A Saturday by Any Other Name is...

Today feels like the longest day in human history. I’m tired, and I’m not sure why. I slept reasonably well, but I feel like I’m being dragged from behind a stagecoach. (Or at least what I imagine that to feel like.)

Work has been tedious today too. I feel surrounded by the minutia. Every detail is picking at me. My gang seems to be working well, (with notable exceptions who shall remain nameless…) and I’ve got a lot done, but there still seems to be tons to do.

It’s been almost a month since I’ve been on stage, and I’m getting a little itchy. Next week, I’m on the road, and I really need it. I feel as if I’m covered in rust. It will be nice to scrape it off.

Otherwise things are well. I’ve no real news to tell, and for once, nothing is really picking at my ass. I suppose I could beat up on the President a little more, but I’m feeling a little merciful right now. Besides I never really wanted this blog to be all about him anyway. (Regardless of it’s title)

Truth is this whole blog mess of mine was supposed to be about me, and while these are my thoughts, I should spend more time exposing my life. Oddly I’m a pretty private person, and it takes a lot to drag out who I really am.

What are the things that make me tick? This has been a hard question for me to answer. I’ve been stuck trying to figure out a lot of this.

I know I’m not a lesbian, or a Nazi, or an anarchist (although I love it when I see it…), I’m not big on pain, and I hate the colour yellow.

I don’t like eggplant, and I’ll never be a farmer. I like horses, cats, and dogs. I dislike cows, and I’m glad we eat them. The best thing about a cow is that it tastes great with BBQ sauce.

I like lots of different types of music, but punk will always be in my heart. I like music that reeks of reckless abandon.

I respect the armed forces, and am willing to admit I’m too much of a coward to do what they do. (including the hazing stuff…)

I would do nothing for the rest of my life if I could. Sure that’s lazy, but I don’t care. I would love to live in the country, but only if I could have TV and Internet.

I hate lawn mowing and vacuuming equally. Although I don’t mind cleaning the kitchen for some reason.

People with an agenda that’s radically different than mine kind of scare me. It’s not just overly religious types or politicians either. Lately I’ve been suspiciously eyeing our mailman.

People with angry pets freak me out too, as do those who insist on keeping snakes or other reptiles (as well as rodents and arachnids…) that just doesn’t seem right to me.

I don’t usually trust vegans, (although there are a couple that break that rule…) or anyone who get too excited about Birkenstocks. You can wear them, but if we need to have more than a passing note about them, then there’s a dysfunction.

I’m not a Leafs or Oilers fan, nor could I really give a shit about Ottawa or Vancouver. (I really believe that Hockey is a gift from the heavens.)

I love Scotch and Irish whiskey. Bourbon and Rye whiskey are constructs of the devil and frighten me. (Mostly because they make me lippy. Well… more so than I already am…) Red wine and beer are good too. (Except anything that comes in a box or is made by Molson or Labatt. Bleech…)

I love to fly. The feeling of taking off is awesome. I pretend in my head that I’m going into space. (ROCKET MAN…) I hate landings though. Especially if my ears don’t pop. That makes me both cranky and clumsy. Not a winning combination for me at the best of times.

Golf is fucking boring. So are curling, lawn darts, and horseshoes. I hate lumberjack skills competitions too, and yet somehow I can’t stop watching it if it’s on TV.

I would like to punch Lou Dobb’s in the nose, and yet Paula Zahn and Anderson Cooper are inoffensive to me. (This I just don’t get…) I would pay good money to watch Larry King stick fight with Ted Turner. (I’m not even kidding…)

I hate clowns, mimes and street performers. All of them! I also hate improve guys and prop acts. Fucking boring!!! The only thing worse to me is a magician. (Especially that Cris Angel guy… He needs a beat down in the worst kind of way. I’ve seen the Crow… It wasn’t that good…)

Anyway, more as I think of it…

Flames Beat the Ducks in Game 1.

Today was a good day. I had the day off, and pretty much engrossed myself in nothing but hockey. I spent the better part of the morning listening to the major sports networks’ prognostications about this year’s brawl for the cup.

Later on I went to Brett’s to watch the game. I’m glad I got to hang out with him. I’ve missed him. It’s nice to see him planting some roots. He seems happier than I can ever recall. Perhaps taking a break from his hobo life is doing him some good.

Anyway…

We played guitar for a while, and then watched the Oilers and Wings opener. Both of us trying to contain ourselves… Our team was next on the bill. I could barely stand the wait. Then the stupid Wings tied it… and the Flames game started late.

The game was a bit of a nail biter, but in the end, the right team won.

From the looks of it, this series with the Ducks is going to be a hard fought one. Kipper, Jerome and McCarty all looked really good out there tonight. It was nice to see Amonte kick off the scoring too.

More stuff to come later…

HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!!

I think I like the NHL playoffs more than Christmas. This year is going to awesome. GO FLAMES GO!!!

I've spent the entire day watching the Sportsnet's preview coverage. Did I mention GO FLAMES GO!!!

The 44th President of The United States of America... Marcus C. Beaubier

Yesterday I wrote about President Bush. Lisa left a comment asking what I’d do if I were President of the United States. I thought about it, and this is what I came up with.

Now I realize that a lot of this is a little foolhardy. (Some might argue it as folly even.) However what’s wrong with having some principles? Imagine if elected officials did even just half of this stuff. Things would get a whole lot better.

Some of my American friends will likely say that it’s easy as a Canadian to be judgmental and self-righteous, and truthfully their right. I’m smug about it, and I don’t care.

Others may argue that America’s internal politics are not a Canadian’s business. I take exception with that. America has an enormous impact on my country. From Trade to entertainment, we are sewn together. (Not to mention many other countries get us confused when we travel… Why do you think Americans sew Canadian flags on their luggage?)

Anyway, if I were President of the United States, I would:

1) Act like a human being. I would not let my own greed or prejudices stand in the way of common decency. (Mind you this one is probably harder than it looks.)

2) I would admit to my failures rather than trying to affix blame or point fingers. (At least this way is more honest, and truly transparent…)

3) I would choose a cabinet that had no association to the big oil companies. (Or oil companies pretending to have expertise in infrastructure reconstruction…)

4) I would respect the judgment of my peers. (Especially those who have been long time allies. Sober second thought is never a bad idea.)

5) I would not act unilaterally. (Passing off “the Coalition of the willing” as legit was really sad…)

6) I would not permit the people of my armed services to torture, or humiliate foreign nationals, regardless of any legitimate charges placed upon them. (Camp X-Ray and Abu Gurab should be an enormous embarrassment to America. For a nation trying to sell western democracy, you’re sure doing a shit job of it. Let’s just throw away due process…)

7) I would pass a law forcing former Enron and Adelphia executives (or the next ones to fuck people like that...) to wear sandwich boards saying “I am a thief and a liar!!!” or “I’m a really, really, really greedy bastard and I stole your money!!!” and force them to work in soup kitchens. (I would make punishments fit the crime. I’m a big fan of creative sentencing... You should see what I have in mind for Trent Lott...)

8) I would listen to reason. (A little common sense never hurt anyone.)

9) I would not use revenge as a justification for anything. (Or as a bogus deflection so I could rob another country blind!)

10) Instead of paying lip service to the statement “No child left behind…” I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren't.

11) I would stop pretending that everything was Okay.

12) I would make a credible attempt at finding alternatives to oil. (I suspect the best way to render those “Terrorist” nations inert is to make their oil useless… or at the very least, buy from friendly nations.)

13) I would listen to the needs of my people. (After all, they’re the boss!)

14) I would try to remember that Government is for the people, by the people and of the people. (People should never be afraid of their government. Government should be afraid of it’s people…)

The Worst President in 100 Years

I thought about what a good caption for this picture might be...

"Gee... I wonder what I'd look like with a Mexican Wrestling Mask on?"

George Bush’s incompetence has driven America’s debt load into the stratosphere. Each American’s personal share of the national debt is now in excess of 30,000 dollars. That’s insane!

In addition to the staggering debt load, America will need 43 Trillion dollars to meet its obligations for Medicare and social security. Add a defense budget (with all branches… including The Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, FEMA, and INS…) and spending on the civil service and that could escalate well into the high 70’s.

I thought that Republican’s were strong proponents of small government and reduced spending? Bush is clearly the oxymoron to this conservative agenda. Never has this been more apparent than in the last month. Neo Cons are jumping from this ship in record numbers. It seems the party sees baby Bush as a liability. Is there any wonder why?

Hs failures are numerous. His tax cuts failed to ignite the economy. There are 5 million more people living below the poverty line than under the Clinton presidency. In addition, there’s a lower percentage of working age Americans that are employed, (or who are under employed…) and the manufacturing sector has been all but gutted.

New economy jobs are pouring out of the country and heading towards Asia with near reckless abandon. Not what I’d call a stellar economic record. Even Ronald Reagan’s Voodoo economics concept worked better. (And that was disgraceful!!!)

Then there’s the failure to achieve any real or concrete objective in Iraq. Saddam’s gone, and that’s great, but in the occupation’s wake, a civil war looms in the distance. More than two thousand soldiers have died, and end of the engagement is nowhere to be seen. It’s been three years since the shock and awe, and now it looks more like “Aw Shucks…”

Afghanistan isn’t much better, and Osama is still on the loose. Wasn’t he the one that America was supposed to be looking for? Isn’t he the terrorist that fucked with the Good ole U. S of A? (And just what exactly did he have in common with Iraq?)

Then there’s the brewing nuclear feud with Iran… During a recent press conference, Bush indicated, “All options were on the table!” But with North Korea, he just pussyfooted about. I guess all cranky America hating dictators are not made the same.

Let’s not forget the huge fuck up in dealing with the aftermath of Katrina. Not only has Bush managed to polarize the entire globe, but also now he set back race relations in America a couple of decades. (It was on shaky ground to begin with…)

Throw in some illegal spying on everyday Americans, the absence of WMD’s, fucking Canadians out of 5 billion dollars, and passing legislation that restricts individual freedoms and the fire under his but is stoked just a little higher.

But then again it must be hard when criminals like Scooter Libby, and Karl Rove surround you on a daily basis, and I’m sure Dick (the Shotgun wielding lunatic) and Donald (the freaky Nazi) don’t help much either.

But not to worry America... Bush can't be President forever...

Yeah Baby... Flames Win The Division!!!

Kipper
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The Flames succeeded in capturing the division title tonight!!! Bring on the Ducks... Time for some Duck Flambe...

Kipper also got his league leading 10th shutout of the season!!!

A dam good night for hockey in Calgary.

I'm in Charge, and There's Gonna be a few Changes Around Here...

“When there’s nothing left to lose, you’d better set yourself on fire…” – Stars 2005

I’m feeling a lot better today. I’ve decided to make some changes in my lifestyle, and give myself a little make over in the process. There’s nothing like a little tune up to get the motor revving again.

I guess that recognizing the problem is part of the cure. I’ve been feeling stale, and now I have the motivation to get the ball rolling again. As I wrote last night, I realized that I had strayed from the ideals and values that I hold closest. The spirit of DIY had slipped away from my consciousness, and I pretended that I didn’t notice.

But it’s easier to pretend than admit that you’ve been run over. The land of make believe is a sneaky and brilliant way of accepting that denial is a healthy state to be in. It however is the coward’s path. (And it seems a path that’s taken too often by too man people…)

In some ways I’ve been a ghost of who I am. That really sucks. I can’t believe that I let that happen. Somewhere along the way I let my character slip a little. I’m a strongly opinionated and passion driven person. It’s time to prove it again. (To me…)

Since I was about 15 years old, the punk rock ethic was my code. I believed in it, and with that I succeeded at the things I put my hand to. That along with sheer moxie got me into film school, and convinced me that I could do anything I wanted to.

It was my divining rod. It highlighted the path I wanted to take with my life. Somewhere along the way I confused growing up with leaving that behind. That was a critical mistake on my part. Not that I want to be Sid Vicious at 35. That would be a different kind of mistake. (A gruesome one at that…)

As of today, that confusion is gone. I am refocused. While the combat boots and blue hair are gone, (Although I just can’t seem to part with those old high top Vans…) I am reinvigorated. I may lead headlong into harm, but now it’s back on my terms. I am no longer satisfied. I’m hungry again. Even as I type this, I feel a little imbibed.

When I was in Toronto last year, I saw a glimmer of that ethic. It reared its head ever so slightly. I was motivated. I was writing, and I was happy. Both my ID and Ego were charged and ready to go. As of today, its all systems go.

Bring on the scotch, the rock star is back… and this time he’s pissed.

“Second star to the right, and sail on till morning…”

The Soundtrack of My Life Vol 2...

I know that I've been a shitty blogger lately. For those of you who still actually read this, I promise I'll try and post more regularly.

Anyway...

I feel as if I’ve stumbled a little lately. It’s as if my wings have been pinned down. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write. I’ve been struggling with a few new bits, and I can’t seem to break the levy. Perhaps I’ve been trying too hard. Regardless, it’s driving me crazy.

I really need to be on stage more too. I’ve been trying to find a balance there, and so far, I haven’t had too much luck.

Perhaps I need an adventure of some sort. Something new to get those creative juices flowing again. Whatever I wind up doing, I hope I can scrape the rust off. Otherwise, this shitty sinking feeling is going to drive me mad.

Normally I’d strike up a conversation with my good friend “Scotch” but lately we
don’t seem to be on speaking terms. In addition, I’m having a hard time finding a good cup of coffee. Lately Tim’s just isn’t doing it for me. (God listen to me would ya… Could I bitch any more?)

And I kinda want to get into a fistfight. Lord knows where that comes from.

At the end of the month I’m off to Grande Prairie with Bobby Keele. It’s the first time I’ll have ever worked with him on the road. I like Bobby, so I hope that all goes well.

My friendships seem a little off kilter too. I feel like I’m outta the loop. I hate that.

Okay enough Neurosis…

I’ve been thinking about some other records that have had an impact on me… So I decided to do a part 2 to The Soundtrack of my life.

Again I present them in no particular order.



1)Dag Nasty – Wig Out At Denko’s

I love this fucking record. It’s an excellent example of good old-fashioned America Hardcore. This album reminds me so much of my friend Diz. We were both huge Dag fans; truly it was almost obscene in retrospect.

We used to play this record over and over again in his old Chev Cavalier. This was the soundtrack to much of my last summer in Newfoundland. It was one of the best times of my life. That was a pretty stress free time. Two carefree months of doing sweet fuck all. It was truly splendid. We did a lot of drinking, and pretty much anything else we wanted.

I wish I could revisit that summer, even if only for like 10 minutes. That was the same summer that Russell and I devised “The Audiotoon Theatre.” Little did I realize that would be the inspiration for me becoming a stand up comic.



2) Bad Brains – I Against I

This is a heck of a record too. This one reminds me of working at the record store. It was the only job where I spent more than I made. They really didn’t even really need to pay me. Every cent I made went right back to the store. By the time I had quit, I had quite the music collection.

I actually got to meet the Bad Brains. The store got me backstage passes to go and see them when they played at The Republic. (RIP) I still have the picture that the band’s manager took of me hanging out with them. It was a very cool night. (One of my absolute favorite nights of all time.)

From the very first chord of Intro, I was in punk rock heaven. The best stage diving in the world occurs at a Bad Brains show.



3)Ministry – The Mind is A Terrible Thing to Taste.

This band is more like the soundtrack to my nightmares. To me Ministry is a sonic traffic accident. I find them appealing because they scare the shit out of me. Breathe and Burning Inside are two stand outs for sure. It sounds like the battle cry of the all the things that go bump in the night.

I read somewhere that this record was mixed while Alien Jorgensen was wired on LSD that he washed down with a quart of Tequila. It sure sounds like it to me.

In their hay day, they made Marilyn Manson look more like Rick Astley.



4)Descendents – I Don’t Wanna Grow Up.

Another punk rock classic… Generally speaking, when Wig Out wasn’t in the CD player, this one was. This one’s a testament to acting like an idiot and having fun doing it.

It’s every underage beer, and every stuck bra clasp. I, like countless others, started a punk band shortly after hearing this disc. It was an inspiration. It still is. Whenever I start to take myself too seriously, I pop it in.



5)Talking Heads – Stop Making Sense.

I love this album because of the version of Psycho Killer. It’s fantastic. This was playing when I got to make out with Jessica Webb. She was every try hard pre pubescent punk’s dream girl. I was not exception. I was totally Koo Koo for Jessica.

We hit it off. She could have asked me to jump off a bridge and I would have. Happily she was as kind hearted, as she was beautiful. As with all things, it came to a screeching halt when her parents sent her away to private school.
For some reason, every now and then, I want to call her. Just to see how she’s doing. (It’s been nearly 20 years since the last time we talked…) She was a cool person, and I suspect she’s just as cool now.

Anyway, every time I hear that song, I think of her. Last summer I got to see David Byrne play live. The whole time I had a coy little smile on my face.



6)Bad Religion – Against the Grain.

The Christmas of 1991, my parents and sister went to Calgary. I had to stay in Newfoundland because of my job. I was trying to save money so I could go to school. Diz and Russ stayed with me, and we put up a tree, and had a nice Christmas with our friends.

My friend “Chicken” gave me this disc at our Christmas Eve party. I still have it. It’s the original vinyl and it’s in immaculate shape. It’s been played only twice. Once to make a cassette of it, and once to encode it to mp3.

Every time I listen to tracks from this album, I think back to that Christmas. It was a pretty killer time. It was the first time I ever threw a party, and I still think it was one of the best.



7)Radiohead – O.K. Computer.

I was introduced to this album by my friend Matthew. I miss him. He was loud, usually obnoxious, (yet strangely charming…) but always decent and true. He’s well on his way to becoming famous now. He’s just finished a movie with Harrison Ford, and was in the remake of “The Fog.”

When I met him, he was a struggling video store clerk. He and his wife (The well and truly lovely Shannon, of whom I was equally fond of…) were constant companions. Till recently, they were the only people I traveled a ridiculous distance to go and visit. (Excluding family…)

We used to drink red wine and lounge in a fairly bohemian fashion.

Anyway that’s it for this pile. Again there are more… and again they are for later.

04/01/06 I'm Back...

Well it’s been almost two weeks since my last post. I haven’t had too much to report. I’m still alive and feeling pretty much like myself. I’ve written a few new jokes, and gotten a few hundred new grey hairs. Otherwise life has been quiet lately.

Last weekend I went to Yuks for first time in what seems like ages. I did some time, it turned out to be a really good set. I was in full rock star mode. Sometimes I like it when that part of my character comes out to play. He doesn’t come out too often these days, but when he does, you can follow him by the trail of empty scotch glasses left in his wake.

Other Stuff…

I'll probably get hate mail over this one...

I just watched the trailer for United 93. I think it’s very sad that 9/11 is a marketing machine unto itself. (Not that it’s terribly surprising…) It strikes me that there should be a big difference between “never forgetting” and “beating a dead horse.” Alas it seems there is not.

Every time a movie like this gets made, it cheapens the tragedy just a little more, and tarnishes sorrow with a slick veneer of patriotism. We need little reminder that we live in dangerous times, and yet we are bombarded with this message on a daily basis. As if America needs to be reminded to be paranoid. If there’s one thing America is good at, it’s paranoia.

It would be different if this were a movie made to set some sort of historical context. Not that it really needs to be put in a historical context… It’s still very fresh in everyone’s memory. Truthfully if anything this topic has too much context. Any conversation lasting more than an hour these days will be rife with 9/11 references.

This movie was made to make money. It’s fairly plain and simple… Universal is doing nothing more than milking the 9/11 teet. (Or leaving a huge ass tooth under their pillow for the 911 fairy…) I’m not sure you could get tackier.

How do you market this? I think it takes a lot of balls to turn to the public and pass this crap off as a memorial. I sort of imagine it like this.

Montage: Planes colliding with the trade towers, dissolve to a tattered but still fluttering American flag.

Voice over: Parking 5 dollars, movie ticket 10 dollars, popcorn and soda at the concession 15 dollars, that sinking feeling that your intelligence and sensitivities are about to be insulted… Priceless.

It’s amazing that the hogs at the trough will hoard just about anything. There is no dignity, just old-fashioned greed. Apparently anything can be churned into a dollar and that’s just not right.

The biggest problem here is that any sense of humanity and compassion has been totally stomped out in favour of schmaltz, and that is the biggest tragedy of all. I agree that we should never forget what happened, but isn’t time to stop milking it? It’s been nearly 5 years. Aren’t their other, better things to sap cash from? Like Iraq for instance…

The Soundtrack of my life Vol. 1

My friend Angela (shyangela.blogspot.com) on occasion posts what she calls the soundtrack of her life. I really like that. Music has always had an enormous impact on my life. I got to thinking about what albums have had the biggest affect on me. The result brought back a flood of memories from different times in my life. Whether the albums were inspirational, or comforting they represent a character sketch of me.

So I decided to share them with you. I present them in no particular order.



1) R.E.M – Life’s Rich Pageant. This vaults me back to high school. This record was playing at the first house party I ever went to in High School. From the second I walked in the door, I was stunned by Begin The Begin. I had heard R.E.M before, but this was the first time I had ever paid them any attention. The record had a sense of urgency to it. It was like punk played by The Byrds. I think the next day I went to the mall and bought the lp.

It was also at this party that I met Jennifer Parsons. Soon after we started to date, and did so until our second year in university. She was my first real girl friend, and the only one to stay in my heart. (Despite the constant heartache we inflicted on one another…) To this day we have retained a healthy friendship.



2) The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead. I got this one for Christmas one year. I wasn’t expecting it. I had in fact at the time never heard of them. A family friend got the cassette for me figuring that I’d like it. He was right. It had a brilliant sense of humour to it. The lyrics were brazen and full of fantastic imagery. The song Bigmouth Strikes Again still makes me laugh.

I had gone through a bit of a depressing spell in High School (Not terribly surprising I guess…) and The Smiths helped get me through it. I was as misfit. I hated the system, and the microcosm of social groups didn’t really help all that much either. Somehow, Morrissey’s lyrics seemed to nail my frustration right on the head. It was the reinforcement that I needed. It was okay to be different., and I wasn’t crazy for feeling that way.



3) Husker Du – Zen Arcade. From the start of the rumbling bass of “Something I learned today” I knew I had found something special. By the time I heard Bob Mould’s guitar for the first time it became apparent it was more than special. It ignited a life long love of music.

I saw a t-shirt for this band at the first all ages show that I ever went to. It was 5 bucks to see 5 bands. I still remember the bands that played. Tough Justice, Section 17, Schizoid, WAFUT, and Dog Meat BBQ. It was cool. It was at that show where I began to start figuring some things out. I did fit somewhere. I fit with the others that didn’t fit. (Kinda funny really…)

I was a kid from the burbs who wanted something different. So I went out and found it. It was the start of what has so far been an interesting life. I took Robert Frost’s other path.



4) Public Image LTD. – Compact Disc. The Sex Pistols were pretty awful, but Pil on the other hand was brilliantly inspired. Johnny Rotten had managed to create Art Punk, and it worked. Compact Disc (or Cassette, Album, Poster etc…) was a loud ruckus. I loved it.

This was another house party album. I went to some rich kid’s summer home (Not very Punk I realize…) and had a killer time. It was the first time I got high. It was a splendid time. I met a girl named Jessica there and fell hard for her. It didn’t really go anywhere… well not more than a few clumsy make out sessions, but it was brilliant nonetheless. I still smile when I think of that night. I can’t believe that was almost 20 years ago.



5) Sugar – Copper Blue. This was Bob Mould’s second band. It was loud and heavy, but had a pop sensibility. This in my humble estimation was the best record of the 90’s. The songs “Helpless” and “Changes” seemed to resonate rather well with were my life was going.

I had just moved to Calgary to go to school and knew no one. I got a part time job at a record store to try and keep afloat, and got this as a promo disc. (Only after I professed my undying love of Bob Mould to my boss…)

Anyway, I went for beers with classmates one night, and I got a lift home from one of them. I played this disc in the car on the way, and wound up with a roommate. Chris Hoy was the only good roommate I ever had. We lived together on and off for nearly a decade.

He became a partner in crime. There were so many hair brained schemes (Too many to count.) and drunken nights of total debauchery. He was a brother too me and was almost instantly adopted by my family. Nothing was sacred when we hung around… I miss him a lot.

I’ll never forget the time he came home with a case of beer and a garden gnome. His eyes were wild and insane. (But that’s a story for another time…)

Every time I listen to this disc I think about those days. Every happy, stupid moment comes rushing back like it was yesterday. I usually have to turn the volume up on this one.



6) The Cars – Heartbeat City. This is the only rock and roll record my dad and I can agree on. Generally he hates most everything I listen to, but he actually bought this one for me… Because he liked it…

It was a birthday present from him. I remember sitting in the breakfast nook of our old house, and he handed it to me. He looked pleased with himself, as if he had scored some points or something. (Not that he ever needed to worry about that. My Dad rocks…)

I used to catch him every now and then with my Walkman on, humming away to “Magic.” To this day, the song reminds me of him.



7) The The – Dusk. The first time I heard this Cd was in a little café that I used to hang out at called the Koop. This was the kind of place that stayed open to spite itself. It was a great little refuge in tucked away in a seedy shit hole of a building that should have likely been condemned. Chris and I discovered it by accident, and became part of its faithful clientele. It became the central meeting place for all my friends and me in the 90’s. I formed some very important relationships in that café.

I met my ex-wife there, but more importantly I met lee and Grant. These are two people that to this day I hold in the highest esteem. I think everyone should have a pair of well-matched vegan activists in their lives. They have managed to keep me grounded over the years, and saw me though some pretty rough times. I own them more than you can possibly imagine.

Anyway, as with all things, The Koop eventually went the way of the Dodo. The Cd however remained in the collection and is still in constant rotation in my ipod.



8) Doughboys – Happy Accidents. This record is the near perfect document of my time at CHMR in Newfoundland. I spent just about every waking minute of my time at that radio station. (Much to my parents chagrin…) This disc managed to get played about 5 times a day for nearly 4 years.

It was at CHMR that I met Russell. Over the years, he has been more than key player in my life. Russ is a brother to me. He couldn’t be any closer. Not even by birth. Over the years he seems to have adopted my family as his own, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If it weren’t for Russ, I wouldn’t be a comedian today. Out of boredom one night we started a sketch comedy troupe. Somehow we managed to write 8 half hour episodes for radio, and then managed to get ourselves on the CBC repeatedly. I have always suspected that he’s both a genius and a natural grifter. He is a super hero to me. (But he sucks ass at air hockey…)



9) The Clash – London Calling. I have had about 6 copies of this album since 1986. It is as perfect an album as I can possibly think of. This disc has traveled with me literally everywhere I’ve been. From San Francisco to Florida and Vancouver to St. John’s, it has kept me company. It is my open road record. I take it when I tour. It reminds me of me. I have a near unexplainable connection to it. I have debated its merits with just about everyone I know. I have given it as a gift to countless others. For some reason I insist on sharing it.
I remember sitting in a Chock Full of Nuts diner in San Francisco, having a cup of coffee and humming along to “Spanish Bombs” and thinking to myself that life couldn’t be much better than this.



10) Bob Marley – Legend. The only compilation to make it on the list. This reminds me of working at Bar None in St. John’s. It was a punk bar, and one of those near perfect venues to see a band. There was many a sweaty night spent in the pit slamming into one another at high velocity.

During the day, we used to pump this record out into the street. We smoked a lot of dope and talked about taking over the world. Bob was a prophet and we were his priests.



11) James – Pleased To Meet You. This one is quite special. It reminds me of the people that are closest to me now. Denise, Russ, Brett Martin (thebrettmartin.blogspot.com), Peter Anthony, Dan Rock (danielrock.blogspot.com), and Erin. It fits with how I think about all of them. I love them all. They are the ones that have supported all the decisions that have gotten me to this point in my life. These are the people that reminded me why I do what I do, and pick me up when I fall down.

Of course there are others… but those are for another time.

Now it’s time to sleep.

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03/05/06 35 and Feeling Freakish...

Today was my 35th birthday. It’s been an interesting year. Another year older, and yet for some reason I really don’t feel any wiser. Quite the opposite in fact, I think I might actually be regressing. Maybe I’ve learned more than I think, but I doubt it. Most days I feel like my knuckles are dragging in the dirt.

“Me getting old… Me like smashing stuff…”

I spent the majority of the week as the MC at the Calgary club. The week started out kinda slow but progressively got better. I took Friday night off so I could go and see Bob Mould at Macewan Hall. It was a good show. That was my real Birthday celebration. (For more details about the show, check out danielrock.blogspot.com)

I had a few drinks after the late show last night. A few friends came down to wish me a happy birthday, but I really wasn’t too much into it. I was actually feeling a little glum. This year has progressed fairly well on all fronts in my life, and yet I can’t help but look at it like it’s a bit of a gift horse with crappy teeth. I find myself thinking, “There’s got to be more than this…” Is that normal I wonder?

Perhaps I just need to choke down the daily grind. Hell most people do it. Is it wrong to want more? (Actually I’m feeling pretty insistent about wanting more.) Lately there seems to be a sense of urgency that I cannot shake. It’s like a grumpy overcoat. It’s been keeping me awake at night. (As if that would make my sleeping patterns any more fucked up…)

I guess I just need to ponder why I’m feeling dissatisfied. Hopefully I’ll find the answer soon. This feeling really needs to go away. Maybe I just need more vitamin B in my diet. Perhaps I need to fill my head with some new and more challenging information. A new task or two might do the trick as well. Heck… Throw in a few goals and I could be away at the races.

It’s been a bit of a fuzzy day. Perhaps it was a little hair of the dog, but I really wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I’ve never been a big party kinda guy. Things like parties tend to make me feel a little awkward. Perhaps it’s too much attention. (Very ironic considering I’m a comic…)

Anyway… More to come.

02/28/06

I think that where you live defines who you are. I’m not necessarily referring to geographic location, (Although geopolitical lines certainly come into play when reflecting attitudes…) but more so the type of place in which you live.

For instance, it strikes me that if you refer to your home as a “compound” then for all practical purposes you are probably nuts. Allow me to illustrate further…

David Koresh and his Branch Davidians lived in a compound. Those whackos in Waco were snug as a bug in a rug. At one point they had 85 people packed into their humble adobe.

The Kennedy’s with all their mellow drama, live in a compound too, not to mention the Aryan Nations, (Well actually they got they got it taken away from them… but they used to have one.) Phelps and his cronies have one, and there are scads and scads of militias that call them home sweet home too.

Generally people who live in compounds usually have something to hide. They’re also people who tend to exhibit extreme anti social behaviour. (See “Stockpile automatic weapons” and “polygamy”)

Next on the list of homes for the less than emotionally stable are ranches. Now here I don’t mean actually cattle ranches. My thinking here is more geared to those who refer to their home as a ranch. (Although I guess some of them would actually have cows and the like…)

Michael Jackson lives on a ranch. Charles Manson used to live on one too. Charlton Heston lives on a ranch, as do the Bushs, the Regans, and a veritable litany of other kooks.

Lastly anyone who lives in a shack is likely to be off kilter. The Unabomber lived in a shack, and that guy was fucked.

Anyway enough of this silliness…

02/26/06 More on Phelps...

Here is some more stuff to reinforce the last post.



This is an actual quote from the website...

"Diane Whipple, a filthy dyke, died in her sins on Jan. 26, 2001, as a result of being mauled by two dogs. God used literal dogs to kill a figurative dog - sodomites being likened unto dogs for beast-filthiness (Deut. 23:17, Mat. 7:6, Phil. 3:2, 2 Pet. 2:7,8,12,22; Rev. 22:15). Fags & dykes = dogs & sows. She lived like a beast, died like a beast, at the hands of beasts, and is mourned by a family of beasts! The wrath and fury that smote Diane Whipple - suddenly and violently ripping her throat out and casting her forthwith into the everlasting flames of Hell - is poised to similarly visit this evil sodomite-dominated nation in final overwhelming vengeance. Jer. 9:9. Sharon Smith (the dead dyke's lover) and Penny Whipple-Kelly (the dead dyke's guilty, dyke-pimp, mother-from-Hell) need a reality check. Diane is in Hell, and you will join her there - where you three will bitterly curse each other forever, as you gnaw your tongues in pain and blaspheme God. Flames of God's wrath will engulf you and fill your heads, bowels, and limbs. The same is happening to Diane now."



Another stellar quote...


"When Matthew Shepard died on October 12, 1998, every pervert in this country (from Bill Clinton on down) used his death as a soap box to promote so-called "gay rights." The reality is that Matthew Shepard died because he was trolling for strange flesh and meth. See The Big Laramie Project Lie. These same perverts ignored the vicious murder of 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising by two fags. In religious protest of this, WBC picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. And WBC held a memorial service for Jesse Dirkhising at his lonely grave. WBC does not support the murder of Matthew Shepard: "thou shalt not kill." Unless his killers repent, they will receive the same sentence that Matthew Shepard received - eternal fire. However, the truth about Matthew Shepard needs to be known. He lived a Satanic lifestyle. He got himself killed trolling for anonymous homosexual sex in a bar at midnight. Unless he repented in the final hours of his life (not likely since God had given him up! - Romans 1), He is in hell. He will be in hell for all eternity, "where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched." Mark 9:44. For each day that passes, he has only eternity to look forward to. All the candlelight vigils, all the tributes, all the acts of Congress, all the rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States, will not shorten his sentence by so much as one day. And all the riches of the world will not buy him one drop of water to cool his tongue."

02/26/06 It's Time For Another Installment of

I am becoming more disappointed with the human condition. Instead of trying to live as civilized creatures in a functioning society, it appears more like we’re a bunch of wild animals drunk with stupidity, ready to gnaw the flesh off each other’s bones. (A little mellow dramatic I suppose, but not untrue…)

Sanity and rationality have been replaced with hatred and intolerance. How did we get to here? More importantly, is there a path back? Perhaps it’s time for Mother Nature to press the reset button. Maybe there’s some looming pandemic that might separate the wheat from the chaff, and enable us to carry on in more suitable manner. (So our species can survive…)

For people that are supposed to live in a “Christian” society, (mind you, the definition of the word Christian has become muddy and vague.) it sure seems like we’ve thrown away most of it’s more important directives. The notions of “live and let live”, and “do on to others” have evaporated from the moral lexicon that we’re supposed to share. Here’s a case in point.

There’s this crazy Baptist preacher in Topeka Kansas named Fred Phelps. Now old Fred who was originally from Mississippi is your fairly typical fire and brimstone kinda guy. He definitely fits more into that Southern “old time religion” sort. The problem is, when he gets imbibed on the Holy Spirit and decides to become a champion of values, bad things happen to good people.

Fred has a very nasty hobby… He likes to show up at the funerals of openly gay people and picket them. He and his merry band of retarded bigots protest funerals with no regard for those in mourning. Armed with megaphones and signs they insist on causing further pain and grief to those already dealing with loss.

Imagine this scene. People dressed in black suits, sombre music playing in the background, and the sobs of a mother being drown out by the likes of “Yer gonna burn in hell fag”, and “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Or my favorite “AIDS is God’s punishment for fags…” Not a pretty picture is it?

The ironic part is that this kind of nonsense transgresses a fairly hefty amount of Christian teaching. Keep in mind; it’s the same Christian teaching that Phelps is trying to espouse. This is blatant hypocrisy.

Now I’m not a violent man, but if someone did that to my friends or family, I would be beat their ass. I would enjoy it too. No one has the right to interfere in something as solemn and personal as a funeral.

Recently Phelps and company have started in with a new tactic… This time he’s protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers. His rationale is this (And it’s really fucked…) the soldiers dying in Iraq are part of God’s punishment for tolerating homosexuals in America society. He also claims events such as the September 11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina are caused by God because of this hatred.

Fred Phelps is to nature what consuming one's feces might be to a really bad hazing. Gross, anti social, and down right stupid.

If you wanna see for yourself just how evil this prick really is, just take a look at his website.

www.godhatesfags.com

Maybe send him an email and tell him what you think.

Go Finland Go...

So Canada’s out… Russia got their revenge. That really sucks. Mind you they looked less than inspired. Canada came into the tournament as the team to beat. It was ours to lose. (At least on paper.) It’s funny how “on paper” rarely seems to pan out.

My friend Daniel quite correctly pointed out back in December that they really weren’t a hungry bunch. That struck a nerve. (Daniel is good at that…) I like most Canadians was in a state of denial. Given our dominance in the last two World Competitions, It became an expectation that we’d win.

How could we not win? The talent pool was there. This is a team that was built to win. The level of depth was remarkable. In hindsight the problem is pretty obvious. This team had no heart.

The worst thing is that Hockey is part of our national psyche. It’s one of the few things in this country that revs our patriotism to hysterical levels. These are our warriors, and when they stumble, the entire nation feels it. It may seem trivial to some, but it’s what we’ve got.

This one is going to smart for a while, but there will be another day. 2010 is not that far away. Sidney Crosby and Dion Phaneuf are going to be pretty hungry. We will win again.

Until then… I hope Finland crushes Russia.

Go Canada Go!!!

Today was a bit of a squeeker. The Czechs put up a good fight. I suspect that tomorrow's clash with Russia is going to be a real nail biter. Russia's got heaps of talent, but we're equal to the challenge... As long as the real team Canada shows up.

I just hope the Americans beat Finland.(Although to me that's a lot like rooting for the fucking Oilers... Better the devil you do know I guess.)

Given the dodgey performances over the past couple of games, I'd rather see Team Canada face anyone else.

Go Canada Go!!!

It's fun to see when a punk band grows up. This is an excellent sophmore effort. Just buy it.

I'm an Asshole...

Friday was a bit of a trying day. Due to some annoyingly unforeseen circumstances, I wound up a little short for cash. (Well a lot short of cash…) I won’t get into the gory details, but it put me in a couple of rather embarrassing situations. While temporary, I had forgotten how shitty having no money can be. Hopefully the situation can be resolved shortly.

Normally that sort of thing just slides off me like water off a duck’s back, but this time it grinded out my last nerve. (I’ve never been one to stress about money… This whole thing was totally out of character for me…) I blew my top at an unsuspecting, but rather useless HMV employee. (Again avoiding the really gory, stupid, details…) It was like a fucked up cartoon. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. At one point I barked out “Get Your Fucking Manager…”

My eyes got wide and insane. The poor clerk actually flinched a little. I had reached that moment where I was so angry that I got silent for what seemed like an eternity… Then KABOOM… From that point a trail of expletives that would make a sailor blush streamed out of my mouth at warp speed. Now I have a reasonable vocabulary, and I’m a comic, so I managed to come up with some really new and immeasurable cusses. No cheap shots about parentage here. Nope not a one… Normally I would be proud of my abilities. This however was not one of those moments. Truthfully not one of my finer moments by any stretch…

I went over the edge. During the awkward silence that followed, I felt free. How odd is that? I felt like I had just liberated myself. Then as quick as the feeling came, it left… It was replaced by the feeling of a gnawing evil.

It was at that moment I realized two things. 1) I’m an asshole. 2) I’m the kind of asshole I hate. I was so fuelled by my own frustrations in that moment, that I totally ignored rationality, and lashed out at the finest help 7 bucks an hour can afford. I’ve never felt like that much of a dick before. (And I’ve done some pretty amazingly dickish things over the years…)

I went back and apologized to the clerk. For as hapless a schmo as he was, he didn’t deserve my ire. The only silver lining here is that I’ve discovered that at least I’m an asshole that can see the error of his ways.

Mind you I have no doubt that on some MSN spaces blog out there the clerk has recounted this story too… I doubt that I’ll look any better in that one either.

Other stuff…

The weekend in general however was pretty good. I managed to reign in my frustration, and actually take it easy. I have even managed to get a fair amount of rest. I guess I needed it too. Somehow I got really wound up, and these past couple of days seem to have helped to alleviate some of the tension I’ve been feeling.

Last week was full of meetings and very early mornings. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not an early riser. Generally I’m pretty cranky in the early morning. (At least until I get the day underway… then I do okay…)

This coming week has some really early days too, but at least there are no heavy duty, uber important meetings that come with it. Those can get a little long in the tooth fast. Hopefully this week will go more smoothly.

Anyway… Time to sleep.

Show Dates

Here’s something I have never done with this blog. Post show dates…

Feb 28, March 1,2,4 @ The Calgary Yuk Yuks. (I’m the emcee for these shows…)
Feb 11 @ The Red Deer Legion with Daniel Rock.

More to come…

02/12/06 More about those Fucking Cartoons...

Here is a little more to ponder about those blasted cartoons. Just a little something to root some context to the last post.

The consternation for many in the West is that of freedom of expression is being challenged. Many have said… “It’s not about the content of the cartoon… just the right to print it…” Which is a cop out. It’s nice to take a stand once in a while, but little, if nothing, has been said about responsibility. What would be truly heroic is to find something more than a pat response to use as a defense. Show some legitimate substance to the argument.

Yes it’s a right, but does that make it worth it to print them? Perhaps we could find something more useful for us to focus our attentions on. Like not treating the 3rd world like a piece of shit, or spending it fucking with people that have never fucked with us. It strikes me the world needs a new hobby.

The problem isn’t with the right to freedom of speech. The problem is the guy who made the cartoons in the first place is a total fucktard.

We offer Muslim countries a shining example of democracy, and yet we conveniently throw away one of it’s most basic tenets in an attempt to defend another. “The right to swing my arm ends when it hits your nose.”
That seems reasonable right? Apparently it doesn’t apply outside of the lands in western society’s political dominion.

Kinda makes the whole thing sound a little hypocritical if you ask me. We might as well say to the Middle East “Hey… we break the rules as we see fit. Ain’t democracy great?”

For a great many Muslims these stupid cartoons, (I suspect…) boil down to this, how much humiliation do they have to endure at the hands of the West. Apparently we’ve forgotten that they are human beings too.

The real and overwhelming issue here is the failure of both sides to reckon that their worlds are split between two seemingly irreconcilable views.

The west is looking down its nose, and Islam is unforgiving of transgression. It’s like watching two punch-drunk boxers wail on one another. Someone’s got to ring the bell. Both fighters need to go back to their corners and take a breather. Perhaps they can come back with something new to swing with. Those punches are getting old.

02/11/06 Everything You Know is Wrong...

I have decided to try something new. Every week,(until i get bored with it...) I'm going to post something called "Everything you know is wrong..." I'm going to take something from the news and bash the shit out of it. let's see how this goes... Hopefully it won't come off as arrogant. (But fuck it if it does...)

There are very few things that we as humans believe in that don’t have another side. We forget that our freedoms usually come with some sort of reciprocity. There is kinetic reaction that can sometimes be more damning that we first thought.

My favorite of these little mistruths is freedom of speech. We as westerners live in a world where free speech is a theoretical right. (Unless your words breach the Patriot act… Then Hello Camp Delta…) yet when this right is tested, the ramifications can be wholly chaotic.

Case in point. A Danish newspaper prints a series of racist cartoons, and with that manages to incite hysterical rage in the Middle East. People have been killed because of it. Imagine that… Killed because of a cartoon. Lives have ended because someone drew a picture that challenged a belief system. What kind of a world do we live in?

Could it just be me, or has this been totally blown out of proportion?

I understand that people could be insulted by the content of these cartoons. I’m an atheist and they insult me, but at not point would that motivate me to murder someone. Killing someone over this really seems a lot like overkill. Whatever happened to the concept of a strongly worded letter? Perhaps a phone call or two might have done the trick. I’ve pissed off a lot of people over the years with some of the things I’ve had to say, but at no point did I ever think I might get whacked for it. (Maybe the odd punch in the stomach…)

Perhaps though, the rational escapes me because I don’t live in that world. I don’t have that strong a belief in faith. My world is not restrictive. I don’t understand the way of life that comes from living elsewhere. My taxes don’t go to a government that insists I believe what they do. But does that excuse barbarism? Likely not.

I have other things that fill my life other than God. That alone makes these violent actions horrific to me. I am unable to wrap my head around that kind of rage. I would be hard pressed to get that angry about anything. Perhaps that’s a flaw in my own character.

But the people that printed the cartoons are equally responsible for those unfortunate deaths. There can ironically be a hefty price for freedom of speech. That may sound ludicrous, but in reality it’s true. It is important to realize that these cartoons were pointed at a faith that wholly rejects any kind of scrutiny. This is a faith that has inspired people in all too recent memory to strap on bombs and walk into crowded places. More specifically it’s a faith where some of its more extreme fundamentalist practitioners are inspired by martyrdom.

The newspaper responsible might as well have pointed fireworks at a giant can of gasoline. They just should have known better. I agree with their right to freedom of speech, (and will defend it…) but you would have had to know that this would be a grim Wile E. Coyote moment. They should have known there would be little rationality in the reaction to their printing. Why would you pick at those people? What did it serve to do?

People died, businesses that took years to build were destroyed, and a just about billion people want your heads. Speech isn’t all that free after all, is it?

02/06/06 Different Colour Tie... Same Bullshit lies...

“Have you ever gotten the feeling you’ve been cheated?”
-Johnny Rotten (From the Sex Pistols last American gig.)

That’s how we Canadians should feel. The Conservatives said they were going to bring change to government. (More specifically a positive change...) But it seems the best they could muster was a case of the “Same Old Shit…” After day one, a remarkably poor example of that change has already been made.

Given the fuss about Belinda Stronach crossing the floor to join the Liberals, and Stephen Harper declaring that would never be tolerated in The Conservative ranks, you’d figure that he’d mean it.

But apparently not, Harper’s first day in office started by announcing his cabinet, and in that cabinet was a former Liberal that his party enticed over with the promise of a ministry. Keep in mind that this is a man that was elected as a Liberal only two weeks earlier. Question: What’s the difference between Belinda Stronach and David Emerson?

Answer: NOTHING.

But that wasn’t enough. Then he announced that a current sitting senator with no House of Commons privileges would become a minister as well, a man who has no accountability in the House. Zero, Ziltch, Nada, None…

Well-played Mr. Harper… You sure suckered a lot of people. Nice change. I can’t wait to see your anti corruption legislation. That should be a hoot.

02/05/06 Football

This next statement will be considered by many to be sacrilege. I hate NFL football. It holds absolutely no appeal for me. I find it boring. I would rather watch flies fuck, or paint dry or even take a long haul off an ether bottle than spend the afternoon watching football. I don’t care who’s a good team, or who’s bad. I just don’t give a shit.

I realize I’m not making friends here, and frankly I’m okay with that. I think football should be replaced with something else. Something so super fantastic that really captures the imagination of the fans. I think it’s time we brought back the gladiators. Now there’s something I can get behind. Imagine the roar of the crowd with every clank of a sword. The ooh’s and ah’s when some poor bastard gets mauled would be like music to my years.

I would be in total glee, sitting there with my beer and popcorn watching the goriest of human blood sports. What’s more sporty than fighting for your very survival? I think it’s little coincidence that most football stadiums look a lot like the coliseum in Rome.

If you want to impress me don’t throw some stupid old hunk of pigskin, fight off a tiger instead. I’d pay big money to see athletes try and kill one another while avoiding the gnashing teeth of a carnivorous beast. That just makes the Super Bowl sound pretty lame to me.

Besides the skill involved in fighting with a net and trident is pretty impressive. Those are some pretty clumsy weapons.

Imagine the marketing opportunities too. There are billions to be made with this. Look at what Vince McMahon has managed with wrestling. Hell even UFC is doing well. I just think it’s about time to take it one step further.

02/04/06 Blog Problems...

After some really frustrating problems with this blog over the past few days, It has become even more apparent to me that Microsoft sucks ass. (Although I have espoused this for some time...)

Anyway... if you use Internet explorer to read this blog... well, it's gonna look like shit.(For the last build of i.e. for OS X. Although It seems to work okay in i.e. 6 for Windows...)

I suggest using the following.

Firefox, Netscape, Mozilla, Camino, or Opera. They all work correctly.

02/04/06 New on The ipod This Week...

So this album is what I'd call a fantastic surprise. I had never heard of Cat Power before. I just saw it at the play station at my favorite record store. After spinning it for a few minutes, I realized I had just struck gold.

It's a really moody record. It has a Portishead kind of feel to it. Chan Marshall's vocals drip with raw emotion, and the songs have a real personal feel to them.

This one's worth buying for sure.

02/01/06 Just some catching up...

So far it's been an interesting week. It started with me going into work on Monday in a suit. My only suit, which can best described as your typical conservative navy blue suit. It's nothing you'd call flashy or trendy. It's about as plain as it gets. It's the kind of suit that can get you lost in a crowd during the lunch throng of your average business district. I felt uncomfortable in it. I don't like suits, mostly because I don't like other people in suits. (Specifically strangers in suits… I always get the feeling they're up to something I wouldn't like too much.)

My coworkers and I got to meet the new owners of our little research company. We all got tarted up for the affair. (Or in my case, as best as I could muster.) I think the day went well enough. The folks from Montreal seem like really good people. I suspect they will be good to work for. It was really nice to see the gang all gussied up. Usually were a bit of a scrubby bunch. (Well not really, but not usually suit and tie type folks…)

Anyway, after a day of meetings, we held a cocktail party for people in our industry. In most ways it was your fairly typical meet and greet. It was a little strange for me at first; I'm really not much of a schmoozer, (Not in that circle so much…) but I managed to get into the swing of things after a bit. (Mind you, I think I was more concerned about how badly my feet hurt. God it felt like I had smacked them with a hammer repeatedly. My dress shoes look pretty good, but comfort was apparently not a major concern for their designer. I have never been happier to stomp around in bare feet than I was when I got home.)

Our counter parts from Edmonton came down to join in our festivities. I am finally able to put faces to the people I have been working with for the better part of a year.

Once things wrapped up, I popped into the Monday night open mike at Dicken's. All of my friends independent of each other asked me if I had been to a funeral. Apparently it' s bit of an anomaly to see me dressed up. But then again, I guess it doesn't happen that often. Given a choice, I'd rather wear an old work shirt, a pair of Vans and comfy jeans.

Anyway, on to other stuff…

Last night I had a show in Lethbridge. It was my first time on the road since December. It felt good to be out there, if only for the night. I have only done three shows since I got back from Newfoundland. This was the first one where the rust seemed to have been completely shaken off. It was nice to hear boisterous laughter again.

But truthfully I really needed that time away from the stage. Between the day job, and the increasingly busy schedule of October through December, I had managed to burn myself out. The last show I did before I left for Newfoundland was emotionally one of the hardest I've ever had to do. I was wasted. Totally flat, and I knew it too. There was barely anything left in the tank.

I didn't let loose with too much new stuff last night. I've got a few little nuggets to tinker with, but I don't want to let them out into the light of day just yet. I have a feeling that this year will bring some interesting stuff.

Today, I found out that I sold some stuff to XM satellite radio. I had no idea they had bought anything until someone handed me a cheque. It was a pleasant surprise for sure.

I have been slow to commit to gigs so far, but I feel like I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I have a gig in Red Deer next week with Johnny Guardhouse, and I'm looking forward to it. My hope for March is that I will hit the road a lot harder, and get some shit done. I'm hoping that I can hit Calgary, Edmonton, and Saskatchewan pretty soon. Hell I'm even willing to give my Nemesis Kelowna another go.

Anyway… I need to crash.

More to come.

This was Fantastic...

There was a video post here... but it drove me crazy. I have left the comments for posterity.

11/24/06 The Sun Rose This Morning Just Fine...

It’s really going to be fun to watch Harper try and pull this whole minority government thing off. He didn’t look too smug last night during his speech. I suspect he just realize what he just inherited. Brings to mind the adage “Careful what you wish for.”

He has been granted an extremely short leash. It’s going to be like a fucked up game of Jenga for him. The more appealing parts of his agenda will likely pass without too much gnashing of teeth. It’s the nuttier stuff that is going to cause him some grief.

With the exception of Calgary and Edmonton, Canada’s major centres, including the biggest city in western Canada all turned him away at the door. So in addition to having to play ball with Quebec, he now has to tangle with potentially adversarial relationships in Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. That’s a bit of a sticky jam.

In addition, his conservatives were unable to give the Liberals the kind of “Tit Slapping’ that he and his cohorts were pining for. He has a dangerous opposition sitting across from him, and it won’t take too much for them to snap him like a twig.

To my way of thinking, it’s like having a box of old dynamite, and a group of kids playing with matches. (Except most of the kids have some sort of nervous disorder… like Parkinson’s.)

Regardless of my own political proclivities, I hope that Harper does well. It’s now in the best interest of the country to keep this government together… At least for now, especially given that this election has cost us nearly 250 million dollars. We should have something to show for that kind of expenditure. Shouldn’t we?

Given that my party, as well as the one I voted for (As a protest…) both did less well in this election, you’d think I’d be more bitter about it. But I’m not. I tip my hat to mister Harper, now he has a chance to prove his detractors wrong. In the grand scheme of things, we should all be so lucky.

Prime Minister Harper… I can live with that, (Given that I have to…) but for some reason I really like the sound of Prime Minister McKenna better.

01/23/06 Election Day

Today is Election Day here in Canada. Harper and his Conservatives are poised to win a minority government. That's just what we need, another minority government that will be ripped down in about18 months. Enjoy it while you can Mr. Harper… It won't last long.

Let's see how smug you are when it's your turn to fight for your political career It's not like the Conservatives don't have their share of greedy, shady double dealers. Mulroney taught us that. (Not to mention complete retards like Rob Anders… That guy is fucked…)

But what we need even less than a minority government, are the Conservatives themselves. Apparently watching our poor suffering neighbours to the south struggle with Bush has done little to temper our anger at the Liberals. We have learned nothing from America's example.

Don't get me wrong. We should be angry with the Liberals. We should be furious with them. Harper is right to condemn them for shoving their grubby hands into the public trough. But Harper must realize that his lead in the polls and likely victory are nothing more than a reaction to the Liberal's misdealings. I suspect it has very little to do with policy. In fact I'm convinced that's the case.

It's not the principles of Liberalism that will be on trial tomorrow. The results of this election will be nothing more than an administered punishment. A nation doesn't change its social demeanor because of a scandal. Proclivities just don't change like that, especially in a healthy economy.

This will be a minor blip in Canadian election history because Canadians are far too progressive to tolerate an assault on civil liberties. Here's a tip for you Mr. Harper…Touch a woman's right to choose, or Universal healthcare and you're fucked. We built the social safety net for a reason. It's not even open for negotiation.

Anyway I have to go vote…

I will be voting NDP this time around. I am doing so in good conscious. I want the Liberals to be punished, but I'm not willing to throw my principals away to do so. Vote your heart. Vote for what you believe in.

01/21/06

My Mother sent me this. I thought it was kinda funny.

01/20/06 These are a few of my Favorite things...

A new installment of “Getting to Know Marcus.”

1) I am a member of the Cult of Mac. In fact, every post on this blog was done on a Mac. I like to avoid Windows whenever possible. (Shabby, Shabby, Shabby operation system that it is.) Apple will eventually win the war. You think the ipod was an accident?

2) Other than Star Wars, my all time favorite Sci-Fi movie is “Forbidden Planet”

3) I got to hang out with Bad Brains (I Against I, Banned in D.C.) once. It was very cool. I still have the picture their road manager took.

4) My all time favorite comic book hero is Spider man.

5) I really don’t like Jerry Seinfeld. The show was fun, but I really don’t care for his stand up. I’m not sure why, but I think there are two types of people in the world. Those who like Larry David, and those who like Seinfeld. I am the former.

6) Spaghetti is my most favorite food ever, although I’m a big fan of breakfast too. (A big breakfast… with all the breakfast meats.)

7) I own too much stuff. Our apartment is overflowing with stuff.

8) For some reason I keep pulling All Bran bars out of every bag I own. Suitcases, backpacks, satchels, you name it… bloody All Bran bars.

9) I’m pig headed and stubborn.

10) My indifference can be frigid and unfettering.

11) My parents were the basis for characters from the comic book “Alpha Flight.”

12) In any group, I have always felt like the outsider. I know this isn’t true… But it’s my little neurotic hang up. I get that from my Dad’s side of the family.

13) According to my western family, all of my political beliefs are WRONG. This makes me happy. I feel like a thorn in their side.

14) I have a soft spot for Tom Clancy novels. I know they are fully crap, but I’m a sucker for them anyway.

15) I like cherry lollypops. Esp. Tootsie Pops.

16) My favorite candies are Swedish Berries. Gummy Bears are a very close second. I like to chew the heads off of them and squish them together to create a Frankengummy.

01/19/06

Tonight was a peculiar night. I went for a walk and stumbled into the Ship and Anchor for a pint. It’s one of my favorite haunts and pretty much has been for years. It’s a cool pub, and it has some of the most robust bar flies I have ever seen. Its patrons are lifers. (And it seems I am no exception…)

Anyway, I pretty much figured that the usual cast of idiots would be there, and once again I was not disappointed. The place was full, but happily there wasn’t a line. I hate having to wait to get into a bar. (Especially if I’m a regular, and there is a new doorman…) If anything, I was surprised, because they were all there at once. Normally they seem to come in shifts.

You can trust the Ship to be the same. It’s a little harbour in the storm. When you don’t know where to go, just head to the Ship. The food is good, and the conversation’s not too bad either, especially if you can avoid a hipster dufus from saddling up next to you. Best of all though, they pour a mean pint.

But I digress, as I’m trundling along, heading for a bar stool and a quick Carlsberg, I see something I’ve never seen before. Female public urination.

This pimped out Hummer pulls up along the sidewalk next to me, then this little bar star type gets out, hikes up her skirt, does a squat and starts peeing in the planter on the side walk. I’m shocked. (Although I guess I shouldn’t really be… Hell, I’ve peed in the street before…) It was like a traffic accident, I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help myself.

She was gushing like “Old Faithful,” and she just giggled the whole time. She even looked over at me and smiled. She almost looked proud of herself.

Then She hopped into the back seat of the Hummer, and sped off.

All I could think of was “WOW… I bet she was cold…”

I’m an Idiot.

01/13/06 More thoughts on Designer Manatees and Intelligent Creations...

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post about the 3 way battle over how to explain man's existence. Since then, the topic has been mulling over in my head almost no stop. I've been slipping it into conversations, hoping to get some more perspective on it.

It has only gotten more confusing for me. I have decided to revisit the topic here, and deliver some of the information I've managed to conjure up.

I pride myself on having people in my life from all walks of life. I respect all creeds, colours, genders, and preferences, but I have to say lately I've heard some really fucked up shit.

To sum up, the three main camps (in North American society…) are;
1) Creationists (Tending to be Christian fundamentalists)
2) Evolutionists (Science types)
3) Intelligent designers (Usually pretty flakey…)

I'm going to start with Creationists. I watched a documentary recently where a bunch of uber fundamentalist Christian creationists took school children to a museum to stuff their heads full of truly odd stuff. Here are some actual quotes.

“The Earth is only six thousand years old.”

“Science is full of Satan's lies.”

“Satan invented the dinosaurs as a tool to confuse man.”

Now… I'm no scientist, or a preacher… but to me that just comes off as backward. I would get really nervous if I got stuck in a conversation with someone who espoused that to me.

My favorite of these quotes is the one about the dinosaurs. It makes me imagine an Office meeting in Hell.

Satan: Next on the agenda… How to confuse Humans about their existence… Any thoughts…

Minion: How about Giant Lizards?

Satan: Brilliant… Good work Johnson… Get this down to marketing right away…

On side note, there is an interesting Irony here. President Bush is a fundamentalist Christian, which makes his lust for oil confusing, given that oil is basically liquefied Dinosaur, which essentially makes it a literal bucket full of Satan's lies.

But I digress…

Creationists have some really modern thinkers propping the belief up. Here's a short list;

Jerry Falwell (leader of the 700 club… who once mused on the likelyhood that one of the Teletubbies was gay...), Jimmy Swaggart (An adulterer, who in a politically charged sermon, said that he would kill gay men...), Pat Robertson (a lunatic who claims that Episcopalians, Presbyterians and Methodists embody the spirit of the antichrist...), Tammy Faye Baker (or whatever her last name is now…) Peter Popoff (A man who tries to pawn water from Chernobyl as a miracle cure…) and Mel Gibson.

With a group like that how could you possibly go wrong?


Next on the list are Evolutionists. This is a heftier group. The belief that sciences can explain our existence is something easier for me to swallow. I like the gleam in the eye of a biologist when he / she starts talking about DNA and Amino acids. Throw in a Big Bang or two, and I have to admit, I'm hooked.

Then there is Darwin. His theories are marvelous. All the time spent thinking about adaptation really works me into frenzy. What a clever bastard he is. The notion that we changed to survive inhospitable climates is totally top drawer in my books.

But science has a few wrinkles of it's own…

The bible has a whole lot of begating going on. There is so much begating in fact that you might actually begin to believe that fundamentalists actually like sex. Science has very little of that. Here's a little formula I've devised to elaborate my thinking.

Science = Science Fiction, Science Fiction = Star Trek, Star Trek = Nerd, Nerd = No Begating. (Not quite empirical, but I would argue the foundation is there.)

Here's a list of some famous people that support Evolution:

Dr. Stephen Hawking (The guy who figured out that time isn't necessarily linear), Albert Einstein (Generally thought of a somewhat clever…), Charles Darwin (Duh…), and Jared Diamond (Professor and author of Collapse and Guns, Germs and Steel…)

Next on deck are the intelligent designers. I have to admit, I'm pretty willing to dismiss this lot for a number of reasons. The first of which is this, I think these people are just plain nuts. This group strikes me as indecisive and desperate to find something to believe in. In the post 9/11 era this group's numbers have been rising steadily. I believe it to be reactionary and empty.

It also seems like a backhanded compromise designed to foist creationism into science programs. Both religion and science have their place in our society and I will not begrudge that, but at no point do they belong together.

Putting them together just muddies the waters. Some combinations go well together, like chocolate and peanut butter, this on the other hand is just pain sour.

What it boils down to for me is this. I can look at the data that science provides and understand the linkage between Homo erectus, and me. I can also see the need to find a spiritual belief to explain existence. Both help us find meaning in our lives.

But what if we are just an accident? Why can't that be enough? Why do we have to perceive some master plan?

I think that if there was some master plan, then the intelligent designer involved must take a short bus to work. There are too many things that we surround ourselves with that don't add up. Too many things that show and absence of logic and are far too random and chaotic to show any perceivable design.

Maybe the beauty of that chaotic randomness should be enough. Lord knows there are far more important things to worry about these days. Especially given the times that we live in. Perhaps wars and famine and disease could take precedence instead. I'm pretty sure there are millions of people who would agree with me.

In the previous blog entry about this subject, I made a caustic joke involving a Manatee and Paris Hilton to try illustrate my point.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps there is an intelligent designer out there. If there is… He / She / It has a brilliant sense of humor, but really shitty timing.

But for both My and manatee's sake perhaps we could move onto new and more pressing business.

01/12/06 Some More Thoughts on The Election

“And what makes most people feel happy, leads us head long into harm…”
Paint a Vulgar Picture – The Smiths 1986

It is entirely likely that Stephen Harper will become the next Prime Minister of Canada. I find that unfortunate. Happily it appears (So far…) that it will be a minority government. (Although that depends on which poll you look at…) He can’t get into too much trouble that way… Can he?

Over Christmas, I had a conversation about the politics involved in a minority government situation with a friend of mine. He quite correctly pointed out some very interesting things.

The first of which is this. There is no real history of supporting minority governments in this country. They tend to last between 6 and 18 months and while they have the potential to accomplish a fair amount (due mostly to the compromises needed to stave off it’s inevitable collapse.) they rarely do.

And the second is this. There is no history of a true coalition government in Canada. Instead of looking at a minority as something to be ripped down, there is an enormous opportunity to hammer out something that works for all parties. It works for the Germans and Italians… why the hell couldn’t it work here in Canada?

01/05/06 Grist for The Mill...

So… The federal election is looming in the very near future, and the niceties of the Christmas season are over. Television’s numbing cathode rays are blasting snarky propaganda with an alarming frequency and it’s becoming more difficult to stomach the whole thing.

Martin and Harper are fully at each other’s throats, and the media is reporting a dead heat between the two. It’s a bit of a grisly foot race for sure. I can’t imagine this ending well for anyone. Truth be told, I think both party leaders are full of shit.

Canadians are in for a bit of a pickle with this one. It’s gotten difficult to tell which is the lesser of evils. Martin is the leader of a party that has strayed from it’s principles, and Harper is just plain spooky. (Perhaps he needs to learn to smile once in a while…)

Who do you choose? The Liberals totally reek with a sense of entitlement, and the Conservatives are a smug mish mash of social conservatives, and those who hoped that this bastard union wouldn’t suck that bad. (I wonder if Peter McKay has trouble sleeping at night…)

And then there’s Jack Layton, who seems to be willing to dance with whatever devil lucks out. (Although whenever I seem him stand between Harper and Martin, it reminds me of an Oreo cookie. It’s sort of a “Evil, Less Evil, Evil kind of thing…) It makes it hard to take him more seriously than perhaps we should.

Layton and his New Democrats have tarted themselves up. Gone are the frumpy hippies and Volvo driving granola crunchers. The New NDP is slick. Smart looking suits and glib retorts are the new face of Canada’s last bastion of the left. It’s a little sad to see.

Anyway I need to chew over this for a while…

More to come.

Time for sleep.

01/05/06 More Pictures from Newfoundland...

These are some pictures of St. John's. I took them from the observation gallery of "The Rooms" which is the new Museum, Art Gallery,and Public Archives. It's one of the coolest buildings I have ever seen.

I stood there in awe of the view... It made me wonder just why I left there to begin with. The view of the harbour was overwhelming to me.

01/04/06

I got back to Calgary today. When I stepped off the plane, it felt as if I was a stranger in a foreign place. As I waited for my luggage, my eyes lost focus for a moment, and I felt a wave of uneasiness. I was out of sorts. The pope could have come up to me and shook my hand and I likely wouldn’t have noticed.

Perhaps it was just the flight. It’s a draining trip at the best of times, and Air Canada seems to strive at making it that way. God forbid they could concoct some wild scheme that might create a direct non-stop flight to Calgary from St. John’s. (Mind you, they excel at making things more difficult than really need be, and they do it with such brilliant arrogance…) It was much too long a flight for my liking, especially since I didn’t get any sleep the night before. I tried, but my eyes would not close.

After weeks of decent sleep, my brain decided to betray it’s newly found rhythm. It snapped like a dry twig. It didn’t take long for insomnia to arrive at the party like a vulgar unwanted guest. If only there was some sort of exorcism that could be done to wrangle it. “The power of Christ compels you to take a nap…”

But I Digress… I reluctantly got on the plane at about 6 this morning. It felt really wrong leaving Newfoundland this time. It took every ounce of will power I could muster to get through security and onto that plane. I welled up a little, but managed to choke it back. It was rough saying goodbye to my parents. It’s hard on me that they live so far away.

Each time I leave, it gets just a little more difficult. It tweaks on the heartstrings harder and harder. The problem is that principally I feel I belong there. It’s the one place on earth where I feel truly like I’m on the right page. It’s my heaven on earth. While I like Calgary, It doesn’t evoke the same kinds of feelings in me.

For some reason, over the last few days, I couldn’t seem to stop mulling over my impending departure. It became a preoccupation for me. While it didn’t prevent me from enjoying my time there, it was always in the back of my mind. Even during the New Year’s festivities, with fire works going off around me, it occupied much of my thoughts.

I feel as if I have missed much since I left that strange rock in the Atlantic. I’m not sure I’m willing to miss much more. I sometimes feel a little estranged from my extended family, but I guess that makes sense since I’ve been away from them for the better part of 13 years.

Anyway, More to come… But first sleep…

01/04/06 Some Pictures of Bay Bulls...

These are some pictures of things in Bay Bulls. The statue of St.Peter is from the church across the street from where my parents live. He sits on top of a cannon that was salvaged from the ocean. It belonged to a ship called the HMS Sapphire. It is one of the oldest known ship wrecks in North America. The remains of the ship still sit in the bottom of the harbour. It has been there since her Captain scuttled her in the mid 17th century.

The warf is also very close to where my parents live. There weren't too many boats tied up. Most had already been taken out of the water for the season. Soon the pack ice will come, and anything left in the water will be crushed.

The picture of the whale skull was taken by O'Brien's warf. That family runs a very successful eco tourism business. Apparently my cousin Chris found the skull and thought it would be something tourists might find interesting. There are also some ribs there. From what I can gather it's a Humpback skull.

01/02/06

New Stuff on the ipod...

1)Sean Panting - “Receiver” & “Victrola” These are separate albums, but really they should have been packaged together. One is pretty rockin' and the other is basically acoustic versions of the same songs. It's very good. He's the most interesting of the Rock performers that Newfoundland has to offer.

2)Willie Nelson - “Countryman” I have never been a country fan. I normally would rail against it, but this is an excellent disc. Truthfully it's more of a reggae record. It's also very good. The cover of “The Harder They Come , The Harder They fall” is exceptional.

3)Frank Black – “Black Francis” This is a strange collection of demos that Frank Black recorded just before The Pixies became musical icons. The second disc are new versions of those same songs after the implosion of The Pixies in the mid 90's.

4)Soundtrack - “Lost in Translation” There are some little nuggets on this disc. There is also some stinky shit that would have best been left out. (And never to see the light of day...) Kevin Shields put some goodies on here, and there is also one of my favorite My Bloody Valentine songs on here. Otherwise it's a little average. Ultimately this is like a greatest hits package for the post college hipster dufus.