Just a Quick Update

I have been neglecting the blog for too long. I have been busy living life for a change. I got involved in a festival, and have been paying a lot more attention to the career. It’s a really nice change in my life. I feel like the reins are in my hands again.

I have left Leger. Currently I have no day job to speak of. That feels good too. It was about time for the change. I had become stale, and needed to move on for some time. Happily I got put out of my misery. It’s not a bad thing to be “downsized” if it means that your life will improve.

This weekend has been fun too. I’ve gotten to hang out with Erin. That rocks. Given that the next few weeks will be very busy for me, I’m glad that I got to spend some quality time with her. I know she doesn’t like the touring as much as she pretends. I know she gets lonely. I don’t blame her at all, I would get lonely too. (In fact I do… the road is a lonely place.)

I got some new CD’s too. Some real gooders. (Like tons of Johnny Cash…)

1) Johnny Cash – Unchained
2) Johnny Cash – American Recordings
3) Johnny Cash – American III
4) Johnny Cash – American IV (The Man Comes Around)
5) Kinnie Starr – Sun Again
6) Thievery Corporation - The Richest Man In Babylon

The Cash stuff is fantastic. I really like the Rick Rubin produced stuff. It has more soul in it. It’s much less country, and more folk. I really like most of the covered songs too. I wish I had developed an appreciation for him sooner.

Anyhoo, I’ll post something more meaty soon.

End of Transmission.

Root Canals and Passing Friends...

The last few days have been frustrating. Firstly I found out that a friend of mine had passed away, and secondly my root canal from a year ago is continuing to cause me grief.

My friend Shane Mack passed away a few days ago. He was an interesting fellow. Punk rocker, doorman, drinking buddy, tattoo artist and devout worshipper at the church of Hunter S. Thompson and raving lunatic are just a few of the things that he was.

He was also at his core, a really decent person. The last time I saw him he was making a concentrated effort to change his life. I was totally startled to hear about his death. (As most people are I suppose…)

I will miss him. His antics and hair-brained schemes were always entertaining to me. I hope there is a heaven, because he deserves it.

As for the root canal, I lost the filling. So I went in to get it looked at, only to find out that I have a cyst and that the tooth will have to be removed. That sucks. Just what I needed, expensive dental surgery. Whoopee… sign me up.

Anyway enough of my bitching…

End of Transmission.

Up coming gigs

Well… So far the “My Space” experiment is going well. I’m still not sure how useful it will be, especially given the amount of effort required. I’m still not overly convinced that it’s as good a tool as it could be, but hey every little bit helps.

I have a slew of gigs coming up pretty quickly...

Sylvan Lake – July 27 (with Paul Sveen and Scott Dumas) 8:00 pm

Saskatoon - Aug 11 (with Bob “The Showman” Chomyn) 8:00pm At the Parktown

Regina – Aug 12 (with Bob again…) @ the Ramada 8:00pm

Calgary - Aug 17-19 (with TBA…) @ Yuk Yuks 8pm & 10:30 on Saturday. 8pm Thursday and Friday.

The Dread Pirate Al Gore

I went to see a couple of movies on the weekend. The first of which was the documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” It was great. Al Gore should be commended for it. The subject matter was approached in a simple enough manner that it never files above your head, and yet at no point is it insulting to the lowest common denominator.

Gore is eloquent, and manages to deliver the goods with a little southern charm to sugar the weight of the subject matter. The information provided to the viewer was as shocking as it was terrifying. I could see others around me in the theatre looking uncomfortable. . I left the theatre feeling angry ashamed and hopeful. This film did its job.

I was left thinking that it was really too bad that this man didn’t become President of the United States. The world would have been better off for it.

The other movie was “Pirates of The Caribbean – The Dead Man’s Chest.” This one is a renter. The pacing is clumsy, and there are too many plot points unraveling at once. Depp does an okay job, but I’ve noticed that Jack Sparrow is a lot less interesting the second time out. The character is a little tired. Perhaps it’s because it really lacks depth.

It is apparent that this episode was supposed to be more of a character exposition, and ironically that’s where it falls down. This is not a fun film, but it could have been.

Horse Jumping Super Soldiers

Saturday I went to Spruce Meadows, which in one of Calgary’s premier attractions. In show jumping circles, this place is about the best there is. The park itself is jaw dropping in its complexity and in its beauty.

It was a nice warm day, (one might say lovely even…) and I did a lot of walking about. I must have walked about 6 miles. I didn’t get to see much of the horse jumping, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. The lush green spaces and carnival atmosphere were fun to take in. (The only real drawback being the mounds of horseshit that you had to dodge with remarkable regularity…) It’s a nice place to go and escape some of the throng of the Stampede.

I did feel a little out of place there though. I’m used to rolling with the Timex set, and this place is very much a Rolex kinda thing.

The Military had set up an exhibit of sorts on the grounds. (Apparently it was “salute to the military day”… or something like that…) They brought a couple of tanks and other dangerous looking things with big guns on them. (You know… for the kids…) I chatted with a couple of the soldiers. They were pretty cool for the most part.

I was peeking inside a Coyote recon vehicle (Which is the kinda of vehicle that makes off road enthusiasts cream their jeans…) and I looked up, and there was General Rick Hillier. He’s the head of the Canadian military. He was talking to the troops in a cool and casual fashion.

“You’re not one of my guys are you?” He said…

“Um no…” as I looked around sheepishly.

“Oh… I’m Rick…”

“Oh yeah… yer the Grand Poobah of the army right?”

“That’s me… The chief cook and bottle washer…” and he extended his hand.

I was amazed that he played along. He really didn’t seem like a General. Mind you, he was the first one I have ever met. (Movies and TV always make them out to be so… Army ish…) I shook his hand, and he returned his attention to the troops.

Apparently this is the year for me to meet really cool people. I wonder who’s next?

Some New Pictures of Calgary

These first three pics are from the Stampede parade that happend this morning. It usually draws about 200,000 people. It's kinda hokey, but it's also lots of fun.


There are two types of Calgarians. Those who love the Stampede and those that don't. Strange as it may seem I love it. Calgary gets the stick out of it's ass for 10 days. Hey... I'll take what I can get.


I was like a kid again. I used to love going to the parade with my family. I had a rush of really good memories this morning.




This picture couldn't be any more telling. Mc Shittys will kill you!(Mind you, one of the drug dealers that hangs out there could have gotten stabed or something... Either way this place is bad for your health.)


I bet John Lennon is rolling in his grave. This is so shabby!

Grrrrrrrrr...

It’s late on Sunday. I’m so tired and yet I cannot close my eyes. I have been tossing and turning for about an hour or so. I hate this. Just once in a while I’d like to be able to conk out without having to deprive myself.

It really makes me miserable. Perhaps I should hit myself in the head with a hammer. It might do more good than help me sleep too.

Fuck you sandman. Fuck you for forgetting about me. I’m not asking for a coma, just a normal nights sleep. Hell I’d even settle for 5 hours. Is that too much to ask for?

Happy Canada Day!!!

Happy Canada Day!!!

Here are some interesting Canadian social statistics. (According to a study done by MacLean’s magazine.)

31 percent of Canadians distrust the police. Interesting enough the same percentage are uneasy about Born again Christians. (I would love to do a cross tabulation to see if it’s the same 31 percent…)

40 percent of Canadians see no problem with gay adoption.

62 percent of the populace believes in angels. (Likely the most popular interpretation of angel is the “pretty Irish girl” type from that TV show… I’m less inclined to think the people think about the type of angel that fucked Sodom and Gomorrah’s shit up!)

65 percent believe in Heaven. Only 48 percent believe in hell…

63 percent believe that recreational use of marijuana is okay. (Maybe that’s where the angels come from… I see shit sometimes myself…)

One a similar note, 57 percent of us believes in ESP and psychic powers. Nearly a third are convinced we can communicate with the dead. (Gimme some of that weed…)

49 percent think that there should be an outright ban on porn.

Nearly 75 percent disagree with this statement: We should worry about Canada and let the rest of the world take care of itself. (I think that’s pretty damn cool.)

Up Up And Away...

“I'm gonna knock down every wall (I find)
gonna spit out bullets
gonna be a hero (the super kind)
can you dig it?
Cause someone needs to clean things up
before things get much worse…” – Superman by Down By Law.

I went to see Superman Returns on Thursday night. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. I had been feeling a little run down, and seeing the man of steel back in action really recharged my batteries.

I thought it was really well done. It had great effects, and decent casting, with the notable exception of the “Lois” character, which fell kinda flat. Kevin Spacey on the other hand, makes a great “Lex Luther.” You could almost call him Saintly evil. (If evil had it’s own set of “Saints” I guess…)

Singer did a great job with the story too. There was less of the hokey “Golly Gee Whiz” stuff and more grit, but it never had to sacrifice any of the humour in the process.

Since I was a kid, I have believed that comics are a near perfect blend of morality tales and mythology. I think we can learn a lot from them. Few things in popular culture hold as steadfast when it comes to stories of definitively right vs. definitively wrong. In comics, it gets laid out for the reader in black and white. Rarely can you mistake it’s message. Marshall McLuhan might be inclined to argue they are the perfect medium. (Because he asserts that the message is the media…)

But perhaps in a way, that’s also where they fall down. There is no subtext to chew over. With so little for the left-brain to process, they become too preachy and stale. (Well for some anyway… it is just a theory after all…) One could argue that they tend to hit you over the head with the message.

It is however difficult not to see them as a mythology. The varied pantheons of Gods and Goddesses from the ancient word are really no different than these modern characters. Hercules and Superman have a lot in common, and not just on the surface. Both are flawed in some fashion, both come from Gods in their own right, and more specifically both were created by humans to teach us something about ourselves.

In the movie, Lois Lane gets a Pulitzer Prize for writing an article titled “Does the world really need Superman?” It’s not too difficult to imagine a point when Greek society asked the same question about their own Gods.

I realize that I’m talking about a fictitious character(s), but I pretty sure I’m not the only one who has ever wished there was a Superman, and more importantly wondered what life would be like if we had such a fantastic protector.

If nothing else, I would argue that this world could really use a Superman. He would be useful to us even If his only purpose were to remind us of one fairly heady and important notion.

“Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live!”

Somewhere along the way our society forgot that. It wasn’t terrorism that made us forget. Nor was it tragedy or religious differences either. Those were just symptoms of the problem. We were told to be afraid and we bought it.

Mind you it was an easy sell. Being bombarded with negative messages that fester in the conscience made us a brilliant tool to be manipulated.

Superman also teaches us another important lesson. Humanity has great potential, but they way we are now demonstrates very little of that.

To bad eh? Maybe if we can asuage our fears, we might see that potential one day.

Sunday Night

Life is pretty good these days. I’m feeling somewhat liberated… One might say footloose and fancy free even. (Although that may be a little much.) I’m brimming with ideas, almost too many for my own good. I suspect the only thing worse than having idle hands, is having them too full.

Anyway… As you may have noticed, my attentions have been once again focused on my chosen career. I’m currently in the process of assembling a new promo package. It’s about bloody time I got off of my comfy lazy ass and got to it too. I have all the tools and no more excuses, so the ball is finally rolling.

I see real potential in creating a sort of “multimedia” package. The incorporation of Blogs and DVDs seem like a natural pairing to me. It strikes me that if used properly, they are the building blocks of a brand name. Their construction however is the easy part.

The real trick is speaking to your target audience. I know who I’m looking for, now they just need to know they were looking for me. It sounds easy on paper, but it’s a different story in actual execution. (Barring giving birth to a flaming monkey, or finding Jesus in my grilled Cheese…)

Mind you that sounds a little calculated, but I would argue that it is also necessary. Branding helps in separating the herd, and sadly I need to start thinking this way. If I want to stay busy at this, I need to. There are no ifs ands or buts.

Make no mistake, I’m not trying to manufacture something artificial, content speaks for itself. I just think it’s important to use a little acumen from time to time.

The menus for the DVD are really starting to look smashing. So far it’s been a really simple task to get them straightened out. The flow is really natural, almost ergonomic even. I can’t wait to shoot the video.

The really nice thing about having a Mac is that audio and video layout (Not to mention mastering…) are a snap. I remember trying to put this stuff all together on a Pee Cee, and having nothing integrate well. It was really brutal. It was truly too frustrating for words.

Speaking of shabby, I’ve decided to remove the myspace site. It sucks, and it just plain has to go. I will try again, but so far I really hate how it works.

Today I got another handful of requests from exotic dancers wanting to be “buddies.” Geesh…

Anyway… more to come…

Just a Quick Update...

There are some life changes looming in the near future for me. I’m excited. I need the shake up. I feel like I’m covered in moss and need to emerge from this groggy state.

This past week was really fun. I had shows on Tuesday and Wednesday, and they both went really well. I felt like myself on stage again. The self-imposed exile seems to have done some good.

The new stuff is starting to take some shape. It still needs work, but it was nice to see that I can fit it into a pro show, and not look like a total retard in the process. None of it is polished, but at least it’s funny.

I have been toying with a myspace site. So far, I’m none too pleased with it. I really have no desire to have 1000 “friends.” (Most of whom are web cam girls and strippers…) I see some potential with it, but I also think it really might be too late for it to do any real good. (In terms of concrete promotion.)

I have started to build contextual menus for a coming DVD. My thinking is that this blog, and the DVD will be companions to each other. I think using them as vehicles for each other is a clever idea. The DVD adds voice that’s missing, and the blog offers what could be described as a set of “living” liner notes.

The Video for the disc will be shot Aug 10-12 at the Calgary Yuks club. I’m hoping to get all my friends out for it. The more support the better for this one. I’m excited about it. I’ve needed this kind of promo for a long time. I will be adding a link to the blog that will permit people to download my press kit. (As soon as I can figure it out…)

Anyhoo, More to come soon…

Rainy Days and Terrorists get me down...

It’s raining today. Actually it’s been raining for a couple of days, and the last couple of nights have had thunder and lightning. I always thought that was cool. When I was a little kid, my Grandma used to say that with each flash, God was taking another picture. A cute explanation for sure, but then again, I was five, so I bought in.

Other Stuff…

I’ve been thinking about the events of the last couple of weeks here in Canada. More specifically about the arrests made related to the budding homegrown terrorist plot. It had the nation talking for a few days, but it seems the dust has settled. Given that there was no super fantastic destruction, the average Canadian seems to now look on with our patented “mild” disinterest. As if to say “well that’s over… let’s get back to the Oilers”

The media reaction by all accounts was fairly typical. In every interview I watched, the presenter tried to excrete the most irrelevant minutia from the “special guest terrorist expert.” It was like watching someone try and squeeze blood from a turnip. The segments progress from “What kind of training do these guys have?” to witless banter with staggering speed. Very quickly, and with a convincing certainty, I discovered that reruns of Seinfeld had more relevance to me, and flicked the channel.

They (The media…) repeatedly glazed over what I thought was truly the most important detail. The plot was foiled. Nothing happened. In the scheme of things it was a wonderful, happy anticlimax. The Mounties got their men! (See you kooky Americans… It really is true. The RCMP always gets the bad guys in the end.) And with that in mind, the whole thing seems so overblown.

Interesting to note as well, I have yet to hear any whining about how the plot “could have worked…” and it’s ensuing “We need to protect ourselves at any cost” blather. Perhaps we are just tired of it. Maybe it’s more about thanking our lucky stars, and a whole lot less about blaming terrorist radicals.

At the very least, we escaped the “Visqueen sheet plastic and duct tape” self-preservation nonsense. I’m amazed that Tom Ridge was ever able to bark that rubbish out with a straight face.

This strange event speaks to a difference between Canada and America. This plot was foiled by a proactive operation, not a reactive one. It demonstrates the effectiveness of quiet vigilance over voluminous and overbearing defiance, and most assuredly shows that we can protect our citizens without the need for any sort of invasion. We don’t need to push others around to be safe. (Or at least feel safe…) In my estimation, it’s less of beating the war drum, and more of singing folk songs around the campfire kinda thing.

However, for a few days after the arrests, I started to hear something fascinating. There was a lot of talk about the “dangers of multiculturalism”, and how it’s apparently a “breeding ground” for dissent and an eventual societal cataclysm. This was the first time I can ever recall hearing this from Canadians. This was also the first time I heard it coming from one of my friends.

This plot was conceived not because of multiculturalism. The ideal of people living collectively and sharing different cultures is not to blame. How could it be? The inability to communicate within the constructs of multiculturalism is part of the problem and another hefty chunk would be the failure to adapt to change. Those are the “breeding grounds” for a societal cataclysm.

Anyway… More to come as I think of it…

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH

Today I tried to buy a DVD burner for a Mac. Sounds like a reasonably easy task right? Not fucking likely. I had to go to 7 different stores, and I still don’t have one in my hands. (Although apparently I will have one tonight.)

I went to every place I could think of that deals in Apple. I should have known better than to even try. The cards were stacked against me. First I went to Future Shop and Best Buy, both who stock Macs, and yet somehow, in a truly inept fashion, don’t carry peripherals that are compatible with Mac. (Or any software for that matter…) How fucking stupid is that?

What total clothy eared crap sack made that purchasing decision? I want to meet him, so I can kick him right in the junk. Why bother to carry it, if you won’t bother to support it.

So there I stood, nearly wading in a veritable ocean of burners, literally hundreds of them, and not a single OS X device. It was a Mac owner’s worst nightmare. At first I was confused, and then I just got angry.

So I stomped off to London Drugs, (who normally do a reasonable job at supporting Apple.) I got there to find one, but it was outrageously priced, and made by a cheapo company.

Then from there, I was off to Memory Express, whose employees looked like they had been hit by some alien death ray when I gasped the words “for Mac please…” Once they recoiled their slack jaws, they said as if in unison “we don’t have Mac stuff…” I was ready to rise up with a mighty force and slay them.

So once again, I hit the ground running, this time making it to an actual Mac specific dealer, who ultimately was even more expensive than London Drugs.

So out the door again and off to another London Drugs that I knew carried a different, more trustworthy brand of burner that the other outlet. (Foolish me to assume that all outlets in their chain might offer some continuity of products…) I get to find that they have shipped it off to the first London Drugs that I went to earlier.

So apparently I’ll get it this evening, (It’s on hold… or so they say… I’m not holding my breath at this point.)

Saturday...

Another protracted Saturday. It’s cool here in Calgary. It feels more like fall today than spring. The rain has stopped for now, but you can tell it’s still threatening to give us a little more. Hopefully Mother Nature will be gentle this year. We could really live without the floods we had last year.

Everything here seems so slow today. Too slow, with the added feeling of metal being ground against metal, but at a glacial pace. Everyone around me seems to be moving just as slow. There are a couple of people in the office that you’d have to put a peg in front of, just to make sure they’re moving.

I’m tired. Once again, I’ve managed to burn myself out. You’d figure I might have learned something by now. No such luck though. I seem to live with the candle furiously burning at both ends. More to the point, it seems that its only way I know.

My vacation is coming soon, but it seems not soon enough right now. It’s only a week away, and it might as well be a year. I have too much to do between now and then. I wish I could just sleep for a month. That would be truly glorious.

In the movie 2010, there was a scene where Roy Scheider and his fellow astronauts were placed in “suspended animation” for the long trip to Mars. As if that wouldn’t be awesome. 18 months of nothing but sleep. That’s the closest thing to a wet dream I’ve had in years.

But I digress…

I’ve been thinking of other stuff about me. Information that helps with the character sketch this blog has been slowly building. I think too often I come off as smug and sarcastic. (With more than a dash of vitriol…) I have shared little that exposes my hopes and dreams, or fears and desires. So with that in mind, I decided to try and shed a little more light. Hopefully it doesn’t come off as too flakey or misty eyed.

I’ve chosen point form for simplicity. There is no real order to any of this.

1)I miss my home. I long for the lingering salt air and the sea. I want to live there again one day. I feel that I belong there. The longer I stay in Calgary, the harder it gets.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to leave Newfoundland, and now I can think of nothing but being there. Sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side.

2)For as much as I bitch about religion. I have faith, but I generally keep it to myself. The things that I believe are as much about comfort as they are about justice. I lack the ability to believe in the hocus pocus, but the message has meaning for me.

I used to think I didn’t believe, and then I discovered I believe differently. I started life as a Roman Catholic, and somewhere along the way I became something else. I have no definition for it, and yet even without some sort of classification, I have found a comfort.

3)My fears motivate me. That shouldn’t be too surprising I suppose. I perform now because I was afraid. Along the way I managed to assuage the fear, but had I not been afraid, I would have wound up being an accountant. (Or whatever…) It was the fear that coaxed me out, and my sheer force of will that tempered it.

4)I believe in compassion. I reject those who do not. More is accomplished with an open hand than with a closed fist. (Although that closed fist feels really good sometimes.) I will not ever condemn a person because of their place in society. It is not up to me to be their judge. I will however extend a hand when I am able to.

5)I have a near unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I love to read, visit museums and absorb whatever I can. I am a willing student of history.

6)I am able to retain most of the information i read, and am able to recall it years later, with it still being clear as a bell. For instance, I can give you reams of information from memory about the pharaonic dynasties of Egypt, or the roots of Pauline Christianity, or even a discography of a zillion musicians.

I think I come by this honestly. My father is also a veritable fountain of information. He can give you a two hour lecture about Irish silver maker’s marks. WOW.

7)I however have a totally terrible sense of psychical spatialization. I could never be an animator, because I just can’t wrap my head around the physics. (I failed Physics in high school… They might as well have put me in a sand box for the entire year. It likely would have done me just as good.)

8)Geology fascinates me. I like rocks and mountains and the like. Plate tectonics and earthquakes are cool too.

9)I like Star Trek. I think it’s because it offers an uncompromising belief that humanity will better itself. (But I won’t lie, space ships are cool too…)

10)I’m about three inches and a “compound” away from being one of those “Mulder” type conspiracy kooks. I really believe that we are constantly being lied to, but I also think that most conspiracies are constructed to distract us from the real truth. (Sort of a double bluff kinda thing…)

One day I’ll spew my thoughts about everything from the Kennedy assassination to the Space Shuttle explosions. (People will likely think I need to be locked up…)

11)I was born with the gift of being able to smell bullshit a mile away. I can also read people really well. I see something in them. I get a kind of mental sketch. It’s weird, but it’s almost always right. Sometimes it’s so clear that I can tell what a person’s favorite food is, what kinda of car they drive, where they buy their clothes etc. It’s generally been a blessing, but occasionally it’s been a bit of a curse too.

12)Lastly, I really hate the TV show “Sex and The City.” It's a horrible piece of shit that makes me grind my teeth. (But I hate it in a different way than most men…) I had a woman tell me once that in order to understand women I “NEEDED” to watch this show. What a croc! I told her if that was the case men and women should always live apart, and only meet to propagate the species. She looked confused… So I continued with this argument.

“Saying Sex and the City will help you understand women, is like saying that playing Super Mario Brothers will help you with your plumbing, or that by watching ER, you’ll understand medicine.” (Imagine that…)

At that point she started to catch on.

The characters on that show are so vain, shallow, mentally bankrupt, empty, bitchy, hateful, vacant, selfish, and childish. (Not to mention there appears to be nary a lick of common sense.) But truthfully, that’s not a judgment, just a signature of poor character development.

The characters are way too over the top. Every human being on earth has those traits; (And I am certainly no exception…). They are most assuredly not gender specific. There is nothing unique or clever about these traits. Not by any stretch of the imagination. They are human, and primal in root. Nothing more, and nothing less.

More importantly, the characters lack depth, humility, and humanity. There is very little in the way of sincere character exploration. It just scratches the surface. In the rare moments when it tried to tackle something heady, it abandoned the message quickly, or conjured it in a way that defeated it’s own substantive weight.

I would argue that Sex and The City does more to set back gender relations that it will ever do to “Help men understand women.” I’m willing to bet that the best way for men to understand is to just listen. That seems pretty simple. Doesn’t it.

Anyway… I wound up off on a tangent (again…) More to come later.

Another Installment of "Stuff About Me!"

Some stuff about me…

1)I really like apple fritters. (All that cinnamon and apple goodness.) They are a gift from God. Apples and Cinnamon are the best combination ever conceived in my humble estimation.

2)I miss my grandparents. They were wonderful people. I think about them almost daily. They gave me so much guidance. Life is truly different without them. I hope for their sake that heaven exists.

3)I get jealous easily. This is a flaw that I truly hate about myself. I have learned to curb it, but once in a while it rears it’s ugly head. It can really bring me to a purely invective point with someone.

4)I’m stubborn and very set in my ways. I can really be infuriating that way. Just ask anyone who has a relationship with me.

5)As you may have noticed, I champion the things I believe in. (Usually to a fault… If I think someone is wrong they will remain so in my eyes.

6)I have a hard time letting things go. I will gnaw over things that bother me until I pop. I’m trying to get better at this, but so far I’ve only seen a little improvement.

7)I’m vain about my level of intelligence. This has led me down the wrong path numerous times.

8)I like cats. Especially Orange Tabbies.

9)My favorite pizza in the whole world is pepperoni, green pepper and onion.

10)I despise eggs. Vile chicken placenta. There is no need for it… ever!

11)I miss Newfoundland in the worst kind of way. It is my home and I can hear it calling me.

12)I find inspiration in the struggle of others. I always have. I root for the underdog, with notable exceptions (Like the hated Oilers…)

13)I think children are smarter than anyone gives them credit for. Which makes them untrustworthy. Sneaky little buggers. I think they hold meetings and actually plan some seriously chaotic shit.

14)I love gummie bears. Especially the pineapple ones. I also like to make them pose in perverse ways. I really am a child sometimes. Gummie bear gangbangs are funny to me. (Sad I realize…)

15)I’ve switched my brand of cigarettes. I now smoke Natural American Spirits. I really like them.

16)I am able to see my own cowardice. I usually act upon it too… (Well, most of the time…)

17)I am fascinated by history. Especially Egyptian, Roman, and Christian history. I believe that by understanding the ancient world, we learn more about ourselves. I would give my right arm to see Sphinx or Abu Simbul. I would love to glide my hands over their stone surfaces. I think it would give me a good sense of history. Each imperfection in the stone reveals a little more about its legacy.

18)I am a difficult person to get to know. Unless I let you in, you just get the surface and that’s it. I often wonder what the people who are closest to me think. Offering myself to others has always been like violently ripping off a band-aid. Oddly however, the special people in my life are the few that managed to get inside my armor the quickest.

19)I hate biting my tongue. It takes a lot of will power not to verbally assault someone who is being stupid. (This can make social situations frustrating for me.) I usually wind up being very quiet, but this just make my stomach churn.

20)I love the colour red. Any shade of red.

21)I hate mangos. They taste to me like a cross between a peach and a turnip. Bleeeeeech!

22)I wanted to join the Navy once. I actually made it to the recruiting offices before I came to my senses. It was a bit of a close one.

Goofy Nazis and their silly parades...

Here’s a picture that would be really funny if it wasn’t so sad. These people just don’t get it! Aren’t we tired of this ignorant hatred? Haven’t we already learned a lesson from people like this?

Open letter to Nazis everywhere…

How do people get this way? I understand the pressures of society, and I even understand how hard change can be. However, it disturbs me though when a person’s ignorance and intolerance gets the better of them. How can we grow as humans, when we can’t even shake off this kind of bullshit?

It’s not immigrants that are taking your jobs Mr. Nazi! It’s your own sense of entitlement! No one wants fat, and stupid white trash in this world. There is no place for you. You are the ones who are truly not wanted. I wish I could parade around you with peace symbol armbands singing folk songs. Truthfully I’d love to fuck with your heads. A little reciprocity never hurt right?

Let’s face it; the new economy doesn’t need you either. You bring nothing to the table. (Exception distortion, lies and hatred…) We have no need for those who prey on the weak. Life is hard enough without having to listen to you whine and bitch. You are nothing but the shit under society’s boot. (And the best part is that you know it… Deep down inside, in the pit of your stomach lies that tender little nugget. Why suppress it? You know you’re wrong… Unless of course you’re a sociopath, but then “American family values” wouldn’t really mean that much to you. I mean how could it? It would be all about you.)

Worse still, you morons created your own problems to begin with, and now you need a scapegoat. You need a real humdinger of a scapegoat. So you blame the Jews, Blacks, and Mexicans for your own failures. How sad. How very sad indeed! Is that what a man does? (A real thinking human man?)

Does this world owe you a living? Definitely not. The ticket to survival is to better yourself. Instead of pissing on others, perhaps you could actually solve your problems. Do Education, and personal development strike any chords? I thought not…

But I realize that blame is so much better and it’s easy too! Except it’s kinda like a drug. Sooner or later you’ll need another hit. Then another and another. You don’t even realize that it’s your own hate that’s killing you. There in lies the real injustice, and most assuredly the real tragedy.

You are nothing more than the sad and vulgar display of stupidity. It makes me want to cry. It breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Hey Mr. Nazi read a book… One with something useful in it. Perhaps mathematics!

Davinci's Vendetta

Friday I went to see “The Davinci Code”. My official review is as follows: It’s was a decidedly okay movie. Visually it was great. The scenes in the Louvre were pretty. The action sequences were better than average. (Excluding the car chase, which was bloody spectacular.) For some reason though, it just kinda felt flat.

That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy it for what it was. I heard someone harping on about how Tom Hanks was totally wrong for the part. He’s seemed to do a reasonable job. (Mind you I haven’t read the book yet!) He managed to suspend my disbelief, and ultimately that’s what I paid for. Will he win an Oscar for this? Not likely, but at least I didn’t feel ripped off. This is not a movie that redefines the medium. Sometimes that’s okay. This is one of those times.

In truth I have avoided the book to date, because I’d rather “discover” it in my own time. I refuse to get caught up in the fray. Fans of this book seem to be a frenzied sort. It has become a “Harry Potter” for the adult set. (And everyone on the planet now seems to think that they are well informed on all matters concerning the grail…)

I like to keep my distance from that. The only reason why I went to the movie was because Erin wanted to see it, and because we were able to walk right in. There was no overwhelming throng. I hate all the over hyped and mania usually associated with a movie of this nature! (With some notable exceptions, Like Star Wars…) I’m as likely to wait 10 years before I read it, as I am to crack the spine soon.

There are some other books out there that embrace the topic from a historical perspective. Most are heavily laden with conjecture, but they offer something more, namely the curious nature of the write, and that I find more fascinating.

I have just started to dig into Michael Baigent’s new book “The Jesus Papers.” For those interested, I’ll let you know how it is in the near future.

I also finally got to see the movie “V for Vendetta.” (My houseguest this weekend was besotted by my not having seen it yet. He demanded that we go…)

To say it was stunning is an understatement. I think it could be fairly said that the Wachowski brothers made a clever little warning about letting government get out of control. (Although they nicely gift wrapped to make it palatable…)

I was brought to near tears a couple of times. There is a monologue from an off screen character that is totally heart breaking. The emotional impact undoes the viewer, but never goes too far. Make no mistake, I think this is an important film. It works very hard to remind us of four key things.

1)Government is for the people, by the people, and of the people.
2)People should not be afraid of their government, governments should be afraid of the people.
3)It is easy to be duped if you do not inform yourself.
4)Fear is as effective a motivator, as it is ugly and insidious.

In this day and age these are crucial things to remember. From this day forward, and every time George Bush, or Stephen Harper speaks, I will remember them. (Rather than just shudder like I used to.) They need to be a touchstone for all of us. Regardless of political proclivities these principles need to be treated with due care and caution. They are the tenets of all that we hold dear. If we are not vigilant, we will loose them, and sadly, they will become nothing more than a footnote in history.

“Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...”

Xevious...

Today is blah kinda day. It’s warm out, but it’s threatening to rain. I really wish it would, perhaps it would cool down a little. I feel so groggy. I hate it. I wanna run through a sprinkler, but the super in my building seems less than impressed with the idea. That guy has no sense of adventure sometimes.

I’m bored, and not just hum drum bored. I've reached the point where shaving body parts seems wise. It's the kind of boredom that breeds the devil's hands. It usually starts with "I wonder what this does?" and ends with "Aw Fuck, I broke it. That really doesn’t help with matters much. (I can't seem to remember a time when Calgary was this muggy. This weather seems bust open a giant can of boredom. I'm too sweaty to do anything.)

I need to play a video game. Nothing on a console or computer mind you. Nope, I want to go to the good old-fashioned arcade, and stand in front of an old Xevious machine. Then plug it full of quarters. Perhaps more quarters in it than has ever been managed before. (A veritable ocean of quarters if you will…) I think I’m regressing to childhood. (Erin might argue that I never left it fully.)

I used to play that damn game all day. It was my favorite. It was16 joyous levels of scrolling space warfare, and I loved it. (I’m starting to hear the music in my head…) I remember ditching school with Steve Guy and spending the day in a fixed gaze, lurching over that machine, and absorbing it’s cathode rays. You’d swear it was as important as “The Sermon on the Mount” the way we clung to it.

I got so good at it that a single quarter could get me about an hour’s playtime. That was the greatest thing in the world to me. That hour was spent not only destroying evil space despots and the like, but it also let me drift away. None of the pressures of teen land existed when I was playing the game. There was no bickering or fights that could be started… It was time to space out. it was just a crucial break from being bored and disaffected. (Or from trying hard to be bored and disaffected.)

Before girls there was Xevious. I didn’t need to try and impress Xevious, just beat it. That’s it. It was soooo simple. I never got tired of it, and vice versa. It was a splendid union.

Then one day I went in to the arcade, and it was gone. It had slipped out without a trace. I asked the manager about it, and he said he wanted to get a “better” game. I glared at him like he had just killed a baby, or worse, kicked a puppy.

“Better than Xevious… That’s not possible!” I said with a tone that measured a solid 12 on the disgust meter. (My eyebrow had started to twitch…) “Nothing’s better than Xevious!”

“Look kid, I’ve seen you beat it… Why don’t you try this new one?” as he pointed to the totally inferior “1941” machine.

“It’s not the same!” I protested

“Sure it is…” He said as he exhaled out his mouth. (He was a full on mouth breather… and a dick… He was always such a prick to the kids in the arcade. I remember he had a greasy looking moustache. It made him look like his name might be Chico.)

And with that, I stormed out into the street. I think I actually threw a rock at the guy’s car. (Kinda sad and mellow dramatic don’t you think? How very punk rock of me… Smash the state; chuck a rock at a schmuck’s car… Marcus C. Beaubier – “Super Genius”)

I saw one at Value Village a few years ago. It was pretty beat up. The pressboard case was all mashed up in the corners, and the screen wasn’t sitting in the mount properly. It worked though. I popped a quarter in, and the music started. Apparently I can still get about an hours worth of play for a quarter. (Not too shabby if I say so myself.)

For a brief moment I was shot back into my early teens. I could of sworn I heard Steve saying “get it… get it…” over my shoulder. I was again transfixed.

Anyway...

P.S. Lemme know what your favorite arcade game was, and why!

Me as a South Park Character...

Just a little bit of fun. I think I look pretty good as a South Park Character!

New on the ipod this week

1)Pearl Jam – self titled. Wow… Pearl Jam decided to write a killer rock and roll record. This one’s a middle finger to all those music critics that declared, “Rock is dead”. It’s the heaviest thing they’ve done since 10. It appears as if Pearl Jam got tired of arty affectations and got back to business. It’s a very solid effort for sure. Check out “Life Wasted”, and “Severed Hand” I’m glad I bought this disc.



2)NOFX – Wolves in Wolves Clothing. These guys just get better and better. Fat Mike doesn’t was any time on this one. Clever lyrics and hooky riffs abound. So far these are some my favorites. From the song "U.S.A Holes"

“We see the iceberg from 15 miles away... The captain orders the ship to "stay the course... "Full speed ahead" shouts the accurst... The next thing we heard was, "Rich women and children first... The ship is listing, the captain's placing blame on the iceberg... "That berg attacked us, I am declaring war on the Arctic"... Who could ever have predicted the greatest ship could so easily sink?”

It's great Punk rock. It's also quite funny. I love NOFX... There I've said it!!!

Amexica...

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Chewbacca

Saturday night was fun. After work I headed to the club. I was excited to be on stage. I haven’t played the Calgary club for a while. I was almost a little nervous too. I could feel that familiar spring in my step. (Although it’s been too long since I’ve felt it…)

Anyway, as I headed towards then main doors of the Blackfoot Inn, I glanced through the window and noticed that Peter Mayhew (the guy who played Chewbacca…) was sitting on the couch. He’s a tall lanky man, and kinda scruffy looking too.

I walked up to him and said, “I know you get this all the time but Chewbacca rocks…” He said, “thank you” and shook my hand.

His hands were the size of tennis racquets. My hand seemed to completely disappear in the process of the shake.

Then I said, “Take it easy…” and I turned and walked away. I had just met a childhood icon, and managed to remain calm. (Not that I’m generally star struck anyhow, but this was Chewbacca!!!)

When they introduced me at the start of the show, instead of any credits, I got them to mention that I had just met Chewbacca.

Meeting Peter Mayhew reminded me that life is full of happy accidents. Even as I type this, I have a crooked smile on my face.

Other, stranger stuff happened too.

A 51-year-old woman tried to pick me up. She was flirty and pleasant enough, but also very direct. It was a very curious exchange. I politely declined. (Although I was flattered…)

The shows went well. The first was pretty full, but the crowd was a little less enthusiastic than I normally like. They got into it, but it took a little longer to get them hot. The second show saw the club only half full, but they were much more eager.

P.S. To my friends in Sask... I just found out that Saskatoon and Regina were expecting me with Bobby Keele this past weekend. Unfortunately there was a scheduling change... sorry for the mix up. I'll let you know the next time I'm booked!

Cheers

A little about me!!!

As a kid, I preferred to read rather than hang with the other kids. (Most of the time… I mean, I wasn’t a hermit like the Unabomber or anything like that…) I liked being alone. My thoughts were always easier to sort that way. I‘ve always had a busy mind… too bad it becomes so easily unfocused. In the right set of circumstances, I can be undone by a chewing gum wrapper. Flies have a better attention span.

In a conversation, I tend to fade out quickly if my interest wanes. I will space out completely. Over the years I have mastered the look of paying attention. I have even learned how to respond in a pseudo convincing manner.

The biggest side effects of having a busy mind manifest themselves blatantly in my poor sleeping habits, and the need for a lot of “me” time. For the last several years, they seem to have had a fixed reciprocal relationship. If only I could find a better balance of the two. I’m sure I’m taking years off of my life because of the exhaustion. It has taken its toll on me for sure.

Most people I know need “me” time once in a while. But I count on it. It’s a crutch for me. Without it, I’m sure I’d go stark raving mad. It offers me freedom. It does for my brain what I imagine a space walk might do for the body. It lets it float. (A little Bowie here please…)

If you were to ask my circle of friends who the quiet one is, they’d all point to me. Generally it’s because I am desperately trying to contain my scattered thoughts. If I let them out all at once, they’d likely have me locked up.

But I’m quiet for other reasons too. I rarely get excited about much. My blood rarely boils. (Until it does… once that fuse is burned I explode…) I love debauchery, and lord knows my friends are good at it, but I prefer to be the spectator. They are my entertainment, not the festivities themselves. It’s their willingness to destroy, and their path of destruction that I admire. As they lead headlong into it, I giggle like a schoolgirl in a Barbie shop.

But I will get a few licks in for myself too. Well, once in a while, but only if I think the chaos needs a little catalyst. Otherwise, I’m content to sit back and listen to the calliope that is their playground toot and holler.

Other Stuff,

Tonight I have two shows at Yuks here in Calgary. I’m excited. It’s been a while since I’ve played the club. I get to work with Freddy and Unger, and that’s cool too. These guys are some of my favorites to work with. It’s gonna be a fun night.

update... MIGRAINE!!!

I hate migraines. Currently I am recovering from a doozy. It feels like I got hit in the forehead with a 5-pound sledge. Light and sound have been kicking me around like their little bitch all day. Strangely it reminds me of a wildlife documentary I watched where two bobcats were tormenting a turtle. The turtle managed to safely hide inside his shell, but he still got smacked around a fair bit.

The worst parts of a migraine for me are the nausea and the facial numbness. I have become an old pro at recognizing when a nasty one is coming on. I never used to get them, but then I moved to Calgary, and there they started. There is something about the barometric pressure shifting here that lights me up like a roman candle.

I have been trying to “play through the pain” but sadly so far all I’ve been able to muster is lying on the couch and squinting at the television. Weekday television is actually worse than nighttime television. Who gave Tony Danza a show? He’s terrible. I’d rather watch Elvira Kurt. (How fucking sad is that?) Apparently Tony has a fascination with ukuleles. So did Tiny Tim… Perhaps it has something to do with the letter t. I bet Tom Brokaw has a ukulele too.

Grande Prairie

This is a very different city than Calgary or Edmonton. This city is almost completely driven by the price of oil. There is very little in the way of diversification. Now is the boom time. (Thanks largely to our paranoid friends in the south.) Anyway, I thought I’d post a few pictures of my surroundings in Grande Prairie. Just to give you a sense of what it’s like here.



The street sign for Grande Prairie’s city centre. You’ll notice that the sign also says Alaska. Just how far north am I? In some ways this is kinda a frontier town. People here are a tougher sort, not like the white collar Calgary folk.



This is the actual venue for the gigs here. It in a hotel called the Trumpeter. It’s a nice enough place, clean and modern (ish). The staff is friendly and so far it’s been a pleasant experience. I just wish they had wi-fi in the rooms. (Gawd, I’ve gotten spoiled.



The venue for the gig is right next to the big dance bar here. Apparently it was supposed to be a Cowboys just like in Calgary, but the deal went sour. Now it’s called The Corral. I walked past it last night, just in time to see a typical drunk boy scrap. Yee Haw… I always think it’s kinda funny. These monkeys think that fighting is a rite of passage.



12 bucks an hour at Mc Shitty’s! It’s not hard to tell that oil is 75 bucks a barrel. I went in there last night, and no one was over the age of 15. Labor shortages are the norm here now.

Something I've learned...

Last night’s show was not well attended. There were a total of 10 people in the audience. It was another episode of what I like to call intimate and interactive stand up. Over the last little while I’ve discovered there are two types of comics, those who persecute small audiences and those who don’t.

When I started out, it seems natural to lash out in a small room. For some reason, ego almost seems to force that issue. I thought I was a star, brilliant beyond comparison. How could these people not appreciate that? How dare they not appreciate that! (I was an arrogant dick…)

Then as I got older, (and over myself…) I realized that these are the people that came to the show. If I were going to get mad, why would it be at them? These were the people who wanted to come and see the show. Why do they deserve to be treated badly? The only answer here is that they don’t!

Now don’t get me wrong, a misbehaved audience needs to be corrected every now and then, but that’s a different animal altogether.

I’m amazed when I see seasoned pros shit on a crowd for being (too) small. I would have thought they would have gotten it by now. Nobody ever pays to see a tantrum. More to the point no one wants to see a “professional” act like a spoiled child.

Sometimes, I think we forget that this is a job! The show is just as much about the audience as it is about my “pearls” of wisdom.

The waitresses here in Grande Prairie mentioned that it was nice to see comics that weren’t being dicks to the audience. That in itself is a sad commentary.

Working with Bobby has been a good positive reinforcement of that lesson for me. Nothing on stage seems to faze him. He’s as gracious with 10 people as he is in front of 300.

New on the ipod this week...

Anti Flag – For Blood And Empire

This is first major label release from Anti Flag. Usually when a band of this caliber jumps from the minors they release a stack of shit. This is not one of those records.

This is a near perfect soundtrack for those who are disaffected with our current political climate. From the first chord to the very last cry, it bleeds anger and frustration, and then surprisingly… hope.

The standout tracks are “Trillion Dollars” and “The Press Corpse.”

This disc has some of the most impressive liner notes I have ever seen. These are my favorite quotes from it.

“We have nothing to fear, but fear itself” Franklin Roosevelt.

“I have nothing to sell, but fear itself” George W. Bush.


This one rocks your lame ass!!!

Fairview...

So, I was in Fairview with Bobby Keele last night. Strangely the gig went off without much of a hitch. Normally it can be pretty chaotic. With an almost certainty, the audience is generally pretty foul and abrasive. (Truthfully that’s being polite…) Happily this was not the case last night.

While there were really only 9 people in the bar, (not counting the staff.) they were attentive. It helped a lot that there were a handful of Newfs who were homesick. I became a reminder of home, and that helped me to dig in and give them a decent show.

For the uninitiated, Fairview is a dirt bowl town in the Peace Country of northern Alberta. I would not be the first to point out that the town is poorly named. It is neither fair nor is their a view of any sort. If Calgary is the new body of economic might in Canada, then Fairview is its armpit. (A musty sweaty armpit…)

The venue is a run down hotel; its better days are very clearly long since gone. The staff, while pleasant enough, clearly has given up hope that the business will ever be an entertainment draw for the locals. I suspect that the weekly comedy show there is little more than a tax write off.

The interior of the bar has an unnatural greenish hue. It’s the kind of bar that looks like something out of a bad cowboy movie. (Without those fun flapping doors…) It’s grimy walls and carelessly looked after furniture lack any sense of invitation for potential patrons. You’d imagine that even rats might think twice before popping in for a cold one.

Its places like this that make a comic reevaluate his / her career. Normally it’s good to live in the moment on stage, but while you’re on stage in Fairview its much more likely to cause you to live in your last nightmare.

Traveling with Bobby has been good so far. I like him. At his best, he’s a good man (A little rough around the edges…) who has found his place in the world. At his worst, he’s a good drinking buddy. I’ve learned a lot, even just in the ride here. This is a true road warrior, with a quarter of century and a million miles of pavement under his belt.

Today starts the Grande Prairie leg of this little mini tour. Apparently it’s been a little rough here lately. I hope that things go well tonight. The last thing either of us needs is an unpleasant situation. That would suck.

I found out today that I’ve picked up a Calgary date. May 6th both shows. I’m looking forward to that. It’s been a while since I’ve played the club.

Anyway more tomorrow…

A Saturday by Any Other Name is...

Today feels like the longest day in human history. I’m tired, and I’m not sure why. I slept reasonably well, but I feel like I’m being dragged from behind a stagecoach. (Or at least what I imagine that to feel like.)

Work has been tedious today too. I feel surrounded by the minutia. Every detail is picking at me. My gang seems to be working well, (with notable exceptions who shall remain nameless…) and I’ve got a lot done, but there still seems to be tons to do.

It’s been almost a month since I’ve been on stage, and I’m getting a little itchy. Next week, I’m on the road, and I really need it. I feel as if I’m covered in rust. It will be nice to scrape it off.

Otherwise things are well. I’ve no real news to tell, and for once, nothing is really picking at my ass. I suppose I could beat up on the President a little more, but I’m feeling a little merciful right now. Besides I never really wanted this blog to be all about him anyway. (Regardless of it’s title)

Truth is this whole blog mess of mine was supposed to be about me, and while these are my thoughts, I should spend more time exposing my life. Oddly I’m a pretty private person, and it takes a lot to drag out who I really am.

What are the things that make me tick? This has been a hard question for me to answer. I’ve been stuck trying to figure out a lot of this.

I know I’m not a lesbian, or a Nazi, or an anarchist (although I love it when I see it…), I’m not big on pain, and I hate the colour yellow.

I don’t like eggplant, and I’ll never be a farmer. I like horses, cats, and dogs. I dislike cows, and I’m glad we eat them. The best thing about a cow is that it tastes great with BBQ sauce.

I like lots of different types of music, but punk will always be in my heart. I like music that reeks of reckless abandon.

I respect the armed forces, and am willing to admit I’m too much of a coward to do what they do. (including the hazing stuff…)

I would do nothing for the rest of my life if I could. Sure that’s lazy, but I don’t care. I would love to live in the country, but only if I could have TV and Internet.

I hate lawn mowing and vacuuming equally. Although I don’t mind cleaning the kitchen for some reason.

People with an agenda that’s radically different than mine kind of scare me. It’s not just overly religious types or politicians either. Lately I’ve been suspiciously eyeing our mailman.

People with angry pets freak me out too, as do those who insist on keeping snakes or other reptiles (as well as rodents and arachnids…) that just doesn’t seem right to me.

I don’t usually trust vegans, (although there are a couple that break that rule…) or anyone who get too excited about Birkenstocks. You can wear them, but if we need to have more than a passing note about them, then there’s a dysfunction.

I’m not a Leafs or Oilers fan, nor could I really give a shit about Ottawa or Vancouver. (I really believe that Hockey is a gift from the heavens.)

I love Scotch and Irish whiskey. Bourbon and Rye whiskey are constructs of the devil and frighten me. (Mostly because they make me lippy. Well… more so than I already am…) Red wine and beer are good too. (Except anything that comes in a box or is made by Molson or Labatt. Bleech…)

I love to fly. The feeling of taking off is awesome. I pretend in my head that I’m going into space. (ROCKET MAN…) I hate landings though. Especially if my ears don’t pop. That makes me both cranky and clumsy. Not a winning combination for me at the best of times.

Golf is fucking boring. So are curling, lawn darts, and horseshoes. I hate lumberjack skills competitions too, and yet somehow I can’t stop watching it if it’s on TV.

I would like to punch Lou Dobb’s in the nose, and yet Paula Zahn and Anderson Cooper are inoffensive to me. (This I just don’t get…) I would pay good money to watch Larry King stick fight with Ted Turner. (I’m not even kidding…)

I hate clowns, mimes and street performers. All of them! I also hate improve guys and prop acts. Fucking boring!!! The only thing worse to me is a magician. (Especially that Cris Angel guy… He needs a beat down in the worst kind of way. I’ve seen the Crow… It wasn’t that good…)

Anyway, more as I think of it…

Flames Beat the Ducks in Game 1.

Today was a good day. I had the day off, and pretty much engrossed myself in nothing but hockey. I spent the better part of the morning listening to the major sports networks’ prognostications about this year’s brawl for the cup.

Later on I went to Brett’s to watch the game. I’m glad I got to hang out with him. I’ve missed him. It’s nice to see him planting some roots. He seems happier than I can ever recall. Perhaps taking a break from his hobo life is doing him some good.

Anyway…

We played guitar for a while, and then watched the Oilers and Wings opener. Both of us trying to contain ourselves… Our team was next on the bill. I could barely stand the wait. Then the stupid Wings tied it… and the Flames game started late.

The game was a bit of a nail biter, but in the end, the right team won.

From the looks of it, this series with the Ducks is going to be a hard fought one. Kipper, Jerome and McCarty all looked really good out there tonight. It was nice to see Amonte kick off the scoring too.

More stuff to come later…

HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!!

I think I like the NHL playoffs more than Christmas. This year is going to awesome. GO FLAMES GO!!!

I've spent the entire day watching the Sportsnet's preview coverage. Did I mention GO FLAMES GO!!!

The 44th President of The United States of America... Marcus C. Beaubier

Yesterday I wrote about President Bush. Lisa left a comment asking what I’d do if I were President of the United States. I thought about it, and this is what I came up with.

Now I realize that a lot of this is a little foolhardy. (Some might argue it as folly even.) However what’s wrong with having some principles? Imagine if elected officials did even just half of this stuff. Things would get a whole lot better.

Some of my American friends will likely say that it’s easy as a Canadian to be judgmental and self-righteous, and truthfully their right. I’m smug about it, and I don’t care.

Others may argue that America’s internal politics are not a Canadian’s business. I take exception with that. America has an enormous impact on my country. From Trade to entertainment, we are sewn together. (Not to mention many other countries get us confused when we travel… Why do you think Americans sew Canadian flags on their luggage?)

Anyway, if I were President of the United States, I would:

1) Act like a human being. I would not let my own greed or prejudices stand in the way of common decency. (Mind you this one is probably harder than it looks.)

2) I would admit to my failures rather than trying to affix blame or point fingers. (At least this way is more honest, and truly transparent…)

3) I would choose a cabinet that had no association to the big oil companies. (Or oil companies pretending to have expertise in infrastructure reconstruction…)

4) I would respect the judgment of my peers. (Especially those who have been long time allies. Sober second thought is never a bad idea.)

5) I would not act unilaterally. (Passing off “the Coalition of the willing” as legit was really sad…)

6) I would not permit the people of my armed services to torture, or humiliate foreign nationals, regardless of any legitimate charges placed upon them. (Camp X-Ray and Abu Gurab should be an enormous embarrassment to America. For a nation trying to sell western democracy, you’re sure doing a shit job of it. Let’s just throw away due process…)

7) I would pass a law forcing former Enron and Adelphia executives (or the next ones to fuck people like that...) to wear sandwich boards saying “I am a thief and a liar!!!” or “I’m a really, really, really greedy bastard and I stole your money!!!” and force them to work in soup kitchens. (I would make punishments fit the crime. I’m a big fan of creative sentencing... You should see what I have in mind for Trent Lott...)

8) I would listen to reason. (A little common sense never hurt anyone.)

9) I would not use revenge as a justification for anything. (Or as a bogus deflection so I could rob another country blind!)

10) Instead of paying lip service to the statement “No child left behind…” I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren't.

11) I would stop pretending that everything was Okay.

12) I would make a credible attempt at finding alternatives to oil. (I suspect the best way to render those “Terrorist” nations inert is to make their oil useless… or at the very least, buy from friendly nations.)

13) I would listen to the needs of my people. (After all, they’re the boss!)

14) I would try to remember that Government is for the people, by the people and of the people. (People should never be afraid of their government. Government should be afraid of it’s people…)

The Worst President in 100 Years

I thought about what a good caption for this picture might be...

"Gee... I wonder what I'd look like with a Mexican Wrestling Mask on?"

George Bush’s incompetence has driven America’s debt load into the stratosphere. Each American’s personal share of the national debt is now in excess of 30,000 dollars. That’s insane!

In addition to the staggering debt load, America will need 43 Trillion dollars to meet its obligations for Medicare and social security. Add a defense budget (with all branches… including The Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, FEMA, and INS…) and spending on the civil service and that could escalate well into the high 70’s.

I thought that Republican’s were strong proponents of small government and reduced spending? Bush is clearly the oxymoron to this conservative agenda. Never has this been more apparent than in the last month. Neo Cons are jumping from this ship in record numbers. It seems the party sees baby Bush as a liability. Is there any wonder why?

Hs failures are numerous. His tax cuts failed to ignite the economy. There are 5 million more people living below the poverty line than under the Clinton presidency. In addition, there’s a lower percentage of working age Americans that are employed, (or who are under employed…) and the manufacturing sector has been all but gutted.

New economy jobs are pouring out of the country and heading towards Asia with near reckless abandon. Not what I’d call a stellar economic record. Even Ronald Reagan’s Voodoo economics concept worked better. (And that was disgraceful!!!)

Then there’s the failure to achieve any real or concrete objective in Iraq. Saddam’s gone, and that’s great, but in the occupation’s wake, a civil war looms in the distance. More than two thousand soldiers have died, and end of the engagement is nowhere to be seen. It’s been three years since the shock and awe, and now it looks more like “Aw Shucks…”

Afghanistan isn’t much better, and Osama is still on the loose. Wasn’t he the one that America was supposed to be looking for? Isn’t he the terrorist that fucked with the Good ole U. S of A? (And just what exactly did he have in common with Iraq?)

Then there’s the brewing nuclear feud with Iran… During a recent press conference, Bush indicated, “All options were on the table!” But with North Korea, he just pussyfooted about. I guess all cranky America hating dictators are not made the same.

Let’s not forget the huge fuck up in dealing with the aftermath of Katrina. Not only has Bush managed to polarize the entire globe, but also now he set back race relations in America a couple of decades. (It was on shaky ground to begin with…)

Throw in some illegal spying on everyday Americans, the absence of WMD’s, fucking Canadians out of 5 billion dollars, and passing legislation that restricts individual freedoms and the fire under his but is stoked just a little higher.

But then again it must be hard when criminals like Scooter Libby, and Karl Rove surround you on a daily basis, and I’m sure Dick (the Shotgun wielding lunatic) and Donald (the freaky Nazi) don’t help much either.

But not to worry America... Bush can't be President forever...

Yeah Baby... Flames Win The Division!!!

Kipper
Originally uploaded by whiskeydrenched.

The Flames succeeded in capturing the division title tonight!!! Bring on the Ducks... Time for some Duck Flambe...

Kipper also got his league leading 10th shutout of the season!!!

A dam good night for hockey in Calgary.

I'm in Charge, and There's Gonna be a few Changes Around Here...

“When there’s nothing left to lose, you’d better set yourself on fire…” – Stars 2005

I’m feeling a lot better today. I’ve decided to make some changes in my lifestyle, and give myself a little make over in the process. There’s nothing like a little tune up to get the motor revving again.

I guess that recognizing the problem is part of the cure. I’ve been feeling stale, and now I have the motivation to get the ball rolling again. As I wrote last night, I realized that I had strayed from the ideals and values that I hold closest. The spirit of DIY had slipped away from my consciousness, and I pretended that I didn’t notice.

But it’s easier to pretend than admit that you’ve been run over. The land of make believe is a sneaky and brilliant way of accepting that denial is a healthy state to be in. It however is the coward’s path. (And it seems a path that’s taken too often by too man people…)

In some ways I’ve been a ghost of who I am. That really sucks. I can’t believe that I let that happen. Somewhere along the way I let my character slip a little. I’m a strongly opinionated and passion driven person. It’s time to prove it again. (To me…)

Since I was about 15 years old, the punk rock ethic was my code. I believed in it, and with that I succeeded at the things I put my hand to. That along with sheer moxie got me into film school, and convinced me that I could do anything I wanted to.

It was my divining rod. It highlighted the path I wanted to take with my life. Somewhere along the way I confused growing up with leaving that behind. That was a critical mistake on my part. Not that I want to be Sid Vicious at 35. That would be a different kind of mistake. (A gruesome one at that…)

As of today, that confusion is gone. I am refocused. While the combat boots and blue hair are gone, (Although I just can’t seem to part with those old high top Vans…) I am reinvigorated. I may lead headlong into harm, but now it’s back on my terms. I am no longer satisfied. I’m hungry again. Even as I type this, I feel a little imbibed.

When I was in Toronto last year, I saw a glimmer of that ethic. It reared its head ever so slightly. I was motivated. I was writing, and I was happy. Both my ID and Ego were charged and ready to go. As of today, its all systems go.

Bring on the scotch, the rock star is back… and this time he’s pissed.

“Second star to the right, and sail on till morning…”

The Soundtrack of My Life Vol 2...

I know that I've been a shitty blogger lately. For those of you who still actually read this, I promise I'll try and post more regularly.

Anyway...

I feel as if I’ve stumbled a little lately. It’s as if my wings have been pinned down. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write. I’ve been struggling with a few new bits, and I can’t seem to break the levy. Perhaps I’ve been trying too hard. Regardless, it’s driving me crazy.

I really need to be on stage more too. I’ve been trying to find a balance there, and so far, I haven’t had too much luck.

Perhaps I need an adventure of some sort. Something new to get those creative juices flowing again. Whatever I wind up doing, I hope I can scrape the rust off. Otherwise, this shitty sinking feeling is going to drive me mad.

Normally I’d strike up a conversation with my good friend “Scotch” but lately we
don’t seem to be on speaking terms. In addition, I’m having a hard time finding a good cup of coffee. Lately Tim’s just isn’t doing it for me. (God listen to me would ya… Could I bitch any more?)

And I kinda want to get into a fistfight. Lord knows where that comes from.

At the end of the month I’m off to Grande Prairie with Bobby Keele. It’s the first time I’ll have ever worked with him on the road. I like Bobby, so I hope that all goes well.

My friendships seem a little off kilter too. I feel like I’m outta the loop. I hate that.

Okay enough Neurosis…

I’ve been thinking about some other records that have had an impact on me… So I decided to do a part 2 to The Soundtrack of my life.

Again I present them in no particular order.



1)Dag Nasty – Wig Out At Denko’s

I love this fucking record. It’s an excellent example of good old-fashioned America Hardcore. This album reminds me so much of my friend Diz. We were both huge Dag fans; truly it was almost obscene in retrospect.

We used to play this record over and over again in his old Chev Cavalier. This was the soundtrack to much of my last summer in Newfoundland. It was one of the best times of my life. That was a pretty stress free time. Two carefree months of doing sweet fuck all. It was truly splendid. We did a lot of drinking, and pretty much anything else we wanted.

I wish I could revisit that summer, even if only for like 10 minutes. That was the same summer that Russell and I devised “The Audiotoon Theatre.” Little did I realize that would be the inspiration for me becoming a stand up comic.



2) Bad Brains – I Against I

This is a heck of a record too. This one reminds me of working at the record store. It was the only job where I spent more than I made. They really didn’t even really need to pay me. Every cent I made went right back to the store. By the time I had quit, I had quite the music collection.

I actually got to meet the Bad Brains. The store got me backstage passes to go and see them when they played at The Republic. (RIP) I still have the picture that the band’s manager took of me hanging out with them. It was a very cool night. (One of my absolute favorite nights of all time.)

From the very first chord of Intro, I was in punk rock heaven. The best stage diving in the world occurs at a Bad Brains show.



3)Ministry – The Mind is A Terrible Thing to Taste.

This band is more like the soundtrack to my nightmares. To me Ministry is a sonic traffic accident. I find them appealing because they scare the shit out of me. Breathe and Burning Inside are two stand outs for sure. It sounds like the battle cry of the all the things that go bump in the night.

I read somewhere that this record was mixed while Alien Jorgensen was wired on LSD that he washed down with a quart of Tequila. It sure sounds like it to me.

In their hay day, they made Marilyn Manson look more like Rick Astley.



4)Descendents – I Don’t Wanna Grow Up.

Another punk rock classic… Generally speaking, when Wig Out wasn’t in the CD player, this one was. This one’s a testament to acting like an idiot and having fun doing it.

It’s every underage beer, and every stuck bra clasp. I, like countless others, started a punk band shortly after hearing this disc. It was an inspiration. It still is. Whenever I start to take myself too seriously, I pop it in.



5)Talking Heads – Stop Making Sense.

I love this album because of the version of Psycho Killer. It’s fantastic. This was playing when I got to make out with Jessica Webb. She was every try hard pre pubescent punk’s dream girl. I was not exception. I was totally Koo Koo for Jessica.

We hit it off. She could have asked me to jump off a bridge and I would have. Happily she was as kind hearted, as she was beautiful. As with all things, it came to a screeching halt when her parents sent her away to private school.
For some reason, every now and then, I want to call her. Just to see how she’s doing. (It’s been nearly 20 years since the last time we talked…) She was a cool person, and I suspect she’s just as cool now.

Anyway, every time I hear that song, I think of her. Last summer I got to see David Byrne play live. The whole time I had a coy little smile on my face.



6)Bad Religion – Against the Grain.

The Christmas of 1991, my parents and sister went to Calgary. I had to stay in Newfoundland because of my job. I was trying to save money so I could go to school. Diz and Russ stayed with me, and we put up a tree, and had a nice Christmas with our friends.

My friend “Chicken” gave me this disc at our Christmas Eve party. I still have it. It’s the original vinyl and it’s in immaculate shape. It’s been played only twice. Once to make a cassette of it, and once to encode it to mp3.

Every time I listen to tracks from this album, I think back to that Christmas. It was a pretty killer time. It was the first time I ever threw a party, and I still think it was one of the best.



7)Radiohead – O.K. Computer.

I was introduced to this album by my friend Matthew. I miss him. He was loud, usually obnoxious, (yet strangely charming…) but always decent and true. He’s well on his way to becoming famous now. He’s just finished a movie with Harrison Ford, and was in the remake of “The Fog.”

When I met him, he was a struggling video store clerk. He and his wife (The well and truly lovely Shannon, of whom I was equally fond of…) were constant companions. Till recently, they were the only people I traveled a ridiculous distance to go and visit. (Excluding family…)

We used to drink red wine and lounge in a fairly bohemian fashion.

Anyway that’s it for this pile. Again there are more… and again they are for later.

04/01/06 I'm Back...

Well it’s been almost two weeks since my last post. I haven’t had too much to report. I’m still alive and feeling pretty much like myself. I’ve written a few new jokes, and gotten a few hundred new grey hairs. Otherwise life has been quiet lately.

Last weekend I went to Yuks for first time in what seems like ages. I did some time, it turned out to be a really good set. I was in full rock star mode. Sometimes I like it when that part of my character comes out to play. He doesn’t come out too often these days, but when he does, you can follow him by the trail of empty scotch glasses left in his wake.

Other Stuff…

I'll probably get hate mail over this one...

I just watched the trailer for United 93. I think it’s very sad that 9/11 is a marketing machine unto itself. (Not that it’s terribly surprising…) It strikes me that there should be a big difference between “never forgetting” and “beating a dead horse.” Alas it seems there is not.

Every time a movie like this gets made, it cheapens the tragedy just a little more, and tarnishes sorrow with a slick veneer of patriotism. We need little reminder that we live in dangerous times, and yet we are bombarded with this message on a daily basis. As if America needs to be reminded to be paranoid. If there’s one thing America is good at, it’s paranoia.

It would be different if this were a movie made to set some sort of historical context. Not that it really needs to be put in a historical context… It’s still very fresh in everyone’s memory. Truthfully if anything this topic has too much context. Any conversation lasting more than an hour these days will be rife with 9/11 references.

This movie was made to make money. It’s fairly plain and simple… Universal is doing nothing more than milking the 9/11 teet. (Or leaving a huge ass tooth under their pillow for the 911 fairy…) I’m not sure you could get tackier.

How do you market this? I think it takes a lot of balls to turn to the public and pass this crap off as a memorial. I sort of imagine it like this.

Montage: Planes colliding with the trade towers, dissolve to a tattered but still fluttering American flag.

Voice over: Parking 5 dollars, movie ticket 10 dollars, popcorn and soda at the concession 15 dollars, that sinking feeling that your intelligence and sensitivities are about to be insulted… Priceless.

It’s amazing that the hogs at the trough will hoard just about anything. There is no dignity, just old-fashioned greed. Apparently anything can be churned into a dollar and that’s just not right.

The biggest problem here is that any sense of humanity and compassion has been totally stomped out in favour of schmaltz, and that is the biggest tragedy of all. I agree that we should never forget what happened, but isn’t time to stop milking it? It’s been nearly 5 years. Aren’t their other, better things to sap cash from? Like Iraq for instance…