rest.

The city has a wafting smell of cedar in the air, it reminds me of being in a sauna. The streets are well manicured and its neighbourhoods are well kept. It has “Stepford Wife” written all over it. It’s a city where industry and tourism meet hand in hand, and from what I can tell, there seems to be no clash between the two.

After that, I’m home for a few days, then off to do the whirlwind tour of Saskatchewan and Manitoba. (Hopefully a few familiar faces will come out in Saskatoon…)

Lately it seems that, much like my friend Brett, I am becoming a well-read vagabond. I may maintain a home and personal relationships, but in actuality, I’m still just a man in a suitcase.

Other Stuff…

There was a thing in Dose (a daily newspaper here in Calgary…) today about how Canada is becoming a bastion of Porn entertainment production. Apparently as the article suggests, we Canadians have a more lax attitude about porn than our American cousins.

After doing the odd straw poll on stage, I’m inclined to agree. The more interesting thing to me is that women are more open about the subject. Ten years ago, most women I knew looked at porn with disgust, and identified it with objectification. Now it seems the attitude can be best described by saying, “Put it on, and put it in me…”

Whenever I approach the subject from the stage, it’s the women who are the loudest. Their reaction is almost always positive. The impression I get is that more and more women are finding porn liberating, this to me is a notable change in attitude. Men on the other had are still afraid that an admission of this nature makes them look like perverts, so hence the best response I get are some tense looks and a lot of staring at feet.

Now I realize that socially, Canada has become a little more progressive. Our attitudes towards sex, drugs, and same sex relations have become more a little more European in nature. But the claims that were made in Dose, still strike me as odd for a number of reasons. 1) America is still the front-runner (by a large margin…) when it comes to making and distributing adult entertainment. 2) There can’t really that big a market for watching pastie white people bump uglies? 3) Name more than 2 Canadian porn stars without doing a google search… I bet you can’t. 4) I suspect that little of the Canadian production is for Canadian companies. I think it’s more likely that American companies are cashing in on the fact you can videotape a blowjob here for 15 percent less. (A bargain at half the savings…) 5) It’s hard enough to get a dramatic film shot in this country. I can only imagine how hard it is to get money to make a fuck film.

I'll leave my conjecture for you to debate.

10/23/05 Balcony Oratorio

It’s 3:35 am and I’m alert and awake. I think I have become the human embodiment of an Owl. (Well minus the fucked up eyes… And I’ll likely pass on the steady diet of rodents.) Sometimes insomnia can be fun. Tonight is definitely one of those kinda nights.

Thanks to wireless Internet, I can write this and still gawk at the live action version of “Ritchie Rich”. (The commercial breaks have made it really funny. 4 ads for a Spokane sex shop, and 3 for an “Adult” chat line. Just brilliant… Exactly what the fine people at Harvey comics had in mind when they sold the TV rights.)

More entertaining though is the drunken argument taking place just to the south of my balcony. It never ceases to amaze me when and what people will fight over.

The main event tonight appears to be a “Bitch” fight over who stole whose boyfriend. So far it’s very funny. I love hearing white girls from the suburbs of Calgary utter nonsense like “Oh You didn’t!!!” and “Bring it Bitch…” I’m not sure Shakespeare could have penned the dialog better.

Because of the way my building was constructed, the sounds from outside actually amplify. Over the last year or so I have heard some real doozeys. For a while, I used to pretend I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I found that I actually enjoyed listening in. It’s like some perverse radio show, only occasionally the police show up. (Killjoys…)

Earlier tonight I was treated to a conversation where two dudes chatted about their most recent V.D. tests. I guess people don’t realize that others could be listening. I’ve thought about buying a shotgun microphone, and recording what I hear. I think it could be a really cool multimedia project.

Perhaps a blog dedicated to it. I can see the title already… Something like “Balcony Oratorio” or maybe something more direct… “Here’s a bunch of Weird Shit My Neighbours Have Been Saying.”

How about “Bitch Fights and V.D. Tests…”

To quote the TV show Frasier… “I’m listening…”

10/20/05

Today has been an emotional day for me. I have been running the gamut of highs and lows, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around why. It feels like I might cry one minute, and the next I feel like laughing till I fall over. (It reminds me of a rubber band that’s been stretched just to the breaking point, and then released before it actually happens.)

Perhaps it’s just the change in seasons… The seasons here shift gears rather poorly. It’s like a teenager trying to learn how to use a standard gearbox for the first time. There’s an awful lot of jerking back and forth, and not much good to show for it.

It was snowing a little when I left the house for work. No good can come from that. The weather prognosticators insist that winter will roar in like a lion this year, and will likely bring the entire pride for an extended stay. I can’t say I’m wildly excited about that prospect.

Other stuff…

Bill Clinton was in town this week to pick up a cheque from Canada to help out with relief for Katrina victims. (Survivors?) He, from all accounts was very gracious, and gave us a little pat on the back for our efforts. (Think less Monica, and more favourite uncle…)

He also stepped into the fray about Canada’s position in the world’s oil game. He understands something that Bush and Company just doesn’t get. Rumour has it that Canada is the new oil power in the world. Alberta alone is sitting on a reserve that is larger that what the Saudi’s have to play with, and makes Texas look like barely more than a Texaco station.

But Clinton is not the only one who gets this. There are a couple of Republican senators who have taken notice too. Their words have been kind towards Canada, and seem to be carefully chosen. They seem to understand that it’s important to stem the war of words taking place between Ottawa and Washington.

Apparently all you have to say is… “Perhaps the Chinese would like all this oil we have here…” and out come the niceties… “Canada is an excellent neighbour and a good friend to us…” etc…

It's amazing when you have money, how people's manners change.

10/16/05

I’ve always wanted a motorcycle. A big obnoxiously loud bike, and in fact, the bigger it is, the better it would be. I want one with a motor so big, that it rattles windowpanes as it passes by. The kind of bike that makes you feel like THOR descending down from Valhalla and thundering into the breach of battle. (Insert “Ride of the Valkyries” here…)

Now by looking at me, you’d be hard pressed to think of me as a biker. (Or even a wannabe…) I don’t give off anything even remotely close to the sense of toughness that one would normally associate with motorcycles. (Not even close…) There is nothing wild or unfurled about me, but even still, my attraction to bikes in undeniable.

As a child, whenever I saw bikers I looked on with a sense of awe. Some people see them as unwashed hooligans, full of antisocial rage and generally unsavoury in nature, but I don’t see it that way. To me they evoke images medieval knights rushing off to slay the dragon and save the day. They conjured up adventure, and seem to relish in the thrill of the open road.

Even back then, I associated motorcycles with freedom. Perhaps it’s a misconception, but for some reason, I don’t think it is. Nothing sounds more like freedom to me than tearing up asphalt. Mind you, I’m not alone here… I know a lot of people who would love nothing more than to drop the hammer on a hog and leave the world in a trail of dust.

Anyway, the reason why I’m blathering on here is because on Saturday night, I (along with Freddie…) did a show for a Harley Davidson dealer. It was for the nice folks at Gasoline Alley Harley Davidson in Red Deer, and I must say, they put on quite a fancy little shindig. They tarted up the joint a little, and put on a spread. Good food, good booze, and great people. It was really a winning combination.

I only wish that I knew more about motorcycles. That way I would have had more to chat about, but I admitted to my ignorance on the topic, and people very politely tried to give me the goods as best they could. I think its cool when people look for common ground with one another. It makes the world a better place.

I saw one bike that was beautiful cobalt blue. It almost looked like sapphire. I think the bike was what they call a Soft Tail. It was stunning. There was so much chrome on it that you could shave just by gazing into its shiny reflection. The woman who owned it was friendly, and we have a good chat about its colour.

Apparently they had initially decided to have an Elvis impersonator come to entertain them, but at the last minute he got sick, and happily we got the gig. I would go back there in a heartbeat. It really was an enriching experience for me. I think it was just because they were so down to earth, and so genuinely pleased by our performance. You could tell they were happy to have us.

The stage was set up in the service bay, but at no time did it feel wrong. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It felt like home. Like the audience was in my living room. That kicks ass. After the show, the owners and patrons had big grins on. We had done well, and they were pleased.

10/08/05 “The Boogey man is coming, The Boogey man is coming…”

Bush has been blathering on about “Muslim Empires” a lot lately. Is it just me, or does this sound like the beginning of another protracted campaign to try and justify something?

It’s become both tragic and hilarious to watch him try and defend his remarks. He’s become the boy who cried wolf one too many times. (Except he hasn’t figured that part out yet… Happily though, it appears the American populace has caught on.)

There are some things that Bush needs to handle if he ever wants to be taken seriously again. (Both domestically and internationally…) The first and most crucial of which is to admit that the war isn’t going well. It’s like the worst kept secret ever, and an admission could actually give him a little breathing room. Direct and honest discourse might actually halt the free fall in his popularity. Just admit to what Americans are already thinking.

All it would take to say is this, “We’ve fucked up… It’s all gone to crap” It’s so simple and effective, and for the first time ever, Bush’s people could claim transparency without having to endure the press corps sniggering. (In a perfect world, I’d like to see him shake Michael Moore’s hand and then apologize… but beggars can’t be choosers…)

The second thing is to blast FEMA and Homeland security for their ham fisted operations in New Orleans. He should have been raising hell right from the start. But in his usual fashion, he lollygagged on the whole thing.

Ever look at his eyes during a public address? He looks like a freshly caught trout, glassy and dazed. (Like he had just been smacked off a rock, or suffered some other sort of blunt force trauma.) In some ways I kind of feel bad for him. He is not only the terrorist’s favourite target, but apparently Mother Nature’s bitch too.

What is it about this presidency that prevents it from reacting in an appropriate time frame? He needs to explain how the evacuation got turned into a racial issue. This needs to be addressed or the future ramifications will be dire.

Then he needs to engage an even more aggressive (See Positive…) program to help the hurricane and flood victims. The initial response was so shabby that it actually boggles the mind. (Especially for a country that is fixated on “Safety”) but the issues that arisen from this, can still can be fixed. (Mind you, I’m convinced that rebuilding New Orleans is not the answer… but there could be some creative ways to relocate people, and earnestly help them to establish new lives. Imagine what that money could do for those people. i.e. Education programs, Housing programs, Health Programs,)

The next thing on the agenda is to admit that he’s derailed the American economy. The national debt has taken on a life of it’s own, and his tax cuts will serve only to further ham string America’s future. Say goodbye social security, and say hello to soup kitchens.

Under his watch, America has floundered. It’s amazing to me that under Clinton (Who was as beleaguered as it gets…) the American economy was on fire. His policies were responsible for the most growth seen since the 1950’s. Even if Bush had left it on autopilot, it still wouldn’t be as grim as it looks now. How he and his neo con buddies can still justify this homage to Reaganomics is baffling. For a President who doesn’t like spending… he sure has done a lot of it. Too bad his priorities are fucked.

Lastly, pay your worldly debts. The United Nations has been waiting for the better part of Bush’s presidency for a cheque. (Being part of a club means paying your dues… Just ask the Lions, Elks, and members of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos.) Unless you just want to be a freeloader…America the panhandler nation… That should ring hollow shouldn’t it? Especially since it’s the richest nation in the world… Perhaps the rest of the world would stop looking at America like a grinning buffoon.

How can you expect the world to be friendly if you welch on your debts? Mr. Bush, you should be embarrassed about not paying Canada the money your government owes because of the soft wood lumber dispute. You expect loyalty and friendship from other nations, and yet do nothing to inspire it. . If as a nation you expect other countries to be behaving as global citizens, perhaps you should try it in earnest first.

10/06/05

Wow… That last post kicked up a bit more dust than I would have expected. It’s amazing what kind of adventure a few words can take you on. I never expected that my thoughts would inspire some people to unload on me. Over the last year, I’ve had a few little skirmishes on here, but never a personal attack. Well, not a spiteful one.

But it’s time to move forward. No time like the present to step away from the lolly gagging. Life is too short to get caught up in the ramblings of others. (Especially when they have no bearing in my life… well none other than to make me weep for the death of common sense.) Besides the recent personal accomplishments I’ve made prevent me from letting this nonsense get to me. I’ve got bigger and tastier fish to fry.

So for those of you who decided to unfurl your venom on me, I have just this to say…
“Good luck with that, and I hope you find a more sporting victim…”

On to other things…

Last night I had a gig at Yuks. I really enjoyed myself. I decided to walked away from material quickly, and got into a nice little stream of conscious moment. I managed to come up with a few things that will eventually become bits. They worked reasonably well just as free formed ideas, so I can’t wait to see what happens once they get fleshed out a bit. Still there seems to be no clean, happy nice people jokes popping up… just filth… but filth with potential. I want to write just one squeaky-clean joke. Just to be able to say, “see… I can write a nice joke…”

I hung out with Brett last night. I always enjoy that. As people and friends, we are a lot alike. (Sometimes too much perhaps…and definitely more so than I think I ever realized before.) We both have a remarkably small threshold for other people’s bullshit. We wound up at the restaurant formerly known as “Husky House” and spent a couple of hours just shooting the shit. It’s funny how we can sit there drinking decafe and talk about the differences between Republics and Monarchies. (Although somehow sodomy jokes always make it into the mix.)

Anyway, I’m tired… I might actually get some sleep tonight.

10/03/05

The office is cold today. The day in general has a bit of a frosty air to it. When I left the house this morning, with my boss’s dog in tow, (I was dog sitting yesterday…) it was about minus five. Fall seems to have given way to the ugly that is winter. Yuck. I looked at the dog thinking, “what I wouldn’t give for a fur coat right about now.”

I couldn’t stop at the café this morning. Having Clio (the dog.) made it impossible. Today was one of those days where a hot chocolate first thing, would have started things off well. My teeth clacked together like a deformed child trying to operate a castanet.

Nevertheless we made it to work in one piece.

On to other things…

I had to fire someone today. That makes me sad. I hate that. It’s the worst part of my day job. It’s never fun to tell someone that they are no longer wanted or needed. I think that’s actually kind of hateful. Having been on the other end of that conversation once or twice, I can relate. It’s ugly. The news makes you feel ugly. It always made me a little numb.

However it was warranted, and that sucks just as much. It bothers me when people just fuck up the job. It’s hardly the kind of job that requires the skill of a surgeon, or the exacting precision of a Rocket scientist. You just require a little patience, and a good phone voice. (Things like grammar and manners are useful too…)

Why someone would choose to shoot themselves in the foot amazes me…

10/02/05

I am a firm believer that late night TV sucks a tremendous amount of ass. It’s always sucked, but now it’s worse than ever. I am hard pressed to name something in entertainment land that sucks quite as much. (Well besides pro wrestling, and televised golf… and perhaps “The Vagina Monologues” as performed by panel members of “The View.” For the record, Star Jones really needs to shut the fuck up once in a while.)

From chat lines for losers, to miracle cures, and even the shabby investment schemes, TV has been overrun with flim flam artists. Which begs a question… Who, in the year 2005 is falling for any of this shit? You’d have to be as dumb as a stick. (Or have voted for a Bush…)

I think P.T. Barnum was right. There is really is one born every minute. Only a complete moron could listen to Chuck Norris drone on and on about fitness equipment. (Chuck Norris… now that really is scraping the bottom of the celebrity barrel. Dr. Ho looks like a fucking genius in comparison.)

I used to like watching late night movies. Sure they were crap too, but quite often they were a fun little guilty pleasure. (Usually some stale movie of the week involving a boy in a bubble, a burning bed, or a cancer survival story starring Joyce Dewitt… or a splendid mix of the three.) Sadly they have mostly gone the way of the dinosaur.

It seems that commercials and other forms of advertising have become so commonplace that we have totally forgiven their intrusion in our lives. Fewer and fewer things are sacred, even churches have been besmirched by it. How did this happen? At what point did people decide that we could live with this crap.

Apparently there is a move to put product placements in books. Books… I have seen evil, and it is advertising in books. As if it wasn’t hard enough to find a good read these days, now I have to scan what I’m buying, just to ensure that some Shithead hasn’t polluted the content with an ad for Pepsi, or Microsoft or whatever…

Nothing is sacred, and that is a tragedy.

Stars - Set Yourself on Fire

Stars - Set Yourself on Fire
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer

The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

10/01/05

If this day went any slower, I think I’d seriously consider ramming a pencil into my eye socket, just to try and relieve the boredom. I wish I were kidding. It is so slow today. It’s painful to endure its reticent pace. I am wholly unable to recall a time (at least in recent memory.) where time just outright fails to move forward.

I realize that the statement, “A watched pot never boils…” is homespun wisdom, but this just feels ridiculous. It’s like some sick fucked up joke.

Perhaps it’s just because I’m in a bad mood. My world is cloudy today. I find myself in an unreasonable state of mind. It’s one of those days where I’d rather spit nails, or kick puppies than deal with anyone. Needless to say, I woke up with considerably less than cheer in my heart. Morning showed up like an uninvited guest today. (Much like a relative you’re forced to be nice to, even though you’d rather pretend you’re having a stroke, or falsely plead guilty to a murder to avoid them.)

I’m not sure what’s picking at my ass, but it’s pissing me off. I could sense something foul last night, but I tried to shake it, but it appears not to have worked.

Anyway, enough of my tantrum…

I had a lot of fun on Wednesday. The Yuks gang had a benefit for the victims / survivors of the disaster in New Orleans. It was a good show. The crowd was a little smaller than I would have expected, but it didn’t detract from the fun.

Cory Makk was the emcee. She just got nominated for a Canadian comedy award. I hope she wins. She’s a class act all the way.

Last night Erin and I went to see “Corpse Bride”. It was very good. I really like Tim Burton, and I like how he plays with gothic style. It wasn’t as good as “A Nightmare Before Christmas”, but it was totally enjoyable.

I also picked up a couple of cool CD’s. Stars – Set Yourself on Fire, and The Most Serene Republic – Underwater Cinematographer. You should check them both out.

Anyway… More to come later…