As a kid, I preferred to read rather than hang with the other kids. (Most of the time… I mean, I wasn’t a hermit like the Unabomber or anything like that…) I liked being alone. My thoughts were always easier to sort that way. I‘ve always had a busy mind… too bad it becomes so easily unfocused. In the right set of circumstances, I can be undone by a chewing gum wrapper. Flies have a better attention span.
In a conversation, I tend to fade out quickly if my interest wanes. I will space out completely. Over the years I have mastered the look of paying attention. I have even learned how to respond in a pseudo convincing manner.
The biggest side effects of having a busy mind manifest themselves blatantly in my poor sleeping habits, and the need for a lot of “me” time. For the last several years, they seem to have had a fixed reciprocal relationship. If only I could find a better balance of the two. I’m sure I’m taking years off of my life because of the exhaustion. It has taken its toll on me for sure.
Most people I know need “me” time once in a while. But I count on it. It’s a crutch for me. Without it, I’m sure I’d go stark raving mad. It offers me freedom. It does for my brain what I imagine a space walk might do for the body. It lets it float. (A little Bowie here please…)
If you were to ask my circle of friends who the quiet one is, they’d all point to me. Generally it’s because I am desperately trying to contain my scattered thoughts. If I let them out all at once, they’d likely have me locked up.
But I’m quiet for other reasons too. I rarely get excited about much. My blood rarely boils. (Until it does… once that fuse is burned I explode…) I love debauchery, and lord knows my friends are good at it, but I prefer to be the spectator. They are my entertainment, not the festivities themselves. It’s their willingness to destroy, and their path of destruction that I admire. As they lead headlong into it, I giggle like a schoolgirl in a Barbie shop.
But I will get a few licks in for myself too. Well, once in a while, but only if I think the chaos needs a little catalyst. Otherwise, I’m content to sit back and listen to the calliope that is their playground toot and holler.
Other Stuff,
Tonight I have two shows at Yuks here in Calgary. I’m excited. It’s been a while since I’ve played the club. I get to work with Freddy and Unger, and that’s cool too. These guys are some of my favorites to work with. It’s gonna be a fun night.
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