Wednesday, February 23, 2005

streetcar named misery


streetcar
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The street car is fun... It's also full of people who have lost any sense of humanity. Really it's more of a device to move robots from one section of Toronto to another.

I saw an old woman get shoved around on the street car... the driver was aware of it, and did nothing...

Toronto... where evil grows!!!
That would be a great new civic slogan...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

fightthepower


fightthepower
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Another one of my favorite malcontents. Peter is another of the Calgarian comics to make the exodus to Toronto.

Brett Martin


trashcanjesus2
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is my friend Brett. We started in stand up together. He lives in Toronto now. He hates his job, but then again that's nothing new. I believe to date he has had 33 of them. He's 26...

Marcus@riv


Marcus@riv
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Take after the show. I love this place. It's the best indy show in the country...

beforetheshow@einstiens


beforetheshow@einstiens
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Just moments before the show.

02/22/05 Brunch of Chimpanzees

Toronto is a great city. It is a city of endless possibilities. Every street corner leads to another community, another little world, and best of all some of the greatest food I have ever eaten. Yesterday I had a New York Burrito. There was nothing even remotely Mexican about it. Oddly, it's more like a Middle Eastern shawarma. It was hot and spicy, and I loved every bit of it and the Roti here is to die for.

My poor liver hasn't had this much of a workout in quite some time. Peter and Brett dragged (with very little resistance…) me to The Underground Garage, which is the coolest little bar in all of Toronto. It's a seedy little dive, with the best music and atmosphere, and you can smoke there to. Best of all, its bartenders are kings of the heavy pour. I haven't seen a one-ounce pour since I've been here.

Truthfully, in some ways I feel at home here. There is a cosmopolitan feeling here that Calgary lacks. Toronto has an impressive footprint. It's mammoth size, and dysfunctional sense of design, give it a charm. Underneath the soot and grime, one can gleam a thirst for substance. People here go to art galleries, and museums. This city is one of last vestiges left in the country, a place where someone can eek out a living as an artist.

Not that everything's coming up roses around here. People are colder here.
(That's where Calgary shines in comparison…) Everyone keeps their heads down, and there's a distinct glaze in their eyes. There is a seething undercurrent, as if there is some torment that both polarizes Torontonians, and acts like a magnet, sucking people into a whirlpool.

I miss the warmth of my wife's smile. I wish she was here. Being here has just further cemented my belief that I'm a lucky man to have her.

So far, the shows have been great. Last night I played the Rivoli. I had a great time. I rocked the room. I was there in the moment. I had total control. For a brief moment I was a superstar. It did my ego some good. I'm not sure what it did for my id though…

Sunday, I did a show at Einstein's. That one went great too. I followed a horrible hack, prop act. I hate that shit. The stock jokes tumbled from his fool mouth like a parade of shit. He ate 3 bananas, and juggled swords. It was a total fucking travesty. Happily though, it just made my job that much easier.

Tonight I'm going to showcase for Mark Breslin at The Super club. I'm excited, and a little nervous.

More to come

Saturday, February 12, 2005

02/12/05 The Unsinkable Marcus Beaubier

I've gotten to a point where I'm beginning to understand what I really want to accomplish with this blog. To date, it has been a useful tool, a simple device that permits me to blow off steam about things that really get my blood boiling.

I've ranted and raved about everything I could think of, screaming out to the heavens, hoping that someone, anyone could hear it. I've been that desperate drunk at the end of the bar rail letting the reactionary out to play, and it has only gotten the better of me thus far. Clearly, it has been all for not. This will not stop me, but it is obvious that it's time for a change of tactics. It's time to appeal to common sense. If that won't kick the blinders off, nothing will.

I guess in some ways, As a Canadian living far away from the problems of American politics, it could be argued that I have no real business attacking it. It could also be argued that American politics has no direct effect on me and my life here in the wilds north of Montana. Of course, and I could be Mickey Mouse.

An American friend of mine reminded me the other day, that we don't want Americans to feel too comfortable around these parts. In his estimation, they will come here. (Thanks to the last election, we have already seen an increase in migration here from the U.S.) This alone, gives me the right to throw my voice into the fray. The last thing we ever want is for America to have any sense of entitlement to Canada. That would knock the wheels off our little cart. Sooner or later, they are going to run out of brown people to pick on, and in my humble estimation we are a little to close for comfort.

I had hoped that in some small way, my blog might act like a beacon to those who feel as I do. We who are now lost to the woods outside the city limits of a town called indifference need hope. As civil liberties are retracted, we become more scattered. Liberalism is being hunted down, and demonized like something out of the Salem Witch trials, and I felt for a little while as if I was a vanguard of these social values. In some small way, I believe I've been a defender of the faith.

I choose to roar, because I'm afraid others will give up, and submit to the will of conservatism. This really frightens me. Every time another conservative gets into power, a few more liberties get called into question, and big business gets another dirty handshake. When I see Bush, or Cheney speak, I immediately have to reach for the Rolaids. (These are people who hate the ACLU… because its mandate is to remind government about the existence of the constitution… Something Bush and Cheney hate…)

I watched a movie called “The American President” the other night. I liked it, it reminded me of “The West Wing”, and another movie called “Dave.” (These are not masterpieces… for the record…) I like these shows because they give people hope. At least in the land of pretend, the people in power are human beings who listen to the problems of their constituents. They implicate a dynamic that is not actually seen in real politics anymore, human decency.

Monday, February 07, 2005

02/07/05

People who dedicate themselves to the clergy freak me out. I just don't understand that level of commitment; especially to something I have difficulty understanding. (Mind you, I feel the same way about physics professors, line dancers, and people who sell shitty electronic calendars on the street… but I digress…)

I was at a hospital earlier this evening, and I literally ran into some Mormon preachers. They both seemed so very excited; clearly they were out to reel in a few for salvation. This had an almost insidious air to it. They were chattering away in the elevator and brandishing their gleaming white teeth. It was a surreal moment. It felt like the scene in “Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas” when Thompson is tripping out in the Circus Circus Casino. The more I looked at their teeth, the stranger it got. In an instant I was convinced those teeth were designed to tear into me. I wished that I could have folded myself into a paper envelope and slid under the doors. Happily before my imagination got the better of me, the doors opened and I made it safely to my floor.

Then I heard, “Have a good night…”

And I thought to myself, “Aw fuck… now they're talking to me…”

“UHHHH… You too!” was the best I could muster.

I walked down the hall, to my friend's room, now clutching the US magazine I bought to cheer her up.

I suppose the best place to recruit for one's faith is a hospital. To me it's the last chance saloon of salvation. Check in before you check out. It's a very sneaky tactic, but I kind of admire it. There's a genius in its simplicity. Lord knows, a captive audience is a good audience.

I guess I'm not a fan of a belief system that exists to self propagate. To the best of my reckoning, faith is a personal thing. Mine to embrace, and mine to endure. I have never needed others to parrot my spiritual beliefs. I think everybody needs to find his or her own.

To a certain extent, I'm a hypocrite. I want people to follow in line with my political proclivities, and to many that's just as private a belief system. (Not that it will stop me from trying. I'll rage before the dying of the light before that ever happens….)

02/07/05

Still more stuff about me...

1) I dislike Goths... No one can ever really be that depressed. I’ve known people on Prozac and Zoloft who are more cheery. I’ve seen "The Crow" too, but it has never driven me to paint my face and get a page boy haircut.

2) I believe that David Lee Roth is actually the first human cartoon character. I’d like to see a battle royale between him and Bus Bunny. Just seeing an anvil fall on his head would be worth the price of admission.

3) I really don’t care for American Football. I find it boring. The Super Bowl is just a snooze fest for me. I just don’t get it.

4) I don’t find Jerry Seinfeld funny. I never have. Nothing anyone can say will change my mind.

5) I don’t like the colour yellow. Esp Yellow Lolly pop colouring.

6) I think the best ever movie portrayal of JFK was done by Ossie Davis in "Bubba Hotep".

7) I always wanted to punch Sam Kinison square in the head.

8) My friends make me laugh the hardest.

9) My current favorite comics are: Lewis Black, David Cross, Eddie Izzard

10) I really want to see unwanted contestants from American Idol reclaim their dignity by hiring a hitman to gun down Simon Cowel in a hail of bullets.

11) I really want Jessica Simpson and her dullard husband to get caught trying to procure a Thai boy hooker for some sort of Paul Bernardo, Karla Homulka weird sex thingy. That would rock. It would also finally end that stupid show of theirs. What a smoldering pile of dog turd. The best thing that could happen to our society is ending their reign of stupidity. They make Anna Nicole Smith seem sane and rational.

12) I think that Ron Jeremy should become America’s the ambassador to the United Nations. Since the whole thing appears to be one giant cock fight, he should fit in nicely. He’s also far more entertaining than Condi Rice.

13) I often wish I was a dictator. I bet that would be fun. I would dress like Stalin, and smoke cigars all day.

14) I used to enjoy the cafeteria at Kmart. They had the best burgers, and it was fun to watch the old folks bicker. That cafeteria was a magnet for seniors. Hundreds of years of combined wisdom, and blue light specials all rolled into one... How could anyone really resist?

15) I hate the movie "Grease" I HATE IT!

16) I have never watched a single episode of "The Sopranos"

17) I’d really like to have a beer with Dennis Franz.

18) I’d love to grow a Snidely Whiplash moustache.

02/06/05 more stuff about me...

More things about me. again in no order, significant or otherwise.

1) I hate being told I'm wrong. I will go to great lengths to prove otherwise. (even If I'm not so sure anymore...)

2) I almost never lose.

3) I will admit when I am wrong.

4) I want to believe in aliens. I'm just not sure they want to believe in me.

5) I think Bill Gates is actually the Anti-Christ.

6) I love chocolate brownies and gingerbread.

7) I really dislike Stephen Harper. Not because of politics. but because he's creepy looking.

8) I actually really like America and Americans. I'm just not fond of republicans.

9) Bob Mould is my favorite song writer. Elivs Costello is a close second.

10) I love Dairy Queen Ice Cream.

11) Few things beat a good BBQ.

12) I'm too proud for my own good.

13) I hate being taken advantage of. I'm a firm believe in "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..."

14) I have a strange fixation with the Roman Empire.

15) Bagels are good. Esp with cream cheese and grape jelly.

16) I love reading the newspaper, and watching television news.

17) I hate sherbert... Stupid ice cream wanna be.

18) The worst flavor of ice cream is anything with orange in it's title.

19) I think beheadings are the most vulgar thing I can think of. Everytime I see those poor bastards on the news, my throat gets tight.

20) I have a hyper active sense of imagination. It serves me well most of the time... But when it doesn't... WOW it really doesn't.

21) I support the military. i just wish our government did.

22) I think guns are stupid. I guess some people need them. I don't know anyone who does, but I suppose they exist.

23) I wish I could speak Italian.

24) I like getting letters, real ones, in the mail even.

25) Patsa is wonderful. Fettucine Tuto Gusto is my favorite.

26) I wish I was President of the United States. I'd get some shit done. (Just gimmie a few days even...)

27) If not President, Superman would be a good second. (Yes I know he isn't real... but then again, I'm not sure the President is either...)

28) The one chore I hate the most is lawn mowing. I hate it...

29) I want to live somewhere warm. Not hot, warm will do just fine, 15-20 degrees centigrate is all I really need.

30) I'm Irish, French, and German.

More to come.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

02/06/05 To My Dearest Detractor of All Things CBC...

A friend of mine and I have been having a difference of opinion about how truthful the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation really is.
She contends that they would never air stories that portray the powers that be in a poor light. My belief is that they generally (with some exceptions…) tend to be fair and balanced.

I decided to conduct a straw poll amongst a wide swath of people. I spoke to people with very, very different political stripes, hoping to see if I was really misguided in my belief. Amongst the group of them, there was a liberal organizer, a conservative pollster, an ex patriot American, a communist, a Brit, a member of the green party, and a person who voted for the Alberta separatist party.

To adhere with privacy legislation, and for the sake of maintaining friendships I have omitted names.

My thinking in speaking to these people was this: To get a better understanding of the CBC. What do these people really think? These are people that I trust, and having known them for years, I know they will tell me the truth. I insisted that they didn't hold back.

Without exception I got the same answers. Every single one of them said the same thing. In terms of news, the CBC does seem to report things in a credible, honest way.

They majority of them also agreed that the CBC is arrogant. (Of this I have no doubt…) the belief is that they tend to cater to an elitist crowd. (I totally believe this to be true…) They don't reflect the day-to-day tastes of the average Canadian. (Again… no argument here…)

However, to back up my belief that the CBC is not afraid of the government, and is willing to get to the heart of the matter, I submit the following little nuggets I have tripped over while scouring the net.


1) They are no friend to the liberal government, and if you really look back at their treatment of Chrétien it was rarely if ever flattering...

2) They hounded him over the sponsorship scandal, which (and this is important to note…) they broke to the public... and have been active in approaching key witnesses to get at the story with more depth.

3) They were constantly critical over the PMO during most of his tenure. In fact relations between CBC news and his office were so frosty, that it has been cited by some media consultants as one the actual reasons for CBC losing 36 percent of it's operating budget during his years as prime minister. Chrétien actually tried to legislate new controls over the CBC, and was forced to back down.

4) They chided him over his treatment of the "pepper spray incident" which was another story they broke.

5) They broke the story of his not attending the funeral of the King of Syria, and demanded to know why he went skiing instead. They were very direct in reporting this breach of protocol.

6) They broke the helicopter scandal.

7) They broke the Sgro scandal, and have maintained consistent pressure on her office. (Again not proving to be too liberal friendly...)
8) They were the first media outlet in Canada to point out that Martin had dropped the ball in the first few days of the Sponsorship scandal, and appeared to be in “over his head…”
9) They were the first media outlet in Canada to call into question any “conflict of interest” issues in Martin handing off his shipping company to his sons, while he was in office.

I agree that the CBC may have it's own agenda, but being the government's parrot is not one of them.

In fact, if you compare the CBC to Fox News, CBC looks like the bastion of balance. They have spent time with both conservatives and liberals alike. Legally, as part of their mandate, they are obliged to. They are also obliged to give them equal time. This doesn't mean they have to put up with someone as vicious as Bill O'Reilly, or Ann Coulter. (And who would really want to anyway?) No one should be allowed to fire their bigoted volleys at whom ever they choose on national television. (Although to the CBC's credit, they did offer O'Reilly a chance to defend his positions and he declined.)

I remember watching a political debate on CBC. They were very careful to not express any political affiliation. In fact, they were very good at getting the opinions of pundits representing every party. (Including the Greens and other fringe parties.)

Some people out west may argue that Stockwell Day got a bit of a public fucking at the hands of the CBC, but one could also argue that Stockwell did pretty good at doing it to himself. If you insist on making a buffoon out of yourself in front of cameras then, that's pretty much your own fault.

More than anything, I think the CBC has an image problem. It may be time to clean it up a little, and offer Canadians something a little more Canadian.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

beaubier


beaubier
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

This is a picture of the outside of a hotel in Brandon Manitoba. It's the Beaubier hotel. It was named by someone distantly related to me.

It's a flea bag. Bad people go there. I went there once. the bartender suggested for my own personal safety it was best if I left...

Judging from the patrons inside, he was absolutely right.

It's kinda cool in a strange way...

Bill O'Reilly's


Bill O'Reilly's
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

A picture really is worth a thousand words...

02/02/05 Set Your Phasers to Stupid...

I love a good scrap. There's nothing like a little piss and vinegar to get the day rolling. A good one came to my attention earlier today. Apparently The CBC made an unflattering documentary about FOX NEWS. Now, it seems it's bad form to point out that a media organization's claim of “Fair and balanced” reporting is a crock of shit. (Despite the fact, that it's not exactly news itself…)

But I digress… Bill O'Reilly from fox, got uppity about the whole thing, and started shooting his fool mouth off. So I decided to recount the bits I was able to put together. I also added my usual retorts. (Like I could really help myself?)


Quote #1

"Vicious attack on Fox News by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, totally out of any kind of bounds," said O'Reilly in his response Friday night to the Fifth Estate broadcast on Jan. 26.

This kind of whiney nonsense coming from Bill O'Reilly? This man is the reigning king of the ugliest hatchet jobs in modern television journalism. This is typical of the kind of double standard American conservatives are about. “You dirty liberals are fair game… But don't you dare come down on me.”

You have got to be kidding me. This is the pot calling the kettle black for sure. This man is regularly foul of the field (just ask his last intern… He fired her for blowing the whistle on his inappropriate telephone manner…) As for the Vicious attack… If you can't take the heat… get out of the kitchen motherfucker.

I'm proud that the CBC skewered this bozo, and called him on his shit. Someone's got to. Lord knows the mainstream media in his own country doesn't.

Not to mention this man is shoved so far up Rush Limbaugh's ass; he can see Karl Rove's feet.

Quote #2

"The Canadian government gives them a billion dollars to put this sort of stuff on the air, and the Canadian government is really at fault here, isn't it?" O'Reilly said to one guest.

The Canadian Government's fault? Look… I'm willing to admit, most of the misty eyed shit on CBC sucks…(and may actually be the Canadian Government's fault…) Especially “Wind at my Back”, and anything to do with that fucking “Anne of Green Gables”… But in terms of news, and documentaries, they provide a rare service in this day and age. The Truth.

O'Reilly would prefer we censor, and shield people from the truth, something the fine people at Fox News have mastered. That's fair and balanced. That is to say… balanced in a Nazi Germany kind of way.

The one, and I would think most obvious thing missing here is this, What impact does this really have on Bill O'Reilly's professional life? The answer… Sweet Fuck All. Canada is a very different country than the good ole USA, and the opinions of our media outlets really shouldn't mean a damn thing. The fact that it does, gives it a certain amount of entertainment value. Truthfully, his reaction has pretty much made him the CBC's bitch. “JUMP FOR ME LITTLE PUPPET MAN.”


"You scare the hell out of them, Bill," One guest remarked on his show.

Yes this is true. It's not the content of his show, or the candor of his comments that scare us. It's mostly because he's a fucking idiot, and because there are a lot more fucking idiots who believe the erroneous shit that falls out of his yap is gospel.

Quote #3

In the past, O'Reilly has called the CBC radically to the left, the Globe and Mail a "far-left newspaper," and Canadian health care "socialist."

1) The CBC is the nation's broadcaster. It reflects opinions from people all over Canada, 10 provinces and 3 territories worth. Besides anyone who lets Don Cherry on the air week after week can't be all that left leaning.

2) The Globe and Mail “Far-left newspaper” Clearly this fuckwit has never actually read the Globe. It's pretty damningly conservative most of the time.

3) Canadian Health Care is socialist. That's the point. It's for the benefit of our society. That way people don't die because they can't afford to pay for care. Social pragmatism… It's not something to be hissed at. Only a heartless bastard would condemn something designed to help a fellow human. But I guess that speaks volumes.


He and his conservative colleagues say they're doing journalism that is fair and balanced. Right, and I'm Yul Brenner.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

02/01/05 Kid Rock

I have finally made my way out of the woods. I can finally see the world as it was meant to be seen, pain free. The tooth has settled down, and the egg sized swollen gland now more resembles a peach slice. The meeting of evil despots in my tooth appears to have concluded… Although you never can trust that Hitler, he's a pesky fucker.

Damn it all… I hate being sick. It's got to be one of the most insidious things there are. (Apart from 4 more years of little Bushie… but if I can get through this, I can get through anything.) I think it's because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You just have to persevere. Sadly, I'm not a patient man.

I'm watching Kid Rock on television. I'm amazed that this cracker had built a career on being… well quite frankly, a cracker. He's not nearly as entertaining now, at least not like the good old days, when he had a midget. Let's face it Kid, or Mr. Rock, or whatever your name is, the midget was the real brains behind this barnyard brouhaha. I'm amazed at the staying power of his career. I would have expected he'd be on some reality show with a bunch of other b rated, burned out stars by now, or perhaps, (and as near as I can tell, more likely…) draining the grease vats at the nearest Denny's. (Even Pamela Anderson kicked his sorry ass to the curb, which I find a little surprising, cause she's better at sniffing out tawdry relations with rock stars, than a truffle hog hunting fungi.)

The man has all the cultural importance of a Ketchup sandwich. His existance has done nothing more than lend credence to every shitty hair bad that has ever hit the shelves of the HMV. Happily, there will come a day when he is just a foot note in music history. American Bad Ass... Not really. Just another schmuck who wound up in the meat grinder known as pop music. History is repleat with them. He is no different. It will be fun to watch him and say... Vince Neil sit and get fat, and talk about how they had it all. At least Vince can offer him some advice.

I'm curious to know how he actually got signed. How did that recording industry nightmare take place? I suspect that the 7th seal of music hell was opened, and sadly with a whimper, this is the twit that popped out.

Record exec: So Kid… Can I call you kid? How would you describe your music?

Kid Rock: Hilly Billy Hip Hop, with a little country throw in for good measure… and some Blues... a little metal.

Record exec: Well that's quite eclectic. I can already see endless possibilities… The black stuff just doesn't fly so well in the south… with the white folk I mean…

Kid Rock: What does eclectic mean? Did I mention I got me a midget? He's real cool… I love having a little person. He's got little sausage fingers… and he's all pimped out n' shit…

Record exec: I smell an American Music Award…

Kid Rock: I got this song… It's about getting all messed up on cough syrup, and going to the titty bar… Oh man, I'm keeping it real…

Record exec: That's tight…

Kid Rock: I got this other one… It's about getting all messed up on Gravol and Jack Daniels, and experimenting with the love we dare not speak…

Record exec: Homosexuality?

Kid Rock: Shit no Mutha fucka… I'm talking about sex with cousins… I ain't no homo sapien… bitch…

Record exec: Sign here please…

Kid Rock


_39809931_kidrock_getty300
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Nice Old Glory mu mu... This guy is an empty bucket of chicken away from living in a single wide. It's really sad when people like him are allowed to leave the trailer park.

I'm not bitter about his success... just mystified by it.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Bedtime for Democracy


B00005NT4J.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

01/27/05

I'm feeling a little better today. It's not as hard to swallow, and the teeth have calmed down a little. At least I'm not lying on the floor in the fetal position weeping. Yesterday, the pain was so bad, I had the sweats. That's a truly awful feeling. Warm, yet clammy, and hateful from the pain. Tylenol 3 has become my new best friend. Man that shit is great. It gave me a little bit of a buzz. It really took the edge off of the pain. Previous to this, I was considering smashing myself with a hammer till I just passed out. Happily the dentist gave me the goods. Now if only I could cool down a little.

On to other things…

I watched President Bush on television tonight. He was talking about the upcoming elections in Iraq. He had that goofy smile of his on high beam. I love watching him speak. Stammering away like a kid with tourettes or at the very least with a vicious stutter. He always throws in that little laugh, like he's surprised that people want to question his policies. Just a nervous little laugh, with dash of confusion for good measure. You just know that Karl Rove is wringing his hat behind the scenes, or perhaps smacking himself with a hammer, so he can pass out before the pain turns his head into a steam whistle.

“The world is a better place now that Saddam is outta power over there… huh !?! Now we can bring western democracy to the people if Iraq…”

Is it just me, or is this statement wearing a little thin? You can see from the way he talks, he doesn't really believe much of what he's saying either. It's got to be really trying to lie that much to your electorate. I'll give him this much, the man has huge balls to keep this charade going, even after the rest of the entire planet called “Bullshit.”

The only thing better than watching Bush on television, is watching Tony Blair justify the United Kingdom's presence in this whole debacle. It's gotta be a slippery slope for him. Especially in being second banana to someone who is clearly a lesser. He's become Gilligan, to Bush's Skipper. That's has to be tough on the psyche. But like any good puppet, he seems to function well with a hand shoved up his ass.

NEXT

I watched Shaun of the Dead last night. I loved it. It is very funny. Simon Pegg did a great job with his character. He was deadpan and perfect. Check it out.

One more

I bought a copy of The Dead Kennedys “Bedtime for Democracy.” That record brings back some great memories for me. The first copy I ever had, my dad bought for me on a business trip to Toronto. I wore that tape out. I must have played it hundreds of times.

It was recorded in 1986, and most of the album still applies today. It was the last studio record the band made. It is full of rip fire guitars, and potent political lyrics. This was made before bubble gum punk was even a twinke in Corporate Music's eye.

Note, If you are a fan of Nickleback, or Creed, (Scott Stap is not human. He's an evil robot... an evil robot that sucks...) this album is not for you. This one will make you think, and I know you just aren't up for it.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

01/25/05 Dental X Rays


xrays
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

It's back to the dentist. My tooth hurts so much, I have a buzzing in my head. Dental pain is the worst. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even President Bush.
Hopefully we can get this fixed tomorrow. If not I might go mad. Stark raving mad. I think I might be close already, but this would seal the deal for sure.

More when I'm capable of thinking.

Monday, January 24, 2005

01/24/05

I'm feeling really lousy today. (Well, for the last couple of days…) I can't sleep, I have a fever, and I'm grumpy. I get grumpy when I'm sick. I feel bad for Erin. She puts up with my temperament like no one should. I tend to get mad at stupid things. Like runny pasta, or the lack of chocolate in my diet during my weakened state. She has the patience of a Saint.

I'm beginning to look a little feral, I haven't shaved for several days, and my hair looks like the explosion of a bird's nest.

I think when I'm sick, I should be locked away, or left stranded in a cabin in the woods till I'm better. It may be wiser for all.

I'm pretty sure that the dramatic temperature changes here have contributed to my illness. This city has the strangest weather. If a tsunami struck Calgary, I really wouldn't be all that surprised. I'd be pissed off, but at no point would I find it odd.

I have been trying to entertain myself all day; the best I could muster up was an episode of the new Battlestar Galactica, and several hours playing with the Xbox. Hopefully some one will stop my geekish tendencies before I wind up in some role-playing gamer group. If that happens, gone forever the sane and rational Marcus will be.

I have gotten to enjoy the lack of socialization in my life. My friends are now scattered all over the universe, leaving me here to my own devices. At first I found it lonely, now I find a strange comfort in it. I feel like I'm starting to accomplish something with my writing. There are no distractions, just time, and a word processor that seems to beg for my attention. Perhaps one day I may be as famous as Hemmingway, or Burroughs. With my luck, I'll wind up being more of a Danielle Steele.

Well, It's late, and I need to crash. More to come.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

01/22/2005 A little about me

My friend Brett wants me to divulge more about who I am in my writing. I find this concept curious. I share my thoughts, and feelings in what I write, and yet it seems to many I am an enigma. (not in a grandiose sense mind you...)

I am a man heading to his mid 30’s. I am passionate, and driven by my convictions. Like everyone on the planet, I have my prejudices (which seem to escape more often than I’d like.) and despite my ramblings, I have faith in humanity. (this will likely be my undoing one day...).

Anyway, here are some things that I like, Perhaps they will help to build a character sketch for those of you who don’t know me.

1) I like really loud crashing noises, Especially ones involving metal. (I’m always disappointed when I hear car breaks scream, and there is no CRUNCHING sound.)

2) I‘m generally shy. I don’t like talking to people I don’t know. It takes me a long time to warm up to people. (although I can really fake it. Sometimes you have to, just to be able to function...) I tend to feel awkward.

3) I have a strange knack for reading people. I get a very good sense of people right away. (It doesn’t mean I want to associate with them... I just tend to "get" them.

4)Music affects me greatly. I have been reduced to mass of quivering jelly by music from every idiom imaginable.

5) I’m a geek. I like really geeky shit. Comic books, SCI fi, record collecting, toys, video games, and a litany of other stuff that the "pretty people" consider uncool. Of course I can read, and don’t judge people by what they look like, or what they have... so really, I think I win.

6) I own a Mac. I love my Mac. I am a zealot for Apple. Once you go Mac, You never go back. (It’s rare for me to espouse some sort of brand loyalty... see the whole geek thing.)

7) I suffer greatly from shiny object syndrome. If it makes a noise, and can reflect light into my eyes, I giggle like a school girl.

8) I am stubborn, opinionated, and spiteful.

9) I have always had a hard time sleeping. I don’t until my body insists on shutting down. I have always been this way. It is a burden I have gotten used to.

10) Sarcasm and cynicism are the 6 guns at my side.

11) I make my self laugh. People can find this annoying. I care not.

12) Peter’s Drive In hamburgers are my favorite junk food in the whole world. (ESP with a pile of onion rings and a chocolate and banana milkshake.)

13) I like scotch.

14) I remember my dreams most of the time.

15) I day dream a lot. It does wonders for my soul.

16) I have a love / hate relationship with popular culture. It’s like a traffic accident. I don’t wanna look, but I have to. Regardless of the fact, that most of the time it feels like a band aid being prematurely torn off.

17) I love to laugh. Big loud, offensive laughter is food for the soul. I like the vile, rotten stuff. That’s what makes me laugh. After years of being around other comedians, I’m so disaffected, that it has to be pure evil for me to laugh.

18) I have a fear of success.

19) I admire criminals. Well, to a certain extent. Perhaps it’s because they exist outside of convention. I admonish violence, but a good scam is genius.

20) My heart leans left. It always will.

21) I’m fascinated by seedy bars. I’m like a moth to the flame. I guess I’m a bit of a voyeur. They seem to be a good way to examine a different aspect of the human condition that I’m used to.
I have a guilty conscience.

22) If I do something that violates my code of ethics, it sits on my shoulder like a winged monkey, and screams in my ear.

23) Childern frighten me. They seem to fragile, (and they often smell bad...) I’m amazed that we have survived as a species.

24) Lego is still cool. It always will be.

25) I love to swear, especially when it makes people feel uncomfortable.

Anyway.. I’ll add more things, as I think of them.

That’s it for now.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

01/20/05

It strikes me that nationalism may be for the lonely. Lord knows it 's a long a difficult road to travel, but only if you abide by conviction. The pretend natiionalists are a different sort. In my estimation, those are the sort of people who are content to celebrate en masse and generally for no clear reason. When I say nationalism, I exclude the concept of vacant flag waving. That's empty, and bankrupt of true sentiment.

My definition is geared more to the belief that we need to ask the difficult questions. Especially if the answers are likely to make us cringe.

We don't do enough of that...

Just a stray thought.

End of Transmission

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

01/19/05 Coca Cola is an agent of the devil...

I heard from a reliable source today that Ipsos Reid is doing a survey that asks if people are buying more from the Coca Cola company because they were helping out the tsunami victims. How souless is that? What a way to sully any effort you guys made to help these poor people out. Did it help your sales? The optics of this kind of behaviour are truly gruesome.

Who uses the deaths of 150,000 people as a gauge for profit? Evil fuckers... SHAME ON YOU!!! "Have a Coke and a smile, and try to forget your entire fucking family is dead..." I'm surprised the tobacco companies aren't in on it. "You just lost your entire world, now smoke up fucker..."

This kind of coporate chicanery needs to be met with punitive measures. These multinationals need to be taught that this kind of marketing is wrong. Everytime one of these evil companies pulls a fast one like this, we should send their garbage back to them.

This makes me so angry I could spit nails like a gatling gun. I may even kick a puppy.

I will never drink a coke again. I will never buy any of their products, and I will tell as many people as I can about this.

Coke


Coke
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Monday, January 17, 2005

01/17/05 Perhaps it's time...

Anyone who has ever known me knows that I'm a staunch federalist. Well, at least that used to be the case. I'm feeling a little less yay Canada than usual these days. The current tension between Ottawa and the province of Newfoundland has made me investigate my feelings. I'm not sure my recent discoveries endear Canada to me. It's rare that I find myself allied with conservatives (One might say almost never... previous to this, I think the closest I have ever come was in agreeing that there are two spellings for the name Jeffery... but I digress...) especially in this day and age, but there you have it.

To fill you in, the whole episode between the warring factions erupted over oil royalties. After several unsuccessful bouts, The Premier of Newfoundland, Danny Williams, ordered the removal of Canadian flags from all public buildings in the province.

It was the last straw, the one that broke the proverbial camel's back. The feeling now is that Canada has done nothing but sabotage Newfoundland's chances for any serious economic recovery, and has been actively doing so for decades.

Adding fuel to the fire, The Globe and Mail, who has never been friendly to Newfoundland, shot a volley into the fray. I have included snippets of Margaret Wente's column. Her remarks are hateful, and have an uninformed taint to them.

Here's the first one:

“Over the years, those of us not blessed to be born on the Rock have sent countless cakes its way in the form of equalization payments, pogey, and various hare-brained make-work schemes. (Who can ever forget the hydroponic cucumber farm?) In return, the surly islanders have blamed us for everything from the disappearance of the cod stocks to the destruction of the family unit, because if people had to work more than 10 weeks before they could collect EI, they might have to move away.”

You rely on a sad stereotype here. It's that kind of upper Canada arrogance, and ignorance that Newfoundland has been stained by. We are not a province of colloquial; near do wells that scrounge up a few weeks work so we can milk the federal tit for the rest of the year. As long people like yourself report that kind of nonsense to the rest of the country, it will be true, regardless of the actual facts. You dismiss the fact that Newfoundland has lead the country in economic growth for the last several years.

As for the surliness of Newfoundlanders, how can you blame a province that has been shafted at every turn? There is an inherent mistrust with good cause. I submit the following as examples.

1) The refusal of the federal government to expropriate land in Quebec for the power lines for Churchill Falls. Clearly an act designed to placate Quebec. When Alberta needed land for the pipeline, the government tripped over themselves to get that land sorted. Newfoundland… Not so much. Had Newfoundland been trusted to it's own electrical resource, It would have been on a much better footing financially.

2) The refusal of the Federal Government to help with preventing the closure of the seal fishery. The government dropped this one like a hot potato. Greenpeace aside, the government, not wanting to be embarrassed internationally, decided to fly in the face of an already desperate people. Not really a government for the people. At least not the people of Newfoundland. Ironically, the government had to re open the seal fishery 20 years later, because the seal population was out of control, and was decimating the remaining cod stocks.

3) The complete and total mismanagement of the offshore cod fishery. In late 80's Dr. Leslie Harris, from Memorial University of Newfoundland delivered a white paper on the future of the Northern Cod stocks. The federal government largely ignored it. Instead, as a way of luring France, Russia, Spain and Portugal to the world court to answer charges of gross over fishing, they actually increased the legal limit they were allowed to catch. Just a couple of years later, the government closed the commercial fishery. 30,000 people lost their livelihood in an afternoon. The same per capita amount of people in Ontario would equal 600,000.

4) Instead of any real encouragement or concrete professional development schemes from Ottawa, Newfoundland was handed a new EI package and some hackneyed, and demeaning job creation programs. Newfoundlanders were told “Take what you can get, and don't bitch about it…”


Here's another one:

“I like Newfoundlanders. I really do. But their sense of victim hood is unmatched. And their flag protest isn't winning them much sympathy on this side of the Gulf of St. Lawrence. In fact, the sensation on this side is of a deep and painful bite to the hand that feeds. Mr. Williams reminds me of a deadbeat brother-in-law who's hit you up for money a few times too often. He's been sleeping on your couch for years, and now he's got the nerve to complain that it's too lumpy.”

First off, switch out Newfoundlanders for any other minority, say Homosexuals, and see how snide this really is… (Some of my best friends are homosexuals…)

Secondly, We are not trying to bite the hand that feeds. We just don't like being taunted by it. Until you have lived in Newfoundland, and endured the kind of economic hardship, you have no right to attack it. Having natural resources that we are not permitted to gain from is wrong, and shame on you for making us feel bad about it. How truly ignorant of you.

Mr. Williams might remind you of a dead beat brother in law, but these kinds of comments remind me of a soccer mom who has an opinion about everything, and none of the required knowledge to back it up. I can't help but feel that we were never a welcome guest to begin with. Inside the Canadian family, we have been relegated to the kids table, or treated like the weird uncle everyone patronizes, because he's mostly harmless.


Another quote:

“As for you other people of the Rock, maybe we can strike a deal. You can keep all the oil and gas revenues. And you can pay us back all the money we've sent you since you joined Confederation. Fair enough?
I thought not.”

Sure, and while you're at it, why not give the other 8 provinces a ring and see if they can cough up some dough too. I mean, it' s not as if they aren't all taking advantage of transfer payments too. How come no one ever tells people from Saskatchewan or British Columbia, to pack up and move? B.C.'s industries are a shambles; Nova Scotia isn't in the best shape either. Quebec is a financial disaster most of the time too.

A fact few Canadians understand is that Newfoundland and Canada had a Confederation of equals, not a bargain basement provincial union. Sadly the later has been the truth too often. Equality needs to swing like the regulator in a clock, making it to both sides frequently, and once in a while there's a meeting in the middle. but this clock is broken, or more to the point, has never worked.

And it's because of this; I think it may be time to leave.

I close with this.

Men, hurrah for our own native isle, Newfoundland!
Not a stranger shall hold an inch of her strand.
Her face turns to Britain, her back to the Gulf.
Come near at peril Canadian wolf.
- Anti Confederate Toast 1869

Friday, January 14, 2005

Brass Monkey 1


Brass Monkey 1
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

While I was on the hunt for a picture of a Brass Monkey (Yes I know it's not actually a monkey...) I tripped over a website that has midi music on it.

I really... really... Really fucking hate that. What kind of a friggin boob thinks it's neat to put music on a webpage. Esp midi...

It's not like the internet is new. Come on people it's 2005.

It's probably the same people who don't turn the ringer off on their cell phone at the movies...

FUCKERS... get some taste... and some manners... (apparently I have stronger feelings about this than I thought.)

Perhaps I'm being unreasonable... But I don't care.

01/14/05 There's a Brass Monkey at the Door...

Sweet merciful Jesus, it was minus 44 today. What kind of sinister plan was involved to convince people to live here? Someone clearly didn't have his or her thinking cap on at the time. The only place colder than here is the bleak vacuum of space. At least astronauts get that great space suit thingy. I bet that's nice and toasty.

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to the time that man stood up on two feet and pronounced that it was time to migrate to the north. I would throw a rock at him. A big one, and most likely a very sharp one. I'd skim it right off of the top of his noggin.

I'm willing to bet this is exactly how the whole northern migration thing played out.

Tribal Chieftain: We shall move north to the frozen lands…

Man with a shred of common sense: Um… That's a splendid idea sir, but… see it's like this… you are aware that we are hairless apes… I mean… you did know that right?

Tribal Chieftain: Nonsense… Our enduring spirit and intrepid nature will permit us to thrive in the land of the white, hungry bear…

Man with a shred of common sense: Um… I'm glad you feel that way sir, but there's this thing called frost bite…

Tribal Chieftain: We shall wear the skins of animals for warmth…

Man with a shred of common sense: I need a rock… a sharp one…

Now I realize that I should be used to the cold, because I live in Canada, and because winter comes every year, but I'm really starting to think there is something to this whole global warming thing.

So I have a plan... Instead of adopting the Kyoto accord, let's trying going the other way. I say we give CFC's to every Tom Dick and Mohammed on planet earth. Spray away. It should be a law that childern have to bring a spray can to school every day. We need more styrofoam too... Dammit we need mountains of the stuff. Everything should be made out of it. I want a styrofoam car, house, and office building. Come on people... you gotta do your part... Time to heat this mother fucker up.

Anyone seen carpooling should be arrested. The new rule is one person per automobile. Now, If only there was a way to drive two cars at once. Anyone caught not driving a SUV will be shot. It's time to lobby our leaders to make some serious changes... I have the blue print for the new world order... and it's all based on the need to be warm and toasty.

Every citizen will now have to "heat the outdoors." you must leave your house doors and windows open for at least four hours a day with the heat on full blast. Burn Baby Burn...

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

01/11/05 Questions

If anyone actually reads this blog and wants to ask me a question, you can email me:

marcus.beaubier@gmail.com

i will try to answer them as best I can.

01/10/05 Flaunting the Flute

I wonder what it was like back in the early Christian times when the leaders of the church wrote letters to inspire the faithful. I wonder if St. Paul got so frustrated with the Corinthians that he nearly said "Fuck you all... I hope the tigers in the Coliseum have a great snack?" I bet more than once, he would have thrown his followers to the lions himself if he had been given half the chance. He must have had a lot of faith in his convictions, and a huge amount of patience.

I have always thought that faith is a strange motivator. It demands that you cling on, even when things seem hopeless. Regardless of the likelihood of events, the expectation is that you will fly in the face of logic. Only human beings could find something so intangible to house their hopes and dreams.

Oddly, without faith of some sort, most of us wouldn't be whole. It guides our actions, and fills our souls, so we can move one foot forward into what can sometimes be the most gruesome circumstances we can imagine. It can be our compass, and it call also be the noose that ultimately helps us meet our demise. Faith in a lot of ways reminds me of the Fool card in the Tarot deck. A man moving along happily tooting his flute, unable to notice he is about to step off a cliff.

I am a man of faith. Not in a religious sense mind you. I leave that to the professionals, and those who will likely ascend upward on the day that the shit really hits the fan. My faith stems from the belief that we are capable of being better than we are. I believe that we as a race, a species, and a society are capable of much greater things. Sadly, my faith is tested on a daily basis. I guess I just expect that people will want to better themselves, and reach forward. It would be great if we could step away from all the petty things. It would be brilliant to escape from the things that will eventually crush us. (The irony of being crushed by emptiness kills me...)

I wish that we as a society would challenge those that lead us. Ask the media not to spoon feed us, and demand a say in the things that are really important. It would be great to search for things that teach us about ourselves. Something that is more than the tacit base level. Something more than the lowest common denominator.

Hell, at this point I'd settle for something on TV that doesn't suck. No more Survivor, No more Nick and Jessica and for the love of God, someone please put Anna Nicole Smith out of her misery. (and mine…)

I'd kill for a show about knitting, or how pygmies cuss, or the mating habits of lobsters. Something that makes me think. Something that helps me learn. I don't think I'm asking for too much. No more midgets, bachelors, survivors, or big brothers. Just substance.

Just a little realism. If only for a moment. There's already enough plastic in the world.

In the meantime, I'm going for a walk with my flute.

Monday, January 10, 2005

01/10/05 No longer feeling Slapdash...

Today is a good day. I have a spring in my step, and I’m whistling a tune. I feel good. Things seems to be getting back to normal in my head. Christmas really recharged my batteries I think. I have a lot more patience at work, and I feel like I’m not spinning my wheels so much. It’s a nice change. Hopefully I can make the feeling last. That would be really nice. Really nice indeed.

I have some new ideas about performance. I really think that rock stars and comics have a lot in common. I want to start exploring this further. I like the idea of making the show completely over the top. Bigger, louder, and fill of that "devil may care" rock star attitude. I want lights, music, blood, sweat and tears. I want the show to be an overwhelming experience. Something relentless that knocks an audience back a few feet. If I could ever swing it, I’d like to have a gospel choir behind me on stage. That would rock.

I think it would be a little like this.

Me: Blah blah blah... I hate Bush... Can I get a witness?
Choir director: Testify!!!
Me: I said... CAN I GET A WITNESS?
Choir: (all) TESTIFY!!!

Then we all burst into song about our collective hatred of Bush. Clapping our hands, and smiling with the biggest joyful expressions on our faces. I would really love that. Infect, forget the rock star thing. I want stand up to be a religious experience.

Other stuff:

I hope that the tsunami relief projects don’t begin to over shadow other projects too much. It would be a real shame for other charities and relief efforts to be hampered because people "Already gave this year..."
Regardless of how terrible the events of Boxing Day 04, There are still countless millions who need help elsewhere.

Next:

Have you ever just wanted to punch someone? Not for any real reason, but just because in some perverse way it would be entertaining? I’m no thug, but, lately I just wanna poke someone in the melon. I realize that sounds sick, and I would never do it, but it really would be amusing to me. Perhaps I should re think this. I’m sure there is some psyche test out there that says I’m a raving loon for thinking this way.

Anyway, more later.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

01/08/04 Ich bin ein Ausländer

My parents headed back to Newfoundland today. I’m really going to miss them. I had just gotten used to them being around again, then poof, off they go again. Erin and I are hoping to go and see them this summer. I really hope that we can pull that off. Life is just better having them around.

Living in Calgary is getting uncomfortable for me. I feel like an alien here. Everything that I believe in, is considered wrong here. (and is dismissed as liberalism from the east. They spit it out like a racial slurr here...) Alberta is a bastion of Alpha male machismo, Cowboys, Riggers, and Conservatives are the norm. The rest of us folks are just a little nervous. (Esp visible minorities and the poor.) Western Canada has this social lethargy, that is steeped in wretched, empty conservative dogma. I can’t believe the kind of nonsense people wrap themselves up in here. The whole uproar of gay marriage is a prime example. People here get so unstrung about it. It amazes me, and I’m often left to scratching my head.

It’s tiring to hear people here blurt out ignorant thoughts like "Why do they get a parade, How come I don’t have a parade?" (We do have one. It’s called Rush Hour... grow up and get used to it...) or "Marriage is a sacred union... Between man and woman... and they are going to ruin that..." (This is really a sad comment. Newsflash, any loving union, based on respect and equal treament is a good one, and deserves celebrating. Esp. In this day and age.)

The way people treat the poor here is insane. People, go out of their way to hiss and jeer at the poor. It’s a fairly common attitude that the poor are worse than the "Dog shit" on the bottom of their boots." This breaks my heart. There is little to no stewartship, or real sense of compassion. Most of the overt "concern" for their welfare is nothing more than an affectation. I’m surprised that Alberta hasn’t brought back the concept of Debtor’s Prison.

More later...

01/08/04

Some stuff I’ve dumped onto the ipod lately...

Steve Miller’s greatest hits (This is one of my Guilty Pleasures...)
Elvis Costello and the Imposters - The Delivery Man (Elvis rocks... )
Interpol – Antics (These guys really remind me of Joy Division)
Verve Jazz Master Vol. #1 (Good Jazz...)
Strung Out – Exile in Oblivion (This is a very good record. It’s moody, loud, and well written)
David Cross – It’s not Funny (Yes it is... Very funny indeed.)

Some New Books

A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole (Very funny...)
Naked Pictures of Famous People – John Stewart (This guy is just getting better and better... )
The Hiram Key - Christopher Knight, Robert Lomas (I love a good conspiracy... Esp when it involves the Catholic church.)

Movies

I-Robot (I’m a sucker for robots... I blame George Lucas for that...)
THX-1138 (I blame Lucas for this one too... A reasonable experiment... The director’s cut’s not too bad, but I wish Georgie could just leave things alone...)
Saved (Very Funny... I wanna shake Michael Stipe’s hand for producing this movie...)

Thursday, January 06, 2005

tsunami


tsunami
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

I'm really not trying to be cheeky with this picture. It just seems a little vague.

01/06/05

Yet again I got to have another fucking trip to the dentist. I'm pretty sure he's made enough money off me this year to buy a Condo in Hawaii. My face is still numb from the freezing. I can't feel my nose. At this point, I'm not even sure I have one. All this dental work is getting tiresome. I feel as if I spend as much time in that office, as I do at work, or at home. No good can come from this.

At least he keeps up on his magazines in the lobby. I hate it when the only thing to read in the whole office is a copy of Highlights Magazine for Boys circa 1978. While the outrageous, and often wacky antics of Goofus and Gallant have been known to keep me in stitches for hours, there is definitely something to be said for periodicals from this century.

According to Time magazine, George W. Bush is this year's person of the year. Clearly 2004 was the year of the idiot savant megalomaniac. I wonder who will get the honour in 2005. Hopefully someone a little more human, and a lot less fixated on the minutia of things that make no sense.

Other stuff...

I'm still trying to get a grasp on the disaster in Asia. It boggles my mind that 150,000 people vanished off of the planet in the shortest of moments. I realize that historically death on that scale can happen with the stroke of a pen, but it's still surreal to me. I'm trying to imagine that happening here. What would I do? What would you do? I'm pretty sure we'd all be fucked. (While I have been known to pray for a purifying flood to come and wash away all the nastiness that surrounds us, I gotta tell you, I have no desire to be in the middle of it.)

But I digress; What's more alien to me is this. This diabolical tragedy happened on Boxing Day. A day when North Americans flocked en masse to shopping malls to consume just a little more, (almost like some sick spawning ritual) and at the very same time Poseidon's hell on earth was unleashed upon those poor unsuspecting people. In many of the cases, destroying people who had little or nothing to begin with.

What does that mean? It strikes me as the cruelest cut of all. It almost sounds as if God hates the poor unwashed masses. Where is all that “The meek shall inherit the earth” stuff? He certainly has a funny way of showing he cares about his children. “I love you... Therefore you can all suffer...” Then again… they were mostly heathen savages anyway. Perhaps I'm letting frustration, and bitterness cloud my feelings. I don't really blame God, mostly because I'm not sure he exists, and also because it's just too easy a target when the shit hits the fan.

I guess I just find the whole thing too sad to really comprehend. The whole thing makes me feel a little guilty. Sometimes I think we're the ones who are really more deserving of that kind of damnation. (Not that I really think a disaster should happen to anyone... much) But, we live in the land of everything, and we (myself included...) cater to each and every whim we can think of. I think we take too many things for granted. There is some sort of cosmic paradoxical joke here, but the punch line is just out of reach.


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Evan Penny 1


photo_073_large
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

It's spooky how real these look. I think that everyone in Calgary should go and see this showing.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

01/04/05 Back to the land of "God Dammit, I'm where?"

I had a real hard time crawling out of bed this morning. The knowledge that I had to go and be in an office all day, really just seemed to spur on my inability to function. I'm pretty sure you'd need to drive a peg into the ground next to me, just to make sure I was actually moving.

The first day back to work seemed pretty good overall. I wound up in a really long meeting, and that dragged a little, (alright… a lot…) but generally I felt it was a good productive start to the New Year. I did spend some time over the holidays working, but I tried to space it out a little, so I could spend some real quality time with my friends and family.

I spent a lot of time at the Glenbow Museum during the break. There are some really cool exhibits there right now. There were two that commanded my attention. The first was a group of the collected works of Auguste Rodin. His statues are fantastic. My favorite was a piece called "The Gates of Hell" It was so striking. It reminded my of a few Hindu pieces I had seen at a different exhibition a few years ago.

The second was an exhibition of art pieces by an artist named Evan Penny. His stuff was really cool. It was a collection of giant faces. They were hyper realistic. Every crease and line, every beauty mark, and every wrinkle. It was bizarre how real it looked. Imagine your head, only five times the size, and just a little distorted. It was an excellent counter point to Rodin's sculptures.

I was totally mesmerized by both installations, and for totally opposite reasons.

Other stuff...

I had a really good show on the 23rd of December. A good friend of mine reminded me, that I should never pander to a crowd. It was the first time I was really able to unleash on an audience in quite some time. It was liberating. I felt like a god when I was done. An exhausted God, but a God nonetheless. I could feel a tide of energy; it was something that I had forgotten how to tap into. The entire time I was on stage, I had total control, and jerked the crowd like they were my own marionettes. More importantly, I felt alive.

More to come later...


Sunday, January 02, 2005

Happy New Year

Hey devoted readers, I know I have been remiss in my duties lately. Chrismas was just too good. I needed the break away from everything. I hope that Santa was good to you all. I will do a real blog later. Happy New Year to all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Tucker Carlson


Tucker Carlson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Snappy bow tie. Perhaps later we can hook up with Wally and The Beaver, and get a malt from the soda jerk at the drugstore. If only dad wasn't so sore at me. Golly, maybe if get my homework done on time, I can stay up til 10 o'clock and watch a little Gunsmoke on TV. That sure would be sweet.

This guy is a walking, talking cliche.

12/14/04 Crappy Smokes and Maple Syrup...

I bought a pack of Dunhill cigarettes today. I must say, they are crap. Fully crap. There's no smooth rich flavor. They have an acidic taste, like what I imagine diesel would taste like. Bleeeech. Tomorrow, It's back to Camels. (The old reliable brand...) It's amazing what a crappy cigarette can do to your day. It's furled my brow dammit! As I might have mentioned, I tend to be a creature of habit, and my bad habits are not withstanding.

On to business...

So, still no reply to my invective email to Ann Coulter. I'm not holding my breath, but a part of me is dying to get a response. Regardless, I'm going to do everything I can to pick at her. She needs someone to hold her accountable for the shit that she barks out of her mouth. I elect me!

Who picks on Canada anyway? We are a nation of mostly happy go lucky people, without a chip on our collective shoulder. We don't stomp through other people's backyards, or leave a thumbprint on all the hot spots of the world. Frankly, It's just not our style. Our foreign policy leads us to peace keeping, and building schools in under developed nations. We don't blow them up, like (AHEM...) some countries do. I can't remember the last time an education budget was slashed to boost the military. I can, however, remember the complete opposite.

It's not that I think we can't get feisty, because I know we can. We just tend to let the situation warrant it first. It's a nice feeling knowing that you come from a country that still has some principles. That business interests haven't completely taken over the national sentiment. Sure we have our problems, like any other country, but I think overall, Canadian Ideology is sound. Thank heaven for that.

I just wish that more Canadians could see that. Regional differences mean shit in the scope of things. It gets a little tiring to hear different provinces bicker and threaten to separate. (This seems to be the Canadian equivalent of a Jihad...) We don't realize how lucky we really are. There are very few countries in the world, that can celebrate the kinds of achievements that we have accomplished. Still fewer that can say they live in as free a society. (Okay, the weather sucks here... and we can be a little wishy washy... )

Maybe we should give Sweden, New Zealand, Norway, and the Netherlands a ring. I bet you we could come up with The Axis of the Rational and Reasonably Grounded. Oh sure it doesn't sound like much, but I bet we wouldn't get into too much trouble. No one has ever been complimented to death. Although, that would be kind of funny.

Tucker Carlson (a host on Crossfire, and a right wing schmuck... who at 35 years of age wears a bow tie... but I digress...) was quoted as saying “Canadians with any ambition leave and come to the United States.” I couldn't disagree more. To me it's more like this, Canadians who sell themselves and their nation short move south.

He also half jokingly said that “Most Canadians are too busy dog sledding to get upset with our relationship with America.”

I hope he drowns in a vat of maple syrup.

End of Transmission.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

12/13/04

Ever feel like there's something missing? There are parts of my life that seem to fit together really well, and then there are others that seem to be designed with only one intent, to tourment me.

My personal relationships seem to have gelled really well over the years ( especially Erin). I have good friends, and family, and they are the backbone of the life I choose to ground myself in. I have never needed to question that.

Lately, I've been urning to unfurl this chaotic mass swirling inside of me. I need to bust loose, but I'm not sure I know how. I keep thinking about that line from that Jack Nicholson movie... "What if this is as good as it gets?" If so, how do I reconcile that?

I want to be louder than anyone ever has. I want my voice to boom like thunder claps. I want to explode. I need to explode.

Perhaps it's time to switch gears for a while. I have been so focused on the things that surround me, I have spent far too little time giving my self a little "Soul Food." So far my 30's are more confusing than my 20's ever were. I'm not sure what that means. More to the point, I'm not sure if it even matters.

I find myself chomping at the bit. I feel a little like I'm waiting for something to start. I know I'm the one who has to do the starting, I just don't know where. I feel like I'm cleaning up after a party. How do you know where to start. It's all a little overwhelming.

It's time for a mental makeover. I think I'm gonna let myself spend some time re inventing me. Not with affectations, or deceptive ruses, just with the guy inside my skin.

This new year is filled with promise. I don't want to write another one of these "I need to change" blogs for quite some time.

End of Transmission

Friday, December 10, 2004

Fits Like a Glove...


Fits Like a Glove...
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/10/04 Nothing a heat seeking missile wouldn't fix...

Just a few more clever quips from the new Queen of Mean. Ann Coulter may actually be the Anit Christ!


"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, and the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

On Princess Diana's death: "Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of 'not a good mother.' ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children?"..."[Diana is] an ordinary and pathetic and confessional - I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am."---MSNBC 9/12/97

"If those kids had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one [child] gunman. ... Don't pray. Learn to use guns."---Politically Incorrect, 12/18/97

"The swing voters---I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster. "---Beyond the News, Fox News Channel, 6/4/00

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism."---MSNBC 2/8/97

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

Thursday, December 09, 2004

ann coulter


ann coulter
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The picture says it all...

12/09/04 An open Fuck You to Ann Coulter

Click on the link to hear what Ann Coulter said about our country. I decided to write her back.


Ms.Coulter,

As a staunch and proud Canadian, I am appauled at the comments you recently made on Fox news about my country. Canada is trouble lately? Are you kidding me? We are a peaceful nation, and hold proud to the notion of finding solutions to problems without blowing up half of the brown people on planet earth.

It seems we always get called in to clean up your mess. I'm sure that Iraq will be no different. Our Convictions and freedoms are not for sale. It would be irresponsible for us not to object to a foolhardy war, especially when it's objectives have been suspect at best.

Happily, Canada is a free and democratic society, responsible for it's own decisions. We have prided ourselves in the past of being an ally to America. But we will not go blindly into the abyss. While we as a country were truly horrified by the terrorist attacks on your country, Let's be clear, they happend to your country. Your counter measures to fight terrorism are just that, YOURS. This, taken as a lesson would serve your country well. Even with that being said, we did send troops to Afganistan, and remain one of the largest forces there. (Despite the fact that American pilots are incapable of avoiding friendly fire accidents.)

As for protocol after 9/11, we took nearly 40,000 of your people into our homes after they were stranded in our country. I'd say that's pretty fucking good protocol. We supported them, and we supported you. You horrible ingrate. The next time you spill garbage out of your mouth, take the time to review the actual facts. You dishonour the acts of charity that the people of Gander, St.John's, Halifax, Vancouver, and Winnipeg did.(without question I might add.) The care the citizens of those places took in helping Americans deserves better than that.

All the lead, follow, or get out of the way chicanery that you and your country espouse serve to only to destroy America's standing in the world. This sad and blind devotion to American imperialism proves that you have no idea what it means to be a human being.

I really don't care that you cling to a system that rewards the rich, and continually fucks the poor. It matters little to Canadians that you have a president that has some trouble uttering simple language. I do care however when irresponsible people such as yourself shit on my country. Telling the world that my country is lucky to exist on the same continent as America is arrogant, and hateful. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's people like you, who foster the rift between our countries. It's time for you to take that silver spoon out of your ass, and take a look at the real world. Maybe you should step outside of the United States and find out why the rest of the world has become so resentful of your country. Perhaps there are some real, credible reasons for it. If most of your traditional allies aren't at the party, there might just be a problem.

So it comes to this. I am a professional stand up comedian, and I get a chance to speak to hundreds and sometimes thousands of people a week. It is now my mission to discredit everything that you have to say. From this moment on I will do everything I can to shred every piece of hateful nonsense that falls out of your pedantic, bigoted mouth. I will take great pleasure in it. I can't wait til my US tour.

Fuck you very much

Marcus C. Beaubier

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Cross roads


Cross roads
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

Robert Johnson


Robert Johnson
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

12/08/04

Wow, do I ever feel like crap today. I didn’t sleep well last night. Sometime, over the last few days, I managed to lose a temporary filling. The pain is just enough to be annoying. Sharp, but not excruciating. It reminds me of when you accidentally smack your thumb. Dull at first, then a little sharper, and a little sharper, until it becomes a constant buzz. I feel almost punch drunk. If I were, I would have a concrete reason for feeling miserable. Dental pain is evil. I think I would rather be kicked, punched, and most likely pistol-whipped, than ever suffer dental pain again. I read somewhere that the Nazis used dentistry as a form of torture. I’m not surprised. It strikes me that it would be a brilliant way to extract information. (Sorry for the pun…)

I spent last night hanging out with Brett. I was glad to see him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. He used to claim that I was his voice of sober second thought, or more likely his social conscience. I’m not sure that he realizes that he’s as important to my character as I am to his. The foundations for what I have become as a person and as an entertainer, were built over the years of my friendship with him. Regardless of who we were, our friendship has made us both far more interesting people. He is as much a brother, as I could ever have hoped for.

I think I’m in a transition period in my life. The way I look at things has changed. I’m no longer afraid to contest things that bother me. I need to rage against the dying of the light. I feel as if there is a storm coming, and a big one at that! My head is exploding with new ideas, and I’m struggling to wrangle them into some sort of cohesive concept. My writing style is altering its course again, and it’s full steam ahead. With a bit of luck, maybe I’ll miss the iceberg looming in the inky darkness.

As of late, there are some things I find I need to say. They’re not new topics or concepts, but rather my take on a few things. I think I’m close to throwing away a lot of material. (Not that I mind too much… It’s getting stale anyway.) It’s time for me to get louder. In fact, the louder I get, the better. I now understand the legend of Robert Johnson. He met the devil at the crossroads, and sold his soul so he could play the blues. (At least according to the legend.)

While I have no intention of selling my soul per say, It’s time to rev it up. By the time I’m done, a lot of people will be scratching their heads and saying, “Did anyone get the license plate of the truck that just hit me?”

Saturday, December 04, 2004

12/04/04 Waiting Around

So here I am, at work, staring blankly at the yellowish walls. Last night we had to power down our networks. Today, everything came up fine except the phone system. Apparently we slipped off of the PRI Voice link to Bell Canada. So now, I sit and wait until Bell repairs the problem. Not what I had in mind for a Saturday. I think I'd rather drive farming implements into my eye sockets than be here today. Oh well...

There's snow on the ground today, a far cry from yesterday's 9 degrees. I hate winter. Humanity should never have left Africa. Warm weather, monkeys to hang out with, what the hell were we thinking when we moved to more nothern climates. Stupid hominids. What's the worst thing a hairless ape can do? Move to a shitty snow infested rock heap.

Christmas is coming, and fast too. This year seems to have screamed by. I guess if you keep active, and have a busy year, you don't notice how fast the days slip on by. It seems like a lightning flash, but maybe it's just me.

Christmas in Calgary doesn't have the same charm that it did in Newfoundland. People here always seem rushed, and the few days off they do take, don't seem to have the same kind of reverance. St. John's at Christmas always had a feeling of hope to it. Like people were getting ready for a renewal. A time to relax and recharge before the challenges of the new year were set upon us. Perhaps, it's just the little things that make it different.

I used to love the Mount Cashel raffel, the Christian Brothers ringing the bells on Water Street, the turkeys in their pens, and the Crown and Anchor wheels spinning like mad. Christmas shopping was fun then. Mom and I would always hunker down to a plate of Chips, dressing and gravy, and make a plan on which store to hit next. Sooner or later, we'd hit the Arcade (a discount department store...) then off to the Avalon mall, like mad people.