Saturday...

Another protracted Saturday. It’s cool here in Calgary. It feels more like fall today than spring. The rain has stopped for now, but you can tell it’s still threatening to give us a little more. Hopefully Mother Nature will be gentle this year. We could really live without the floods we had last year.

Everything here seems so slow today. Too slow, with the added feeling of metal being ground against metal, but at a glacial pace. Everyone around me seems to be moving just as slow. There are a couple of people in the office that you’d have to put a peg in front of, just to make sure they’re moving.

I’m tired. Once again, I’ve managed to burn myself out. You’d figure I might have learned something by now. No such luck though. I seem to live with the candle furiously burning at both ends. More to the point, it seems that its only way I know.

My vacation is coming soon, but it seems not soon enough right now. It’s only a week away, and it might as well be a year. I have too much to do between now and then. I wish I could just sleep for a month. That would be truly glorious.

In the movie 2010, there was a scene where Roy Scheider and his fellow astronauts were placed in “suspended animation” for the long trip to Mars. As if that wouldn’t be awesome. 18 months of nothing but sleep. That’s the closest thing to a wet dream I’ve had in years.

But I digress…

I’ve been thinking of other stuff about me. Information that helps with the character sketch this blog has been slowly building. I think too often I come off as smug and sarcastic. (With more than a dash of vitriol…) I have shared little that exposes my hopes and dreams, or fears and desires. So with that in mind, I decided to try and shed a little more light. Hopefully it doesn’t come off as too flakey or misty eyed.

I’ve chosen point form for simplicity. There is no real order to any of this.

1)I miss my home. I long for the lingering salt air and the sea. I want to live there again one day. I feel that I belong there. The longer I stay in Calgary, the harder it gets.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to leave Newfoundland, and now I can think of nothing but being there. Sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side.

2)For as much as I bitch about religion. I have faith, but I generally keep it to myself. The things that I believe are as much about comfort as they are about justice. I lack the ability to believe in the hocus pocus, but the message has meaning for me.

I used to think I didn’t believe, and then I discovered I believe differently. I started life as a Roman Catholic, and somewhere along the way I became something else. I have no definition for it, and yet even without some sort of classification, I have found a comfort.

3)My fears motivate me. That shouldn’t be too surprising I suppose. I perform now because I was afraid. Along the way I managed to assuage the fear, but had I not been afraid, I would have wound up being an accountant. (Or whatever…) It was the fear that coaxed me out, and my sheer force of will that tempered it.

4)I believe in compassion. I reject those who do not. More is accomplished with an open hand than with a closed fist. (Although that closed fist feels really good sometimes.) I will not ever condemn a person because of their place in society. It is not up to me to be their judge. I will however extend a hand when I am able to.

5)I have a near unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I love to read, visit museums and absorb whatever I can. I am a willing student of history.

6)I am able to retain most of the information i read, and am able to recall it years later, with it still being clear as a bell. For instance, I can give you reams of information from memory about the pharaonic dynasties of Egypt, or the roots of Pauline Christianity, or even a discography of a zillion musicians.

I think I come by this honestly. My father is also a veritable fountain of information. He can give you a two hour lecture about Irish silver maker’s marks. WOW.

7)I however have a totally terrible sense of psychical spatialization. I could never be an animator, because I just can’t wrap my head around the physics. (I failed Physics in high school… They might as well have put me in a sand box for the entire year. It likely would have done me just as good.)

8)Geology fascinates me. I like rocks and mountains and the like. Plate tectonics and earthquakes are cool too.

9)I like Star Trek. I think it’s because it offers an uncompromising belief that humanity will better itself. (But I won’t lie, space ships are cool too…)

10)I’m about three inches and a “compound” away from being one of those “Mulder” type conspiracy kooks. I really believe that we are constantly being lied to, but I also think that most conspiracies are constructed to distract us from the real truth. (Sort of a double bluff kinda thing…)

One day I’ll spew my thoughts about everything from the Kennedy assassination to the Space Shuttle explosions. (People will likely think I need to be locked up…)

11)I was born with the gift of being able to smell bullshit a mile away. I can also read people really well. I see something in them. I get a kind of mental sketch. It’s weird, but it’s almost always right. Sometimes it’s so clear that I can tell what a person’s favorite food is, what kinda of car they drive, where they buy their clothes etc. It’s generally been a blessing, but occasionally it’s been a bit of a curse too.

12)Lastly, I really hate the TV show “Sex and The City.” It's a horrible piece of shit that makes me grind my teeth. (But I hate it in a different way than most men…) I had a woman tell me once that in order to understand women I “NEEDED” to watch this show. What a croc! I told her if that was the case men and women should always live apart, and only meet to propagate the species. She looked confused… So I continued with this argument.

“Saying Sex and the City will help you understand women, is like saying that playing Super Mario Brothers will help you with your plumbing, or that by watching ER, you’ll understand medicine.” (Imagine that…)

At that point she started to catch on.

The characters on that show are so vain, shallow, mentally bankrupt, empty, bitchy, hateful, vacant, selfish, and childish. (Not to mention there appears to be nary a lick of common sense.) But truthfully, that’s not a judgment, just a signature of poor character development.

The characters are way too over the top. Every human being on earth has those traits; (And I am certainly no exception…). They are most assuredly not gender specific. There is nothing unique or clever about these traits. Not by any stretch of the imagination. They are human, and primal in root. Nothing more, and nothing less.

More importantly, the characters lack depth, humility, and humanity. There is very little in the way of sincere character exploration. It just scratches the surface. In the rare moments when it tried to tackle something heady, it abandoned the message quickly, or conjured it in a way that defeated it’s own substantive weight.

I would argue that Sex and The City does more to set back gender relations that it will ever do to “Help men understand women.” I’m willing to bet that the best way for men to understand is to just listen. That seems pretty simple. Doesn’t it.

Anyway… I wound up off on a tangent (again…) More to come later.

Another Installment of "Stuff About Me!"

Some stuff about me…

1)I really like apple fritters. (All that cinnamon and apple goodness.) They are a gift from God. Apples and Cinnamon are the best combination ever conceived in my humble estimation.

2)I miss my grandparents. They were wonderful people. I think about them almost daily. They gave me so much guidance. Life is truly different without them. I hope for their sake that heaven exists.

3)I get jealous easily. This is a flaw that I truly hate about myself. I have learned to curb it, but once in a while it rears it’s ugly head. It can really bring me to a purely invective point with someone.

4)I’m stubborn and very set in my ways. I can really be infuriating that way. Just ask anyone who has a relationship with me.

5)As you may have noticed, I champion the things I believe in. (Usually to a fault… If I think someone is wrong they will remain so in my eyes.

6)I have a hard time letting things go. I will gnaw over things that bother me until I pop. I’m trying to get better at this, but so far I’ve only seen a little improvement.

7)I’m vain about my level of intelligence. This has led me down the wrong path numerous times.

8)I like cats. Especially Orange Tabbies.

9)My favorite pizza in the whole world is pepperoni, green pepper and onion.

10)I despise eggs. Vile chicken placenta. There is no need for it… ever!

11)I miss Newfoundland in the worst kind of way. It is my home and I can hear it calling me.

12)I find inspiration in the struggle of others. I always have. I root for the underdog, with notable exceptions (Like the hated Oilers…)

13)I think children are smarter than anyone gives them credit for. Which makes them untrustworthy. Sneaky little buggers. I think they hold meetings and actually plan some seriously chaotic shit.

14)I love gummie bears. Especially the pineapple ones. I also like to make them pose in perverse ways. I really am a child sometimes. Gummie bear gangbangs are funny to me. (Sad I realize…)

15)I’ve switched my brand of cigarettes. I now smoke Natural American Spirits. I really like them.

16)I am able to see my own cowardice. I usually act upon it too… (Well, most of the time…)

17)I am fascinated by history. Especially Egyptian, Roman, and Christian history. I believe that by understanding the ancient world, we learn more about ourselves. I would give my right arm to see Sphinx or Abu Simbul. I would love to glide my hands over their stone surfaces. I think it would give me a good sense of history. Each imperfection in the stone reveals a little more about its legacy.

18)I am a difficult person to get to know. Unless I let you in, you just get the surface and that’s it. I often wonder what the people who are closest to me think. Offering myself to others has always been like violently ripping off a band-aid. Oddly however, the special people in my life are the few that managed to get inside my armor the quickest.

19)I hate biting my tongue. It takes a lot of will power not to verbally assault someone who is being stupid. (This can make social situations frustrating for me.) I usually wind up being very quiet, but this just make my stomach churn.

20)I love the colour red. Any shade of red.

21)I hate mangos. They taste to me like a cross between a peach and a turnip. Bleeeeeech!

22)I wanted to join the Navy once. I actually made it to the recruiting offices before I came to my senses. It was a bit of a close one.

Goofy Nazis and their silly parades...

Here’s a picture that would be really funny if it wasn’t so sad. These people just don’t get it! Aren’t we tired of this ignorant hatred? Haven’t we already learned a lesson from people like this?

Open letter to Nazis everywhere…

How do people get this way? I understand the pressures of society, and I even understand how hard change can be. However, it disturbs me though when a person’s ignorance and intolerance gets the better of them. How can we grow as humans, when we can’t even shake off this kind of bullshit?

It’s not immigrants that are taking your jobs Mr. Nazi! It’s your own sense of entitlement! No one wants fat, and stupid white trash in this world. There is no place for you. You are the ones who are truly not wanted. I wish I could parade around you with peace symbol armbands singing folk songs. Truthfully I’d love to fuck with your heads. A little reciprocity never hurt right?

Let’s face it; the new economy doesn’t need you either. You bring nothing to the table. (Exception distortion, lies and hatred…) We have no need for those who prey on the weak. Life is hard enough without having to listen to you whine and bitch. You are nothing but the shit under society’s boot. (And the best part is that you know it… Deep down inside, in the pit of your stomach lies that tender little nugget. Why suppress it? You know you’re wrong… Unless of course you’re a sociopath, but then “American family values” wouldn’t really mean that much to you. I mean how could it? It would be all about you.)

Worse still, you morons created your own problems to begin with, and now you need a scapegoat. You need a real humdinger of a scapegoat. So you blame the Jews, Blacks, and Mexicans for your own failures. How sad. How very sad indeed! Is that what a man does? (A real thinking human man?)

Does this world owe you a living? Definitely not. The ticket to survival is to better yourself. Instead of pissing on others, perhaps you could actually solve your problems. Do Education, and personal development strike any chords? I thought not…

But I realize that blame is so much better and it’s easy too! Except it’s kinda like a drug. Sooner or later you’ll need another hit. Then another and another. You don’t even realize that it’s your own hate that’s killing you. There in lies the real injustice, and most assuredly the real tragedy.

You are nothing more than the sad and vulgar display of stupidity. It makes me want to cry. It breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Hey Mr. Nazi read a book… One with something useful in it. Perhaps mathematics!

Davinci's Vendetta

Friday I went to see “The Davinci Code”. My official review is as follows: It’s was a decidedly okay movie. Visually it was great. The scenes in the Louvre were pretty. The action sequences were better than average. (Excluding the car chase, which was bloody spectacular.) For some reason though, it just kinda felt flat.

That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy it for what it was. I heard someone harping on about how Tom Hanks was totally wrong for the part. He’s seemed to do a reasonable job. (Mind you I haven’t read the book yet!) He managed to suspend my disbelief, and ultimately that’s what I paid for. Will he win an Oscar for this? Not likely, but at least I didn’t feel ripped off. This is not a movie that redefines the medium. Sometimes that’s okay. This is one of those times.

In truth I have avoided the book to date, because I’d rather “discover” it in my own time. I refuse to get caught up in the fray. Fans of this book seem to be a frenzied sort. It has become a “Harry Potter” for the adult set. (And everyone on the planet now seems to think that they are well informed on all matters concerning the grail…)

I like to keep my distance from that. The only reason why I went to the movie was because Erin wanted to see it, and because we were able to walk right in. There was no overwhelming throng. I hate all the over hyped and mania usually associated with a movie of this nature! (With some notable exceptions, Like Star Wars…) I’m as likely to wait 10 years before I read it, as I am to crack the spine soon.

There are some other books out there that embrace the topic from a historical perspective. Most are heavily laden with conjecture, but they offer something more, namely the curious nature of the write, and that I find more fascinating.

I have just started to dig into Michael Baigent’s new book “The Jesus Papers.” For those interested, I’ll let you know how it is in the near future.

I also finally got to see the movie “V for Vendetta.” (My houseguest this weekend was besotted by my not having seen it yet. He demanded that we go…)

To say it was stunning is an understatement. I think it could be fairly said that the Wachowski brothers made a clever little warning about letting government get out of control. (Although they nicely gift wrapped to make it palatable…)

I was brought to near tears a couple of times. There is a monologue from an off screen character that is totally heart breaking. The emotional impact undoes the viewer, but never goes too far. Make no mistake, I think this is an important film. It works very hard to remind us of four key things.

1)Government is for the people, by the people, and of the people.
2)People should not be afraid of their government, governments should be afraid of the people.
3)It is easy to be duped if you do not inform yourself.
4)Fear is as effective a motivator, as it is ugly and insidious.

In this day and age these are crucial things to remember. From this day forward, and every time George Bush, or Stephen Harper speaks, I will remember them. (Rather than just shudder like I used to.) They need to be a touchstone for all of us. Regardless of political proclivities these principles need to be treated with due care and caution. They are the tenets of all that we hold dear. If we are not vigilant, we will loose them, and sadly, they will become nothing more than a footnote in history.

“Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...”

Xevious...

Today is blah kinda day. It’s warm out, but it’s threatening to rain. I really wish it would, perhaps it would cool down a little. I feel so groggy. I hate it. I wanna run through a sprinkler, but the super in my building seems less than impressed with the idea. That guy has no sense of adventure sometimes.

I’m bored, and not just hum drum bored. I've reached the point where shaving body parts seems wise. It's the kind of boredom that breeds the devil's hands. It usually starts with "I wonder what this does?" and ends with "Aw Fuck, I broke it. That really doesn’t help with matters much. (I can't seem to remember a time when Calgary was this muggy. This weather seems bust open a giant can of boredom. I'm too sweaty to do anything.)

I need to play a video game. Nothing on a console or computer mind you. Nope, I want to go to the good old-fashioned arcade, and stand in front of an old Xevious machine. Then plug it full of quarters. Perhaps more quarters in it than has ever been managed before. (A veritable ocean of quarters if you will…) I think I’m regressing to childhood. (Erin might argue that I never left it fully.)

I used to play that damn game all day. It was my favorite. It was16 joyous levels of scrolling space warfare, and I loved it. (I’m starting to hear the music in my head…) I remember ditching school with Steve Guy and spending the day in a fixed gaze, lurching over that machine, and absorbing it’s cathode rays. You’d swear it was as important as “The Sermon on the Mount” the way we clung to it.

I got so good at it that a single quarter could get me about an hour’s playtime. That was the greatest thing in the world to me. That hour was spent not only destroying evil space despots and the like, but it also let me drift away. None of the pressures of teen land existed when I was playing the game. There was no bickering or fights that could be started… It was time to space out. it was just a crucial break from being bored and disaffected. (Or from trying hard to be bored and disaffected.)

Before girls there was Xevious. I didn’t need to try and impress Xevious, just beat it. That’s it. It was soooo simple. I never got tired of it, and vice versa. It was a splendid union.

Then one day I went in to the arcade, and it was gone. It had slipped out without a trace. I asked the manager about it, and he said he wanted to get a “better” game. I glared at him like he had just killed a baby, or worse, kicked a puppy.

“Better than Xevious… That’s not possible!” I said with a tone that measured a solid 12 on the disgust meter. (My eyebrow had started to twitch…) “Nothing’s better than Xevious!”

“Look kid, I’ve seen you beat it… Why don’t you try this new one?” as he pointed to the totally inferior “1941” machine.

“It’s not the same!” I protested

“Sure it is…” He said as he exhaled out his mouth. (He was a full on mouth breather… and a dick… He was always such a prick to the kids in the arcade. I remember he had a greasy looking moustache. It made him look like his name might be Chico.)

And with that, I stormed out into the street. I think I actually threw a rock at the guy’s car. (Kinda sad and mellow dramatic don’t you think? How very punk rock of me… Smash the state; chuck a rock at a schmuck’s car… Marcus C. Beaubier – “Super Genius”)

I saw one at Value Village a few years ago. It was pretty beat up. The pressboard case was all mashed up in the corners, and the screen wasn’t sitting in the mount properly. It worked though. I popped a quarter in, and the music started. Apparently I can still get about an hours worth of play for a quarter. (Not too shabby if I say so myself.)

For a brief moment I was shot back into my early teens. I could of sworn I heard Steve saying “get it… get it…” over my shoulder. I was again transfixed.

Anyway...

P.S. Lemme know what your favorite arcade game was, and why!

Me as a South Park Character...

Just a little bit of fun. I think I look pretty good as a South Park Character!

New on the ipod this week

1)Pearl Jam – self titled. Wow… Pearl Jam decided to write a killer rock and roll record. This one’s a middle finger to all those music critics that declared, “Rock is dead”. It’s the heaviest thing they’ve done since 10. It appears as if Pearl Jam got tired of arty affectations and got back to business. It’s a very solid effort for sure. Check out “Life Wasted”, and “Severed Hand” I’m glad I bought this disc.



2)NOFX – Wolves in Wolves Clothing. These guys just get better and better. Fat Mike doesn’t was any time on this one. Clever lyrics and hooky riffs abound. So far these are some my favorites. From the song "U.S.A Holes"

“We see the iceberg from 15 miles away... The captain orders the ship to "stay the course... "Full speed ahead" shouts the accurst... The next thing we heard was, "Rich women and children first... The ship is listing, the captain's placing blame on the iceberg... "That berg attacked us, I am declaring war on the Arctic"... Who could ever have predicted the greatest ship could so easily sink?”

It's great Punk rock. It's also quite funny. I love NOFX... There I've said it!!!

Amexica...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Chewbacca

Saturday night was fun. After work I headed to the club. I was excited to be on stage. I haven’t played the Calgary club for a while. I was almost a little nervous too. I could feel that familiar spring in my step. (Although it’s been too long since I’ve felt it…)

Anyway, as I headed towards then main doors of the Blackfoot Inn, I glanced through the window and noticed that Peter Mayhew (the guy who played Chewbacca…) was sitting on the couch. He’s a tall lanky man, and kinda scruffy looking too.

I walked up to him and said, “I know you get this all the time but Chewbacca rocks…” He said, “thank you” and shook my hand.

His hands were the size of tennis racquets. My hand seemed to completely disappear in the process of the shake.

Then I said, “Take it easy…” and I turned and walked away. I had just met a childhood icon, and managed to remain calm. (Not that I’m generally star struck anyhow, but this was Chewbacca!!!)

When they introduced me at the start of the show, instead of any credits, I got them to mention that I had just met Chewbacca.

Meeting Peter Mayhew reminded me that life is full of happy accidents. Even as I type this, I have a crooked smile on my face.

Other, stranger stuff happened too.

A 51-year-old woman tried to pick me up. She was flirty and pleasant enough, but also very direct. It was a very curious exchange. I politely declined. (Although I was flattered…)

The shows went well. The first was pretty full, but the crowd was a little less enthusiastic than I normally like. They got into it, but it took a little longer to get them hot. The second show saw the club only half full, but they were much more eager.

P.S. To my friends in Sask... I just found out that Saskatoon and Regina were expecting me with Bobby Keele this past weekend. Unfortunately there was a scheduling change... sorry for the mix up. I'll let you know the next time I'm booked!

Cheers

A little about me!!!

As a kid, I preferred to read rather than hang with the other kids. (Most of the time… I mean, I wasn’t a hermit like the Unabomber or anything like that…) I liked being alone. My thoughts were always easier to sort that way. I‘ve always had a busy mind… too bad it becomes so easily unfocused. In the right set of circumstances, I can be undone by a chewing gum wrapper. Flies have a better attention span.

In a conversation, I tend to fade out quickly if my interest wanes. I will space out completely. Over the years I have mastered the look of paying attention. I have even learned how to respond in a pseudo convincing manner.

The biggest side effects of having a busy mind manifest themselves blatantly in my poor sleeping habits, and the need for a lot of “me” time. For the last several years, they seem to have had a fixed reciprocal relationship. If only I could find a better balance of the two. I’m sure I’m taking years off of my life because of the exhaustion. It has taken its toll on me for sure.

Most people I know need “me” time once in a while. But I count on it. It’s a crutch for me. Without it, I’m sure I’d go stark raving mad. It offers me freedom. It does for my brain what I imagine a space walk might do for the body. It lets it float. (A little Bowie here please…)

If you were to ask my circle of friends who the quiet one is, they’d all point to me. Generally it’s because I am desperately trying to contain my scattered thoughts. If I let them out all at once, they’d likely have me locked up.

But I’m quiet for other reasons too. I rarely get excited about much. My blood rarely boils. (Until it does… once that fuse is burned I explode…) I love debauchery, and lord knows my friends are good at it, but I prefer to be the spectator. They are my entertainment, not the festivities themselves. It’s their willingness to destroy, and their path of destruction that I admire. As they lead headlong into it, I giggle like a schoolgirl in a Barbie shop.

But I will get a few licks in for myself too. Well, once in a while, but only if I think the chaos needs a little catalyst. Otherwise, I’m content to sit back and listen to the calliope that is their playground toot and holler.

Other Stuff,

Tonight I have two shows at Yuks here in Calgary. I’m excited. It’s been a while since I’ve played the club. I get to work with Freddy and Unger, and that’s cool too. These guys are some of my favorites to work with. It’s gonna be a fun night.

update... MIGRAINE!!!

I hate migraines. Currently I am recovering from a doozy. It feels like I got hit in the forehead with a 5-pound sledge. Light and sound have been kicking me around like their little bitch all day. Strangely it reminds me of a wildlife documentary I watched where two bobcats were tormenting a turtle. The turtle managed to safely hide inside his shell, but he still got smacked around a fair bit.

The worst parts of a migraine for me are the nausea and the facial numbness. I have become an old pro at recognizing when a nasty one is coming on. I never used to get them, but then I moved to Calgary, and there they started. There is something about the barometric pressure shifting here that lights me up like a roman candle.

I have been trying to “play through the pain” but sadly so far all I’ve been able to muster is lying on the couch and squinting at the television. Weekday television is actually worse than nighttime television. Who gave Tony Danza a show? He’s terrible. I’d rather watch Elvira Kurt. (How fucking sad is that?) Apparently Tony has a fascination with ukuleles. So did Tiny Tim… Perhaps it has something to do with the letter t. I bet Tom Brokaw has a ukulele too.