I used to be a negative person. I tried it on, like a suit of clothes. It seemed to fit. I found it easy to pass judgement upon whatever I saw fit. But it never got me anywhere. I didn't realize that my own hatred just fueled my own neurosis. Feeding a ego, that really didn't have a leg to stand on.
One of the weird things about being a performer, is when you begin to enjoy a taste of success, not matter how big or small, it changes you. At least it did to me. I began to think that I was invincible. I couldn't have been more wrong. That's when all hell breaks loose.
Apparently I could be wrong. Lots and lots of wrong things in fact. The trick is to figure it out. It took me about a year to get myself reorganized. I started writing again, and not taking things as simple as stage time for granted. It made a world of difference. I also discovered that I like to help younger comics. I used to scoff at that. What an ass I was. I look in the mirror, and now at least I like the guy I see.
It's funny how it takes a few serious crash and burn sessions to get back on track. My wife, has been pretty supportive, and without her, I think I would still be lurking about in a haze of stupidity. Now if only I could sleep.
New topic...
I sit and type and smoke. Camel filter. I love them. they are like some sort of evil mistress. I know they are really, really, really bad for me, and yet they never seem to let me down. I think I'm in some sort of denial about smoking. I like to pretend that it's really a cure for emphysema. When ever I see old people with oxygen tanks puttering very slowly, I think... "wow they must really want to be scuba divers." The world's oldest frogmen. The Grey Panther equivalent of the Navy Seals. Sad really.
End of transmission
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